Learning to Float: The Journey of a Woman, a Dog, and Just Enough Men

by Lili Wright

Lili Wright is a thirty-something woman on the emotional lam. Faced with a choice between two men--Stuart, the steady veterinarian, and Peter, the dreamy writer--she climbs into her car and leaves them both behind.

With only a borrowed dog named Brando for company and a map of twelve states in her pocket, Lili sets out on a road trip, hoping that by setting herself in motion she will find a way to settle down. Charting a course from Cadillac Mountain in Maine to the faded glory of Key West, Florida, she camps out on beaches and crashes on couches, in sketchy motels and even in a cop's trailer. She travels not only south, but also back in time, trying to figure out why previous relationships with a Nantucket waiter, a French tennis clown, a Utah ski bum, and others flared and fizzled.

Along the way, Lili meets a string of unlikely gurus, including a well-worn shrimper, a vegan astrologer, and even a woman who marries herself. These and other unassuming strangers offer offbeat wisdom and guidance as Lili struggles to understand the nature of love, the voodoo of sex, and how couples can settle down without settling for. Between adventures, Lili tackles tough Why does everything love touches turn risky? Does staying with the same person mean staying the same? Where does love come from, and where does it go? By journey’s end, this restless traveler begins to see how she can share her life with just one other person, and how love, like water, can make a body float.

Lili Wright’s engaging memoir from the road updates the tradition of the picaresque traveler’s tale. With unflinching honesty and refreshing wit, she captures the torn emotions, comic misfires, and inevitable trade-offs felt by young people everywhere.

Genres: Travel, Nonfiction, Memoir

352 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Ellen Kobe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lili was my professor at DePauw University, so obviously this review is biased because I admire her so much as a journalist, a writer and a person. However, Lili's talent of painting beautiful scenes is undeniable. She takes us through her journey in a humble and honest way. She asks questions about her own experiences that all women -- and even men -- should be asking themselves in order to realize what they want in life. But this book isn't just about Lili -- it about her ex-boyfriends, her family and the people she meets along her journey. These characters come to life in anecdotes and through their quirks. We are drawn to them in their flaws and the curious ways they interact with the author. I hope one day I can convey memoir in such a captivating way as Lili.

[Florence Buchholz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lili (pronounced leelee) has everything going for her. She is young, beautiful, and has an Ivy League education. But she is having trouble with her love life, not to mention the lack of rapture in her sex life. (She imparts too much information there.) But I can forgive the shallowness of Lili's story for two reasons. First because she is a genuine explorer. As she traveled down the East Coast from Maine to the Florida Keys, she convinced me that she was actually trying to make some sense out of her life so far. And the second reason is that Miss Wright is a damn good story teller.

[Gytha Chapman-Richard · Rating 1 out of 5]

a rather pathetic attempt at trying to make a lifetime of treating people poorly seem like a beautiful story of personal discovery. cheating on all of your partners doesn't make you interesting. It makes you a shitty person. her inner monologues were overtly selfish. not cute. it was a struggle to relate to this person.

Utterly lacking in any type of redemption. I forced myself to make it to the end in hopes of the author taking accountability but was left with ✨️nothing✨️

[Annie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I always like journeys of self-discovery (planned or unplanned)and I was compelled to read this because the writer sets out on purpose to try to figure out why she can't commit to a long-term relationship. So far I like the weaving of past with present, though I hope she doesn't continue to beat herself up about her past behavior. At his point in the book there is not enough about the dog, her traveling companion, to satisfy me -- she takes him along on purpose so I want to see more of their connection.

Finished this the other day and I ended up liking it. The structure is engaging -- just enough past with present experiences. I also liked the short vignettes interspersed between chapters that include the writer's grandfather and his ruminations about love, attraction, and marriage. The conclusion is satisfying and not overly simplified. The only issue I have is with the subtitle -- yes, it's a woman's journey, and, yes, there are just enough men (I like that she includes her father, grandfather, strangers she meets along the way, in addition to her boyfriends), but there is not enough dog. He is too peripheral and she ditches him before the middle of the trip (brings him back to his owner)!

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

The self discovery journey resonated with my earlier 20-something self. The need to travel, to be independent, yet still wanting a husband and family. I remember making pro/con lists, wanting to meet new people, and even wanting to skinny dip yet having to get up my courage to do so. More recently, my husband, son and I went to the islands - there was an island across deep rough water -- it was scary yet I did it....sort off like the ending of this book.

[Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was travelling in Switzerland when a woman I met gave me this book. She told me she was in her 30s, had just quit her job, was newly single and was on a journey. She said this book was perfect for where she was in her life and I was eager to read it. I didn't regret it. I think this book is the perfect travel companion and I recommend it to any woman who ever feels a little lost.

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Initially, I did not like this book. I considered abandoning it several times. For me, it was too much about her sexual needs, always checking out the men; sleeping with them even when she was seriously dating someone. At age 33, Lili is on a 1,000 mile journey to ""find herself " and why she could not commit to one man.

It wasn't until I was on Page 279 of a 337 page book, that I believed the book had purpose. Lili decides to attend church, though she doesn't believe in God. The church she chooses is The New First Baptist Church of Edisto, a church that was founded in 1818. Lili is the only white person in attendance. They were not meeting in the original building which Lili wanted to see. After three-hour service she enters the old building and sits in a pew and tried to pray. Lili found that she was just thinking the prayer, not feeling the prayer, so she tried again. When she was finished, she thought about all of the time she wasted wondering and worrying. Then she wept.

In Key West, Lili meets Allison, a woman who married herself. Allison was looking to find herself and to like herself for the first time in her life, to like being in her own skin. She wrote her own vows which said, "I vow to nourish my body and soul with laughter, exercise, nutritious food, positive thoughts and words about myself and others...to forever dance to the music of my soul..."

Both of those sections spoke to me and I know why I was led to finish the book.

[Hollie Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was kind of a slog for me. It took me a long time to read it. The first half I was generally annoyed with Lili. She'd end chapters telling me the point was if I as an idiot, and I never quite figured out the significance of the interludes with Grampy, though they made for nice asides and as the book progressed I understood she was trying to learn from him. The book meandered more than our narrator. Oh, she's going to look at it all in this light, oh no wait, she's changed her mind, she'll view it with this lens instead. All of the approaches she took were actually good literary devices but so many of them were crammed in as attempts that I was disgruntled about it and wanted to read almost anything but this. At the same time, I really wanted to read this - woman confused about love takes a road trip - yeah, that's my sort of book. Finally I pushed myself through the second half in a matter of mere days and for some reason I liked the whole thing better and rather than seeing her as a whiny entitled woman who breaks hearts, I began to see her as someone really struggling with wanting to find self knowledge and stop being so worried with what she might be missing out on by choosing just one man.

[Dawn Limitsios · Rating 1 out of 5]

Probably one of the most boring books I've ever read.
It goes on and on. There's not many books I don't like but I'm sorry to say I would recommend this to no one.

[Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thirty-something Lili, caught between a dying relationship with long-time boyfriend Stuart and a budding flirtation with an attractive writer Peter, flees New York and her dilemma to road trip it along the eastern seaboard in an attempt to find meaning in her romantic life, which has so far amounted to a series of failed relationships. At first she wanders aimlessly between coastal towns, but slowly her trip evolves into an exploration of her past loves and lovers. She moves between the towns where she first encountered the men of her past, setting in motion a series of deep reflections on her past and present emotional life.

There's a part of me that responded to Wright's world-weary proclamations about sex and loneliness and unrealistic expectations and romantic delusion. I could understand this response to her journey - here is a woman who set out to find perspective on her romantic relationships only to find that, when it comes right down to it, it's just her, on her own, out on the road. With that realization, what comes next for her? But the other part of me lost interest with her quest almost before it began. I mean, this woman is freaking out because she has two fantastic men pining after her, and when that gets to be too much, she flees, only to get hit on by every man she meets on the road. And I'm supposed to take her seriously?! Give me a break.

[Lanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this at the library book sale and got sucked in on the plane ride home from vacation. For some reason, I feel really trashy admitting this, but I am enjoyed reading this book. Think light summer reading (a bit heavy on unnecessary similes) meets memoir. I have a horrible habit of not finishing the last 5 pages of books these days, unless the author really pulls me in (I mean it's bad! I'm full-steam ahead for all of it but the last 5 pages) and this book was no exception....so I should likely dock off a star for that, but it quieted and numbed my mind during a challenging summer, so it's all good...

[Norma Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was bound and determined to finish this book. It has taken me awhile to get back in the swing of relaxing, so this book was a challenge. It was very slow for me in the beginning, but if you can hang in there, the story line takes your where the author is going all along. Self-discovery, and trying to sort out life from the inside out...I wouldn't say it is amazing, but the points were valid and something we can identify with. After all, it is a journal of sorts and personal isn't always flash excitement. Worth the time...

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was on a chick-lit binge during the summer of '03, and I'll most likely spare myself most of the reminders on my goodreads account, but this one in particular was worth reading. I enjoyed her style and story. Now that I've read the ubiquitous EPL by Liz Gilbert, I see that Lili Wright had a junior version of this kind of soul-searching road trip. She is also is/was a lit. professor at good old DePauw U. Cool.

[Rajpreet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good in that it inspired me to want to travel during my year off and it made me talk to a stranger in starbucks. I think about this book a lot and how I should lead my writer life. Very glad I read it. But it was unrelatable on a lot of levels, and I never truly felt sorry for her. It's a white woman coming from a good family that has old money. Not really like me at all. But she had some funny moments and it would be cool to have a conversation with lili.

[Marisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book when you think you met the right person who turns out to be the right person right now and suddenly meet the potential right person and you must venture on a journey of self discovery to really identify what it is you really want in life and love. Great book I read this often to keep grounded as to not make yet another bad relationship decision.

[Karen Travis · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an easy read, easy to put down and easy to pick back up. Nothing to keep you hooked and the ending was really disappointing. I don't need a fairtale or drama but an ending period would of been good.

[Joey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Personal, down-to-earth, funny and sad, this is a memoir which upon finishing the reader feels the author is a personal friend. Musings and philosophies about the past, present and future combine with often wacky characters to form a travelogue which I began to miss as soon as it concluded.

[Tennessee O'Donnell · Rating 4 out of 5]

A simple story, enjoyable read, made me very reflective in a good way,about accepting oneself and the freedom to be who you are, taking time out for yourself just to simply be or to explore.Also it made me feel like taking a road trip,visiting seaside towns.

[Pamela · Rating 3 out of 5]

A woman's trip from Maine to the Florida keys to discover who she is and why she cannot commit to a relationship. Not sure if I will read any of her other books - very slow - but some WONDERFUL parts.

[Leslie aka StoreyBook Reviews · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book was ok. It wasn't bad enough to put down but not great that I blazed through the book.

[Lorrie Mandell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would like to take a road trip like Lili Wright but would change it a little bit. This book was light but yet intriguing enough that I would get in bed early every night just to read it.

[Leslie Jem · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really affected me when I read it. Wright was super honest and never afraid to make fun of herself, which made me laugh. A great book for a young woman who is uncertain about men.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been avoiding writing a review for this book because I know I won't be able to do it justice.

I recommend it to everyone. Especially those struggling with self-identity. Just read it.

[Kathy · Rating 2 out of 5]

The dog should not even be included in the title since the author dumps him after a few days of leaving the poor creature in the car while trying to 'find' herself. What a mess!

[Mallori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another one of my favorites, have read this book at least four times! Makes you believe in yourself again!

[Sariah · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an awesome author!

[Tom Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

First a comment that kept going thru my mind as I read this book: Wow, I've lived a pretty boring life!! But maybe that's not necessarily such a bad thing.

Secondly, why would I, a 64 year old male who's been married for 39 years and has lived this boring life read a book by a then 30 something women on a quest to sort out why she can't stay in a relationship, why she can't find love? The honest answer is that I met the author when she shadowed me for a possible short article about something I do that might be of some interest to others even in my boring life and this was a way to do my own research on her.

But the book was better than mere research. It is very honest, or at least appears to be honest and frank, and it is very well written. She writes descriptions that really do put you there and sometimes comes up with similes that seem so far out of the blue and yet so right. And she develops characters in a way that you can hear them talk for yourself and reveal their secrets to you just as if you are looking over her shoulder the whole time she's with them. Or since this is a memoir, maybe I should say, she meets the right characters to move the story along.

There isn't necessarily a big pay off at the end of her 2,000 mile journey down the Atlantic Coast towards self-discovery. But that feels right; this isn't a self help book in disguise. It's the story of one woman trying to decide what to do next and how to do it better than she has in the past.

If you read the acknowledgements carefully, you'll figure out which course she set and from what little I've learned in my research, she did it better than she did in the past.