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Your Nine-Year-Old: Thoughtful And Mysterious
What happened to that sunny outgoing child of eight? As parents of nine-year-olds often discover, nine is a tricky age. Children are more distant from Mother and Father; they're more independant and rely on friends for companionship, or they have a tendency to spend time alone. Some nines are boisterous and wild, others thoughtful and withdrawn. Helping parents learn how to cope with the unpredictable nine-year-old is the aim of this practical guide from the Gesell Institute.
Nine-year-olds are hovering on the brink of adolescence, and this in part contributes to their up-and-down nature. Dr. Louis Bates Ames and Carol Chase Haber paint a vivid picture of the child at this age and offer useful advice to make life easier for parents and children alike.
Nine-year-olds are hovering on the brink of adolescence, and this in part contributes to their up-and-down nature. Dr. Louis Bates Ames and Carol Chase Haber paint a vivid picture of the child at this age and offer useful advice to make life easier for parents and children alike.
176 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1990
65 people are currently reading
140 people want to read
About the author
Louise Bates Ames
63 books44 followers Louise Bates Ames was an American psychologist specializing in child development.[1] Ames was known as a pioneer of child development studies, introducing the theory of child development stages to popular discourse. Ames authored numerous internationally renowned books on the stages of child development, hosted a television show on child development, and co-founded the Gesell Institute of Child Development in New Haven, CT.
Ames's work found that children go through clear, discrete developmental phases based on age. She demonstrated that various age groups feature unique behavioral patterns, to be considered by parents and doctors in monitoring children's development. Perhaps the best-known legacy of her work was the coining of the term "Terrible Twos," to describe the rigid, conflict-laden behavioral patterns of two-year-olds.
Ames's work found that children go through clear, discrete developmental phases based on age. She demonstrated that various age groups feature unique behavioral patterns, to be considered by parents and doctors in monitoring children's development. Perhaps the best-known legacy of her work was the coining of the term "Terrible Twos," to describe the rigid, conflict-laden behavioral patterns of two-year-olds.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
July 11, 2011
A great cross-section of a nine year old. For being such a brief book it has a broad ranges of domains with surprisingly keen insights and observations of the normal, average 9 year old. It was a lot of fun to read while referencing to my own soon to be 9 year old; it normalized some idiosyncratic behaviors and had me smiling in recognition frequently. I will definitely be using the series further!
May 15, 2011
I love all the books in this series and this was no exception. The books are a bit outdated and I don't always agree with what the author(s) say, but the fundamental nature of children remains the same and these books are very helpful in identifying what is normal/expected for a particular age. They are less about parenting advice and philosophy and more about teaching parents what to expect.
June 6, 2010
Kind of like reading an astrology book. You can find as much truth in it as you like. Definitely dated. Lots of gender based assumptions. Funny to read the description of a recipe for a successful birthday party. My, how we've grown... It's like a parenting magazine on steroids.
Still, there are some parts that relate to learning that are somewhat interesting. (Larry Summers would benefit from this book's conclusions about girls and math...) The concept that children must reach a certain stage of development before disciplining with humor is effective was interesting to me. Makes a certain intuitive sense, but it was eye-opening to quantify it and put the age for this characteristic's appearance at 9.
I guess I might have gotten a little insight into my own 9-year-old, but not a whole lot. I learned far more about what it was like to be a parent (but mostly mother) in the 80's.
Still, there are some parts that relate to learning that are somewhat interesting. (Larry Summers would benefit from this book's conclusions about girls and math...) The concept that children must reach a certain stage of development before disciplining with humor is effective was interesting to me. Makes a certain intuitive sense, but it was eye-opening to quantify it and put the age for this characteristic's appearance at 9.
I guess I might have gotten a little insight into my own 9-year-old, but not a whole lot. I learned far more about what it was like to be a parent (but mostly mother) in the 80's.
March 10, 2013
I remember liking this series of books years ago as an education student but looking at them again as a parent I see they are so generalized and stereotypical that I have a hard time believing they can be of use to anyone in specific. I can find nothing in them that remotely describes my child and even if I could I don't think I'd follow this one-size fits all advice.
April 8, 2013
I read the series at the suggestion of a friend. If I hadn't had so much respect for the friend, I would have quit after the first book.
So far, the books have not described my child or given me any insight or help. I might as well have read Tarot cards. Perhaps Tarot cards would have been more useful...
So far, the books have not described my child or given me any insight or help. I might as well have read Tarot cards. Perhaps Tarot cards would have been more useful...
January 7, 2018
I read this book for its dated-ness so that's not why I'm rating it one star. I loved the dated Dr. Spock books for the glimpse into the past and what child rearing was like back in the day. This series though? It's one long description of what children of a certain age are supposedly like. All generalization. It's also not particularly engaging or well written. Things are repeated over and over and over again. Not twice, three or four times. This book is less than 200 pages long, there shouldn't be this much repetition. The endomorphs/ectomorphs stuff was just strange
This was outdated from the moment it was published. Somatotyping was no longer a thing in the late 80s/early 90s and the idea that mother must "give in" to father because she gets to "use her type of discipline in the daytime"seems laughable- we are talking about the age of latchkey children here and yet Louise Bates Ames still assumes that mother is not working.
The "Stories From Real Life" sections in these books could have been interesting but often she just talks around the issue but doesn't offer the parents any solutions or suggestions. I doubt that my grandmother would have found these books helpful in the 1960s. After all, her neighbor could have told her "If you're having such a hard time, get a sitter" which is the advice Ames seems to keep repeating in the books about younger children. Then once the child is nine, and still difficult and jealous of his siblings send him off to boarding school (yep, the author did suggest this in this book). Clearly, Ames was out of touch with the working and lower middle class even sixty years ago. Boarding school, daycare and regular sitters when mom is at home all cost money that might just not be there.
Children who, the author suggest, can take themselves to the dentist or music lessons on a complicated bus route and leave for several hours without telling mom or dad where they are going and what they are doing, need two or three adults supervising a birthday party. In what world does this make sense?
This was outdated from the moment it was published. Somatotyping was no longer a thing in the late 80s/early 90s and the idea that mother must "give in" to father because she gets to "use her type of discipline in the daytime"seems laughable- we are talking about the age of latchkey children here and yet Louise Bates Ames still assumes that mother is not working.
The "Stories From Real Life" sections in these books could have been interesting but often she just talks around the issue but doesn't offer the parents any solutions or suggestions. I doubt that my grandmother would have found these books helpful in the 1960s. After all, her neighbor could have told her "If you're having such a hard time, get a sitter" which is the advice Ames seems to keep repeating in the books about younger children. Then once the child is nine, and still difficult and jealous of his siblings send him off to boarding school (yep, the author did suggest this in this book). Clearly, Ames was out of touch with the working and lower middle class even sixty years ago. Boarding school, daycare and regular sitters when mom is at home all cost money that might just not be there.
Children who, the author suggest, can take themselves to the dentist or music lessons on a complicated bus route and leave for several hours without telling mom or dad where they are going and what they are doing, need two or three adults supervising a birthday party. In what world does this make sense?
December 6, 2018
I've skimmed through other books from this series (when my daughter was younger). This was the first book in this series, though, where I attempted to read nearly all of it. There might be a couple of points worth noting in the generalizations about 9-year-olds, but, overall, this book (and I'm thinking the rest in the series) isn't worth perusing.
The writing is incredibly dated with gender assumptions that are ridiculous. A couple of examples: In a section about the child's learning, specifically in regards to arithmetic, it states, "Arithmetic attracts extreme reactions. Children tend to love it or hate it. Girls, especially, tend to hate it. (Some people maintain that it is society's expectations that cause girls to dislike arithmetic. We ourselves suspect that society's expectations have come from observing girls over the years.)" Then at the end of the book, there is a question and answer section. One mother asks about the appropriateness of two parents disagreeing about discipline in front of the child. Part of the answer includes this: "As a rule, where there is disagreement, it is the mother has to give in. She can use her type of discipline in the daytime, but when Father is at home he will usually use his. This may seem wrong to feminists, but it is life." Um, no.
The writing is incredibly dated with gender assumptions that are ridiculous. A couple of examples: In a section about the child's learning, specifically in regards to arithmetic, it states, "Arithmetic attracts extreme reactions. Children tend to love it or hate it. Girls, especially, tend to hate it. (Some people maintain that it is society's expectations that cause girls to dislike arithmetic. We ourselves suspect that society's expectations have come from observing girls over the years.)" Then at the end of the book, there is a question and answer section. One mother asks about the appropriateness of two parents disagreeing about discipline in front of the child. Part of the answer includes this: "As a rule, where there is disagreement, it is the mother has to give in. She can use her type of discipline in the daytime, but when Father is at home he will usually use his. This may seem wrong to feminists, but it is life." Um, no.
February 26, 2020
I've seen this series of books recommended many times over the years I've been a parent and I finally got one from the library. I skimmed this one and "Your Seven-Year-Old". They were both pretty terrible- super dated, awful gender stereotypes (both for the child and the parents), completely school-centric, a weird assumption that body shape determines behavior, and on and on. I definitely won't be reading any more of them.
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April 19, 2020I tried to get beyond how dated this book is to pull out the interesting bits that might still be relevant, but it’s really not worth it. I remember thinking earlier books were helpful, but the analysis of gender in this book—both for children and also the roles of their parents—is impossible to ignore. I found the bit about secrets to be true to my child (if 8 is all about sharing secrets, 9 is about actually keeping them, basically), but I didn’t need to read 200 pages of nonsense for that.
July 1, 2019
These short books on child development are just right in describing behaviors and markers at each age level. While published 30 years ago, much holds true even though research in brain development and trauma has added a lot to the discussion. I am thankful to the person who put one of the early ones in my child’s cubby at child care when he was wee.
July 7, 2017
It's pretty dated. Some of the advice is translatable, but lots of the underlying philosophies have either fallen out of fashion or been disproven. Also, they keep repeating (without rephrase) the same information in different parts of the book.
August 21, 2021
It is true that reading this helped me understand that sometimes the things kids do are all about their development, rather than their personality. I also liked the hints of what kids used to be allowed to do (early 80s) but on the whole there was much to it, nor was it exceptionally informative.
November 19, 2021
I'm pretty attached to this series of books, but this one didn't have a lot of meat on the bone for me. And the questions in the back, instead of being charmingly anachronistic, skewed sort of sad. YMMV.
March 11, 2024
Very dated as most reviewers have commented. I didn't learn anything new, just validated that my soon-to-be 9 year old is developing normally. Writing is a bit pretentious and gender stereotypes, but that's probably because of when it was written.
June 17, 2017
Solid advice about what to expect with a 9 yo, though some sections are somewhat dated. Reads a bit like an extended horoscope.
May 25, 2019
This book was helpful, though a little outdated. It was a great reminder of basic childhood development details.
May 13, 2022
This book is so out of date it isn’t relevant anymore. A 9 year old can take himself to a doctor’s appointment? Uh no.
April 24, 2025
Not helpful at all and VERY outdated, waste of time.
May 28, 2012
This is a short book that outlines the typical personality characteristics and quirks that defines the nine-year-old child. So far, in my limited experience, it's fairly spot on and it highlighted to me the cyclical nature of child development, where children drift in and out of inwardized behavior and outwardized behavior as well as shifts in disequilibrium and equilibrium.
While not all situations or behaviors will fit every child, it is still a good guide for what to expect. As it was first written in 1990, some of the technology and current event references are hopelessly out of date (Nintendo, transistor radios and videocassettes) and the photographs are more nostalgic than anything. But it's a decent, quick read, and provides me with some reassurances about the changing nature of our oldest's behavior (and why it's perfectly age appropriate.)
interesting quote:
"The essence of parental discipline is the ability to teach and motivate children to manage themselves." (p. 55)
While not all situations or behaviors will fit every child, it is still a good guide for what to expect. As it was first written in 1990, some of the technology and current event references are hopelessly out of date (Nintendo, transistor radios and videocassettes) and the photographs are more nostalgic than anything. But it's a decent, quick read, and provides me with some reassurances about the changing nature of our oldest's behavior (and why it's perfectly age appropriate.)
interesting quote:
"The essence of parental discipline is the ability to teach and motivate children to manage themselves." (p. 55)
January 7, 2013
I read this as part of an observation project for a course in human development. Not being a parent myself, I was surprised at the amount of general truths that did apply to the little girl who was the subject of my report. It must be difficult to generalize about so many individual children, but some insights that were offered were really very helpful.
I found the generalizations made about children by body type a bit odd, but other than that this series of books is so spot on. My own mother was baffled with my behavior when I was seven. I was collecting money, and she thought, "Oh no, I've raised a materialistic kid!" Well, no she didn't! My Mom bought Your Seven-Year-Old. After reading it she discovered that seven-year-olds collect things. That's just part of being seven I guess!
This series of books is also great for picking out toys that are age appropriate. Also, it provides a list of book interests that your child might have at the age it addresses. There are also some pages of information of how you can best help your child at this age to really blossom!
I found the generalizations made about children by body type a bit odd, but other than that this series of books is so spot on. My own mother was baffled with my behavior when I was seven. I was collecting money, and she thought, "Oh no, I've raised a materialistic kid!" Well, no she didn't! My Mom bought Your Seven-Year-Old. After reading it she discovered that seven-year-olds collect things. That's just part of being seven I guess!
This series of books is also great for picking out toys that are age appropriate. Also, it provides a list of book interests that your child might have at the age it addresses. There are also some pages of information of how you can best help your child at this age to really blossom!
June 22, 2015
As always, these books give me both perspective, relief, worry and laughter. Perspective in that it is helpful to sit back and think of your child in the broader picture of who they are becoming and what might be happening to them/in them along the way. Relief--in that I'm not alone in wondering, "What?" and "huh?" when my 9 year old does something perplexing. Worry in that so much is still unwritten about my 9 year old and he grows more and more independent. And Laughter, well, because, let's face it, it is pretty clear from some of the pictures and stories shared in this book that the entire thing could be featured in some sort of "Throwback Thursday" bit on late night TV.
Glad to have read it and happy to have gotten through it in a day. I feel a bit more equipped about having a nine year old.
Glad to have read it and happy to have gotten through it in a day. I feel a bit more equipped about having a nine year old.
May 6, 2014
I have read maybe three or four books in this series, and this was the least helpful. Maybe it's because nine is supposedly such a "thoughtful and mysterious" age, or because I read it immediately after my daughter turned nine and she really hasn't exhibited any of the behaviors listed here, but I found the explanation of a "typical" nine year-old to be vague and unsatisfactory. Telling me nines "either love math or hate it" isn't exactly enlightening. I was also disturbed by the final chapter, in which ordinary parents write letters to ask advice, and one was told her child might benefit from boarding school to solve his attention-seeking problems. WTF is that?
And once again, an update for the 2014 era is almost mandatory for this series at this point.
And once again, an update for the 2014 era is almost mandatory for this series at this point.
September 14, 2013
This book answered a couple questions I had about my 9 y.o.'s development, but copyright is 1987 and 1990 which made much of the book seem so dated as to not apply. Looking through the bibliography of the book most of the references were from the mid eighties. I like the idea of the whole series though which has a book assigned to each year of development and wish someone would update it for today's parent.
February 15, 2010
I'm not sure if I will read this book in it's entirety since it is a little out dated (1990), but a nine year old girl is a challenging age, especially for a younger parent such as myself! I hope to get promising and rewarding advice!
The advice was good, but a little outdated. I wonder if there is a more recent edition?
The advice was good, but a little outdated. I wonder if there is a more recent edition?
March 7, 2012
Great series, very dated. Overall good sense stuff but the real life scenarios were ridiculous. Miss Manners managed to stay applicable and funny in the modern day, but this series didn't. Still good developmental stuff though.
February 13, 2013
Read this because it was recommended in Blessings of a Skinned Knee which I loved. It's definitely dated as other reviews have said but still is a great overview of what is normal age appropriate behavior. I wish I had known about this series earlier.
April 16, 2014
This book is out of date in many ways, in ways that are sad, not being able to give our nine-year olds as much freedom and independence as in the past due to safety concerns. Their awesome good summaries of expected behaviors as well as some good parenting tips. Wish I had read it sooner!
January 10, 2017
I think I might be done with this series. Lots more gender stereotyping of the children (in addition to previous stereotyping of gender roles of adults). Well, and fewer aha moments other than the one where it says they appreciate wearing a watch at this age, which is true for us.
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August 11, 2023I found this series incredibly helpful and generally accurate, if dated, at younger years. But this one is bioessentialist and sexist to the point of drivel. I won't be reading any more of them or recommending them to friends.
August 28, 2010
Really insightful and easy to read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews