What Every Mom Needs

by Elisa Morgan, Carol Kuykendall

These two MOPS authorities show how mothering preschoolers can be rewarding, not frustrating, when Mom's nine needs are met.

Genres: Parenting, Family, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

Elisa Morgan was named by Christianity Today as one of the top 50 women influencing today's church and culture, and she's a sought-after author, speaker, and leader. She has authored more than 25 books on mothering, spiritual formation, and evangelism, including The Beauty of Broken, Hello, Beauty Full, She Did What She Could, and The NIV Mom's Devotional Bible.

For 20 years, Elisa served as the CEO of MOPS International (www.mops.org). Under her leadership, MOPS grew from 350 groups to more than 4,000 groups throughout the United States and in 30 other countries, influencing more than 100,000 moms every year. Elisa now serves as president emerita of MOPS.

Elisa received a BS from the University of Texas and an MDiv from Denver Seminary. She served as the dean of women at Western Bible College (now Colorado Christian University) and on the board of ECFA (Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability). Currently she serves on the board of Denver Seminary.

Elisa is a cohost of the syndicated radio program Discover the Word (www.discovertheword.org), a daily 15-minute real-time conversation around the living Word of God. She is married to Evan (the senior vice president of global ministry efforts for Our Daily Bread Ministries) and has two grown children and two grandchildren who live near her in Denver, Colorado. Wilson and Darla, her two rottweilers, take her on walks in the open space behind her house.

Connect with Elisa at www.elisamorgan.com. You can sign up for her blog, Really, at her website or by texting the word REALLY to 22828.

You can keep in touch with Elisa in the following ways:

Instagram: Elisa Morgan, Author
Facebook: Elisa Morgan, Author
Twitter: @elisa­_morgan

Reviews

[J · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 Stars

Picked this book up at the library book sale not realizing it was a MOPS book. I felt the same way about it that I did previous MOPS books...

I appreciated the gentle, encouraging tone but 95% of the advice didn’t apply to my life. I felt like the book was trying to console and heal moms - it seemed to take the “motherhood is tough” tone a lot. I have occasional bad days, but being a mommy isn’t something that requires consolation (for me). I could see this book being a lifesaver to drowning mothers, but that isn’t my current situation.

Subtle protestant (vs. Catholic) values. Grace (vs. works) mentioned. God mentioned in every section. The last chapter was an all-out call to turn to Jesus and be saved.

According to the book, the six things every mom needs are: Identity, Growth, Relationship, Help, Perspective and Hope. Totally agree with these basic concepts, though the book took them in odd directions. Just thinking about these areas in my life (on my own) was helpful to forming action plans to better my SAHM-world. I realized that having a firm identity of who I was is important to me. And, that I need constant growth in my life to be happy. I don’t care what I accomplished yesterday, I am validated by what I can achieve and become today.

I was surprised that I also learned something from the Perspective chapter. I thought it would be about embracing the large picture to get perspective, but it actually recommended focusing on the now (small picture) and living in the present. I liked the idea of “seasons” in life. (I’ve heard this term used in other Protestant talks, like Focus on the Family.) The idea is that this is my “season” to be at home with my baby. Like all other seasons in nature, it will pass with time. One day I will have a school-age child and I can go back to work or devote myself to other pursuits. But, this season is all about loving and raising a toddler. I can let go of the worries and struggles related to keeping up other areas of my life. It is okay to lose touch with the world a bit and adjust my focus for this particular season of life. It is a very freeing thought. I don’t have to do or accomplish all the things I did during other seasons and that is okay. This season of life will end eventually and yield a return to those things. But for now, my focus is on raising a toddler and enjoying every minute of it.

The book was obviously trying to reach all women and repeated odd phrases like “For those of us with husbands, ...” or “For those of us raised without fathers...” That put me off a bit. I thought a Christian book would assume traditional marriage/family arrangements. I totally understand why they don’t - the folks outside the norm are in the most need of help. But I don’t personally want to read an advice book for single mothers or hear about the emotional aspects of parenting after a divorce. It doesn’t apply to my life and it is depressing.

The advice in this book was also very amateurish as well as unconventional. I have a feeling that a professional counselor would disagree and possibly even find some suggestions harmful.

[Allison · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book is really probably better than the 2 stars I'm giving it, but it just didn't speak to me. Maybe it was too girly. Or too cliche. Or maybe they made a lot of assumptions about the readers of their book that I just don't feel applies to me.
It assumes that if you have a part time job you are squeezing it in or if you have a full time job you are juggling it. (Not my experience at all.) It also assumes that all mothers have a "nagging feeling that you need to be better organized" (I think I'm organized enough) and that we all have perfectionistic tendancies toward our house and housework that prohibit us from ignoring dirt and chores and instead of cleaning do something fun with our kids or do something for ourselves. (Not my issue either.) And they assume "mothers of preschoolers don't have occasional guilt. We have "perma-guilt" that sticks closer to us [than our underwear:]." (I know I'm not perfect, guilt is also not an issue for me.)

These are lines from the book:
"your super-mom neighbor probably just looks like she knows what she's doing", "ask a neighbor to pick up your son from preschool so you can take the baby to the doctor" "how about sharing cooking with a neighbor or two", "call up that neighbor who not only paints, but does faux finishes, murals, and window treatments too", regarding older kids... "a few well placed Christian adults can provide the guidance and support your child is hesitant to accept from you. She suggests ... Christian neighbors..." "are there kids who babysit...in your neighborhood? How about your next-door neighbor?" "when my toddler fell on the fireplace hearth....I grabbed a towel and my child and ran next door. Thank goodness, my neighbor was home! She bundled up her little one and raced me to the ER."
So, I was wondering, is it just me who doesn't have a neighborhood like this?

What I did like about the book is that it gave a list of age specific chores a 2/3 and 4/5 year old could do. Also, at the end of each chapter it had a whole list of additional resources (books/websites) on that chapter's topic.

[Diane Morris · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is disappointing. While it does go into what a mother needs (time to herself, understanding, and acknowledgement that motherhood is not a 'nothing' job) the answers provided are - despite the assurance that the book is useful to someone "Whatever your heritage or faith" - rather biblical. Further, at times they aren't even in the book but referenced in such a manner; ... and on truly difficult days, the answer can be found in Eph 2:5. Not helpful when the washing machine is overflowing and baby has a toothache.

And that is sad because this book is well-written and informative in what it calls the 9 basic needs of MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers):
significance (Sometimes I wonder if mothering matters),
identity (Sometimes I'm not sure who I am),
growth (Sometimes I long to develop who I am),
intimacy (Sometimes I long to be understood),
instruction (Sometimes I don't know what to do),
help (Sometimes I need to share the load),
recreation (Sometimes I need a break),
perspective (Sometimes I lose my focus), and
hope (Sometimes I wonder if there is more to life).

If you're a Christian mom who stays home primarily because of religious beliefs, this book is right up your alley and should be given a 4-star review.

If you're not Christian then the biblical references will make you want to throw this book against the nearest wall and for you, I would suggest a 1-star review.

If you're a working mother thru choice then the unvoiced assumptions that SAHM is the only !right! way to raise a child will make you want to throw this book on the busiest highway around and for you, I would suggest a half-star review.

If you're a working mother (particularly a single working mother) because of necessity then this book may present you with some good information regarding these nine basic needs and for you, I would suggest a 2- or 3- star review and seeing if it is at your local library.

[Marina · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's not easy being a Mom. Yes it is very rewarding but there are days when you throw your hands up in despair....those down days. What Every Mom Needs is that book you should pick up to get things into perspective and help you learn that 'being a great Mom and a person in your own right go hand in hand'.

Basing this book on research studies and surveys, Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall deal with six primary needs every Mommy has...

1. Identity- The 'I want to find "Me" again' need
2. Growth- The ' I want space to develop "Me" ' need
3. Relationship- The 'I want someone to understand me' need
4. Help- The 'I want help!' need
5. Perspective- The 'I want to focus on what matters' need and
6. Hope- The 'I want to find deeper meaning in life' need

There was so much in it that I could relate to. The first page I turned to hit that nail on the head, with the 'Mom What Do You Need Most' list. Yes I would love....

* A nap (who wouldn't!)
* Two more arms
* More of me
* Patience and
* Balance

(Mind you...there are another fifteen points on that list!)

What Every Mom Needs is filled with great advice, encouragement, Mommy resources and humor! There are even portions in the book that help you sit down, introspect, jot down your thoughts and then sit back and look at things from the big picture.

[Callie · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Mothers of preschoolers overwhelmingly report that their greastest struggle is with loneliness, a feeling of being disconnected or isolated."

Intimacy means "into me see"

Stumbling blocks to intimacy:
I'm too tired to be friendly
I don't want to risk making a friend when one of us will probably move away.
I don't have time to be friendly.

Unlike marriage, the mark of the most mature friendship may be the open-handedness of sharing our friends with other friends.

When it comes to asking for help, most of us have a hard time; griping comes more easily. We whine and even scream on occasion. And many of us have mastered the martyr role, in which we carry on our work while sighing frequently and loudly, in hopes that someone will notice our weariness and step in to help.

"I have found that I do not need another book on how to be a better mother, What i have needed is my husband, the father of these children, to participate more fully with me in this great call of God upon our lives. I have needed to hear him say with words and with action, You are not alone. These children are just as much my responsibility as they are yours."

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was just the book I was looking for to remind me that the challenges of new moms are universal (not unique to me) and to do so in a faithful. Christian way.

This would be even better read with mom-friends or as part of a MOPS group, but I read it by myself, a little each night over several weeks and felt encouraged by the 6 chapters about moms' needs. I also found many titles in the recommended reading at the end of each chapter which look promising.

Next up: What Every Child Needs (by the same authors).

I purchased these books used on Amazon and was very pleased to have my own copies, in good condition, at a fraction of the list price.

[Amanda R · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are so many things that mothers of young children feel, things that sometimes I have wondered if I was the only one feeling them. Reading this book helped me see that some of the things I struggled with are indeed normal and there are some things I can do to get past them. This was a very good thing to read and one I will definitely pass on to other young moms to read.

[Melia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Would like to have given it 3.5 stars if available. Some parts were very good and made you think. Enjoyed the questions at the end of each chapter. But, some parts seemed to be like a lot of other moms books out there, just worded differently.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

still reading it. moms will love this book.

[Christie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Our MOPS group is reading this as our study for the year. So far, it's ok, but typical of what you would expect for a mom-focused devotional.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our MOPS group did this book. It is all things you hear over and over again, but it is nice to be reminded!

[Brandee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Slow start, but getting better. Self assuring if you are a mother.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super good for giving you the words to say to that person who's asking you what they can do to help :))

[Kelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was pleasantly surprised by this book. I thought it was going to be a corny christian take on being a mom. But really, there were times it made me cry & laugh. It was very relatable.

[Kristen]

Loved it. My MOPS group in Florida did this as our curriculum for the year and I loved the discussions that came from the questions and the coordinating video series was fabulous!

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Would read it again.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It made me realize some things I needed to about myself. I guess it helped to read this with my MOPS group because I just loved all our sessions together.

[Monica Albright · Rating 3 out of 5]

Used to be in MOPS, and I still enjoy reading their wise words...perhaps would have liked this more when the girls were younger...and I could have used it more like a workbook.

[Noelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for any mom

[Tracy · Rating 3 out of 5]

MOPS book. Easy read meant to encourage young mothers.

[Luka Šatkauakienė · Rating 3 out of 5]

Labai patiko mamų, situacijų, pasakojimai, kuriems prijaučiau su šypsena. Knygoje atskleidžiama niūrioji mamystės pusė, kuri tapsiančias mamomis gali išgąsdinti, tačiau mamas, kurios patiria tą tamsą, paguosti. Pasakojama apie mamystės svarbą, kuri veikia vaiko gyvenimą, pačios mamos bei pasaulio, apie mamos tapatumo išgryninimą, skatina augti, tobulėti, moko santykių su kitais žmonėmis kūrimo ir t.t. O galiausiai knygos pabaiga suveda viską į pagrindinį atsakymą (ko kiekvienai mamai reikia?), t.y. Dievo, nes visose srityse širdis neatras ilgalaikės ramybės, kol neras poilsio Dieve.

[Marianne Brodman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretty basic- for moms that need a hug & religion.

[Lisa Lewis Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful information for mothers who want to maintain their personal identity.