The Fruitful Wife: Cultivating a Love Only God Can Produce

by Hayley DiMarco

Are you loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, AND self-controlled? Most of the time? Sometimes? How about when life gets hard or marriage gets tough? Whatever your answer may be, the good news is that you are not alone. Best-selling author, mother, and wife Hayley DiMarco understands the challenges we all face and answers the question at How can you be the woman God is calling you to be―a woman who bears the fruit of the Spirit in your marriage and in the daily grind of life? To help you grow, Hayley explores the biblical significance of all nine fruits of the Spirit, explaining how each fruit first begins to grow and then how each impacts your day-to-day life and marriage. She writes like a close friend, openly sharing stories of her own failures to be spiritually fruitful as well as her relational struggles for control, authority, and respect. Ultimately, Hayley teaches us how even the rockiest of marriages can blossom and generate the fruit God intends to produce.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Christian Living, Christianity, Womens, Relationships

208 pages, Paperback

First published September 30, 2012

About the author

Hayley DiMarco is the best-selling author of over 30 books, including God Girl, Mean Girls, and Die Young. She and her husband, Michael, run Hungry Planet, a company focused on producing books that combine hard-hitting biblical truth with cutting-edge design in Nashville, Tennessee.

Reviews

[Jenny · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Fruitful Wife: What NOT To Do in Marriage

I really liked the idea of this book and felt that the topic had a lot of potential. The cute cover and turquoise text also helped to draw me in - I was excited to read this book! Unfortunately, I felt that it did not live up to its potential and that it falls short of being a truly inspiring book to help improve marriages.

First, I must note that there was a lot in the book that I did not quite agree with doctrinally, and a few interpretations of scripture that did not sit well with me. However, I want to make it clear that my low rating on this book is due almost entirely to other reasons (which I will go into in a moment), and not because the author's faith and interpretation of doctrine differs from mine; I don't feel that it would be fair to give the book such a low rating purely because the author's religious views differ from my own.

First, the positives:

I actually loved and appreciated the chapter on Joy. Her thoughts and discussion on the virtue of joy were very uplifting and inspiring; I loved the part about how a joyful wife can be a blessing to her husband and family.

I also LOVED the conclusion chapter, in which DiMarco discusses the vine and the branches which bring forth fruit, and how ours is an active role in developing the fruit in our lives.

Onto the things I did not like about this book:

I felt that the overall tone of this book was actually very negative. Yes, there were many Biblical references and much discussion about the nine virtues. A lot of this was very informative and inspirational. But whenever the author used personal examples and stories from her life, it was all very negative. I think what she was going for was to show how developing these fruits of the Spirit in her life allowed her to change from the way she was to become a good wife and strengthen her marriage, but she hardly made ANY mention of HOW she did change, or the specific POSITIVE things she did to help her marriage. There are plenty of stories about ways to be a bad wife - being impatient, having meltdowns on her honeymoon, screaming, breaking plates, not saying "please" or "thank you" to her husband, being moody, not smiling and exhibiting joy, and on and on and on. What I would have loved to read are the specific ways she learned to become a good wife once she learned to abide in the Spirit and develop those fruits of the Spirit. I would have loved her to balance out the general discussion of those virtues with more actual, practical tips to apply to your marriage - and positive ones! For me this book was a "what not to do" guide to marriage. I don't feel particularly inspired to be a better wife, except that I don't want to be like the wife she portrayed through her negative examples.

I also got the overall feeling of this book being very condescending towards husbands. There were SO many examples of what to do when your husband is sinful, lazy, overly sensitive, being a "baby," a failure, even your "enemy" (page 113). She talked about how God's grace can help us "keep from rolling our eyes when he's wrong, making fun of him, complaining about him, or reminding him of his failures" (page 116). Maybe the author didn't do this on purpose, but much of the tone of this book is similar in the way that husbands are mentioned. Look, a lot of husbands are wonderful. Mine isn't perfect but I never feel like he's being a baby, or think "you're such a failure," and I sure don't make fun of him. These things don't even cross my mind. Maybe I just don't relate to the author very well?

I had a problem with a major point the author seems to make throughout the book that I think is worth mentioning. She talks about how many "nonbelievers" exhibit some or all of these virtues in their lives, and they bless their families and do good ("sometimes better than believers"), but "only because it feels good. Their fruit grows because of the payoff they receive" (page 15). The author states that because they are nonbelievers they must be doing this for selfish reasons. Look, we all have different beliefs. Although I am a Christian, I don't belong to the same church as the author - does that make me a nonbeliever? There are many wonderful, good people who don't go to church at all - does this make them purely "selfish" when they show love, or gentleness, or goodness in their homes and in their communities? I don't think it is the author's place, or mine, or anyone else's (except God's) to judge the motives and intents of people who do good.

I realize that this is a book about being a good wife. However, marriage is a partnership. I felt like a lot of these practical tips would have been more effective and helpful when seen through the lens of a partnership. For example, the author talks about praying for your husband when you don't like what he's doing or when he sins or makes mistakes. Praying for your husband is great and important. A good wife does that. But I also think it's also paramount in a marriage to pray together. It was just all a little too one-sided for me, making husbands seem inferior in some way.

A couple of alarming things the author said:

On page 55, the author talks about the "joylessness of a life out of control," and mentions conditions such as anorexia and bulimia; she then suggests that to let go of this need for control that is inherent in these disorders, one must see the fingerprints of God in their life and trust in Him. While this is true to some extent, I think that these disorders are much more than a lack of trust in God.

Other reviewers have mentioned the alarming paragraph on page 90 that basically says that certain neuroses and disorders wouldn't be present if we would merely align our lives with God. I think the author needs to be more careful about such claims when dealing with medical issues.

While I loved the conclusion chapter, I found it strange that it actually made NO mention at all about marriage; I don't think I even read the word "wife" in that chapter at all. (Isn't that a little inconsistent with the whole premise of the book?)

This book was just a little too negative for me, and seemed more like a "What Not To Do" marriage book. I did enjoy reading it critically, and it has prompted many good discussions with my husband about marriage and doctrine, as well as encouraged me to look many things up in my scriptures to ponder on my own.

[Kristen Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not married but was encouraged to read this book by a mentor as I told her about a friendship I was really struggling with. Don’t let the title fool you - it hardly talks about marriage but focuses on how to have fruitful relationships.

I couldn’t recommend this book any more. It has greatly impacted my walk with the Lord, the way I love/serve others, it has humbled me, and opened up my eyes to some of my blindspots. It has shown me how desperately I need the Spirit to be at work in my life to love others as God calls us to.

Girls - READ THIS BOOK! Do it with a friend and talk about it weekly, hold each other accountable to actually live it out! This is so rich!

[Shawna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure I would recommend this book. It’s barely about marriage, which is fine, but it sells itself as a marriage book. In the last half of the book I felt that her chapters were not well organized. She had good things to say, but they didn’t always fit in with what she was currently writing about. Her specific examples were almost completely negative; I understand that it’s good to talk about what something isn’t, but then we also need to give practical examples of what it looks like to be gentle, kind, self-controlled, etc. in marriage. Because the book is supposed to be about the fruit of the spirit expressed in marriage. Two big problems I had toward the end of the book - her continual use of the word “mindfulness.” It’s a very popular word these days, and I agree that it’s important, but sometimes she seems to use it where I think “prayer,” would be more appropriate. Simply be mindful of your lack. Ok, but that’s not always going to work. Instead we need to pray that the Lord will show us where we lack. Which leads me to my other complaint. There is very little mention of prayer in the conclusion. We are supposed to grow in the fruit of the spirit via mindfulness and by just turning our minds on the the Holy Spirit, and by loving God and reading his word. I agree that we need to read God’s word and be mindful and utilize the Holy Spirit, but prayer is an important part of growth! She doesn’t directly mention it, unless it was mentioned so quickly that I missed it. Also, she quotes “I can do all things...” out of context, which is a major pet peeve of mine!

All in all, I felt her book could have used more editing. And I probably wouldn’t recommend it as a book on marriage or a book in the fruit of the spirit. I felt more edified by a podcast series I listened to (Journeywomen) on the fruit of the spirit. I’m going to check out Jerry Bridges’ book on the fruit of the spirit, as I think that will be more helpful to me.

[Kristen Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really phenomenal, and not just for wives. All Christ-seeking women should read this!

[Christina D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed to read this book. God convicted me of something that I had said while in Bible study a few months ago. I am happy to say that I was wrong, completely and totally. And I am so thankful that God used Haley DiMarco's book to show me, because that means that there are other people who can experience exactly the same revelation.

So, here's what I was wrong about, I thought you couldn't have all the fruits of the spirit at once. Turns out that not only can you, but you should and it's pretty easy to get, if you're willing to put in the work. And the work is clinging to Jesus.

The Fruitful Wife goes through all the spiritual fruits in Galatians 5:22-23 and shows how they relate to our lives as wives. She shows clearly the areas that we struggle in and how they can look when we are living a life that is dependent upon Jesus and looking to share the fruits of the spirit.

Each chapter is a different fruit, my favorite being gentleness. I was encouraged to read that I do not have to be bullish during moments of sharing the truth. God is gentle with us during times of correction and I feel like that is what The Fruitful Wife has offered me, a moment of correction from wrong thought and wrong action. I hope that it also means that I will experience more fruits in my life so that I can share them with not only my husband but with the world as well.

A copy of this book was shared with me for purposes of review from Crossway via NetGalley.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Fruitful Wife" looks to the Bible to find the answers about how one can grow in the Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control). This book is for everyone, not just wives. While the author primarily used the husband-wife relationship as an illustration, the truths she discussed are helpful for everyone: wives, singles, parents--even men.

I was impressed and challenged by this book. She started by discussing why producing Fruit is important (to help nourish other people and to bring glory to God). She took each Fruit of the Spirit and discussed what it is, what it isn't, how to grow it in your life, and how this works out in your relationships with others. She also talked honestly and openly about her own struggles with this and what she learned from the Bible about how Fruit is actually produced--and it's not by just trying harder.

Overall, I'd highly recommend this encouraging, insightful, and powerful book to all Christians who want to grow in their walk with God.

I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book from the publisher.

[Dogeared Wanderer · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are many books on marriage. This book approaches wifehood on a very personal level on the evidence of what God is doing in a woman's heart. It's not enough to stop yelling, go on more date nights, be more patient, have a budget, or stay home with the kids. She must have a heart that cultivates a love for the Lord which produces fruit.

The book is divided into 9 chapters, each one focused on a fruit of the Spirit in the life of a wife. I really enjoyed this book because it went straight to the root of the issues. What does it mean for a wife to be gentle, patient, faithful, etc?

She can't be these things on her own. To produce fruit, she must abide in the source of life, Jesus Himself. Everything goes back to producing these things because of our identity in Him. Our love is rooted in His love; our goodness in His; our faithfulness in His; etc.

This would be a great book for any Christian wife at any stage in life. I was really challenged by it and I'm nearing two decades of marriage. I also have a few newlyweds in mind who might enjoy its encouragement.

[Savannah Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went through this book as I was discipling a young teen. I had her read God Girl by the same author, which covers the same topic for a different audience. I think I ended up getting even more out of our time together than she did!

Every chapter was filled with incredibly relevant and clear applications rooted in gospel truth. Each time I read, I was reminded of powerful doctrines and how they specifically play out in my own life. I felt consistently challenged to walk in the Spirit--not striving to produce fruit in my own strength and effort, but by deepening in relationship with and understanding of God.

There were a few minor theological aspects I disagreed with, but still definitely worth reading. I plan on going through it again purely for the constant reminders of truth and real life applications.

[Natalie Print · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm torn on what I think about this book! On the one hand, I found aspects of the exploration of the fruits of the spirit challenging and helpful, and I liked how DiMarco was honest about her own experiences of the fruit growing in her own life. DiMarco evidently wanted to make it clear that the Holy Spirit grows the fruit in our lives, and that it is not down to our own effort to become more loving/patient/gentle etc. However, this lead to a seemingly simplistic approach at times, for example, emphasising that "it is your part simply to set your mind on the Spirit, not to take over for the Spirit" (p.78), when it seems to me that it is not a simple matter! DiMarco did acknowledge in the Conclusion that we have an active role to play, but I felt it would have been more beneficial to have our active role developed more fully through the book as a whole.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This is another book that would be good to read annually. DiMarco does an excellent job describing the Fruit of the Spirit and explaining what they do and do not look like. She also gives practical examples of how they play out in real life and in marriage. It is only by the grace of the Holy Spirit that we are able to produce fruit -we cannot do it alone. We must die to ourselves and surrender to His will to produce and "cultivate a love that only God can produce." I would recommend this book to any woman who desires to improve her relationship with the Lord and take it further to show the Fruit of the Spirit in her life.

[Amanda Mattix · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the book very convicting and very motivating. I think she made some good points and it was a nicely laid out to read a section (1 fruit of the spirit) per day. She included lots of scripture reference all throughout the book, however I did sometimes feel like a few were pulled out of context. I think if you look at it as what it is, a book written by a person, not the Bible itself, it could be helpful to your walk.

This is one of those books you just have to take with a grain of salt. Overall, I enjoyed it.

[Laura A · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and I could really relate with the author! It was full of scripture. It took all the ‘Fruits of the Spirit’ and applied them to the relationship with your husband and how you can make them ‘grow’.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and had plenty of takeaways. For example, the fruit of a tree never serves the tree, but it is for other people to enjoy, like how the Fruit of the Spirit might not necessarily serve us but our husband can enjoy (not a direct quote!).

(You will not enjoy this book at all if you don’t agree with biblical marriage, support feminism etc., but that doesn’t make scripture any less true!)

I’m dropping a star as the last few chapters mentioned less of applying to being a wife and more to womanhood in general. The concluding chapter didn’t mention anything about wife/husband. It felt less specific, but still enjoyed.

[Annette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite honestly, there were many times while reading The Fruitful Wife that I thought the book should have been written for a wider audience of all women because so much of the fruit of the Spirit applies to all of us. Yet, I needed to read it in reference to my marriage. Hayley DiMarco wrote about the fruit of the Spirit in general terms but gave much application for relationships, and especially the husband and wife relationship. Though written for wives, I do not think you need to be married to gain perspective and wisdom from The Fruitful Wife. If you are a married woman wanting to honor your husband and God, I definitely recommend you read The Fruitful Wife. Add it to your wishlist right now! And then leave a comment to enter the giveaway!

The Fruitful Wife dedicates a chapter to each parts of the fruit of the Spirit named in Galations 5:22-23, along with an introduction and conclusion.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Each of the chapters has more information than I expected about each topic (and it's relevant, too). As I have been recommending this book to others since I began reading it, I offer to lend my copy (when done) telling my friends that my book is heavily highlighted.

The Fruitful Wife emphasizes that the fruit of the Spirit is not natural to people. In fact, the fruit of the Spirit is only possible through the enabling of the Holy Spirit when we deny ourselves and giving glory to God. That takes love and self-control! Sounds tough, huh? Hayley DiMarco writes in the introduction something I could have written:
I naturally resort to self when tested; it’s my habit, my nature, my flesh. When I’m misunderstood, I get defensive. When I’m uncomfortable, I complain. When I’m tired, I’m cranky. When I’m at the end of my rope, I lack all self-control. So the descriptive, “Fruitful Wife,” does not come naturally to me. (p. 11)
I am sharing just a few quotes that I really appreciated.

The Fruitful Wife on joy:
The joyful wife is a blessing to her husband and family. She blesses him with a home that is a pleasure to come to, not because of its cleanliness but because in it there is cheerfulness, optimism, playfulness, and delight. (p. 56)
The Fruitful Wife on patience:
Complaint, most often, expresses the inability to endure suffering (2 Tim. 4:5), even of the most inconsequential kind. And when complaint seems most warranted, as in the case of unfair imprisonment or torture, patience bears with mankind as it sees not chaos and loss but order and hope. (p. 88)
and
But the fruit is really just the outpouring of another work—the work of clinging to God. That is the primary work for fruit to be produced. As we cling to him, as we worship him, pray to him, study his Word, and spend time in his presence, his Spirit animates our lives. (p.99)
The Fruitful Wife on self-control:
Self-control is necessary in the life of faith. If we can’t control ourselves—in other words, subdue our flesh—then we are no
longer controlled by our love for God. (p. 193)

And a few more thoughts from the book. Peace with God comes from our acceptance of our suffering, not the exemption of suffering and pain. Joy is not denying suffering but seeing God's providence through it. When Big Sister was just two weeks old and we weren't sure if her heart rate would ever get under control or if she would go into cardiac arrest again. During those long days at the hospital I remember repeatedly sharing two things with others. 1) Parenting is not for wimps. and 2) Throughout all of the questions and uncertainties God would bring us through it. We said the same things all over again when Brother had a three hour seizure. You can read more about the SVT, epilepsy, and even apraxia if you like. (I suppose another hardship we dealt with as parents was the screaming for months of our youngest...and it was not just colic. It was pain, but not in the form of colic.)

I did appreciate all of the Bible references in this book and the honest writing. I definitely recommend this book! Improvements though? Sure. I would have liked an in-depth topical index. Twenty-three notes/resources are included, but a reader benefits from an index in a book like this. Another note for readers is that the book has blue text. I suspect some would like this while others may find it difficult to read. (The ARC had standard black text.)

Personally, I have recently been challenged by the non-fiction women's books I have been reading. Though they are not easy to read, at times, and even harder to change my ways, I appreciate when I read a book that challenges my thoughts and ways, especially when it leads me away from sinful habits and toward glorifying God. Below is a list of books that may interest you that I recommend. Only the first title is specifically for wives; the others are for women in general. From the prompting of the books I have been reading, I created a Daily Gifts gratitude journal free printable. Please let me know if you are recording your blessings, too!

Thank you Crossway for sending me an ARC! (Please go to http://www.thissimplehome.com/2013/06... for complete review and giveaway through 6/14/13)

[Merriam Leirose Tidoso · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative. Data are Well presented and the book topics are organized.. I just found it a little boring to read because the contents I’ve heard or read somewhere else already. But still it is a good read :) i still recommend it especially for women who are about to get married or is newly married. It’ll help you prevent common conflicts and issues in married life.

[Shelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

DiMarco contrasts each of the Galatians 5 fruits of the Spirit with their fleshly counterparts, sharing what each may look like practically. She highlights some tendencies of the flesh and examples intentionally pursuing the Spirit instead. It would have been better titled 'The Fruitful Woman' since more (turquoise!) ink is used in the above purposes than relating Spiritual fruit to marriage.

[Siobhan Larson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good simple read! Simple as in easy to read and easy to understand but was convicting nonetheless! I could truly resonate with many of the author’s struggles with living out these fruits in her marriage- so points straight to the scriptures for our solution!

[Caylee Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book had a different title. Certainly, every woman should read this book, married or not. But, I also think it has amazing content for all believers. This will be one I return to again and again. A must read.

[Megan Kortze · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredible! I felt like each chapter spoke to every fruit of the Spirit thoroughly. There was so much Scripture and I felt so connected with the Word throughout the whole book. While it is catered to wives, I feel like this is a great book for any woman of God!

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly I thought that this book was a really good reminder of the fruit of the spirit, for those who are seeking to get married of even those who aren't. Really convicting in a lot of different areas and I would highly recommend it to everyone.

[Staci · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the opening of The Fruitful Wife: Cultivating a Love Only God Can Produce, Hayley DiMarco clarifies her purpose:

The Fruitful Wife isn’t a book about making your life more amazing, though it certainly can do that. The Fruitful Wife is about experiencing a life filled with the fruit, or produce, of God and the Holy Spirit. It’s not about the perfect woman, because it’s not written by the perfect woman, but it’s about a life set on looking away from yourself so that you can better concentrate on the Father.

Based on that statement, Hayley certainly delivers. Since it’s often in the context of the marriage relationship that we can see how much we fall short of exhibiting the fruits of the Spirit, the book is mostly geared toward wives. A lot of the book, though, would apply to any woman, married or single.

Each chapter concentrates on one of the fruits of the Spirit Paul lists in Galatians 5:22-23. She also delves into the opposite traits of some of these characteristics, which I found helpful. In the chapter on patience, for instance, she spends a bit of time on impatience and the root of impatience. By tackling everything from both sides, she shows how all-encompassing the fruits of the Spirit really are.

I liked many things about this book. Hayley writes in a chatty, engaging style that makes the book easy to read, but her teaching is biblically sound. Since she weaves her own stories throughout, you never feel that you’re being talked down to, but she doesn’t do so in a way that makes excuses for or rationalizes sin. That’s not an easy balance to strike, and she does it well. She also never promises that better exhibiting the fruits of the Spirit will fix your husband. It’s true that our relationships often improve when we focus more on God than ourselves, but not always. Hayley wisely points out that if your main goal is making your own life more pleasant, you’re not striving to bring glory to God, but rather feeding your own desire for an easier life.

I only have one issue with the book. On page 156* Hayley says, “It is decidedly unfaithful to share your husband’s sins, failings, or emotional life with other people.” I also noticed shades of this opinion in the sections on patience and kindness.

When it comes to most marriages, I whole-heartedly agree. It’s become quite fashionable in our society for women to openly discuss how “foolish” and “worthless” men can be, and Christian women too often adopt this mindset. Airing our petty grievances increases bitterness, fuels self-righteousness, and drives a wedge between two people who should be loving and respecting each other.

But sadly, sometimes women’s grievances aren’t petty, and people in the church are not exempt. Problems like alcoholism, child abuse, and pornography addiction can be found among people who sit in the church pews every Sunday. In these instances, we have instruction from Scripture.

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. (Romans 13:1-4)

A part of me wants to acknowledge that I may be over-reacting here, especially since I have been accused both in my writing and in my teaching of over-explaining. Most women, thankfully, do not have these things going on in their homes. To be fair, the tone of the book indicates that Hayley is aiming this toward the woman who is griping about her husband’s slowness with home repairs or sloppiness around the house. But it’s been my observation that big dysfunction is often accompanied by big denial, so I think some women need to be told it’s okay, and even biblical, to seek outside help when things get bad.

All in all, this is a good book. It’s a much needed corrective against the poor theology in books like Debi Pearl’s Created to be His Help Meet. Books on marriage tend to over-promise more than any other category. Hayley wisely keeps the focus on glorying God through your marriage, rather than appropriating biblical teaching in hopes of “fixing” your husband. Most women will find it helpful, but I wouldn’t recommend it to a woman whose marriage is in serious trouble unless she was also seeking outside counsel.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perfectly good content. I just did not enjoy the writing style. I think it could have been tightened up into a very powerful blog series rather than a just good book.

[Ann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Love her Mean Girl book but I just couldn’t get into this one. Stopped in the middle of peace

[Rebekah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A convicting read - lots of good stuff to chew on!

[Lucia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some cheesy/dramatic aspects, but overall a helpful look at how to cultivate the Fruits of the Spirit, wife or not.

[Anete Ābola · Rating 3 out of 5]

Somehow it was really hard to read (which happens really rare with me).

[Heather King · Rating 4 out of 5]

In her book, The Fruitful Wife, Hayley Dimarco does something unique in her study of the fruit of the spirit from Galatians 5; she applies the "fruit" to marriage. What would a fruitful wife and a fruit-filled marriage look like? After an introduction to the concept of fruitfulness, she studies one theme per chapter (love, joy, peace, etc.). I've read quite a few books on the fruit of the spirit and quite a few marriage books, but never one that looked at these two ideas together, so I was intrigued by the topic and the way she handled it.

I read the book on a Kindle, so I can't speak to the problems other readers had with the text color being difficult to read. On the Kindle at least, the book design seemed lovely from the great cover to the teal-colored, well-designed title pages at the start of each chapter.

I loved the concept and the idea of studying the fruit of the spirit in the particular context of marriage. Marriage draws out so much about the core of who we are. You can fake goodness or gentleness or kindness or exhibit those characteristics in your own strength or as your natural personality, but when you're in the nitty gritty of a close relationship and you see the faults of your husband and he sees all your mess, too, well that's when it gets real. You can't pretend anything. Any situation that by definition relies on selflessness (marriage, parenting, caregiving), can bring out the worst in us, but ultimately build into us the beauty of Christ as we let the Holy Spirit be at work.

I think DiMarco did a great job of emphasizing that point also. Nonbelievers can be good or gentle or loving. But it's not Spirit-fruit. In the context of relationships, we might think we'll definitely show love in marriage during our engagement because we're so "in love," but of course true, Spirit-fruit is so much more than that. The true test of whether we're displaying the fruit of the spirit comes when there's conflict or when it's hard. That's when we're relying on the Spirit to do the work rather than ourselves.

I liked her honesty and vulnerability, especially when sharing about the early days of her marriage, and I thought she did a good job of discussing each fruit, giving its biblical definition, examples from Scripture, and personal stories. I liked some of her definitions of the fruit also, like emphasizing how gentleness doesn't mean being a doormat and goodness is really "imitating Christ." Her chapter on joy was particularly well done.

With all that said about the positive aspects of the book, I did wonder at some of her personal examples in the book. She talks about marrying late in life and being set in her ways. So she describes honeymoon tantrums, breaking plates as anger therapy, not saying "please and thank you" to her husband and more. The hope, of course, is that if she started out that way in marriage and grew into fruitfulness, than anyone can! Most of the examples, however, seemed to describe what she got wrong and boy was it wrong!! It would have been helpful to see what the spiritual fruit looks like in action, not just hear about a marriage that is lacking in gentleness or patience and the like.

I also (like other reviewers) am not sure she fully intended to suggest that many mental disorders ("obsessive compulsive disorder, hypochondria, or other social phobias") were simply a lack of patience or trust in God. I do think, like many other issues and disorders, there are spiritual and physical components. But she didn't clarify that and for some people that could be hurtful or even dangerous.

I believe with most marriage books you should "read and glean." No book you read may be 100% helpful for your own marriage and you might not agree with every single thing an author writes, but you can still glean. This is a book worth gleaning from. DiMarco offers a unique look at spiritual fruit in marriage and also shares powerful insights about the Galatians 5 fruit of the spirit.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

[Mercedes Cordero · Rating 5 out of 5]

As Christians, we want to grow in the Lord. In our marriage, we want to produce fruit that is pleasing to our Father, and a blessing to our husbands. However, most of us find it hard, and sometimes even almost impossible to bear good fruit, mostly when things don't go our way, when we are mad at our husbands or frustrated with them. Why? The problem is our spiritual barrenness, our lack of the fruit of the Spirit. What is the fruit of the Spirit and how can we grow in it? Author Hayley Dimarco goes deep into the Word of God, its profound meaning, to bring us the answer.

The Fruitful Wife is a book full of wisdom. Each chapter covers a specific part of the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Mrs. Dimarco, very simply, beautifully and to the point, explains what each part of the fruit of the Spirit means, what it is, what it isn't, how we can grow in it, and how we can apply it to our lives, and to our relationship with our husbands. The author draws from her life, her own experiences, failings and triumphs, which makes her more accessible, more like one of us. You will identify with her, and you will see yourself described in the pages of this book, and you will find hope for you, for your relationship with your husband, for your frustrations with yourself and with him.

This book has made a great impact in my life. It took me a while to finish it because I had to stop on almost every page to analyze, internalize it, meditate, write it down, go to the Word of God and meditate once more. It has helped me grow in the knowledge of what the fruit of the Spirit really is, why it is important in my life, in my everyday life, and how to see things through it in order to live a life that pleases God.

I highly recommend this book to anyone, married or single, because, although it does say "wife" in the title, it relates to every woman and it applies to every relationship in our lives —form our relationship with God to our relationship with our neighbors, not just our husbands. This is a really great, life changing book.

*I received a copy of this book from Crossway through NetGalley in exchange of an honest review.

[Kristin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
First I want to start out by saying, I am not joyful, loving, peaceful, patient, kind, good gentle, or self-controlled. But I want to be those things! I want to be my grandmother. She had the patience of a saint, and could get everything done without breaking a sweat, and all with a smile on her face. Me? Not so much, I balk at housework, dig my heels in, going to it like a cat about to face a bath and feel like the responsibility of the entire household is on me.
So when I saw this book, I nearly jumped for joy. Finally, a book that will show me concrete ways of being the person I want to be (and probably my family too)! The cover was so pretty, and the promise of showing me how to become the worker, wife and mother that I want to be, had me almost giddy.
Oh but I was disappointed. Each chapter details the fruit of the Holy Spirit, with much Scripture attached. The author adds in stories of before she did whatever she did to have that particular fruit. And then she shows how she acts now that she has done whatever it is she has done to bring in that particular fruit, whether it be love, joy, patience, etc etc. I’m so glad that someone was able to do that. That’s what I want to do….now how do I do it?
That’s what’s missing! There’s nothing concrete that says, “Hey, try x, y, and z, and it will help you to bring joy into your life.” And that is why I give this book 1 star, without concrete methods to try, it’s just a book of fluff.

[IrenesBookReviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are a lot of books about marriage. This particular book is for a wife. The author uses the fruits of the spirit to give some simple steps a wife can do to help make her marriage better.

I like how the author pointed to the Lord and His guidelines as the ultimate map for wives to use when working on their marriage. I thought the author wrote with a loving heart and was very open about her own issues. I found the book to be hopeful and not just a list of do this but not that principles.

I gave this book 5/5 stars for a few reasons. I thought the author wrote a very organized and easy to understand book. I liked the idea of using the fruits of the spirit as a guide for making your marriage better. I also found the book to be helpful and non-judgmental. I think this book would be great for any wife going through a changing period in her marriage but would really be a great book for any wife to read.

I would like to thank NetGalley and the publisher for the copy of this book I enjoyed reading. I gave an honest review based on my opinion of what I read.

[Susan · Rating 1 out of 5]

There is some great food for thought here. But I cannot overlook page 90, on which the author describes OCD and other mental illnesses as the result of idol worship, something that can be overcome simply by aligning ourselves with God. This callous, oversimplified view of mental illness is offensive and damaging—and unfortunately it undercuts some solid content on the other 193 pages of the book.