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Letters to My Son: A Father's Wisdom on Manhood, Life, and Love
In an attempt to gather what wisdom he could to guide his son into adulthood, Kent Nerburn published a powerful collection of essays that touched the hearts of parents and children everywhere. In this beautiful revised edition, Nerburn refines his advice and expands his thoughts.
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1993
84 people are currently reading
875 people want to read
About the author
Kent Nerburn
42 books461 followersI'm a child of the 60's, a son of the north, and a lover of dogs.
Grew up in a crackerbox post-war bungalow outside of Minneapolis with my mother and father, two younger sisters, various dogs and cats, and a neighborhood full of rugrat kids playing outside until called in for the night.
Studied American Studies at the University of Minnesota, Religious Studies and Humanities at Stanford University, received a Ph.D. in Religion and Art in a joint program at Graduate Theological Union and the University of California at Berkeley. Lots of learning, lots of awards. Phi Beta Kappa. Summa cum Laude. Lots of stuff that looks good on paper.
But just as important, an antique restorer's shop in Marburg, Germany; the museums of Florence; a sculpture studio in the back alleys of Pietrasanta, Italy; an Indian reservation in the forests of northern Minnesota; and, perhaps above all, the American road.
Always a watcher, always a wanderer, perhaps too empathetic for my own good, more concerned with the "other" than the "self", always more interested in what people believed than in what they thought. A friend of the ordinary and the life of the streets.
Twenty years as a sculptor -- over-life sized images hand-chiseled from large tree trunks -- efforts to embody emotional and spiritual states in wood. Then, still searching, years helping young people collect memories of the tribal elders on the Red Lake Ojibwe reservation in the Minnesota north. Then writing,
always writing, finding a voice and even a calling, helping Native America tell its story.
A marriage, children, a home on a pine-rimmed lake near the Minnesota-Canadian border.
Book after book, seventeen in all, ever seeking the heartbeat of people's belief. Journeys, consolations, the caring observer, always the teacher, always the learner. Ever mindful of the wise counsel of an Ojibwe elder, "Always teach by stories, because stories lodge deep in the heart."
Through grace and good luck, an important trilogy (Neither Wolf nor Dog, The Wolf at Twilight, and The Girl who Sang to the Buffalo), a film, Minnesota Book Awards, South Dakota book of the year, many "community reads," book sales around the world.
In the end, a reluctant promoter, a quiet worker, a seeker of an authentic American spirituality, more concerned with excellence than quantity. Proud to be referred to as "a guerilla theologian" and honored to be called "the one writer who can respectfully bridge the gap between native and non-Native cultures". But more honored still to hear a twelve-year-old girl at one of my readings whisper to her mom, "He's a really nice man."
At heart, just an ordinary person, grateful to be a father and a husband, more impressed by kindness than by power, doing what I can with the skills that I have to pay my rent for my time on earth. And trying, always trying, to live by Sitting Bull's entreaty: "Come let us put our minds together to see what kind of lives we can create for our children."
And petting every dog that I can.
Grew up in a crackerbox post-war bungalow outside of Minneapolis with my mother and father, two younger sisters, various dogs and cats, and a neighborhood full of rugrat kids playing outside until called in for the night.
Studied American Studies at the University of Minnesota, Religious Studies and Humanities at Stanford University, received a Ph.D. in Religion and Art in a joint program at Graduate Theological Union and the University of California at Berkeley. Lots of learning, lots of awards. Phi Beta Kappa. Summa cum Laude. Lots of stuff that looks good on paper.
But just as important, an antique restorer's shop in Marburg, Germany; the museums of Florence; a sculpture studio in the back alleys of Pietrasanta, Italy; an Indian reservation in the forests of northern Minnesota; and, perhaps above all, the American road.
Always a watcher, always a wanderer, perhaps too empathetic for my own good, more concerned with the "other" than the "self", always more interested in what people believed than in what they thought. A friend of the ordinary and the life of the streets.
Twenty years as a sculptor -- over-life sized images hand-chiseled from large tree trunks -- efforts to embody emotional and spiritual states in wood. Then, still searching, years helping young people collect memories of the tribal elders on the Red Lake Ojibwe reservation in the Minnesota north. Then writing,
always writing, finding a voice and even a calling, helping Native America tell its story.
A marriage, children, a home on a pine-rimmed lake near the Minnesota-Canadian border.
Book after book, seventeen in all, ever seeking the heartbeat of people's belief. Journeys, consolations, the caring observer, always the teacher, always the learner. Ever mindful of the wise counsel of an Ojibwe elder, "Always teach by stories, because stories lodge deep in the heart."
Through grace and good luck, an important trilogy (Neither Wolf nor Dog, The Wolf at Twilight, and The Girl who Sang to the Buffalo), a film, Minnesota Book Awards, South Dakota book of the year, many "community reads," book sales around the world.
In the end, a reluctant promoter, a quiet worker, a seeker of an authentic American spirituality, more concerned with excellence than quantity. Proud to be referred to as "a guerilla theologian" and honored to be called "the one writer who can respectfully bridge the gap between native and non-Native cultures". But more honored still to hear a twelve-year-old girl at one of my readings whisper to her mom, "He's a really nice man."
At heart, just an ordinary person, grateful to be a father and a husband, more impressed by kindness than by power, doing what I can with the skills that I have to pay my rent for my time on earth. And trying, always trying, to live by Sitting Bull's entreaty: "Come let us put our minds together to see what kind of lives we can create for our children."
And petting every dog that I can.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 83 reviews
May 29, 2011
I think all these quotes are from this book? I just found them unlabeled in a computer file...
"That is why we need travel. If we don't offer ourselves to the unknown, our senses dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. Our eyes don't lift to the horizon; our ears don't hear the sounds around us. The edge is off our experience, and we pass our days in a routine that is both comfortable and limiting. We wake up one day and find that we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days. "- KN
"But travel is not as romantic and exotic as it sounds. The familiar will always call, and your sense of rootlessness will not give you rest. Your emotions will fly crazily in all directions until sometimes you will feel that you have lost your moorings. If you travel alone, the warmth of families and couples will break your heart, and your loneliness will plunge you to depths you did not think possible.
And then, there are greater dangers. You may wake up and discover that you have become a runner who uses travel as an escape from the problems and complications of trying to build something with your life. You may find that you were gone one hour or one day or one month too long, and that you no longer belong anywhere or to anyone. You may find that you have been caught by the lure of the road and that you are a slave to dissatisfaction with any life that forces you to stay in one place.
There things happen. But how much worse is it to be someone whose dreams have been buried beneath the routines of life and who no longer has an interest in looking beyond the horizon?
I believe it is worth taking the risk. How else will you know the feeling of standing on something ancient, or hearing the silent roar of empty spaces? How else will you be able to look into the eyes of a man who has no education, never left his village, and does not speak your language, and know that the two of you have something in common? How else will you know, in your heart, that the whole world is precious and that every person and place has something unique to offer?
And when you have tragedies or great changes in your life, how else will you truly understand that there are a thousand, a million ways to live, and that your life will go on to something new and different and every bit as worthy as the life you are leaving behind?"-KN
"That is why we need travel. If we don't offer ourselves to the unknown, our senses dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. Our eyes don't lift to the horizon; our ears don't hear the sounds around us. The edge is off our experience, and we pass our days in a routine that is both comfortable and limiting. We wake up one day and find that we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days. "- KN
"But travel is not as romantic and exotic as it sounds. The familiar will always call, and your sense of rootlessness will not give you rest. Your emotions will fly crazily in all directions until sometimes you will feel that you have lost your moorings. If you travel alone, the warmth of families and couples will break your heart, and your loneliness will plunge you to depths you did not think possible.
And then, there are greater dangers. You may wake up and discover that you have become a runner who uses travel as an escape from the problems and complications of trying to build something with your life. You may find that you were gone one hour or one day or one month too long, and that you no longer belong anywhere or to anyone. You may find that you have been caught by the lure of the road and that you are a slave to dissatisfaction with any life that forces you to stay in one place.
There things happen. But how much worse is it to be someone whose dreams have been buried beneath the routines of life and who no longer has an interest in looking beyond the horizon?
I believe it is worth taking the risk. How else will you know the feeling of standing on something ancient, or hearing the silent roar of empty spaces? How else will you be able to look into the eyes of a man who has no education, never left his village, and does not speak your language, and know that the two of you have something in common? How else will you know, in your heart, that the whole world is precious and that every person and place has something unique to offer?
And when you have tragedies or great changes in your life, how else will you truly understand that there are a thousand, a million ways to live, and that your life will go on to something new and different and every bit as worthy as the life you are leaving behind?"-KN
March 21, 2018
A lovely little book full of essays written as father /son advice. I enjoyed each and every one, and took some time to digest particularly deep ones. The ones that resonated most deeply( I believe because of my age) were those on loving and living with elders and on death and dying.
As the daughter of ninety-something parents and mother of thirty-something sons, I found valuable advice for myself as well. I recommend this book most highly and will be passing it along .
As the daughter of ninety-something parents and mother of thirty-something sons, I found valuable advice for myself as well. I recommend this book most highly and will be passing it along .
November 10, 2020
I am neither a father nor a son, however; I choose it to read. I am a mother having two sons, and they have father, nevertheless, I choose it to read. I don’t ask myself the reason to read it, for I think I just have to. After reading the book, I find myself become a happier person. The big result is I come to know the problems I have with my elder son, and what makes me the happiest is I seem knowing how to face the problems. I don’t know why the book will enlighten me so much when none of the thirty four chapters has exactly told me what I have gone wrong. It is amazing. Slowly, I come to realize that my heart is opened and mainly I become peaceful with the wisdom the book has given me and I have come to find that the wisdom is to tell me I should be peaceful. Yeah, only when we are in a state of peacefulness can everything comes to us in the same way.
In the book, I am much impressed finding Kent has several times cited Chinese phrases or stories when he utters an advice or wisdom to us. To me, such a familiarity has made me feel warm and sweet and I think I have to especially say thanks to him.
Whether you are a father, a son, a mother or a daughter, I would like to recommend you all to have this book a read for it will not only give you advice or wisdom about life but it will, out of expectation, amazingly turn you into a happier person.
At last, I have to say to Kent that with reading the book, I have learned a lot about men when before I cannot know so much, hahahaa! It is absolutely a book women have to read.
In the book, I am much impressed finding Kent has several times cited Chinese phrases or stories when he utters an advice or wisdom to us. To me, such a familiarity has made me feel warm and sweet and I think I have to especially say thanks to him.
Whether you are a father, a son, a mother or a daughter, I would like to recommend you all to have this book a read for it will not only give you advice or wisdom about life but it will, out of expectation, amazingly turn you into a happier person.
At last, I have to say to Kent that with reading the book, I have learned a lot about men when before I cannot know so much, hahahaa! It is absolutely a book women have to read.
November 15, 2007
I got this book yesterday, and finished it today.
I went into SAVE Thrift store to pass some time before catching the bus home and I walked back to the book shelf just to look around. My eyes immediately fell on this book and for some reason, even though it is a book written by a man and aimed at boys/men I wanted to read it.
So I bought it and started reading it on the bus. Despite the fact that this is a book about the philosophies of becoming a man, about what dilemmas a man faces and what he can take from life, it touches the heart and reaches out to everybody.
This book is worthwhile to read no matter who you are. It brings forth certain points, or truths maybe, that you recognize, and even if you don't agree with what he believes, you understand where he is coming from and respect his experiences and outlook on life.
I would definately read this again, and it's going onto my permanent bookshelf.
I went into SAVE Thrift store to pass some time before catching the bus home and I walked back to the book shelf just to look around. My eyes immediately fell on this book and for some reason, even though it is a book written by a man and aimed at boys/men I wanted to read it.
So I bought it and started reading it on the bus. Despite the fact that this is a book about the philosophies of becoming a man, about what dilemmas a man faces and what he can take from life, it touches the heart and reaches out to everybody.
This book is worthwhile to read no matter who you are. It brings forth certain points, or truths maybe, that you recognize, and even if you don't agree with what he believes, you understand where he is coming from and respect his experiences and outlook on life.
I would definately read this again, and it's going onto my permanent bookshelf.
June 18, 2020
O ovoj knjizi ne bih puno dužio. Iz naslova se vidi šta je ona i u tom smislu je divna. Možda sam očekivao malo više. Na momente deluje suvoparna i deluje kao da je autor proživeo tri života spominjući sva svoja iskustva, ali možda je u tome i draž. On je pristao na takav način života da je dosta proputovao i dosta toga spoznao i otkrio.
✉️
Iako je ova knjiga posvećena sinovima, podjednako neka poglavlja mogu čitati i ćerke. Ima tu i pisama o snazi, o ljubavi, o braku, o umetnosti, o gotovo svakoj grani života. U tome je i lepota ove knjige. Spominje se i religija, i seks, i vođenje ljubavi, spominje se i odnos prema starijima, kao i viđenje starih ljudi. Ova knjiga vas možda neće ničemu novom naučiti, ali će vam proširiti vidike, sigurno.
✉️
Kao što sam rekao, na momente mi je delovala suvoparno i zbog toga neću dati najveću ocenu, ali da je knjiga vredna, jeste. I sigurno ću bar neka od pisama ponovo pročitati.
✉️
Iako je ova knjiga posvećena sinovima, podjednako neka poglavlja mogu čitati i ćerke. Ima tu i pisama o snazi, o ljubavi, o braku, o umetnosti, o gotovo svakoj grani života. U tome je i lepota ove knjige. Spominje se i religija, i seks, i vođenje ljubavi, spominje se i odnos prema starijima, kao i viđenje starih ljudi. Ova knjiga vas možda neće ničemu novom naučiti, ali će vam proširiti vidike, sigurno.
✉️
Kao što sam rekao, na momente mi je delovala suvoparno i zbog toga neću dati najveću ocenu, ali da je knjiga vredna, jeste. I sigurno ću bar neka od pisama ponovo pročitati.
February 19, 2015
Reading the "letter" on sex (Chapter 25) was like reading about the birds and the bees from your dad.
No, your grandpa.
No, your friend's grandpa.
Who writes for Encyclopedia Britannica.
In the 1950s.
In fact, despite the rare keen observation, most of Nerburn's essays come off as pretentious and banal: not a great combination when trying to impart wisdom and inspire learning.
At least his letters/chapters are mostly brief if not unhelpful. Still, if Nerburn were my father, I would have just told him to text me a dad joke ("Dad, I'm hungry." "Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.") or an email with a link to a wikihow page on how a fucking mortgage works.
No, your grandpa.
No, your friend's grandpa.
Who writes for Encyclopedia Britannica.
In the 1950s.
In fact, despite the rare keen observation, most of Nerburn's essays come off as pretentious and banal: not a great combination when trying to impart wisdom and inspire learning.
At least his letters/chapters are mostly brief if not unhelpful. Still, if Nerburn were my father, I would have just told him to text me a dad joke ("Dad, I'm hungry." "Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.") or an email with a link to a wikihow page on how a fucking mortgage works.
November 3, 2019
My Dad bought me this book back in 1992 when I was a sophomore in high school. I read it then and decided to re-read as I now have two sons. This book is quite different reading it again 27 years later in mid-life vs teenage years. It presents a good perspective on many life lessons and may help start some of those tough discussions between fathers and their children; but good parenting still requires daily guidance and love.
Thank you Dad for the book and more importantly all the life lessons you give me everyday which are much greater than simply presented in this book. Love ya, JR.
Thank you Dad for the book and more importantly all the life lessons you give me everyday which are much greater than simply presented in this book. Love ya, JR.
October 7, 2010
I really enjoyed how poetic and insightful this book was. My favorite chapter was on "Travel" ...“That is why we need to travel. If we don’t offer ourself to the unknown, our senses dull. Our world becomes small and we lose our sense of wonder. Our eyes don’t lift to the horizon; our ears don’t hear the sounds around us. The edge is off our experience, and we pass our days in a routine that is both comfortable and limiting. We wake up one day and find that we have lost our dreams in order to protect our days.” This quote sticks with me almost as a mantra, especially the last line.
July 4, 2010
I really enjoyed this book. The author is down to earth and keeps things concise and clear. The topics he picked to write about were all relevant ones which I find myself thinking about often. Sometimes it is just nice to hear another man's take on things such as spirituality, drugs, family/fatherhood, death, love, giving, etc. I like his references to Zen. I took a lot away from this book.
December 6, 2024
Letters to My Son & Road Angels
# belief, Books, Irony, Politics, Reality, Society
Things have changed since I first read these two books 20+ years ago.
“There is another contemporary author, Kent Nerburn, a theologian, and he points out the fact that no one wants to sit next to the person in the theater who points out the guy wires that make Peter Pan fly. You, Joe, are that person.”
That passage is from Attachment, my first novel published in 2006. I just had occasion to re-read it because it is as true today as it was then. Which led me to revisit Nerburn’s work as well. Oh my. Let’s get into it.
Kent Nerburn
is a writer, still alive, born in 1946 and is four years older than me. Re-reading my work and his, I can see how much of an influence he had on my thinking. Additionally, my writing. Which is ironic because Nerburn is steadfast in his belief that humans are “believing creatures, not thinking creatures.” Nevertheless, he’s not shy about “teaching” others to write. Which I think is the highest from of thinking.
Preaching
is more accurate. He can’t help himself, that’s who he is. Among other things.
After re-reading the books he wrote in the 90’s – that had such an impact on me – I see things differently. Subsequently, I checked him out on YouTube. He’s still writing, and preaching. His latest post was on the election just past. Nerburn is preaching “resistance” to Trump. Whom he views as bad, even evil. A “maniacal madman.”
Kent Nerburn is an elitist intellectual, an idealist humanist. He believes we are not really of this world; but something akin to stardust, or spirit. He borrowed his philosophy from the first americans. Specifically, the Ojibwe of northern Minnesota. Nerburn doesn’t know much; but preaches as if he does. He believes birth, life, death, love and sex are all “mysteries”.
My take
is that Kent Nerburn is a product of the then emerging “New Age” postmodernism of the Boomer counter culture. As was I. Therefore, when I read his work? it resonated with me. Now? I’d call him a neurotic introvert, ensconced in white-male guilt. Or a talented artist who is stuck in the past. A dreamer with unrealistic expectations.
I see Letters To My Son (1994/98/o8) as the work of a second-order narcissist (= a person ignorant of his self-aggrandizing), who is confused about the material, real world. His advice to his then three year-old son is slanted and half-baked at best. It’s often contradictory and inconsistent. For example: In one letter he advises his son to “be careful” about the decisions he makes; and in another to “take risks”.
Nerburn is against ownership of things, denouncing possessions, but loves to dress up as Santa Claus and give gifts to strangers. There is just contradiction after contradiction. Moreover, Kent is oblivious to his own confusion! He is pompous.
The Liberal in me
bought what Nerburn was selling hook, line, and sinker. Twenty some years ago. However, my curiosity and open mind kept me, well, curious and open to different thoughts and feelings. Notwithstanding, he and I are not dissimilar in all ways. We are both outside the mainstream–writers and woodworkers. We prefer rural life over urban.
However, he went on to get his PhD (= piled high and deep) from Berkeley; whereas I dropped out of graduate school in Denver, seeing it for what it was in the late 90’s–captured by political correctness. Or Woke-ism.
“All their [liberal Democrats] education has narrowed their worldview [and] they live in a bubble with which to hide from reality.” June Nicole Lapine, aka ShoeOnHead.
Liberalism
has turned into some thing that is askance to reality. Furthermore, the roots of this are evident in Nerburn’s writing. For instance, in Letters he tells his son that police are thugs, cowards, and racist (p. 18). Which leads eventually to the Left political demand: Defund the Police.
Moreover, Nerburn begins the implementation of “concept creep”, which leads to redefining words, meanings, and perceptions. Taking us finally to an assault on men and masculinity. What it means to be a man. Consequently, today there is a mental health crisis, loneliness epidemic, and an end to romance. Additionally, millions of men without work.
Society in America is collapsing before our eyes. I think because of well-meaning, liberal intellectuals like Kent Nerburn. These folks, for a host of complicated, nuanced reasons, took on the “Myth of the Nobel Savage” and began believing in Disney-like fantasy, and fairy tales. Such as trees have feelings and all things have spirit. In other words, Peter Pan can fly. Moreover, all things exist in a ethereal, timeless, connected world.
If Only …
the good people could rid the world of the Evil White Man–like Trump.
In Road Angels [where I, and Nerburn, took the idea of people not wanting to know the reality of the theater they live in as make believe, as character (p. 289)] the irony is thick.
Nerburn takes a road trip back to where he grew up and went to school. The Pacific Coast from Canada down to San Luis Obispo. He talks to old acquaintances and strangers looking to find himself, and the ‘Soul of America’? He encounters many would-be, Trump-like supporters. He’s baffled/confused then, as he is now. Finally, unsatisfied, he returns to northern Minnesota, his wife, and young son. Then writes a book about his journey. It’s 2001, pre 9/11.
Kent Nerburn believes it’s his right and calling to speak for the first americans. Most of his books are about that. He believes that he is giving “voice to the voiceless.” What! For an educated intellectual did he not research his subject? There are many books written by and about the first americans. Such as:
Black Elk Speaks (1932) John G. Neihardt
Sun Chief (1942) Don C. Talayesva
At Home in the Wilderness (1968) Sun Bear
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee (1970) Dee Brown
Seven Arrows (1972) Hyemeyohsts Storm
Mankiller ((1993) Wilma Mankiller
Election 2024
was a shock to many educated liberals, the Democrat base. It should not have been. The outcome was predictable. If one were to get outside of one’s own bubble and talk to the deciders–those voters in the middle in the battleground states. One reporter did, Mark Halperin. On his new live-streaming platform: 2Way (and YouTube).
It was apparent that many, many voters were swinging to Trump. For a number of different reasons. Foremost of which was the blatant lying of the Democrats. (More irony. Also known as hypocrisy. and projection.)
Peter Pan
is a fairy tale (1902). A story, play, and movie. But it’s of some comfort, especially for young children.
Let’s visit Nerburn’s use of the play as metaphor for his personality. In Road Angels page 289:
"The dour flatlander who looks at this mess and sees infrastructure failure, unbridled population growth, and individual selfishness simply doesn’t get it. He’s refusing to give himself over to the play, and the play’s the thing. It’s why I don’t belong here anymore: no one’s interested in sitting in the theater next to someone who points out the guywires by which Peter Pan is able to fly."
Nerburn was reflecting on what he saw as “circus” in SanFrancisco, in 2000. He is the “dour flatlander”. And he still doesn’t get it. It being the human condition.
Tagged: Election 2024, Kent Newborn, Lying, Mark Halperin, Trump, writing as thinking
# belief, Books, Irony, Politics, Reality, Society
Things have changed since I first read these two books 20+ years ago.
“There is another contemporary author, Kent Nerburn, a theologian, and he points out the fact that no one wants to sit next to the person in the theater who points out the guy wires that make Peter Pan fly. You, Joe, are that person.”
That passage is from Attachment, my first novel published in 2006. I just had occasion to re-read it because it is as true today as it was then. Which led me to revisit Nerburn’s work as well. Oh my. Let’s get into it.
Kent Nerburn
is a writer, still alive, born in 1946 and is four years older than me. Re-reading my work and his, I can see how much of an influence he had on my thinking. Additionally, my writing. Which is ironic because Nerburn is steadfast in his belief that humans are “believing creatures, not thinking creatures.” Nevertheless, he’s not shy about “teaching” others to write. Which I think is the highest from of thinking.
Preaching
is more accurate. He can’t help himself, that’s who he is. Among other things.
After re-reading the books he wrote in the 90’s – that had such an impact on me – I see things differently. Subsequently, I checked him out on YouTube. He’s still writing, and preaching. His latest post was on the election just past. Nerburn is preaching “resistance” to Trump. Whom he views as bad, even evil. A “maniacal madman.”
Kent Nerburn is an elitist intellectual, an idealist humanist. He believes we are not really of this world; but something akin to stardust, or spirit. He borrowed his philosophy from the first americans. Specifically, the Ojibwe of northern Minnesota. Nerburn doesn’t know much; but preaches as if he does. He believes birth, life, death, love and sex are all “mysteries”.
My take
is that Kent Nerburn is a product of the then emerging “New Age” postmodernism of the Boomer counter culture. As was I. Therefore, when I read his work? it resonated with me. Now? I’d call him a neurotic introvert, ensconced in white-male guilt. Or a talented artist who is stuck in the past. A dreamer with unrealistic expectations.
I see Letters To My Son (1994/98/o8) as the work of a second-order narcissist (= a person ignorant of his self-aggrandizing), who is confused about the material, real world. His advice to his then three year-old son is slanted and half-baked at best. It’s often contradictory and inconsistent. For example: In one letter he advises his son to “be careful” about the decisions he makes; and in another to “take risks”.
Nerburn is against ownership of things, denouncing possessions, but loves to dress up as Santa Claus and give gifts to strangers. There is just contradiction after contradiction. Moreover, Kent is oblivious to his own confusion! He is pompous.
The Liberal in me
bought what Nerburn was selling hook, line, and sinker. Twenty some years ago. However, my curiosity and open mind kept me, well, curious and open to different thoughts and feelings. Notwithstanding, he and I are not dissimilar in all ways. We are both outside the mainstream–writers and woodworkers. We prefer rural life over urban.
However, he went on to get his PhD (= piled high and deep) from Berkeley; whereas I dropped out of graduate school in Denver, seeing it for what it was in the late 90’s–captured by political correctness. Or Woke-ism.
“All their [liberal Democrats] education has narrowed their worldview [and] they live in a bubble with which to hide from reality.” June Nicole Lapine, aka ShoeOnHead.
Liberalism
has turned into some thing that is askance to reality. Furthermore, the roots of this are evident in Nerburn’s writing. For instance, in Letters he tells his son that police are thugs, cowards, and racist (p. 18). Which leads eventually to the Left political demand: Defund the Police.
Moreover, Nerburn begins the implementation of “concept creep”, which leads to redefining words, meanings, and perceptions. Taking us finally to an assault on men and masculinity. What it means to be a man. Consequently, today there is a mental health crisis, loneliness epidemic, and an end to romance. Additionally, millions of men without work.
Society in America is collapsing before our eyes. I think because of well-meaning, liberal intellectuals like Kent Nerburn. These folks, for a host of complicated, nuanced reasons, took on the “Myth of the Nobel Savage” and began believing in Disney-like fantasy, and fairy tales. Such as trees have feelings and all things have spirit. In other words, Peter Pan can fly. Moreover, all things exist in a ethereal, timeless, connected world.
If Only …
the good people could rid the world of the Evil White Man–like Trump.
In Road Angels [where I, and Nerburn, took the idea of people not wanting to know the reality of the theater they live in as make believe, as character (p. 289)] the irony is thick.
Nerburn takes a road trip back to where he grew up and went to school. The Pacific Coast from Canada down to San Luis Obispo. He talks to old acquaintances and strangers looking to find himself, and the ‘Soul of America’? He encounters many would-be, Trump-like supporters. He’s baffled/confused then, as he is now. Finally, unsatisfied, he returns to northern Minnesota, his wife, and young son. Then writes a book about his journey. It’s 2001, pre 9/11.
Kent Nerburn believes it’s his right and calling to speak for the first americans. Most of his books are about that. He believes that he is giving “voice to the voiceless.” What! For an educated intellectual did he not research his subject? There are many books written by and about the first americans. Such as:
Black Elk Speaks (1932) John G. Neihardt
Sun Chief (1942) Don C. Talayesva
At Home in the Wilderness (1968) Sun Bear
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee (1970) Dee Brown
Seven Arrows (1972) Hyemeyohsts Storm
Mankiller ((1993) Wilma Mankiller
Election 2024
was a shock to many educated liberals, the Democrat base. It should not have been. The outcome was predictable. If one were to get outside of one’s own bubble and talk to the deciders–those voters in the middle in the battleground states. One reporter did, Mark Halperin. On his new live-streaming platform: 2Way (and YouTube).
It was apparent that many, many voters were swinging to Trump. For a number of different reasons. Foremost of which was the blatant lying of the Democrats. (More irony. Also known as hypocrisy. and projection.)
Peter Pan
is a fairy tale (1902). A story, play, and movie. But it’s of some comfort, especially for young children.
Let’s visit Nerburn’s use of the play as metaphor for his personality. In Road Angels page 289:
"The dour flatlander who looks at this mess and sees infrastructure failure, unbridled population growth, and individual selfishness simply doesn’t get it. He’s refusing to give himself over to the play, and the play’s the thing. It’s why I don’t belong here anymore: no one’s interested in sitting in the theater next to someone who points out the guywires by which Peter Pan is able to fly."
Nerburn was reflecting on what he saw as “circus” in SanFrancisco, in 2000. He is the “dour flatlander”. And he still doesn’t get it. It being the human condition.
Tagged: Election 2024, Kent Newborn, Lying, Mark Halperin, Trump, writing as thinking
November 14, 2014
I really liked this book of short essays that the author uses to tell his son about a variety of experiences he will probably encounter in life. I liked his positive views on what it means to be a man and how he works at helping his son understand the role of emotions in life. A very good and thoughtful book.
October 3, 2015
Personally I loved this book. Full of wisdom. From someone who lost there father at a young age this book touched my heart. Special book.
April 13, 2025
Kent Nerburn’s Letters to My Son is one of those rare books that ought to be placed in the hands of every young adult—particularly boys—as a quiet companion and moral compass through the turbulent transition to adulthood. In a world saturated with contradictory messages about success, virtue, and identity, this book cuts through the noise with honesty, grace, and humility.
Too many young people, though loved, grow up without adults who are able—or willing—to offer guidance rooted in genuine reflection and emotional generosity. Much of the advice children receive comes filtered through fear or rigid value systems, often delivered with the subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure to adopt beliefs without truly understanding them. Instead of fostering curiosity and critical thinking, these dynamics can instill fear, judgment, and ultimately, habits of self-blame and shame that follow individuals into adulthood.
Letters to My Son is not a critique of parental missteps, but rather a tender and courageous invitation: for parents to be more mindful, more present, and more attuned to the incredible responsibility—and beauty—of shaping a life. Nerburn writes each chapter as a letter to his own son, and in doing so, he speaks to a broader audience with a voice that is both deeply personal and universally resonant. His words are not dogmatic lectures, but thoughtful meditations—gentle, loving, and quietly profound.
Nerburn’s background in theology and his immersion in Native American philosophy color the book’s tone, not through overt references, but in the reverent and reflective spirit of the prose. He explores topics like the difference between being male and being a man, how to approach others with empathy and openness, and the quiet strength it takes to live a life of decency and purpose. These aren’t grand moral treatises, but humble reflections on what it means to be human.
Each chapter offers a distilled insight—a meditation—that feels instantly applicable to daily life. This simplicity is part of the book’s power. Reading it, I found myself wondering what a difference it would have made to encounter this voice earlier in life. Unlike many self-help or philosophical texts, which can feel either overly abstract or tethered to fame and exceptionalism, Letters to My Son is grounded in ordinary experience. That’s what makes its lessons feel so accessible—and so meaningful.
I have few critiques. While I may have disagreed with certain perspectives, there was value on every page. If anything, I would have welcomed more personal stories or explorations of life’s harder questions. But perhaps Nerburn’s restraint is intentional—he offers broad reflections so readers can bring their own context to the table, resisting the urge to impose certainty where provocation and introspection are more helpful.
Though I may not reread the book cover to cover, I’ve marked dozens of passages that I will return to, time and again. I wholeheartedly recommend Letters to My Son to fathers, fathers-to-be, and young adults. What it offers is far more than advice—it’s a lifelong gift of perspective and care.
Too many young people, though loved, grow up without adults who are able—or willing—to offer guidance rooted in genuine reflection and emotional generosity. Much of the advice children receive comes filtered through fear or rigid value systems, often delivered with the subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure to adopt beliefs without truly understanding them. Instead of fostering curiosity and critical thinking, these dynamics can instill fear, judgment, and ultimately, habits of self-blame and shame that follow individuals into adulthood.
Letters to My Son is not a critique of parental missteps, but rather a tender and courageous invitation: for parents to be more mindful, more present, and more attuned to the incredible responsibility—and beauty—of shaping a life. Nerburn writes each chapter as a letter to his own son, and in doing so, he speaks to a broader audience with a voice that is both deeply personal and universally resonant. His words are not dogmatic lectures, but thoughtful meditations—gentle, loving, and quietly profound.
Nerburn’s background in theology and his immersion in Native American philosophy color the book’s tone, not through overt references, but in the reverent and reflective spirit of the prose. He explores topics like the difference between being male and being a man, how to approach others with empathy and openness, and the quiet strength it takes to live a life of decency and purpose. These aren’t grand moral treatises, but humble reflections on what it means to be human.
Each chapter offers a distilled insight—a meditation—that feels instantly applicable to daily life. This simplicity is part of the book’s power. Reading it, I found myself wondering what a difference it would have made to encounter this voice earlier in life. Unlike many self-help or philosophical texts, which can feel either overly abstract or tethered to fame and exceptionalism, Letters to My Son is grounded in ordinary experience. That’s what makes its lessons feel so accessible—and so meaningful.
I have few critiques. While I may have disagreed with certain perspectives, there was value on every page. If anything, I would have welcomed more personal stories or explorations of life’s harder questions. But perhaps Nerburn’s restraint is intentional—he offers broad reflections so readers can bring their own context to the table, resisting the urge to impose certainty where provocation and introspection are more helpful.
Though I may not reread the book cover to cover, I’ve marked dozens of passages that I will return to, time and again. I wholeheartedly recommend Letters to My Son to fathers, fathers-to-be, and young adults. What it offers is far more than advice—it’s a lifelong gift of perspective and care.
August 14, 2024
Philosophical in scope and poetic in its prose. Beautiful writing, touching descriptions, and timely advice. This is a reminder of the necessary lessons that all men, young or old, should consider when dancing with life. Money, love, risk, despair, physical strength, family, children, spirituality, artistic appreciation, it's all here.
Such a renewed breath of fresh air
It'll be a unique gift for my son and a reminder for myself on why we live and why men have a unique gift and energy to give to the world.
Such a renewed breath of fresh air
It'll be a unique gift for my son and a reminder for myself on why we live and why men have a unique gift and energy to give to the world.
December 16, 2024
Letters to My Son by John D. Rockefeller Jr. is a timeless and heartfelt collection of wisdom, offering profound insights on integrity, responsibility, and the ethical stewardship of wealth. Through these personal letters, Rockefeller provides invaluable guidance on living a life of purpose, balancing success with philanthropy, and maintaining strong family values. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking inspiration on how to lead a principled, impactful life, making it deserving of a full five stars.
September 23, 2021
All good advice but very basic and the stories aren't to interesting either. This is a great book for a high school kid to read but as a 34 year old I've already heard a lot of this advice and live by it. This book is an easy and quick read but will not blow your socks off. I recommend reading Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules For Life instead. Now that is an interesting and gripping book about living a good life.
March 23, 2017
I liked this book a lot. So much wisdom distilled in one little book. Though it's addressed to his son, obviously a male, most of the ideas are actually quite universal, timeless, and gender-independent.
I listened to the audiobook version, and even at x1.75 speed which did not feel too fast. It was only after I had finished it that I noticed that the reader was actually Mr. Nerbern's son, the one to whom the book was written for! That made it all the more meaningful.
Simply a great book.
I listened to the audiobook version, and even at x1.75 speed which did not feel too fast. It was only after I had finished it that I noticed that the reader was actually Mr. Nerbern's son, the one to whom the book was written for! That made it all the more meaningful.
Simply a great book.
February 6, 2018
It wasn’t all that I expected. I guess too short and filled with good sayings. Good personal stories to support his thoughts. I don’t know if there is anything he said that I could share with my son that I wasn’t already going to. As a single mom, this wasn’t useful to me. But I had to listen to the entire book to be able to figure that out.
January 30, 2024
Loved the book. Positively altered how i viewed certain things and helped me construct a view on something i was undecided on. The book felt personal. It felt man to man. Im a christain. Did not agree with some of the things towards the last chapters. So i ate the fish spit out the bones. Nonetheless, the book is still good. We'll come back to it for a reread or reference.
December 12, 2018
Like a cliff
This was an interesting and even insightful book until a third of the way through. Some good ideas that eventually turned to a warped perspective on how you should live your life.
This was an interesting and even insightful book until a third of the way through. Some good ideas that eventually turned to a warped perspective on how you should live your life.
August 13, 2021
I received the "Partners and Marriage" chapter embedded in made up story about a student getting an A+ grade from a very exigent college professor. The book is a wonderful meditation on the things that really matter, on hard earned wisdom and on what it means to be a father.
November 6, 2024
Read because he wrote an introduction to Letters to a Young Poet. A somewhat dated but also timeless read that touched on many of life's ethical questions. I dog-earred many pages, which I'll now copy into my notes, many to discuss with my husband.
May 8, 2025
The essays were very good but I do wish that it was expanded into letters to my child. I did however google and the author only one son, so autobiographical in that regard. I appreciated his inclusiveness in the essays. All people would benefit from reading, not just males.
May 22, 2017
Some parts outdated, but also some parts timeless.
November 16, 2017
Kent Nerburn is my favorite author of the spiritual journey. This is one of his finest.
February 4, 2018
Simple, beautiful, touching.
January 9, 2019
(7/10)
Good (I don't know how to rate it).
Lovely and heartwarming (some discrepancies, tho).
Good (I don't know how to rate it).
Lovely and heartwarming (some discrepancies, tho).
February 21, 2019
One of the best books I have read. Full of wisdom. Highly recommend reading it.
Want to read
October 13, 2019recommendation: https://twitter.com/jerrycolonna/stat...
August 19, 2020
a great book for teenagers who struggle to find their path of life.
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