You'd Better Not Die or I'll Kill You: A Caregiver's Survival Guide to Keeping You in Good Health and Good Spirits

by Jane Heller

Bestselling writer Jane Heller thought she'd found her dream man—until he turned out to be a "frequent flier," the term doctors and nurses use to refer to patients who land in the E.R. more often than the average person goes to Starbucks. Here, Jane shares her experiences of looking after her chronically ill husband with Nora Ephron–like wit, and offers practical guidance for handling it all without drowning. With advice on staying healthy while caring for a loved one and learning to communicate with medical staff, plus wisdom from other caregivers and experts, this is a personal and invaluable tool kit that also manages to prompt laughter and inspire. For the more than 65 million caregivers in the US alone, this book couldn't be more timely or important.

Genres: Nonfiction, Health

288 pages, Paperback

First published October 3, 2012

About the author

Jane Heller, a New York native who recently moved from Santa Barbara, CA to New Preston, CT, is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of 13 novels of romantic comedy, including "Name Dropping," "Lucky Stars," and "Best Enemies." Nine of Heller's novels have been optioned for film or television, and all of them have been translated in countries around the world. Her first book of nonfiction, "Confessions of a She-Fan: The Course of True Love with the New York Yankees," is a humorous look at her passion for baseball. Her book about caregiving, "You'd Better Not Die or I'll Kill You: A Caregiver's Survival Guide to Keeping You in Good Health and Good Spirits," combines Heller's personal essays about being the wife of a man with Crohn's disease and the daughter of a mother with dementia, plus interviews with other caregivers who deal with everything from autism to Alzheimer's and advice/tips from experts. "You'd Better Not Die" is upbeat and inspirational - a cheerful companion to the over 60 million caregivers in America. Heller's new novel, "Three Blonde Mice," a spinoff of her bestselling novel "Princess Charming," was published on August 2, 2016.

Reviews

[Katherine Blocksdorf · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried at many points in this book because I recognized so much of my own experiences in the stories in this book. Lots of good advice, even though as a caregiver, you're probably just too exhausted, frustrated, busy to take it. Excellent book that should offer solace to those of us who often feel alone in their challenges.

[Kathleen Blair · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our sweet daughter gave me this book for Christmas - and I took my time reading and thinking about every chapter.

"A family caregiver is caring for somebody who has something that can't be fixed-i.e., it doesn't have a cure at this point in time. That requires a totally different medical approach"(page 284).

This definition of a caregiver includes most of my family and friends...who don't really see themselves as caregivers, but who, like me, struggle with all of the issues associated with this role as we care for a parent, spouse, child, or friend.

This book is filled with simple, useful, needed advice based on the experiences of Jane, and her friends, family, and health care professionals that are helping her make sense of this complicated issue. Their insights and comments have helped me change how I see my own role as a caregiver and how I see and serve others filling this critical role.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been reading Jane Heller's You'd Better Not Die or I'll Kill You, and it's exceptional. . Two hours later (with lots of laughs and tears), I finished it from cover to cover.Honestly, after doing home health with a 87 year old , with her declining health and increasing dementia, I believe this book will be a godsend to so many.
It's unique in its scope - anecdotal, voices from a cadre of health care professionals as well as peeps like us, and very personal. I've experienced all of it - working nurses, asking questions, keeping records, doing follow-ups, arranging ambulances and rehab and homecare and wading through the Medicare stuff....and the author has put ALL OF IT down to help and to use....and ultimately, to speak of love and how it is tested....well, nicely done.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderfully written book with a lot to offer caregiver family members. Jane Heller discusses common situations and provides advice for staying sane -- such as asking for help, meditating (even if just for a minute!), making sure you eat right, etc.

This is not a book about resources for caregivers.

I thought it contained too many personal stories from celebrities and so on, but that's only because there were so many (and many were similar stories from the same people, over and over).

Good read.

[Monica Simpson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure I could have read this while in the trenches of caregiving for my late husband or others whom I've helped (there was hardly time to sleep, much less read) but it was a lovely read after the fact. I think for those whose caregiving isn't a continual crisis, this would be a welcome and encouraging respite. The personal stories from so many people were especially valuable and validating.

[Robert S England · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent Book for Caregivers

Very helpful book. The author was able to help me see that I'm not alone. His advice, and some humor as well.

[Skylar · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is emotional, not practical. I didn't expect that going in, but I'm still glad I read it. I happened to read it in one sitting, but the short chapters and segmented structure allows you to start or stop reading at a moment's notice.

It aims to teach you three things (in my opinion):
1) You're not alone. Almost everyone has been a caregiver or will become one.
2) There is always humor and silver linings in every difficult situation.
3) You are not *just* a caregiver.

I felt much better about my situation after reading this, but it's not a "survival guide" by any stretch of the imagination.

[Jean Galloway · Rating 3 out of 5]

i only got through 1/2 of this book i absolutely LOVEEEEEEEEEE Jane Heller but this book was making me crazy Im a hypochondriac and I cant read medical stuff like this !!! but i do love ALLLLLL her other books and from what I understand there is another one coming out soon and i just cant WAIT !

[Vicki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Survival guide for caregivers with lots of practical, and sometimes humorous advice for coping and dealing as you ride the rollercoaster of caring for a loved one with a terminal illness. Recommended.

[Terri Dawson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It really hit home considering I have been living in this role off and on since last June.

[Joyce · Rating 5 out of 5]

For past, present and future caregivers. Read early and often. It's funny, too

[Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of good advice and an excellent writing style. Loved this book, highly recommend it to caregivers everywhere.