Miles from Home: A True Story of the Choices that Define Us

by Colleen Lanier

What would you do for your best friend? When Sean called, asking me to help him drive his parents from Wisconsin to Washington, I found out.Sean’s mother had Alzheimer’s disease and his father was dying from lung cancer. We were taking them to their final home, an assisted living facility near Sean. And while his dad said he didn’t want it to be an ambulance ride, it was clear this wasn’t any vacation.Sean and I had thirty years of history. He was my best friend, my first love…and, until very recently, the man I was living with. He was the man who wrote the words I’d carry in my heart my entire adult life, and the man who broke my heart. Miles from Home is the true story of our cross-country trip, an end-of-life journey for one person and new beginnings for the rest of us. It is a story about life, death, friendship, and the choices we make. It is about the messiness of life, and, ultimately, the power of love.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography

188 pages, Paperback

First published February 15, 2012

About the author

Colleen Lanier is a registered nurse with a private consulting firm. She lives in North Carolina, where she works, writes, and continues her quest for the perfect cup of coffee.

Reviews

[Kathryn Bundy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has a very personal connection for me since both of my parents have suffered from Alzheimer's Disease. Her descriptions of Joan's behaviors made me laugh in recognition and shake my head ruefully. I was thankful for her understanding and detailed anecdotes ---- everything from the purse "shopping" to the bathroom. And it certainly took me back to the endless nights of interrupted sleep.

Colleen Lanier brings her whole self to this piece, an unflinching look at the good, the bad and the ugly. She speaks with a very personal voice about her own conflicts as well as those of the people around her. She takes everyone where they stand, including herself, and walks through reality with eyes wide open. I appreciate the honesty, the humor and the compassion that are evident throughout this very personal account. At some point, all of us must experience a loss that is personally enormous, but so universal that it is of significance only to those most involved. This account brings the reader in and allows us to share in the journey, and take away a new sense of courage about this messy business of living and loving and dying.

[Patti · Rating 1 out of 5]

I must have downloaded this book to my Kindle for free - sure hope I didn't purchase it! It is an engrossing tale of dealing with aged parents as the author and her ex-boyfriend move his mother and father across country to an Assisted Living Facility showcasing all the horrible details of dealing with a man who is dying of cancer and his wife who has Alzheimer's. However, the day to day, minute by minute story comes across as the author's chance to prove to the world (and probably her ex) that she is a martyr for the cause. I really couldn't figure out the point to the story except to show the whole world that she is such an unselfish person and the rest of the characters are all taking advantage of her kindness. Really? Should have just left it in your diary where it belonged.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read many books documenting a variety of different road trips. Lanier’s road trip was quite unique. Her ex-boyfriend, Sean, asks her to join him in driving his ailing parents from Wisconsin to Washington. Colleen is a nurse, making her a perfect companion for the journey.

She edited herself well, writing simply without a lot of technical medical jargon, focusing more on the emotional side of the situation. Lanier’s personal sacrifices and genuine love and compassion for Sean and his parents was beautiful.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Before I start, I must say that I won this book from a give-away on Good Reads.

That having been said, I truly enjoyed this story. It is a true story and I found that I identified with the main character in many ways. In some ways I did not but that only added to it.

This story made me think even if I did not want to. I found it very moving and very real.

I would have read this story if I found it in the library.

[Diane Lybbert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting memoir/diary almost of a nurse who agrees to help her best friend (male) move his cancer-stricken father and Alzheimer's-stricken mother by car from Minnesota to Washington state (where the son lives and where an Assisted Living Facility awaits them). It was the father's desire to make it less of an ambulance ride and more of a road trip, so he could see the sights (especially Crazy Horse monument) on the way. But, he declines very quickly and the road trip quickly becomes an ambulance ride. In the meantime, humorous and touching stories of the events of the trip, dealing with the mother (who is cheerful but very confused), keeping the father comfortable, taking turns driving, dealing with restroom stops and meals, motels, etc. They arrive in Washington state, but the father immediately goes into hospice while the search for a memory-care unit for the mother ensues. The author does a great job telling the stories, inserting her own feelings for the son (they had been in a relationship, but he hadn't been as committed as she), her affection for the parents, juggling her own needs/life/job during the process. Having dealt with hospice and assisted living facilities, and dementia (though not severe), I could relate to many of the stories and circumstances. I enjoyed the ride!

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as a gift. As a nurse, and the daughter, who provided care to a father with a rapidly progressive cancer and a mother with Alzheimer’s disease until their passing I highly recommend this book to anyone who finds undertakes a caretaker's role - it is honest, poignant, and accurate in its description of the realities of diseases, death, and dying. I so appreciated the HOPE and humor integrated through the journey Colleen Lanier takes the reader on. The issues described so vividly by the author need to be considered carefully and discussed among family members long before the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s is made. I encourage anyone that is approaching later life or those with aging parents to read this book. It brings to light essential decisions related to finances and care options that ultimately must be made. I both enjoyed and appreciated the message of the book, including the painful choices that often have to be made specific to relationships. The book is interesting, insightful, heartbreaking, insightful, funny and inspiring.

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's very rare that I find the time to sit down and really enjoy a book. I don't know if I'd use the word "enjoy" regarding this book as much as found myself "engrossed" in it. It resonated with me and brought back a lot of bittersweet memories about caring for both my elderly parents, each having different but equally exhausting health challenges, until their sad ending only seven months apart. It made me wish I'd had a friend like the author to even just "be there" for me, much less actually help with the physical labor of everyday care for loved ones slipping away from themselves and the world around them. As I look back on that time of my life only four years ago, I feel a sense of humility that I was given the honor of caring for them but at the same time, wonder how I made it through that. For sure, it made me a much better and more caring person.

[Andie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really, really enjoyed this story about the author making the decision to travel across the country to help her family friend/ex-boyfriend give his father a last opportunity to see something he wanted to see before he died. They were traveling with the ex's mom who had alzheimer's disease and the trip took many unexpected turns. It's an uplifting book for a sad story.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was the story of a woman who broke up with her boyfriend and months later agreed to help drive his parents cross country from Wisconsin to Seattle Wash. His mom had Alzheimers and his dad was dying of lung cancer. This book was very hard to read esp. in places but had some good messages in it.

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Miles From Home by Colleen Lanier- I had got this free on my Kindle, didn't really remember what it was about. It was a very moving story about a journey many take in life as parents get older and begin to depend on their children. Sad but not the kind of sad to make me cry. I did enjoy but had to find something more uplifting when I finished up. Very well written.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amazing and brave debut novel. This book resonated with me deeply. I have been a caretaker for several members of my family over the past decade and have experienced much of what Miss Lanier writes about. In the end, it is a joyous book about discovering yourself by doing the right thing.

[Tracey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I laughed and wept through out this book. Sometimes I didn't realize I had been weeping until I found myself laughing with wet cheeks. Colleen is definitely an amazing friend, because this trip was an incredibly difficult one. Thanks to Colleen and Sean for sharing their journey with us.

[Carolyn Earle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I stumbled onto this book on my kindle. It is well written and an excellent insight into the later stages of a dreaded disease. Everyone has a story in them. This author has told hers very well.

[Dana Sahm · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed this heartbreakingly difficult true story, even if the writing style lacks the maturity of a seasoned writer.

[Dale · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a thought-provoking book about a woman I wholeheartedly respect for the choice she made.

[Ron Enfield · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stories about Alzheimer's caregiving are usually depressing, at least in part. The disease is incurable, and always fatal. It's never a question of what the outcome will be, just when.
Nevertheless, every caregiver knows there are moments of love, hope, and humor along the way.
This book has all of that.

[Scott W · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most well written, perfectly paced books I've read in a very long time. The author has a concise, clear writing style that conveys a very harrowing story in a straightforward manner. Highly recommended.

[Carrie Webb · Rating 4 out of 5]

An end and a beginning.

Real life tale of the end of life decisions, care, and emotions as a loved one passes. Through tremendous struggle lessons are learned for those who continue on. Great read

[The Glassed And The Furious · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't really get the high ratings of this book here. First of all, this book lacks any kind of emotions - you don't get to feel for any of the characters. Her writing style, her way of telling her story is empty and void of any kind of feeling. It makes it impossible to truly care. And that really disappointed me considering it was such a highly emotional topic with parents suffering from Alzheimer and Cancer. While I did appreciate the honesty in which certain symptoms were depicted, it was always told by a cold voice.

My second problem with this book was there were too many aspects that made me think "well this is just plain stupid".
Firstly: her drama with Sean, her back and forth felt like a teenage drama of sorts. Other times it painted the picture of unlikeable characters - so Sean lives with her, claims he loves her but isn't really her boyfriend because of her weight? I am sorry, but all sympathy for an ex-Navy who battles an alcohol addiction went out the window right there.

But our main character isn't very likeable either. The entire time she wants to come across as this selfless, too good to be true nurse of scarifies so much to drive her ex boyfriend's parents across the country.

So in February Henry is told he has about six months to live and they wait until July to drive Joan to the ALF? Oookay, they couldn't have gone sooner? It's not like the Alzheimer appeared suddenly.... But then they are shocked and so surprised when he is struggling while driving 2000 miles across the country? Please!

The book was just filled with so things that annoyed me more than did anything else and instead of a heartbreaking, honest, inspirational story about Alzheimer and Cancer I actually god a cold, sterile log of the events of a handful of days by a nurse. Major let down.

[Lesa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Parts were interesting, but I really got tired of hearing about her relationship with "Sean". It felt kind of "teenage-y" to me. I also felt like it was a lot of boasting about what an awesome thing she did. It kind of reminded me of someone telling you a story, adding more drama to it than was necessary, and just going on and on. I thought it was kind of ridiculous that they were all "blind-sided" by the fact that the dad was in no shape for a car trip. Didn't she say that in February he was given 6 months to live? This trip took place at the end of July. How did they think that he would be in good enough shape at the end of the 6 months to embark on such a long car trip, and then be able to take care of his wife in the assisted living facility after they arrived? Doesn't make sense to me.

[Paula · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting true story about a road trip to get Colleen's ex-boyfriends parents to Washington state to a Care Facility. Colleen tells the story with a lot of detail and it pulls at the heartstrings of a son and even his ex-girlfriend having to deal with the situation. Thank goodness she was a nurse, I don't think Sean could have dealt with it on his own at all. Between the two of them, they pulled it off and it showed a lot of character on Sean's part to care for his parents.

I thought it was a well done book, although some parts seemed to repeat. It brings forth what some people will have to face with their own parents some day and how you might handle it and prepare for it. I really would have liked to give the book a 3 1/2 stars but had to do 3.

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

I struggle to give this a 2 star rating but couldn't really say I liked it. Wish there was a 2.5. It was boring at times but I did manage to finish. The sacrifice this woman makes to travel across the country and help her best friend Sean, is amazing and one I give her credit for. However, this man seems very self-centered and took her for granted. The guy ended their relationship because he wasn't attracted to her in 'that way' yet she gives up a great deal of time to help him with his ailing parents. I finished the story but it wasn't exciting and while I respect the author for her sacrifice, her selfless actions got on my nerves.

[Cathy Peschke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I downloaded the book over a week ago, but once I started reading the book only sleep and other obligations kept me away from the book. I get car sick when I read, so I avoid reading in the car, however this book had me so engrossed I could not stop. Car sick or not I just could not wait to find out what happened to Henry, Joan, Sean and Colleen. Colleen's book will inspire you, you will both laugh and cry when reading this book. What a better world earth would be if more people gave of themselves as Colleen did.

[Stan Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but needed a copyeditor

Interesting, but needed a copyeditor

The author told an absorbing story of the sudden decline of her ex-boyfriend's parents, who had been like second parents to her. That was fine, but it was marred by the occasional missing word, plus a distressingly frequent error: parent's where parent's was wanted. Example: "his parent's house", talkin

[Amy Katherine Wolff · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book!! Not only was it entertaining, but it brought out very poignant issues as well, that we all should consider. Choices- that is what life is about, and our choices affect not only ourselves but others around us. Walking the path of the author as she made her choices, and others made their choices was very interesting!!

[Mary Anne Ross · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a nice story but there were a couple problems. First of all, I could not get past some of the grammatical errors in the book. Secondly, I sort of felt like the author was bragging throughout. Don't get me wrong, it was a great and noble thing that she did for a man who had broken her heart, but really, I can't help thinking that she was billing herself as Super Nurse.

[Carolyn Racine · Rating 5 out of 5]

surprising

An unexpected treasure. I too work with developmentally disabled and/or challenged adults and dealing with an aging father who has never been a positive person and with age the negativity is more prominent. This book has given me inspiration and more patience in dealing with him.

[COLLEEN SEYMOUR · Rating 5 out of 5]

Miles from home

Miles from home

it was close to home .my mother having the same thing,but my dad had a heart attack.I take care of my mom w/ family helping.loved the book

[Steph · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very moving story, I didn't want to put it down. A very eye opening account of living with and caring for family terminally ill or living with Alzheimers.

[Dora · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having a Dad with Alzheimer's and Mom with dementia, this book hit home.