If Love Were All: A Novel

by Judith Henry Wall

A novel for anyone who remembers first love -- and who wonders what might have been... There is life after death. Or at least that is what one recently widowed woman discovers in this poignant and contemporary novel about old love lost and new love found. After twenty-seven years of being a devoted wife and mother, Charlotte Haberman suddenly finds herself alone. With the death of her husband after a long, painful struggle with cancer and all three of her children off to college, Charlotte realizes that she is not only alone -- she is free. And she is young enough at forty-seven to want more than memories. She had loved and admired her husband, Stan, as did almost everyone else in their small Nebraska town where he ran the local newspaper. He was a truly good man, and an especially good father. Now, as Charlotte grieves, she also forces herself to look ahead to a future as a single woman. But her three children are devastated by his loss; they can't imagine life without him, and they can't imagine their mother's life with anyone else. They resist any suggestion that she might eventually date other men, and are horrified when Charlotte announces she is going to sell the family home. Nervous about the future, but determined not to be buried with her husband, Charlotte remains firm in her resolve to start over again with or without the approval of her children. First however she must banish a memory that will not Cory Lee Jones, the boy she loved before Stan. She had known Cory Lee for only one summer, but she remembers it as the most glorious and most passionate summer of her life, never forgotten and perhaps never gotten over. But Cory Lee went to Vietnam, and when he returned to America, he did not come back to Charlotte. Free now to explore the past, she sets out with renewed purpose, both to find him and to put to rest at last any lingering doubts about what might have been. In the course of her search, Charlotte encounters many obstacles -- the romantic problems of her children (especially Suzanne, the youngest, who recently suffered a miscarriage, and whose hopes for a career as a doctor are put on indefinite hold when she marries), her sister's disintegrating marriage, and her mother's sour disapproval of virtually everything Charlotte says and does. In between, there are her own entanglements -- a brief, bittersweet romance with a younger man who reminds her more than she'd like to admit of Cory Lee, and a genuine, gradual attraction between her and a retired military officer. And finally there is Cory Lee himself, to whom she makes a final pilgrimage in her search for herself, so that at last she can get on with her life. With a warm, appealing heroine who unflinchingly faces every curve life throws her way, If Love Were All will speak to any woman who has ever yearned for a midlife romantic adventure, or daydreamed about her first love.

304 pages, Hardcover

First published August 10, 1998

Reviews

[Lora Shouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the title, you would think If Love Were All was a romance, or at least a love story. But while it contains the stories of several loves, it is more a story of loss and coming to terms with those losses. In some ways, it is almost like a coming of age story for someone of middle age.

Charlotte Haberman is thinking of moving out of the house where she has lived all of her married life now that her husband has died after a twelve-year bout with cancer. Her children are shocked and hurt. Her whole family tries to talk her out of it. But Charlotte feels the memories are suffocating her, and she wants to move on with her life instead of continuing to play the role her family and the neighbors in her small Nebraska town have assigned her for the rest of her life.

In the process of cleaning up the house to sell it, she comes across an old picture of a former boyfriend from a time before she really knew her husband. It reawakens the desire to find out what happened to him, and why he failed to come back to her when he returned from Vietnam when she thought they had been so hopelessly in love. So the desire she has been harboring to travel outside the state of Nebraska for the first time in her life grows to include the desire to find this old boyfriend. When her family learns of her desire to travel, they are even more shocked.

Many things happen as Charlotte feels her way through the process of getting on with her life. Her moving out of her house is delayed by her younger daughter’s wanting to be married there. Later on, her other daughter is also married, although this time not in her house. More people die. Charlotte takes several journeys, explores relationships with other men, is fired from her teaching job, and eventually comes to terms with her own life.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This would not be a book everyone can relate to, but it is an excellent book for those of us who can.

[Gerry Durisin · Rating 4 out of 5]

After the death of her husband following several years battling cancer, 47-year-old Charlotte tries to go on with her life, but encounters resistance from her three children and her mother. Even her long-lost first love turns out to have been less than she remembered. Through it all she manages to remain true to herself -- even as she struggles to find out who that self really is. Great characters, and very enjoyable reading.

[Eve · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was written and set in 1998, but it felt like it was written in 1968.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

All Judith Henry Wall books are very very good. Husband dies and mother wants to find lost love. Children and sister can't understand why.....

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 1/2 stars. Enjoyed but awhile ago.