Alternatives to Sex

by Stephen McCauley

Pleasure and guilt make mischievous bedfellows in Stephen McCauley's witty send-up of modern love, sex, and real estate.Boston real estate agent William Collins knows that his habits are slipping out of control. Due to obsessive-compulsive daily cleaning binges and a penchant for nightly online cruising for hookups, he finds his sales figures slipping despite a booming market. There's also his ongoing struggle to collect the rent from his passive-aggressive tenant and his worries about his best friend, Edward, whom he's certainly not in love with. Just as he decides to do something about his life, he meets Charlotte and Samuel, wealthy suburbanites looking for the perfect city apartment. "Happy couple," he writes in his notes. "Maybe I can learn something from them." What he ultimately discovers challenges his own assumptions about real estate, love, and desire—and what they learn from him might unravel a budding friendship, not to mention a very promising sale.Full of crackling dialogue delivered by a stellar ensemble of players, Alternatives to Sex is a smart, hilarious chronicle of life in post-traumatic, morally ambiguous America—where the desire to do good is constantly being tripped up by the need to feel good. Right now.

Genres: Fiction, LGBT, Gay, Contemporary, Gay Fiction, Book Club, Novels

300 pages, Paperback

First published March 28, 2006

Reviews

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stpehen McCauley writes perfect "sit down with a fun book" reads. What a shame that something he clearly puts a lot of effort into flies by so quickly.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

William Collins from Somerville, MA is a single, gay, 44-year-old realtor who has fallen into a funk of online sexual encounters. Seeking a more productive way to occupy his time, he enters (or disrupts, rather) the life of potential homebuyers, Charlotte O'Malley & Sam Thompson, a suburban couple suffering from empty nest syndrome. As William becomes more of a fixture in their lives, he inadvertently neglects his best friend, Edward, a panic-attack-prone flight attendant so desperate to cure his loneliness that he agrees to relocate to San Diego with his overbearing female friend, Marty.

Author Stephen McCauley (perhaps best known for "The Object of My Affection") presents a particularly lively cast of stereotypical characters (especially William's non-rent-paying tenant, Kumiko). William's cynical disposition is hilarious and frighteningly accurate, most of the time. His story reminds us, yet again, to appreciate what you have instead of looking elsewhere.

[Will · Rating 1 out of 5]

A light summer read.
That's what I was after.
And, while this book is certainly light, it was not the engrossing read I was hoping for. In fact, it seems a bit inept.

The writer is clearly fond of his own character ideas, but he should weed them out ... then flesh them out. Far, far too many characters, most of them two-dimensional exaggerations of what an actual person might be, populate this meandering and aimless novel. I'm not sure there was a point ... ? There are a lot of scenes with upper-middle class characters lamenting this and bemoaning that - a hard crew to sympathize with (much less empathize). A tough read to get through, though somehow I did (more misplaced queer loyalty, perhaps?).

[Sarah J. Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the fact that reviewers here don't seem too jazzed about this book, I enjoy the little observations and witticisms. Real estate agent William Morris is a comfortable-in-his-skin neurotic who is an endearing if passive, middle-aged gay man in Boston.

Mostly it's about a man that wants to change, but isn't sure why or how, and through a friendship/real estate relationship with a married couple it seems he might come to some catharsis at some point.

I'm already half-way through so it might suck at some point, but so far I'm enjoying McCauley's observations, dialog, and picture-perfect description of a passive-aggressive tenant.

[Sarah Shadburne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book on sex and real estate gave me a lot to think about. I know I always say that, but I really mean it every time. It was mildly depressing throughout, but I found I couldn't put it down. The first day I started reading it I knocked out 60 pages in one sitting like, "where did time just go?" The gloominess and loneliness McCauley communicates through William and his interpersonal relationships did not give me a lot to feel good about, aside from the laugh out loud moments of dry, biting humor. The book leaves off on a somewhat hopeful note though, and overall it was worth the read. I guess love really is always the answer, huh?

[Coffeeboss · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have always found Stephen McCauley's books to be enjoyable, witty, lightweight reads. William is a real estate agent with a bit of an internet hook-up sex hobby on the side. He is crushing on a married couple who are his latest bickering clients looking for a home, but may actually be in love with his best friend who has decided to move out of town and get a fresh start. Fun and easily digestible, it's one of those perfect books to read just before bedtime.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Humorous with some astute observations on the state of marital relationships but a somewhat lacking plot and unsatisfying conclusion.

[Mark Farley · Rating 5 out of 5]

The proof of this book came into the shop and I noticed the Armistead Maupin quote on the front of the book and it gathered dust on my radiator for about a few months before I finally decided to take it on my first ever beach holiday. Being a huge fan of the author's Tales of the City series, it was always something in the back of my mind I should get around to reading but was forever bumped down the list by other things I felt I should read or wanted to read. I was extremely surprised, after I plonked myself down on a beach in Sardinia as I began to fall in love with it from page one. It's uber camp and ultra gossipy, with shades of Valley of the Dolls. It has a great narrative and intriguing characters that will keep you turning the page with glee as you chuckle along like a friend would tell you naughty secrets.

[Nate G · Rating 1 out of 5]

Yikes. Maybe I’m reading this 20 years too late, but I’m not getting any ‘witty satire’. The dialogue is stilted, the descriptions are trying too hard, the plot is meanders around going nowhere, and the characters are neither on-point enough to work as satire, nor rich enough to sympathize with.

There’s not sufficient poetry to the language nor social insight for the book to warrant the lack of character or plot depth, and there’s not interesting enough characters or plot to warrant the stunted attempts at profundity.

The whole book just felt pointless and insubstantial to me, and not worth the time I spent reading it, short though it was.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Stephen McCauley's books, but I haven't picked one up in a while. Thus, while doing some book winnowing, I was a bit chagrined to find one I bought in hardback when it came out almost ten years ago (!!!!) that I hadn't read yet. But whatever my haphazard book management, I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Perhaps I'm the target demographic for this one -- someone "lively, interesting, smart, funny, and psychologically wounded" -- but it was not only an enjoyable read, but a satisfying one. Perhaps there are more McCauleys I haven't gotten to yet?

[Sonia189 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not totally bad but not memorable or interesting if one looks at the general picture.

[Neet · Rating 4 out of 5]

This novel takes place a year after 9/11. The MC is Wiliam Collins is a forty-something real estate agent living in an indecisive fog since that horrendous event. He's a clean freak, neurotic, sex addicted gay man trying to make sense of his life. He doesn't do long term relationships, yet he seems envious to those that have him. His best friend, Edward who is a few years younger, constantly calls him on his bull shut. Edward is employed as a flight attendant, but hates to fly. He is more fearful since 9/11, and wants to do something different in his life. Edward decides to sell his condo, take computer classes,and move with a friend to San Diego to start a business. This decision leaves William in a panic, he has unresolved feeling for Edward. Edward, it seems, has been in love with William for a,while. These two dance around what they really need to say to each other. This book isn't really about that that. It's funny, sad, and highly recommended.

[Pamfrommd · Rating 4 out of 5]

Steven McCauley's novels are always a delight to read. They might not be for everyone but the author and I have a common sense of humor, apparently, because his books are filled with asides and observations by the narrator that always make me laugh, smile, snicker, or nod in approval. His books are often (always?) about gay men, usually living in the Boston area. These men live seemingly ordinary lives, not terribly successful. The plots generally involve not much more than the protagonist and his network of friends, lovers, and family navigating life's ups and downs. Nothing dramatic or shocking occurs. There's always humor, sometimes snarky humor. I've only got one more of his novels left to read -- The Object of My Affection -- which I think was turned into a (probably) cheesy movie. I hope Steven is deep into his latest novel because I need another one!

[Aaron Ambrose · Rating 3 out of 5]

McCauley’s novels are so uneven to me, and I think the key factor is the voice of the first-person protagonist. My enjoyment is inversely proportional to the narrator’s peevishness. Here we have a mildly peevish real estate agent who can’t bear to be honest with himself, but does have the occasional insight on his own and others’ behavior. This book is easy to read, but it’s overly jokey and glib. I would’ve found it funnier when I was 20 years younger. The cast and plotting border on fussy, but the final 25 pages build to an expansive, mature outcome that makes me wish the rest of the book had achieved a similar strength. I’m not mad, but I wouldn’t recommend it to someone who wasn’t already a fan of McCauley’s other, usually better books.

[Nick Milinazzo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Satirical tale about a gay real estate agent. He has a nightly ritual of semi-anonymous sexual encounters that he wants to cease with but finds increasingly difficult to break the habit. He is in the process of finding a married couple a new apartment while also dealing with the shock of his longtime friend wanting to move to the other end of the country. It is an entertaining story, although the protagonist is more self-centered than he would likely admit to himself, and it feels like the potential relationship he could have with his friend is explored more through tertiary characters rather than the friend himself, which is is complicated way of saying the protagonist won't say exactly what he means/feels. Amusing but unfulfilling.

[Alex Vogel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a light read with a touch of depth. The humor is clever, verging towards the self-deprecating and the writing flows with ease. There isn't much of a story here (which actually I usually prefer to elaborate and outlandish plots), we rather partake temporarily in the main protagonist's life, get to know him a little better, meet the more or less colorful people he interacts with ... The novel offers no end that ties everything up tidily, just the way life is: there is nothing such as a Happily Ever After - certain questions remain unanswered and life simply goes on.
Also, I felt inspired to search for more satisfaction in the act of house cleaning ...

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this novel by Stephen McCauley which focuses on the way humans search for love and meaning in life. And also real estate.

The protagonist, a realtor, explains, "There are customers who want a living space that fits in with their lives, their taste, and their aesthetic sense of balance and proportion, and then there are people who want a dishwasher."

Another character-driven Stephen McCauley novel that keeps you turning the pages, grinning and laughing out loud. Do yourself a favor and read it at least once.

[Sinead · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was a different read from what I'm used to but nevertheless I kept reading until the end. I felt a bit short-changed storyline wise and the end was rather unsatisfying. William's character should have been developed much more particularly in relation to his 'friendship' with Edward. Also I had high hopes with the introduction of Charlotte and Samuel and their potential love triangle with William that was never explored but hinted at.....shame

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent company, as always. Heavier than McCauley’s others, for possibly obvious 9/11 reasons. It has gone out of fashion to linger on the mundane problems of the relatively comfortable, but it can be so heartbreaking to spend time with real people who are only a few steps away from whatever it is they need. Laugh out loud funny. Impossible to replicate and yet the only kind of book worth reading.

[seth · Rating 5 out of 5]

maybe i’m easy to please but i found this to be a wonderful, captivating read. it’s a pretty huge deviation from what i typically enjoy, but something about this book really engrossed me. it’s fairly simple, a bit two dimensional, but still very well written. even though we are reading williams perspective, he’s still a hard guy to truly understand, and it isn’t until the last few pages that it all really clicks. this book isn’t perfect, but it was so much fun to read.

[87lectures · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un roman qui décrit avec mordant l'après 11-Septembre, et ses effets sur la société bostonienne, avec cynisme et beaucoup de réalisme. Les personnages sont crédibles, ce qui fait la force de la plume de McCauley. Grâce à cette écriture qui nous happe, on a envie de savoir ce que deviennent les personnages au fil des pages, même si la fin se devine très tôt dans le roman.

[Thomas Lipp · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was interesting to read a novel set so specifically in a time: the housing boom of the early 2000 and the aftermath of September 11th. Although I didn't love it as much as "My Ex-Life," it was still filled with wry observations that I needed to share with my husband. I guess I've just entered that stage of my life where the snarky middle aged gay romance speaks to me.

[Matt Lubbers-Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book flowed nicely and some of the chapters were so short and they flowed together so well that at some points I couldn't force myself to stop. The worse aspect of the book however was that the ending came abruptly. I feel like one or two more chapters would've solidified the book for me.

[Kenny Ward · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book with some really great moments and a lot of scenes that can make you pause and think more deeply. That said, this moved quite a bit slower than other books I’ve read by McCauley. Enjoyable, yes, but I didn’t find myself racing back to it like I have with his others.

[Lionel Gagnevin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Disappointing: the main character and narrator is bullied throughout the story by his annoying acquaintances, to the point I started to wonder if he was not the toxic one. Midbook, one starts to envision the end but keeps reading in the hope for a surprise…

[Olga · Rating 3 out of 5]

McCauley is a great writer, observant and funny. This is not his best work, both the plot and the characters are a mess, and mostly not in a good way. The book is also about 100 pages too long for what it has to say.

[Anita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stephen McCauley creates exceptionally compelling characters while indulging my fondness for richly drawn real estate details. His novels are also layered with perceptive and meaningful observations about life.

[Kathie Price · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actually 3.5+. Interesting perspective on why the US has become such a country of haters. The author blames it, in very reasonable arguments, on 9/11.

[Lavanya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Light funny read about a gay real-estate agent trying to do something meaningful with his time, could be a nice rom-com.

[Kimberly · Rating 2 out of 5]

The best thing about this book was my discovering the stunning Alain Delon. ( page 176)