The Shepherd Leader at Home: Knowing, Leading, Protecting, and Providing for Your Family

by Timothy Z. Witmer

Husbands and dads play a crucial role in the health and survival of the family. That's why leadership expert Tim Witmer has written this book―to strengthen our efforts to lead well. He applies a biblical framework to the role of leadership in the home, showing how effective shepherding involves "knowing, leading, protecting, and providing for your family"; all the while communicating solid principles with a down-to-earth, relatable tone. Find in this book the wise counsel and practical direction that is sure to make a difference in your family today.

Genres: Parenting, Family, Theology, Marriage, Leadership, Christian, Nonfiction

176 pages, Paperback

First published September 24, 2012

About the author

Timothy Z. Witmer, MDiv, DMin is Professor of Practical Theology at Westminster Theological Seminary where he serves as Coordinator of the Practical Theology Department and Director of Mentored Ministry and Master of Divinity Programs. He has also served for thirty-five years in pastoral ministry, most recently completing twenty-seven years of service at Crossroads Community Church (PCA) in Upper Darby, PA having been designated Pastor Emeritus. Tim is the author of The Shepherd Leader and The Shepherd Leader at Home. He and his wife Barbara have threechildren, four grandchildren and reside in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.

Reviews

[Mark Jr. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Timothy Witmer, professor of practical theology at Westminster Seminary, is best known for his book The Shepherd Leader: Achieving Effective Shepherding In Your Church . Its reviews were so good that I nabbed it—and put it on my shelf to await that glorious future day when I will actually read books I buy.

But when I saw his new book The Shepherd Leader at Home available for review, I decided to read it immediately—because fathering and husbanding are pressing issues for me, a young dad. I assumed that the book was written to tell pastors (I'm something of an outreach pastor, preaching weekly to a group of mostly non-Christians) how to handle the unique challenges ministry presents to a growing family.

I was somewhat disappointed when I began to realize that the book was much more general, written for every Christian husband/father. And, I admit, I was also disappointed when I began to feel I'd heard everything before.

But that's actually the value of the book. In a straightforward style, in admirably short chapters, Witmer explains what the Bible has to say about a man's responsibility toward his wife and children. Nearly every paragraph had something to tell me about my responsibility either directly from Scripture or from the wisdom of an experienced, godly man who has lived Scripture out in his home over the years.

Witmer reminded me that knowing, leading, protecting, and providing for my family is my calling as their shepherd. If some of the material in the marriage chapter, for example, sounds a bit hackneyed (it isn't full of the scintillating insights of a Tim Keller book) the counsel is nonetheless valid: date your wife, thank her for taking care of you and the kids, tell her she's pretty, let her complete her sentences to you, don't check your iPad while you're talking to her.

Likewise the fathering chapter: eat dinner together every day, have a family night each week, spend one-on-one time with your kids. (There was less Bible in this chapter, though the advice seems self-evidently good.)

Likewise the family leadership chapter: a leader is someone who leads followers toward a goal. A Christian leader is one who helps his followers reach God's goals for them. A Christian leader is also a servant.

Likewise the chapter on the husband's leadership of his wife: women are made in the image of God; Jesus himself treated them with a respect alien to His culture and time; the Pauline call for wives to submit is not a blanket permission for husbands to coerce their wives, nor is it a command for all women to submit to all men.

I'll tick off the other chapters even more briefly:

The chapter on leading one's children focused on the consistent example which is so necessary to avoid hypocrisy.

The chapter on providing for one's family was basic but included some enriching personal stories and multiple key verses from Scripture.

Th chapter on family devotions had more good, simple advice. One searching question: if someone asked you if you have family devotions could you say yes with a good conscience?

The advice to men on sexual purity was simple, filled with Scripture, and (therefore) utterly sound.

The chapter on protecting children didn't feel like a pendulum swing away from spanking and into grace; nor did it feel legalistic. It was just standard, middle-of-the conservative-evangelical-road Bible talk about kids. And for once, I think I've come across an acrostic I'll actually use, Witmer's ABCDEFG process for discipline (I'll post it up on my blog soon).

The only thing I think I disagreed with in the whole book was his description of marital love as something defined by commitment and independent of circumstances; instead I'd rather say that commitment is one of the defining features of my circumstances. But he did not hang out on this point anywhere near as long as, for example, Tim Keller did in his marriage book.

So my conclusion: this seems to me to be the kind of book that you hand to a fairly new Christian dad. Or a book to dip into when you need to be reminded about the basics of your calling as a husband and father. I'm glad I read it. I pray for God's grace to live up to the biblical vision it sets.

[Scotty Leandro · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think viewing the role as a husband and father as shepherd is a great analogy and he hit on 4 great categories: knowing, leading, providing, protecting. I appreciate the practicality he provides in the book, and I was definitely challenged at times.

There’s nothing special about this book, however, it was like eating a super healthy meal. It was good for me but nothing so remarkable that I had to talk about it. And that’s good. His wisdom is Biblical and simple, thus edifying the soul.

[Ben Chubb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding execution - biblical and pastoral and tough and encouraging, and not too long man. Good amount of “oof” moments reading but sincere, not just to say it. Job well done and left me with some work to do

[Michael Chen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book isn’t mind-blowing profound, but it’s short and really practical.

[Bill Pence · Rating 4 out of 5]

Timothy Witmer follows up his excellent book The Shepherd Leader, which was focused on the church, with a volume for the shepherd leader at home. He tells us that the purpose of the book is to help families by helping husbands and dads become loving shepherds of their families. The strategy is to apply the biblical shepherding categories of knowing, leading, providing, and protecting to leadership in the home. These shepherding functions represent four of the most fundamental human needs that God meets through those who lead families. Each of the four parts begins with an introduction showing its biblical rationale.
The focus is on all men who are called to lead their families at home. Throughout the book, the author shares many examples to illustrate the points he makes. The book is intentionally practical, personal, and heart-to-heart.
Each chapter includes reflection questions that can be used either in individual study or in the “iron sharpening iron” context of men’s discipleship groups. The book includes an appendix containing resources for family devotions.
Among the many topics addressed in the book are marriage, communication, parenting, knowing your wife and children, practice of participation, leadership, commitment, submission, contentment, temptation, lust, discipline, and leading your family spiritually. I found the chapter on protecting your marriage to be particularly important for men today.
I found this to be a well-written and helpful book on leading your family as a shepherd leader.
Here are a few helpful quotes from the book:
• Knowing your wife in the comprehensive biblical sense includes a relational union that implies physical, spiritual, and emotional oneness.
• God’s design for your marriage is that you leverage your mutual and complementary gifts and strengths in his service.
• The number-one problem in marriage is communication.
• Perhaps the most significant way of growing in mutual knowledge as husband and wife is to develop a regular time of prayer together.
• Knowing your children is foundational to all the other shepherding functions as you seek to raise and nurture them in the Lord.
• When you show your children that they are a priority, you are setting a good example for them when they have families of their own.
• Shepherds of households will be held accountable for the care of their flocks at home.
• Your leadership must be motivated by a desire to see your wife grow in holiness and to assist her in fulfilling her God-given roles of wife and mother.
• The goal toward which we lead our children is that they come to know the Lord and follow him.
• As shepherd leader, you must take the lead in nourishing your family spiritually.
• We are all just one generation away from unbelief. It is our responsibility to pass the truth along to our children.
• Protecting your children is a major responsibility you have as a shepherd leader at home. The other shepherding functions lay the foundation for protecting your children.
• Our goal as we lead our families is to glorify God and to help them understand what it means to glorify the Lord in their lives. We do this by instructing them in the paths of righteousness.

[Bobby Bonser · Rating 4 out of 5]

(8/10) We read this book for our recent men's book study. This was the first book I have read by Whitmer. My initial impressions were not great, as his writing came across very stern. However, as the book went on, this sense lightened up a bit. I don't know if his writing actually changed, or if I simply warmed up to his style, but the couple of times he used himself as a bad example definitely helped me to have some more respect to listen to what he said. He came off, in those moments, as more pastoral and less "preachy."

Aside from the style of writing, the content was helpful! I especially liked and appreciated the chapter about protecting your spouse. It was not what I was expecting. I was expecting it to be about physical protection and spiritual as well, but he spent the whole chapter talking about guarding against adultery and lust. It was honest, helpful, forthright and necessary for a book aimed at men who are husbands and fathers. Very very helpful!

So, overall I really appreciated the content, although the writing may be a bit abrasive in places.

We had great discussion in our men's book group about this book and it's a great one for a men's study!

[Chase Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book and lots of help within these pages. Good enough to revisit and skim through my highlights and underlines for future refreshers. But sometimes the author’s exhortations came across as “just do this” or “all you have to do is this”. But that was few and far between and didn’t keep it from being a helpful book.

[Adam Kohl · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars, sometimes the Book can be a stretch to connect to the Shepard theme and was hard for single guys (in the men’s study) to connect to the practical wisdom in the book. This book does have great practical wisdom but still wished at times drew more from scripture.

[David Noe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This ought to be required reading for all pastors who desire not merely to lead their church well, but above all, lead and love their family well. It is convicting and challenging, provides ample practical guidance on next steps to take where you may find yourself behind.

[Josiah Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful thoughts and pointers from an experienced man of God.

[Michael Stilley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful framework for leadership in the home: knowing, leading, providing, and protecting. Also very practical. As a new father, this was a timely book and one I will return to again and again.

[Jon Pentecost · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of overlap with Witmer's earlier book about leading the church, "The Shepherd Leader," rightly so.

This book is aimed at men, seeking to equip us to faithfully lead our families. Each section thinks about a principle of shepherd leadership (knowing, leading, protecting, providing) applied to the family in general, then a chapter on that principle in marriage, then one in parenting. Very practical. I think Witmer is able to exhort well without putting unduly heavy burdens on men. Gospel motivation to be a faithful leader permeates the book.
A great resource easy to dip into. I hope to give away, and return to often.

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book deals with important base issues in the family. These things need to be said over and over again in different ways so they can sink in. God has called parents to be the main Christian influence in the lives of their children, but we have become great at delegating the responsibility to others. Timothy Z. Witmer lays out a strong foundation for why that has to change and gives some basic insight in how to begin the process of being the main leaders in the spiritual formation of our children.

He strongly encourages men to know their family in and out by spending quality and quantity time. You can't shepherd and lead without a deep knowledge that comes from life experience. This may be one the greatest failures of the men in our generation and it's not just business men or dead beat dads; it's also men who are in ministry and men in our churches. We must prioritize our families so we can serve them like Christ served his Church. It is important that men work on establishing a relationship with their kids that allows them to lovingly discipline them and speak the gospel into their lives. Witmer echoes this sentiment, "Discipline at every level is more effective when it is built on the foundation of a personal, loving relationship"

Good stuff.

[Joseph Ficklen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this book when I was first married and hadn’t had any children yet, and didn’t find it very applicable. But with a few years under my belt I now find this book much more relevant and impressing on me. I am sure in a number of years, it will be even more so. I would recommend this book to any married man at any stage, it is full of good and godly reminders of our duties as shepherds, leaders, providers, and protectors. This is a good book to read as part of a group or with your wife too.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Witmer uses the four categories from his book on eldership to help men apply the same principles to their families. For the most part, it works well. I appreciated much of what he had to say--especially his chapter toward the end on sexual purity. That was the best chapter in the book and is one that men, especially elders and pastors need to read.

All in all a helpful book.

[Cilas Menezes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very practical and straightforward. A good place to start a thorough reflection on God’s calling to the leadership that men are called to display at home.

At the end of each chapter, there are questions that are useful either for small group discussion or to one's wife assessment.

I'd encourage the reading.

[Chrisyatesbookguy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good. More practical of a book, so for me who has no wife or kids, I felt like a lot of it will come back around later. I’ll probably reread it when I’m in a different stage of life. Until then Goodreads community!

[Juan David Correa · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are some books that you just need from time to time. This is one of them. A book written simply to get to the heart of the matter: Leading your family well. Being a father of four isn’t an easy task, let alone finding time to read! But the author of this book is a seasoned man in his empty nester years reminding us younger men of the necessity of man to know, lead, protect, provide for his family, the four tennets of our family ministry. I found that as I read and dig in the words of this book, the more that I noticed blindspots in my own shepherding at home. I think every young parent, young husband, or any man in any season of life should read this book to construct or rehearse a solid understaning of what God expects of man to believe and do to shepherd his wife and kids.

[logankstewart · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short & brief book written for Christian husbands & dads. The book is divided into four sections - Knowing, Leading, Providing, and Protecting. Each section consists of a chapter for the wife and a chapter for the children.

This book is a great primer for being a husband and a father, but 15 years into my marriage and 10 into my fatherhood, many of the points were things that I’m already doing (or at least trying to) in my life. This would’ve been great near the start of my adulthood. That said, for someone who’s just getting started, for someone who’s unsure what a father should be, or a husband, this is a good little book to help establish some solid principles from the Bible.

[Micah Lugg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Witmer, having written a book for church leaders called The Shepherd Leader, takes the same paradigm and applies it to home leadership. What sets his work apart from others on a husband/father's leadership is the shepherding paradigm with the fourfold framework of knowing, leading, providing, and protecting. This framework is helpful for understanding the totality of a man's role in the home. I was reminded of a great many things I need to improve in my leadership of my own home. For that, I am grateful.

[Benjamin · Rating 2 out of 5]

My review is probably to be taken lightly since the book is so highly favored by many on Goodreads. Perhaps I am just burnt out on Christian self-help books. I always have such high hopes for these types of books but I always walk away from them frustrated by the poor writing, lack of insight, and fluffy content.

My frustration might be better leveled against Crossway rather than the Christian self-help genre. Baker and Zondervan have published some home runs. Crossway has been continuously a dud.

[Joshua David]

I find a lot of Christian books for men are particularly shallow. They tend to miss the foundation and get into the work.

The Shepherd Leader at Home is no exception. Earlier parts of the book is littered with statistics that seemed to be viewed as “the enemy”.

“You don’t want your kid to leave the church when they go to college, right?” Instead of “Satan wants to see your child dead.”

My main issue with the book is just that. It seemed much more focused on cultural battles rather than heart battles.

[Ryan Spencer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mostly helpful for some good review questions at the end of chapters to make you think through some pretty obvious things. Nothing very novel at all in this book. Being a husband and father isn't terribly complicated, it's mostly just difficult. An outstanding book on this topic in my opinion is one that puts things into the proper perspective as a means to motivate husbands and fathers. This book did not excellent at doing this.

[Jonny Swales · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great practical advice on how to be a husband and a father - but downside is that it does presume you’re both of those things. As a husband but not a father, I would have appreciated counsel that spoke into that particular context more and I felt the book did a disservice to neglect that as even a possibility. Still, should I become a dad someday I will definitely return again to those chapters on fatherhood & parenting. I would recommend this book to any married or engaged Christian man.

[Hudson Christmas · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent little book on being a humble and Christlike leader in the home. I loved Witmer's various thoughts and Biblical insights on how to be a God-honoring husband. There were many practical applications that were reiterated with Biblical truth. A very easy book too read and a very convicting book to put into practice, I highly suggest this book.

[Kyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm tempted to put this as a 3, would be 3.5 if I could.

The system Witmer is working from remains really helpful (Know, Lead, Provide, Protect), though this was not a particularly creative or in-depth application of those categories to the home. Would be a good book for a new Christian, husband, or father, and could spark some good discussion among Christian brothers.

[CJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good and very practical read for husbands and fathers. Where this falls short is some of the practical advice is only truly relevant to people from a specific culture and doesn't take into account the complex history and narratives of other people.

[Wayne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed by this book. Overall, I thought the material too simple to be helpful. I used it for a one-to-one discipleship relationship but I don’t think I would use it in a similar setting again.

[Ryan · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Nothing really new here, but it’s a good, clear work on different aspects of caring for your family. I’m reading it with a few guys at church, and it has proved helpful in generating good conversations. The discussion questions at the back of each chapter are particularly helpful.

[Stephen Angliss · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this. Most Christian books lack practical points of application. Not so here. The author makes no new claims, and simply outlines what the Bible says and explains how to do it. I highly recommend this book for elders and pastors—particularly prospective pastors.