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Everything I Didn't Know
It was supposed to be an escape. A new life living off the land.
It was supposed to be a peaceful community. A family.
But it was a lie.
Six months after he arrived, Bowie learned the hard truth about Oasis.
There are rules, and they are made to be followed.
The consequence of disobedience is deadly.
Once you’re in Oasis, you’re never getting out. And its cultish founder has eyes everywhere.
One year into his survival, with a plan to escape slowly simmering to life, Bowie is faced with a problem. New members have joined the community, among them a man who catches Bowie’s eye. Foster is attractive, older, and so far as Bowie is concerned, completely unavailable. This doesn’t stop Foster from flirting or poking his nose where it doesn’t belong. His reckless behavior will get him in trouble, but Foster doesn’t seem to realize he’s playing with fire.
One wrong step and history will repeat itself.
Bowie can’t allow that to happen and telling Foster the truth about Oasis comes with risks.
A fragile alliance forms. A budding romance develops. And more secrets are unveiled.
When their plans fall apart, Bowie and Foster find themselves in a tangled race to escape Oasis and expose the commune before it’s too late.
It was supposed to be a peaceful community. A family.
But it was a lie.
Six months after he arrived, Bowie learned the hard truth about Oasis.
There are rules, and they are made to be followed.
The consequence of disobedience is deadly.
Once you’re in Oasis, you’re never getting out. And its cultish founder has eyes everywhere.
One year into his survival, with a plan to escape slowly simmering to life, Bowie is faced with a problem. New members have joined the community, among them a man who catches Bowie’s eye. Foster is attractive, older, and so far as Bowie is concerned, completely unavailable. This doesn’t stop Foster from flirting or poking his nose where it doesn’t belong. His reckless behavior will get him in trouble, but Foster doesn’t seem to realize he’s playing with fire.
One wrong step and history will repeat itself.
Bowie can’t allow that to happen and telling Foster the truth about Oasis comes with risks.
A fragile alliance forms. A budding romance develops. And more secrets are unveiled.
When their plans fall apart, Bowie and Foster find themselves in a tangled race to escape Oasis and expose the commune before it’s too late.
433 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 13, 2023
98 people are currently reading
428 people want to read
About the author
Nicky James
76 books2,264 followersI live in the small town of Petrolia, Ontario, Canada and I am a mother to a wonderful teenage boy (didn't think those words could be typed together...surprise) and wife to a truly supportive and understanding husband, who thankfully doesn't think I'm crazy.
I have always had two profound dreams in life. To fall back hundreds of years in time and live in a simpler world, not bogged down by technology and to write novels. Since only one of these was a possibility I decided to make the other come alive on paper.
I write mm romance novels that take place in fantastical medieval type settings and love to use the challenges of the times to give my stories and characters life.
I have always had two profound dreams in life. To fall back hundreds of years in time and live in a simpler world, not bogged down by technology and to write novels. Since only one of these was a possibility I decided to make the other come alive on paper.
I write mm romance novels that take place in fantastical medieval type settings and love to use the challenges of the times to give my stories and characters life.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 97 reviews
July 25, 2023
~3.5~
I've always been fascinated by cults - the initial "love bombing" and acceptance, followed by the escalation of terrible things that "group think" allows people to ignore and even embrace.
Nicky James is clearly well versed in human psychology (as evidenced by her phenomenal Trials of Fear series).
The first few chapters of Everything I Didn't Know draw us into the world of a Mother Earth cult, where misguided environmentalists live off the land and worship not just Mother but Father Wilder, the group's charismatic leader.
There are two reveals in the story, one at 30% and the other toward the end. I didn't see either coming.
The middle of the book is unnecessarily drawn out, but the final few chapters are intense and exciting. I was scared to read on!
I do have to mention something that made me roll my eyes hard, and this is a MAJOR SPOILER, people.
Be aware that due to the setting (locked-down commune with no privacy) and secret nature of Bowie and Foster's relationship (Foster arrives at camp with a supposed fiancée), the romance simmers on the back burner, while the suspense plot is front and center.
Rounding up because ultimately this is a suspenseful story with two complex MCs who deserved better than the tepid romance and whisper HEA they're given.
I've always been fascinated by cults - the initial "love bombing" and acceptance, followed by the escalation of terrible things that "group think" allows people to ignore and even embrace.
Nicky James is clearly well versed in human psychology (as evidenced by her phenomenal Trials of Fear series).
The first few chapters of Everything I Didn't Know draw us into the world of a Mother Earth cult, where misguided environmentalists live off the land and worship not just Mother but Father Wilder, the group's charismatic leader.
There are two reveals in the story, one at 30% and the other toward the end. I didn't see either coming.
The middle of the book is unnecessarily drawn out, but the final few chapters are intense and exciting. I was scared to read on!
I do have to mention something that made me roll my eyes hard, and this is a MAJOR SPOILER, people.
Be aware that due to the setting (locked-down commune with no privacy) and secret nature of Bowie and Foster's relationship (Foster arrives at camp with a supposed fiancée), the romance simmers on the back burner, while the suspense plot is front and center.
Rounding up because ultimately this is a suspenseful story with two complex MCs who deserved better than the tepid romance and whisper HEA they're given.
July 8, 2023
Everything I Didn't Know is an intense and nerve-racking romantic thriller set in a commune/cult. I was so intrigued by this premise. I genuinely find cults terrifying due to the manipulation of human compassion and the need to belong and was so excited to see this author's take on this complicated topic. I am so pleased to report that this story is fantastically written, with a storyline that has so much heart that I was so nervous for the main characters, Bowie and Foster.
Bowie and Foster have a bond that is instant and dangerous given their particular situation. Bowie is a high-ranking member of this cult, who has his doubts after a traumatic experience six months prior. Foster is a new member who is struggling in his adjustment to this new way of life. Together they begin to share their intimate thoughts and doubts while remaining vulnerable with one another. Eventually, their relationship becomes more, and the dangers within the cult increase.
Overall I am genuinely impressed at the powerful intensity of this story. For many moments I was left unsure and very unsettled as to the safety of our main characters and I cannot recommend this story highly enough. Such a fantastic read that I loved every minute of it.
***I reviewed a complimentary copy of this book.***
Bowie and Foster have a bond that is instant and dangerous given their particular situation. Bowie is a high-ranking member of this cult, who has his doubts after a traumatic experience six months prior. Foster is a new member who is struggling in his adjustment to this new way of life. Together they begin to share their intimate thoughts and doubts while remaining vulnerable with one another. Eventually, their relationship becomes more, and the dangers within the cult increase.
Overall I am genuinely impressed at the powerful intensity of this story. For many moments I was left unsure and very unsettled as to the safety of our main characters and I cannot recommend this story highly enough. Such a fantastic read that I loved every minute of it.
***I reviewed a complimentary copy of this book.***
July 16, 2023
[3.4~3.5] the psychology behind cults has always been a frighteningly fascinating topic to me, and at our most jaded and vulnerable, i think we are all capable of understanding on some level the eerie ease with which a simpler life away from modern society, having someone else call the shots, can appeal to the overworked and unappeased mind. throw in a charismatic leader, an exclusive community of like-minded environmentalists with a roaring fervor to protect and heal Mother Earth (which is not too far off of a message considering this summer's worsening storms and heat spikes), and a unique set of devotional practices and maxims, and you have yourself Oasis.
but what happens when the scales fall from your eyes and you want out?
Bowie's journey to freedom earned all the stars on the suspense front. i was endlessly treading in a pool of my flop sweat, worrying about his safety as he led this double life in the commune, and whether he could muster up the acting and stealth chops to accomplish the impossible. my heart underwent the longest, most intensive cardio routine of its entire existence, with more calories burnt in the reading process than a bodycombat session at the gym.
my expectations for the romance had to recalibrate early on, as the more i learned about the controlled, oppressive environment they were confined in, the more i realized it didn't lend itself to an epic, nuanced romance - that's common in the genre and perfectly reasonable given the setting.
however, my rating did take a hit because Foster's depth as the other pov character got lost in the chaos and what remained was his sole role as Bowie’s support rock and outlet. while this performed the very important function of propelling Bowie forward, i wish he had more to contribute aside from acts of impulsive tomfoolery that didn't mesh with their mission. i don't expect complete rationality and focus, but the blatant disregard for danger at times was encroaching on TSTL territory. his saving grace was his self-awareness, conscious of the fact that he was out of his depth and ill-equipped in his current position, but as a result, it felt like he was simply...there. and with the standalone and hfn structure of the story, we unfortunately missed out on the chance to expand on the tiny nuggets we did glimpse.
so expect some suspension of disbelief and romance taking a backseat, but definitely pick this up if you're looking for a hair-raising ride. if you don't break a single anxious drop of sweat, you must have a heart of steel 😆
but what happens when the scales fall from your eyes and you want out?
Bowie's journey to freedom earned all the stars on the suspense front. i was endlessly treading in a pool of my flop sweat, worrying about his safety as he led this double life in the commune, and whether he could muster up the acting and stealth chops to accomplish the impossible. my heart underwent the longest, most intensive cardio routine of its entire existence, with more calories burnt in the reading process than a bodycombat session at the gym.
my expectations for the romance had to recalibrate early on, as the more i learned about the controlled, oppressive environment they were confined in, the more i realized it didn't lend itself to an epic, nuanced romance - that's common in the genre and perfectly reasonable given the setting.
however, my rating did take a hit because Foster's depth as the other pov character got lost in the chaos and what remained was his sole role as Bowie’s support rock and outlet. while this performed the very important function of propelling Bowie forward, i wish he had more to contribute aside from acts of impulsive tomfoolery that didn't mesh with their mission. i don't expect complete rationality and focus, but the blatant disregard for danger at times was encroaching on TSTL territory. his saving grace was his self-awareness, conscious of the fact that he was out of his depth and ill-equipped in his current position, but as a result, it felt like he was simply...there. and with the standalone and hfn structure of the story, we unfortunately missed out on the chance to expand on the tiny nuggets we did glimpse.
so expect some suspension of disbelief and romance taking a backseat, but definitely pick this up if you're looking for a hair-raising ride. if you don't break a single anxious drop of sweat, you must have a heart of steel 😆
July 20, 2023
This book was so intense and action packed! Never a dull moment, and I never knew what would happen next. Very intense and hard to put down, I loved every second of it, such an interesting look into cults as well.
Honestly though I would say this book is more of an action/suspense than a romance- that didn't bother me at all because I was so invested in the story - but if you're looking for a good romance novel I would not recommend this.
Thanks to Sarah for buddy reading with me! The intense and suspenseful plot really makes you need to decompress while reading, I would highly recommend reading this with a friend!
Honestly though I would say this book is more of an action/suspense than a romance- that didn't bother me at all because I was so invested in the story - but if you're looking for a good romance novel I would not recommend this.
Thanks to Sarah for buddy reading with me! The intense and suspenseful plot really makes you need to decompress while reading, I would highly recommend reading this with a friend!
September 9, 2023
I didn’t finish it, but still rating it with 3 stars. Why, do you ask?
Because by now (I dnfed at around 60%) I’m quite sure what lies ahead. And it takes
TOO
BLODDY
LONG
to get there.
It’s a very interesting trope actually: it starts with Bowie’s friend Colin getting murdered while living in Oasis. Oasis is a village inhabited by an environmentalist cult, lead by Father Wilder. And you don’t just leave Oasis - once you’re in, there’s no way out.
I admit, this entire trope - while very interesting - made me tense and anxious, because I think it’s not far off the mark. It’s easy to imagine such a cult, and like most cults, it seems that they’re all fighting for a good cause.
Colin’s murder shakes Bowie up, and he decides to try to escape. And to get out, he needs Father Wilder’s trust, and he decided to work his way up the ranks.
Some months later, he’s assigned to guide 2 new “saplings” (new Oasis recruits), a couple, Paxton and Foster. Something didn’t add up, and he discovers that both are not who they seem to be.
It’s hard to continue the review without spoilers, just let it be said that starting at around 40%, you know what will happen eventually. And while well written, I just don’t have the patience right now to see how Bowie works his way into Father Wilder’s inner circle, and how he’s almost getting caught several times.
On top of that, we have that layer of angst and anxiety I just can’t deal with because infuses every chapter, there’s no time to take a breath or be carefree.
That’s why I’ll stop, despite thinking it’s a good book. And despite the fact that Nick J Russo is narrating the audiobook.
For everyone who doesn’t mind the aforementioned tension: go ahead, this might be for you!
Because by now (I dnfed at around 60%) I’m quite sure what lies ahead. And it takes
TOO
BLODDY
LONG
to get there.
It’s a very interesting trope actually: it starts with Bowie’s friend Colin getting murdered while living in Oasis. Oasis is a village inhabited by an environmentalist cult, lead by Father Wilder. And you don’t just leave Oasis - once you’re in, there’s no way out.
I admit, this entire trope - while very interesting - made me tense and anxious, because I think it’s not far off the mark. It’s easy to imagine such a cult, and like most cults, it seems that they’re all fighting for a good cause.
Colin’s murder shakes Bowie up, and he decides to try to escape. And to get out, he needs Father Wilder’s trust, and he decided to work his way up the ranks.
Some months later, he’s assigned to guide 2 new “saplings” (new Oasis recruits), a couple, Paxton and Foster. Something didn’t add up, and he discovers that both are not who they seem to be.
It’s hard to continue the review without spoilers, just let it be said that starting at around 40%, you know what will happen eventually. And while well written, I just don’t have the patience right now to see how Bowie works his way into Father Wilder’s inner circle, and how he’s almost getting caught several times.
On top of that, we have that layer of angst and anxiety I just can’t deal with because infuses every chapter, there’s no time to take a breath or be carefree.
That’s why I’ll stop, despite thinking it’s a good book. And despite the fact that Nick J Russo is narrating the audiobook.
For everyone who doesn’t mind the aforementioned tension: go ahead, this might be for you!
dnf
July 22, 2023DNF at 44%
This is not a bad book. I was enjoying it. But I can also see where it's going and it's leaving me with a constant feeling of anxiety.
I'm also having a bit of trouble with Foster. I didn't want his character to be so.... hesitant, stupid, inexperienced? I wanted Bowie to have a love interest that would be more... alpha male that comes to the rescue.. something like that.
This is not a bad book. I was enjoying it. But I can also see where it's going and it's leaving me with a constant feeling of anxiety.
I'm also having a bit of trouble with Foster. I didn't want his character to be so.... hesitant, stupid, inexperienced? I wanted Bowie to have a love interest that would be more... alpha male that comes to the rescue.. something like that.
July 20, 2023
So apparently cults are my new favourite thing to read about. This was intense, so interesting and had me on the edge of my seat. Please share any other m/m cult book reads with me! I really liked how much detail the author put into how the cult worked and the psychology behind it, keeping us guessing all the time who could be trusted and who couldn’t.
I found the romance here to be a little less interesting but this didn’t bother me as I was more engaged in the plot and most of the time I was screaming at these guys to “stop making out you’re gonna get caught!”. This ends on more of a HFN than a HEA, I would have really loved some more time in the end and all my many questions answered.
I very much enjoyed this, thanks to Jamie for buddy reading it with me. Was great to have a friend to discuss this along the way and to have a mega debrief afterwards.
I found the romance here to be a little less interesting but this didn’t bother me as I was more engaged in the plot and most of the time I was screaming at these guys to “stop making out you’re gonna get caught!”. This ends on more of a HFN than a HEA, I would have really loved some more time in the end and all my many questions answered.
I very much enjoyed this, thanks to Jamie for buddy reading it with me. Was great to have a friend to discuss this along the way and to have a mega debrief afterwards.
July 22, 2023
Right from the start, I was captivated and couldn't wait to see how the story progressed. Bowie is trapped in some mother nature loving cult and is bidding his time until he can get an opportunity to escape, and along comes Foster. Their twist and turns and unexpected revelations and a budding relationship in classic Nicky fashion, which is awesome! I was on the edge of my seat and loved every minute of it. Everything I didn't know was a fantastic read. I definitely recommend!
October 24, 2023
**edited to say that I did end up finishing the book because I felt bad. My rating and disappointment stands.**
DNF 68% — It’s been quite a while since I’ve been happy with a book by Nicky James. I wish she’d go back to writing stories like Love Me Whole. To me, that’s where her strength lies. She’s a really good author, but the mystery/suspense just doesn’t come together for me in her books. This started off pretty decently and I was hoping NJ had improved upon her skills as a suspense/mystery author, but this was awful.
See the cover model? He has a freckle under his right eye and Ms. James had to mention it ad nauseam so we’d know Bowie’s description matched the cover. It didn’t need to be repeated every time Foster looked at him.
I was excited to read a story about a cult and Bowie’s escape. When Foster and Paxton arrived at the commune, I knew immediately that they were undercover cops posing as a couple. It was too obvious and I’m surprised all the security detail didn’t notice all their “covert” sneaking around. The thing that made me mad was the fact that Foster is a bumbling idiot! He’s a 30 year old cop and Bowie, who is 23, had more insight to a case than Foster did.
“Fuck, Bowie. You should have left.”
Bowie stopped pacing and faced me. “I couldn’t. We don’t have proof of anything.”
“The guns would be enough. That many firearms? Clearly, Gatlin has some kind of illegal trade going on.”
Bowie shook his head. “No. Do you really think that storage shed is in his name? He’s not stupid.
See? Bowie had more sense than THE UNDERCOVER COP!!! Don’t even get me started on Paxton. She was written as a b*tch, but she was the senior detective and Foster just went off half-cocked (pun unintended but fitting) because he had the hots for Bowie! Then again, Bowie was pretty naïve himself with thinking he could move up in rank so quickly and the higher ups wouldn’t be suspicious of him. It was all so ridiculous!
I’m pretty bored out of my mind and don’t need to finish this to know how it ends. There were no surprises about who was who in this book. Once again I’m disappointed with a NJ read. I wanted to love this, I really did. Normally I like reading about characters stuck in a cult. But this wasn’t executed very well.
DNF 68% — It’s been quite a while since I’ve been happy with a book by Nicky James. I wish she’d go back to writing stories like Love Me Whole. To me, that’s where her strength lies. She’s a really good author, but the mystery/suspense just doesn’t come together for me in her books. This started off pretty decently and I was hoping NJ had improved upon her skills as a suspense/mystery author, but this was awful.
See the cover model? He has a freckle under his right eye and Ms. James had to mention it ad nauseam so we’d know Bowie’s description matched the cover. It didn’t need to be repeated every time Foster looked at him.
I was excited to read a story about a cult and Bowie’s escape. When Foster and Paxton arrived at the commune, I knew immediately that they were undercover cops posing as a couple. It was too obvious and I’m surprised all the security detail didn’t notice all their “covert” sneaking around. The thing that made me mad was the fact that Foster is a bumbling idiot! He’s a 30 year old cop and Bowie, who is 23, had more insight to a case than Foster did.
“Fuck, Bowie. You should have left.”
Bowie stopped pacing and faced me. “I couldn’t. We don’t have proof of anything.”
“The guns would be enough. That many firearms? Clearly, Gatlin has some kind of illegal trade going on.”
Bowie shook his head. “No. Do you really think that storage shed is in his name? He’s not stupid.
See? Bowie had more sense than THE UNDERCOVER COP!!! Don’t even get me started on Paxton. She was written as a b*tch, but she was the senior detective and Foster just went off half-cocked (pun unintended but fitting) because he had the hots for Bowie! Then again, Bowie was pretty naïve himself with thinking he could move up in rank so quickly and the higher ups wouldn’t be suspicious of him. It was all so ridiculous!
I’m pretty bored out of my mind and don’t need to finish this to know how it ends. There were no surprises about who was who in this book. Once again I’m disappointed with a NJ read. I wanted to love this, I really did. Normally I like reading about characters stuck in a cult. But this wasn’t executed very well.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 2, 2023
Once again Nicky James has produced a superbly crafted masterpiece that had me turning the pages desperate to find out what happens next. Full of surprises and intrigue the lives of Bowie and Foster were at times balanced precariously on the edge of life and death but they managed to form a beautiful connection that slowly built into snatched moments of joy. With the philosophy of Oasis having two vastly differing sides to the ebb and flow of life at the commune, Bowie and Foster duck and weave to make their plans for escape eventuate.
This is a wonderful slow burn romance with two fantastic main characters, interesting side characters, a plot that held me in its grip from start to finish and a hard earned HEA that left my heart happy. Highly recommended!
This is a wonderful slow burn romance with two fantastic main characters, interesting side characters, a plot that held me in its grip from start to finish and a hard earned HEA that left my heart happy. Highly recommended!
August 14, 2023
I've given this an A- at AAR, so 4.5 stars rounded up.
Nicky James takes a short break from her fabulous Valor and Doyle series with this new standalone romantic suspense title, Everything I Didn’t Know. I have to confess to something of a fascination with cults and how they operate, so the premise of this novel – a young man whose eyes have been opened to the corruption at the heart the community in which he lives and who longs to escape – appealed to me immediately and made this one of my most anticipated reads of the summer. And Ms. James doesn’t disappoint; it’s a cracking story full of creepy vibes and slowly building tension that had me hooked from beginning to end, and although the romance does take a bit of a back seat to the suspense plot, it works given the premise, and ends with a very solid HFN.
A couple of years before the story begins, Bowie and his best friend Collin dropped out of college after becoming involved with a group of environmental activists. Both of them were unhappy in their college programs and had no idea what they wanted to do with their futures; the group’s message, the addictive energy at the rallies, and the crazy exploits of the group members appealed to them, and offered them the opportunity to feel as though they were part of something important. For Bowie it went one better – the people began to feel like the family he’d never had, and at last, he felt like he belonged somewhere. A few months later, he and Collin were invited to join Oasis - a community dedicated to environmental protection and back-to-nature living - and to continue to fight the good fight to save Mother Earth from the plague that’s destroying her.
When the book opens a few months later, we learn that Collin is dead after being caught trying to leave. With the veil ripped from his eyes about the community he’s come to think of as home and about the man – Father Wilder – at its head, Bowie faces a stark choice. He can try to run, as Collin did, and risk the same fate, or he can stay, bide his time and earn the trust of Father Wilder and his inner circle… and then make his escape more easily. He opts for the latter.
A year later, and Bowie’s plan is working. He’s risen quickly through the ranks to become one of Father Wilder’s most trusted followers, has even been taken under his wing. As one of the Second Branch – one step away from the ND (the Natural Disaster, as Wilder’s most trusted associates are known) - Bowie is given the task of arranging the orientation of the newest group of Oasis members, assigning brethren to each person or couple to explain the rules and help them settle in. Among the newcomers is an engaged couple – a petite, auburn-haired woman and a tall, handsome man a few years older than Bowie, with a chiselled jaw, stylishly cut brown hair and a fit body that suggests time spent at the gym or playing sports. Bowie can’t help looking (and likes what he sees), but quickly squashes any inappropriate attraction; the man – Foster – is engaged to the woman – Paxton – at his side, and that’s that. Bowie must have imagined the slightly longer-than-warranted handshake and the flirty grin he’d been offered.
Over the next couple of weeks, Bowie – as directed – spends time with Foster and Paxton, and it doesn’t take him long to realise that something isn’t quite right. For one thing, their body language just doesn’t scream ‘couple’, and for another, Foster is downright flirty for a man who is supposed to be in love with someone else. Plus, he just doesn’t fit the Oasis mold. He’s asking too many awkward questions, and will soon start drawing attention to himself if he’s not careful – but he doesn’t seem to know how to tone it down. Sensing Paxton’s growing irritation with her fiancé’s behaviour, Bowie begins to suspect that joining Oasis was Paxton’s idea and Foster is only there because she wanted to join. If that’s true, Foster could face real danger once he realises Oasis isn’t for him – but maybe he could be a potential ally; maybe, if Bowie has guessed right, he might not remain alone in his quest to escape.
As Bowie and Foster try to figure each other out and their mutual attraction heats up, they realise that they’re going to have to trust each other if they’re going to make it out of Oasis alive. Secrets are shared and plans are hatched; Bowie has heard whispers about rising storms on the horizon, storms he knows are definitely not the meterological kind, and to find out more, he’ll have to convince Wilder of his devotion to the cause and become one of the NDs. It’s going to mean undertaking the equivalent of walking a tightrope over water filled with hungry crocodiles – but he knows he can do it. He has to.
One of the things Ms. James does incredibly well here is her exploration of Bowie’s inner conflict. She shows so clearly how people like Wilder operate, how they can make people believe things that go against even their own common sense. Bowie knows Wilder is not the loving, fatherly figure he appears to be; he knows he’s utterly ruthless and capable of immense cruelty, and yet there’s still something about the man that draws Bowie to him and what he can offer. It was so easy, at the beginning, for him to buy everything Oasis was selling – home, family, community, love – things Bowie wanted so desperately; and even now, even though he’s seen what Wilder is capable of and hates him for it, there are times he has to remind himself that it’s all fake. I’m no psychologist, but these thought processes feel very real, and the author expresses them brilliantly. I also appreciated that she opted not to write some kind of crazy religious cult but instead, a group whose aim – protecting the environment – is actually quite laudable and something we can all get behind, and whose members are mostly completely unaware of the corruption surrounding them.
Nicky James has become an auto-buy author for me over the last couple of years, and I know I can rely on her to deliver a thought-provoking, well-crafted story featuring interesting, well-developed characters who haven’t come straight out of central casting. The story is told from both Bowie’s and Foster’s perspectives, so we learn pretty quickly that Foster and Paxton are not what they seem, and why they’ve joined Oasis, and why Bowie’s mental alarm bells start ringing so quickly. Bowie is perhaps the more well-developed as a character of the two, but he’s been through a lot and is far more aware of what’s at stake than Foster, which makes him naturally more cautious. There’s a neat bit of role-reversal going on, too – Bowie is generally the more level-headed of the two of them, where Foster can be a bit overly impulsive and at times, I honestly wondered how on earth he’d come to be doing what he was doing! But he makes a good partner for Bowie; he’s supportive, he recognises and admires his strength of mind and determination, and doesn’t try to coddle him or insist that he’s too young (Bowie is twenty-three, Foster is thirty) and inexperienced to do what needs to be done. They’re a bit of an odd couple – not exactly grumpy/sunshine, but close to it – they have great chemistry and I enjoyed watching them becoming closer and learning to trust each other. Their romance is very much a slow burn, but that’s absolutely right for this story – they both acknowledge that their relationship has been forged under fire, so to speak, but that they want to explore it further, and we leave them in a good place.
Everything I Didn’t Know is a terrific blend of intense, atmospheric thriller and slow-burn romance, and with it, Nicky James chalks up another DIK.
This review originally appeared at All About Romance.
Nicky James takes a short break from her fabulous Valor and Doyle series with this new standalone romantic suspense title, Everything I Didn’t Know. I have to confess to something of a fascination with cults and how they operate, so the premise of this novel – a young man whose eyes have been opened to the corruption at the heart the community in which he lives and who longs to escape – appealed to me immediately and made this one of my most anticipated reads of the summer. And Ms. James doesn’t disappoint; it’s a cracking story full of creepy vibes and slowly building tension that had me hooked from beginning to end, and although the romance does take a bit of a back seat to the suspense plot, it works given the premise, and ends with a very solid HFN.
A couple of years before the story begins, Bowie and his best friend Collin dropped out of college after becoming involved with a group of environmental activists. Both of them were unhappy in their college programs and had no idea what they wanted to do with their futures; the group’s message, the addictive energy at the rallies, and the crazy exploits of the group members appealed to them, and offered them the opportunity to feel as though they were part of something important. For Bowie it went one better – the people began to feel like the family he’d never had, and at last, he felt like he belonged somewhere. A few months later, he and Collin were invited to join Oasis - a community dedicated to environmental protection and back-to-nature living - and to continue to fight the good fight to save Mother Earth from the plague that’s destroying her.
When the book opens a few months later, we learn that Collin is dead after being caught trying to leave. With the veil ripped from his eyes about the community he’s come to think of as home and about the man – Father Wilder – at its head, Bowie faces a stark choice. He can try to run, as Collin did, and risk the same fate, or he can stay, bide his time and earn the trust of Father Wilder and his inner circle… and then make his escape more easily. He opts for the latter.
A year later, and Bowie’s plan is working. He’s risen quickly through the ranks to become one of Father Wilder’s most trusted followers, has even been taken under his wing. As one of the Second Branch – one step away from the ND (the Natural Disaster, as Wilder’s most trusted associates are known) - Bowie is given the task of arranging the orientation of the newest group of Oasis members, assigning brethren to each person or couple to explain the rules and help them settle in. Among the newcomers is an engaged couple – a petite, auburn-haired woman and a tall, handsome man a few years older than Bowie, with a chiselled jaw, stylishly cut brown hair and a fit body that suggests time spent at the gym or playing sports. Bowie can’t help looking (and likes what he sees), but quickly squashes any inappropriate attraction; the man – Foster – is engaged to the woman – Paxton – at his side, and that’s that. Bowie must have imagined the slightly longer-than-warranted handshake and the flirty grin he’d been offered.
Over the next couple of weeks, Bowie – as directed – spends time with Foster and Paxton, and it doesn’t take him long to realise that something isn’t quite right. For one thing, their body language just doesn’t scream ‘couple’, and for another, Foster is downright flirty for a man who is supposed to be in love with someone else. Plus, he just doesn’t fit the Oasis mold. He’s asking too many awkward questions, and will soon start drawing attention to himself if he’s not careful – but he doesn’t seem to know how to tone it down. Sensing Paxton’s growing irritation with her fiancé’s behaviour, Bowie begins to suspect that joining Oasis was Paxton’s idea and Foster is only there because she wanted to join. If that’s true, Foster could face real danger once he realises Oasis isn’t for him – but maybe he could be a potential ally; maybe, if Bowie has guessed right, he might not remain alone in his quest to escape.
As Bowie and Foster try to figure each other out and their mutual attraction heats up, they realise that they’re going to have to trust each other if they’re going to make it out of Oasis alive. Secrets are shared and plans are hatched; Bowie has heard whispers about rising storms on the horizon, storms he knows are definitely not the meterological kind, and to find out more, he’ll have to convince Wilder of his devotion to the cause and become one of the NDs. It’s going to mean undertaking the equivalent of walking a tightrope over water filled with hungry crocodiles – but he knows he can do it. He has to.
One of the things Ms. James does incredibly well here is her exploration of Bowie’s inner conflict. She shows so clearly how people like Wilder operate, how they can make people believe things that go against even their own common sense. Bowie knows Wilder is not the loving, fatherly figure he appears to be; he knows he’s utterly ruthless and capable of immense cruelty, and yet there’s still something about the man that draws Bowie to him and what he can offer. It was so easy, at the beginning, for him to buy everything Oasis was selling – home, family, community, love – things Bowie wanted so desperately; and even now, even though he’s seen what Wilder is capable of and hates him for it, there are times he has to remind himself that it’s all fake. I’m no psychologist, but these thought processes feel very real, and the author expresses them brilliantly. I also appreciated that she opted not to write some kind of crazy religious cult but instead, a group whose aim – protecting the environment – is actually quite laudable and something we can all get behind, and whose members are mostly completely unaware of the corruption surrounding them.
Nicky James has become an auto-buy author for me over the last couple of years, and I know I can rely on her to deliver a thought-provoking, well-crafted story featuring interesting, well-developed characters who haven’t come straight out of central casting. The story is told from both Bowie’s and Foster’s perspectives, so we learn pretty quickly that Foster and Paxton are not what they seem, and why they’ve joined Oasis, and why Bowie’s mental alarm bells start ringing so quickly. Bowie is perhaps the more well-developed as a character of the two, but he’s been through a lot and is far more aware of what’s at stake than Foster, which makes him naturally more cautious. There’s a neat bit of role-reversal going on, too – Bowie is generally the more level-headed of the two of them, where Foster can be a bit overly impulsive and at times, I honestly wondered how on earth he’d come to be doing what he was doing! But he makes a good partner for Bowie; he’s supportive, he recognises and admires his strength of mind and determination, and doesn’t try to coddle him or insist that he’s too young (Bowie is twenty-three, Foster is thirty) and inexperienced to do what needs to be done. They’re a bit of an odd couple – not exactly grumpy/sunshine, but close to it – they have great chemistry and I enjoyed watching them becoming closer and learning to trust each other. Their romance is very much a slow burn, but that’s absolutely right for this story – they both acknowledge that their relationship has been forged under fire, so to speak, but that they want to explore it further, and we leave them in a good place.
Everything I Didn’t Know is a terrific blend of intense, atmospheric thriller and slow-burn romance, and with it, Nicky James chalks up another DIK.
This review originally appeared at All About Romance.
August 13, 2023
I thought I’d like this book a lot more than I did. The premise is very interesting and intriguing. I quickly thought the book lost its way. There are major spoilers next so you’re warned.
Bowie was such a great character, I loved him and the story was really all his. He had the most to lose and had already lost so much. Foster was an idiot who shouldn’t have been in this situation. The entire undercover angle was stupid. There isn’t any other word to describe it. Who sets up such a huge undertaking of sending uncover agents to infiltrate a cult with a dangerous leader and have no idea what they’re getting into? How were Paxton and Foster supposed to even get information out of the compound? Both of them were the worst undercover agents ever to exist but Foster was pathetic! This entire scenario was weak and with every dumb decision Foster made I liked this book less and less.
Sorry to say this was a huge disappointment.
Bowie was such a great character, I loved him and the story was really all his. He had the most to lose and had already lost so much. Foster was an idiot who shouldn’t have been in this situation. The entire undercover angle was stupid. There isn’t any other word to describe it. Who sets up such a huge undertaking of sending uncover agents to infiltrate a cult with a dangerous leader and have no idea what they’re getting into? How were Paxton and Foster supposed to even get information out of the compound? Both of them were the worst undercover agents ever to exist but Foster was pathetic! This entire scenario was weak and with every dumb decision Foster made I liked this book less and less.
Sorry to say this was a huge disappointment.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 7, 2023
***3.5 - 4 Stars***
July 13, 2023
Amazing!
There is a reason Nicky James is a must read author for me, and as per usual she has written an amazing and unique book that had me turning the pages anxious to find out what was to come. The story was fascinating, learning all about life at the Oasis compound as we try to figure out what's true and what's a lie. It was intricate and detailed and I felt like I was there with Foster and Bowie. Admist all the rules and watchful eyes, Foster and Bowie formed a wonderful, slow burn connection and managed to find time to be together and explore each other. They were so great together, and quickly built a bond as they worked to uncover the truth. I was completely sucked into this world. I loved how different the story was, and I was flipping pages so fast for the last 25%.
This is a wonderful mystery suspense book, with a great slow burn romance, excellent side characters, and a plot that kept me on the edge of my seat to a fantastic conclusion!
There is a reason Nicky James is a must read author for me, and as per usual she has written an amazing and unique book that had me turning the pages anxious to find out what was to come. The story was fascinating, learning all about life at the Oasis compound as we try to figure out what's true and what's a lie. It was intricate and detailed and I felt like I was there with Foster and Bowie. Admist all the rules and watchful eyes, Foster and Bowie formed a wonderful, slow burn connection and managed to find time to be together and explore each other. They were so great together, and quickly built a bond as they worked to uncover the truth. I was completely sucked into this world. I loved how different the story was, and I was flipping pages so fast for the last 25%.
This is a wonderful mystery suspense book, with a great slow burn romance, excellent side characters, and a plot that kept me on the edge of my seat to a fantastic conclusion!
October 9, 2023
I've given this an A for narration and a B+ for content at AudioGals.
Nicky James’ Everything I Didn’t Know is a standalone romantic suspense title set in a remote commune where three hundred-plus people have chosen to leave their old lives behind to follow a simpler one, living off the land. All is not what it seems, however, and the author has crafted an intense, atmospheric story with some genuinely creepy vibes as one young man’s dreams of family and belonging are shattered in the worst way and he learns the truth about the corruption at the heart of the community he is now trapped in.
A couple of years earlier, Bowie and his best friend Collin, both disenchanted with life in general and not really having any idea of what their futures might look like, dropped out of college after becoming involved with a group of environmental activists. The energy, the sense of purpose, the message, and the crazy exploits of the group members appealed to them and offered them the chance to feel part of something important – and for Bowie to finally feel part of the family he never had. A few months later, Bowie and Collin were invited to join Oasis, a community dedicated to protecting the environment, back-to-nature living, and to fighting to save Mother Earth from the destruction being wrought upon her by man-made plagues.
But around six months after joining Oasis, the scales fell from Bowie’s eyes when Collin was caught trying to escape and was publicly executed by Father Wilder, the supposedly benevolent father figure at the head of the community. Collin’s murder was framed as being a way to purge his soul, his body a gift of nutrients for Mother Earth – and was calmly accepted by all. Bowie vows to avenge Collin’s death, no matter how long it takes; he’ll play the game and gain trust and privileges, then, when he’s able, he’ll escape and blow the whistle on Oasis.
A year later, and Bowie’s plan is working. He’s risen through the ranks to become one of the Second Branch – one of the higher ranking ‘officials’ of the organisation and one Father Wilder’s most trusted followers. He is tasked with overseeing the orientation of the latest group of recruits to Oasis, assigning brethren to explain the rules and help them settle in – and is asked by Wilder to look after the engaged couple in the group, a petite, auburn-haired woman and a tall, handsome man a few years older than Bowie – who immediately catches his eye. Bowie quashes his interest – the man (Foster) is engaged to the woman (Paxton) at his side and is firmly off limits, so Bowie must surely have imagined the slightly longer-than-normal handshake and the flirty grin that had been sent his way.
But as the days turn into weeks, and Bowie spends time with and observing the couple, it becomes evident to him that something isn’t quite right. They’re openly affectionate in public, but in private, their body language doesn’t scream “engaged couple”, and Foster is way too flirty for a man who is supposed to be in love with someone else. He also asks a lot of questions, and Bowie fears he’ll start drawing attention to himself if he doesn’t learn to tone it down. More worrying, however, is Bowie’s growing belief that Foster is only here because Paxton wanted to come and he wanted to make her happy. If that’s true, Foster will be in real danger once he realises Oasis isn’t for him and he starts looking for a way out – but maybe, if Bowie has guessed correctly, he could be a potential ally.
Bowie’s instincts prove to be pretty accurate. The listener knows from the start that Foster and Paxton are not what they seem and that their reasons for joining Oasis are not the usual ones. But Bowie has learned that trusting anyone with his secrets is dangerous – and no matter how strong the pull of attraction between him and Foster is, and with the stakes suddenly raised – he can’t afford to make the wrong choice.
Although the story is told in dual PoV, Everything I Didn’t Know is really Bowie’s show as he pushes forward with his plan to become one of Wilder’s inner circle in order to foil his latest and biggest scheme to create havoc and destruction. There are some truly nail-biting moments as Bowie skirts the edge of discovery, and you’ll find your heart in your throat as he’s forced to do some very fast thinking to keep his enemies convinced of his fervour and dedication. I really liked him as a character, and was impressed with the way the author presents his inner conflict. Bowie knows the compassionate father-figure Wilder presents to his followers is just an act, knows he’s ruthless and capable of great cruelty, yet despite all that, there’s something about the man that still draws Bowie to him. For someone like Bowie, who has been alone for much of his life, it was easy to buy the promise of family, home, and community Oasis was selling, and even though he knows how empty those promises were, something in him still clings to the fantasy and he has to remind himself of the truth sometimes. I’m no expert, but his thought-processes feel very realistic. I also appreciated the author’s choice to make Oasis something with a certain amount of appeal – a group of people dedicated to protecting the environment (a cause we can all get behind) rather than a crazy religious cult, because it provides some real grey areas and makes Bowie’s emotional conflict easier to understand.
Because Foster is new to Oasis and doesn’t have even the limited freedom Bowie has, his purpose is mostly as a sounding board and support for the first three-quarters of the book, but that’s exactly what Bowie needs. Their physical relationship begins as a way of blowing off steam, but their connection deepens quickly and realistically, and there’s a neat bit of role-reversal going on, with Bowie – the younger of the two – the more level-headed, and Foster – a former military professional – the more reckless and prone to impulsivity. I admit that I did have to side-eye a couple of potentially TSTL moments, but what I really liked about Foster is his ability to be honest with himself and admit that he’s out of his depth and not well suited to his current situation. He’s also a good partner for Bowie – he recognises his strength of mind and his determination and he never tries to wrap him up in cotton wool or insist he’s too young and inexperienced to do what has to be done.
Admittedly, the romance does play second-fiddle to the plot here, but that makes sense given the oppressive environment and the need for secrecy. I appreciated that both men acknowledge that their relationship was formed under extraordinary circumstances but that they’d like to explore it further, and their eventual HFN provides like a solid basis for a future together.
Knowing in advance that a book I’ve enjoyed reading is going to be equally enjoyable in audio thanks to the talents of an excellent narrator means I can just kick back and immerse myself in the story without worrying about odd quirks that get on my nerves! (There’s nothing quite like that sinking feeling when you see a book you loved coupled with the name of a narrator who just… isn’t up to the job, amirite?) Nick J. Russo has proved himself to be one of the most reliably good audio performers around – I haven’t given him anything lower than a B+ here at AudioGals, and he’s earned a good number of A grades, too – and he delivers another strongly characterised and expertly nuanced performance here. His portrayals of Bowie and Foster work really well – the humour in Foster’s dialogue comes through strongly and he does a great job of putting across all the complex emotions Bowie is going through, conveying his inner strength and determination as well as his constant and very real fear of discovery. Their emotional connection is strongly rendered and I enjoyed the warmth and humour on display in their more intimate moments – and as a veteran romance narrator, Mr. Russo really knows how to bring the sexy without going over the top. The secondary cast isn’t large, but is clearly delineated and the narration as a whole is well paced and expressive.
Everything I Didn’t Know is a tense and exciting story and another compelling listen from this favourite author/narrator team.
This review originally appeared at AudioGals.
Nicky James’ Everything I Didn’t Know is a standalone romantic suspense title set in a remote commune where three hundred-plus people have chosen to leave their old lives behind to follow a simpler one, living off the land. All is not what it seems, however, and the author has crafted an intense, atmospheric story with some genuinely creepy vibes as one young man’s dreams of family and belonging are shattered in the worst way and he learns the truth about the corruption at the heart of the community he is now trapped in.
A couple of years earlier, Bowie and his best friend Collin, both disenchanted with life in general and not really having any idea of what their futures might look like, dropped out of college after becoming involved with a group of environmental activists. The energy, the sense of purpose, the message, and the crazy exploits of the group members appealed to them and offered them the chance to feel part of something important – and for Bowie to finally feel part of the family he never had. A few months later, Bowie and Collin were invited to join Oasis, a community dedicated to protecting the environment, back-to-nature living, and to fighting to save Mother Earth from the destruction being wrought upon her by man-made plagues.
But around six months after joining Oasis, the scales fell from Bowie’s eyes when Collin was caught trying to escape and was publicly executed by Father Wilder, the supposedly benevolent father figure at the head of the community. Collin’s murder was framed as being a way to purge his soul, his body a gift of nutrients for Mother Earth – and was calmly accepted by all. Bowie vows to avenge Collin’s death, no matter how long it takes; he’ll play the game and gain trust and privileges, then, when he’s able, he’ll escape and blow the whistle on Oasis.
A year later, and Bowie’s plan is working. He’s risen through the ranks to become one of the Second Branch – one of the higher ranking ‘officials’ of the organisation and one Father Wilder’s most trusted followers. He is tasked with overseeing the orientation of the latest group of recruits to Oasis, assigning brethren to explain the rules and help them settle in – and is asked by Wilder to look after the engaged couple in the group, a petite, auburn-haired woman and a tall, handsome man a few years older than Bowie – who immediately catches his eye. Bowie quashes his interest – the man (Foster) is engaged to the woman (Paxton) at his side and is firmly off limits, so Bowie must surely have imagined the slightly longer-than-normal handshake and the flirty grin that had been sent his way.
But as the days turn into weeks, and Bowie spends time with and observing the couple, it becomes evident to him that something isn’t quite right. They’re openly affectionate in public, but in private, their body language doesn’t scream “engaged couple”, and Foster is way too flirty for a man who is supposed to be in love with someone else. He also asks a lot of questions, and Bowie fears he’ll start drawing attention to himself if he doesn’t learn to tone it down. More worrying, however, is Bowie’s growing belief that Foster is only here because Paxton wanted to come and he wanted to make her happy. If that’s true, Foster will be in real danger once he realises Oasis isn’t for him and he starts looking for a way out – but maybe, if Bowie has guessed correctly, he could be a potential ally.
Bowie’s instincts prove to be pretty accurate. The listener knows from the start that Foster and Paxton are not what they seem and that their reasons for joining Oasis are not the usual ones. But Bowie has learned that trusting anyone with his secrets is dangerous – and no matter how strong the pull of attraction between him and Foster is, and with the stakes suddenly raised – he can’t afford to make the wrong choice.
Although the story is told in dual PoV, Everything I Didn’t Know is really Bowie’s show as he pushes forward with his plan to become one of Wilder’s inner circle in order to foil his latest and biggest scheme to create havoc and destruction. There are some truly nail-biting moments as Bowie skirts the edge of discovery, and you’ll find your heart in your throat as he’s forced to do some very fast thinking to keep his enemies convinced of his fervour and dedication. I really liked him as a character, and was impressed with the way the author presents his inner conflict. Bowie knows the compassionate father-figure Wilder presents to his followers is just an act, knows he’s ruthless and capable of great cruelty, yet despite all that, there’s something about the man that still draws Bowie to him. For someone like Bowie, who has been alone for much of his life, it was easy to buy the promise of family, home, and community Oasis was selling, and even though he knows how empty those promises were, something in him still clings to the fantasy and he has to remind himself of the truth sometimes. I’m no expert, but his thought-processes feel very realistic. I also appreciated the author’s choice to make Oasis something with a certain amount of appeal – a group of people dedicated to protecting the environment (a cause we can all get behind) rather than a crazy religious cult, because it provides some real grey areas and makes Bowie’s emotional conflict easier to understand.
Because Foster is new to Oasis and doesn’t have even the limited freedom Bowie has, his purpose is mostly as a sounding board and support for the first three-quarters of the book, but that’s exactly what Bowie needs. Their physical relationship begins as a way of blowing off steam, but their connection deepens quickly and realistically, and there’s a neat bit of role-reversal going on, with Bowie – the younger of the two – the more level-headed, and Foster – a former military professional – the more reckless and prone to impulsivity. I admit that I did have to side-eye a couple of potentially TSTL moments, but what I really liked about Foster is his ability to be honest with himself and admit that he’s out of his depth and not well suited to his current situation. He’s also a good partner for Bowie – he recognises his strength of mind and his determination and he never tries to wrap him up in cotton wool or insist he’s too young and inexperienced to do what has to be done.
Admittedly, the romance does play second-fiddle to the plot here, but that makes sense given the oppressive environment and the need for secrecy. I appreciated that both men acknowledge that their relationship was formed under extraordinary circumstances but that they’d like to explore it further, and their eventual HFN provides like a solid basis for a future together.
Knowing in advance that a book I’ve enjoyed reading is going to be equally enjoyable in audio thanks to the talents of an excellent narrator means I can just kick back and immerse myself in the story without worrying about odd quirks that get on my nerves! (There’s nothing quite like that sinking feeling when you see a book you loved coupled with the name of a narrator who just… isn’t up to the job, amirite?) Nick J. Russo has proved himself to be one of the most reliably good audio performers around – I haven’t given him anything lower than a B+ here at AudioGals, and he’s earned a good number of A grades, too – and he delivers another strongly characterised and expertly nuanced performance here. His portrayals of Bowie and Foster work really well – the humour in Foster’s dialogue comes through strongly and he does a great job of putting across all the complex emotions Bowie is going through, conveying his inner strength and determination as well as his constant and very real fear of discovery. Their emotional connection is strongly rendered and I enjoyed the warmth and humour on display in their more intimate moments – and as a veteran romance narrator, Mr. Russo really knows how to bring the sexy without going over the top. The secondary cast isn’t large, but is clearly delineated and the narration as a whole is well paced and expressive.
Everything I Didn’t Know is a tense and exciting story and another compelling listen from this favourite author/narrator team.
This review originally appeared at AudioGals.
August 6, 2023
Classic Nicky James. Hurt/Comfort, suspense, & lots of emotional baggage. Love her for it.
This plot centers around a cult.
It’s honestly scary the way that a person with extreme enough person beliefs can manipulate and radicalize entire populations. All it takes is exceptional people reading skills, the right amount of charisma & steady eye contact.
Okay fine that’s not ALL it takes, but those 3 things really book end the psycho cult leader ingredient shelf. Father Wilder - a commune leader running a cult unbeknownst to EVERYONE (including his little saplings) despite the large numbers - read people, gave them what they needed to let their guard down and trust him to the point ppl were so happy they never even considered asking questions.
That’s all I can think about right now after finishing, and it’s honestly like 10% of the book. I’ll be back with more.
FRTC
This plot centers around a cult.
It’s honestly scary the way that a person with extreme enough person beliefs can manipulate and radicalize entire populations. All it takes is exceptional people reading skills, the right amount of charisma & steady eye contact.
Okay fine that’s not ALL it takes, but those 3 things really book end the psycho cult leader ingredient shelf. Father Wilder - a commune leader running a cult unbeknownst to EVERYONE (including his little saplings) despite the large numbers - read people, gave them what they needed to let their guard down and trust him to the point ppl were so happy they never even considered asking questions.
That’s all I can think about right now after finishing, and it’s honestly like 10% of the book. I’ll be back with more.
FRTC
July 6, 2023
Wow what a ride Nicky took us on in this book. What a way to open the story. Heartbreak.
Then we meet Foster and Bowie at Oasis. I felt their initial connection from when they meet.
Bowie has been at Oasis for 18 months and desperately wants out but he can’t find a way. He gets charged with Foster and Paxton, teach them the ropes as new members. Foster is very impulsive and wants to gather all the evidence needed.
We get sent on a mission. Get the evidence. Don’t get caught and stay alive and get out. This story is definitely different than Nicky’s past books and I really enjoyed it.
Then we meet Foster and Bowie at Oasis. I felt their initial connection from when they meet.
Bowie has been at Oasis for 18 months and desperately wants out but he can’t find a way. He gets charged with Foster and Paxton, teach them the ropes as new members. Foster is very impulsive and wants to gather all the evidence needed.
We get sent on a mission. Get the evidence. Don’t get caught and stay alive and get out. This story is definitely different than Nicky’s past books and I really enjoyed it.
July 30, 2023
This book was addictive. I really do love a good cult plot and this delivered on that with the stress and angst and build up of nervousness as the story progressed.
The relationship that formed between Foster and Bowie was done so well and so realistic. Bowie was definitely the stand out for me as the guy was older than his year’s and was the most at danger.
It was suspenseful whilst also capturing these 2 very different guys falling in love.
Highly recommend if you want a story to sink your teeth into.
The relationship that formed between Foster and Bowie was done so well and so realistic. Bowie was definitely the stand out for me as the guy was older than his year’s and was the most at danger.
It was suspenseful whilst also capturing these 2 very different guys falling in love.
Highly recommend if you want a story to sink your teeth into.
September 18, 2023
DNF 50%. Man, Nicky James is so hit or miss for me, with way more misses than hits lately. Not enough that I’m ready to part ways w her but I’m definitely discouraged. So far this story has been very slow to take off and that along with all the depiction of the cult life has me feeling both unengaged and unsettled (note to self: maybe don’t read books about cults). Worse still is how frustrating Foster is. Similar to one of the MCs from NJ’s Valor detective series (of which I only made it 20% through book 1), Foster is grossly unprofessional, incautious, and impulsive. How did he get assigned to such a sensitive and important case? Speaking of, why was this assignment so poorly planned? Here we have two operatives who have been inserted into an extremely precarious and potentially very dangerous situation with little to no information about what they’re getting into and no way to communicate with the outside world. It’s reckless, makes no sense, and is not believable. And now, perhaps worst of all when you’re reading romance (okay, romantic suspense), I’ve reached the first sex scene and am completely unmoved and uninterested. Even a little repulsed bc Foster is just the worst.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 18, 2023
3.25⭐️
This book could easily have been 4 stars but unfortunately from the middle onwards it was a bit boring, it started off very well, I was intrigued by the story, then halfway through it was a bit slow and couldn't keep my attention, in fact I kept getting distracted (and that's mainly why my rating is this), it recovered towards the end though.
Then i had a bit of a problem being invested in the character of Foster i don't know why and that also weighed on my enjoyment of the book.
Overall it's a good book,really, the plot is certainly different from the usual and this is definitely a point in its favor.
This book could easily have been 4 stars but unfortunately from the middle onwards it was a bit boring, it started off very well, I was intrigued by the story, then halfway through it was a bit slow and couldn't keep my attention, in fact I kept getting distracted (and that's mainly why my rating is this), it recovered towards the end though.
Then i had a bit of a problem being invested in the character of Foster i don't know why and that also weighed on my enjoyment of the book.
Overall it's a good book,really, the plot is certainly different from the usual and this is definitely a point in its favor.
July 3, 2023
This book was very hard to read for me, I found it heartbreaking. I took my time reading this, I was so emotional. I’d cry, get angry, scared or flip out because of the crazy and cry some more, then yay, the good stuff,just wow… At least it ended happy and I could finally smile. A Must Read if you love angsty books!
Read
August 11, 2025dnf
I just keep cringing 😬
I just keep cringing 😬
August 2, 2023
I did enjoy this story but I wanted so much more at the end. It stopped very suddenly and went into the HEA without tying up loads of the loose ends which I cared about. I was very invested in a lot of the other characters. I wanted to know what happened to the baddies, some people on the compound like York or Fauna, the dialogue with Paxton, the police thanking Foster & Bowie, or at least supporting them in some way. The press reports etc. I wanted to hear about Collin's relatives and the closure for them and I wanted it to be less sickly sweet at the end.
I expect the author knew all that information and dialogue and I wished she'd shared it with us (perhaps it was an editorial decision not to) but it made a potentially great story rather mediocre and a bit disappointing in the end. That was a shame as I have loved a lot of Nicky James books in the past. Perhaps she could add in a bit at the end of a trial and what happened to everyone.
The characters were good. The story was great. I just needed less sugar & more up an update at the end.
I expect the author knew all that information and dialogue and I wished she'd shared it with us (perhaps it was an editorial decision not to) but it made a potentially great story rather mediocre and a bit disappointing in the end. That was a shame as I have loved a lot of Nicky James books in the past. Perhaps she could add in a bit at the end of a trial and what happened to everyone.
The characters were good. The story was great. I just needed less sugar & more up an update at the end.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 13, 2023
Another great story.
This book is a bit different from the regular NJ book. It is about living in a cult and not being able to leave when things aren't what you expect. Bowie and his friend Colin left university to be free and live a community life in Oasis. Once there they realised it wasn't all roses and trying to leave had consequences. Bowie realised she needs to bide his time, get in the good side of the 'Father' if he wants even the slightest chance to escape fro good. A year or so a new couple, Foster and Paxton, join and Bowie is in charge of seeing them settle in. He immediately gets the vibes that Foster is going to cause issues as he asks to many questions. But things are not as they seem and when secrets are revealed, the feelings start to grow between Bowie and Foster. There is a strict hierarchy and order for things in the Oasis and something is going down. As Bowie and Foster join forces, will they have enough time to get to the bottom of this before it's too late. It was a bit of a slow start and slow burn but once things got going, the romance grew, risks were higher, angst was involved and I think the second half I spent on the edge of my seat. There were a few surprises and as always Ms. James had me guessing til the every end. I would definitely recommend if you like Nicky James's work and want a bit of mystery angst and romance.
This book is a bit different from the regular NJ book. It is about living in a cult and not being able to leave when things aren't what you expect. Bowie and his friend Colin left university to be free and live a community life in Oasis. Once there they realised it wasn't all roses and trying to leave had consequences. Bowie realised she needs to bide his time, get in the good side of the 'Father' if he wants even the slightest chance to escape fro good. A year or so a new couple, Foster and Paxton, join and Bowie is in charge of seeing them settle in. He immediately gets the vibes that Foster is going to cause issues as he asks to many questions. But things are not as they seem and when secrets are revealed, the feelings start to grow between Bowie and Foster. There is a strict hierarchy and order for things in the Oasis and something is going down. As Bowie and Foster join forces, will they have enough time to get to the bottom of this before it's too late. It was a bit of a slow start and slow burn but once things got going, the romance grew, risks were higher, angst was involved and I think the second half I spent on the edge of my seat. There were a few surprises and as always Ms. James had me guessing til the every end. I would definitely recommend if you like Nicky James's work and want a bit of mystery angst and romance.
July 10, 2023
Spectacular. I don't even know what to say.. I started and finished this book in under 6 hours. I couldn't put it down. The intricacies of this story were insane. Nicky James is one of the BEST authors I've ever read. Bowie and Foster were amazing together. The chemistry was off the charts and their dedication to the mission was sublime. This story made me laugh, it also made me gasp and curse. The balance was perfection. The way all the little details fell into place at the end really made this story phenomenal. I would 1000% recommend this book.
July 12, 2023
4.5 stars
Bowie and Foster are both living in at Oasis, an isolated rural community run with rules that nobody is allowed to break.
Nicky James does an amazing job of bringing their unusual circumstances to life. I felt like I was right there with them in their crazy new living conditions.
This is an intriguing and intense story that is edge of your seat reading while also, at times difficult to read. I loved the slow burn of Bowie and Foster's relationship. And was so pleased so their hard won happy ever after.
Bowie and Foster are both living in at Oasis, an isolated rural community run with rules that nobody is allowed to break.
Nicky James does an amazing job of bringing their unusual circumstances to life. I felt like I was right there with them in their crazy new living conditions.
This is an intriguing and intense story that is edge of your seat reading while also, at times difficult to read. I loved the slow burn of Bowie and Foster's relationship. And was so pleased so their hard won happy ever after.
Read
December 24, 2023I wanted to stop earlier but I really wanted to see if it would begin to work for me. I read to 46% which is at their first kiss and I still can’t get into it. I want to read romance with other stuff mixed in not the other way around. I don’t usually like slow burns either.
I know it’s me…it’s been me a lot this year 😑
I know it’s me…it’s been me a lot this year 😑
August 22, 2023
I knew Nicky James would do this right. It’s no secret that I love cult stories, and without knowing anything else I knew I’d love it. And I did.
While it was nothing like I expected, it’s everything I expected from NJ. The suspense, the deep emotions, and the mental health rep. Loved it!
While it was nothing like I expected, it’s everything I expected from NJ. The suspense, the deep emotions, and the mental health rep. Loved it!
Read
January 14, 2024DNF @ 12%
July 31, 2023
4.5 stars.
This book had me invested from the jump. I love a good suspenseful book and this fit the bill. I am also very fascinated with cults and how people can actually get sucked into them. This book was the perfect blend of a thriller and romance. Not only did the cult of it all keep my attention, so did the love story between Bowie & Foster. I love these two, and although it wasn't the smartest thing to start something amid everything that was happening, they really found solace in one another.
This book had twists that I did not see coming. I thought one thing and them BAM the author was like I don't think so. It held my attention from the first word to the last. I love the story and I love impulsive Foster and bratty Bowie so much. The only thing I wish is that there was more of their story once they escaped the cult. I could read about them in the real world for at least another 100 pages. There was a nice epilogue of them a few months later which was great. It you would a romantic thriller this is definitely a good one to pick up.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It wasn’t just that there was something notable about his guarded demeanor—and there was—but he was fucking gorgeous. The combination of warm, tanned skin, crescent-shaped eyes—slightly squinty in the sunlight—expressive brows, round cheeks, and full mouth gave him a youthful, almost cherubic innocence and purity. Yet the expression he wore contradicted those looks.
Whoever he was, he stood out—enough that it took me a full minute to tear my gaze away.
For the first time since agreeing to join Oasis, I thought it might not be all bad.
Father Wilder clasped a rough hand around my nape and peered deep into my eyes. I saw a father figure—something I’d never had and always longed for. I saw a man I hated as much as I loved. A man who had broken my trust a year ago. “Mother loves you, Brother Bowie. As do I.” He planted a kiss on my forehead.
I closed my eyes, feeling the chapped dampness of his lips when they pressed against my skin. I absorbed the protective grip of his sizable palm. His scent, like Mother Earth herself, surrounded me.
Too many days of late, I’d wondered where the line was and if it had blurred to unrecognition at my inability to act. At what point did “going along with it” make me one of them? Had the time for heroism come and gone? Had I bypassed opportunities because I was too afraid? Too comfortable? Somedays, I couldn’t tell whose side I was on. It was too easy to get sucked into the folds of community and family. Too easy to bask in the love given freely by Father Wilder. A love that had been deprived to me for all my life.
A poisoned love was better than none at all, wasn’t it?
It was too easy to forget the man who had taken me under his wing had also murdered my best friend for nothing more than a desire to go home. A desire I secretly held in my own heart to this day.
But what was home? Where was home? I wasn’t sure I knew anymore.
Paxton would murder me in my sleep if she could read my thoughts, but Bowie was impossible to ignore. It was his thick dark hair that was a little too long and fell into his eyes, causing him to push it back off his face more often than not. It was his generous mouth with full lips that curved enticingly outward, permanently pouty. It was his rich, coffee-brown eyes, uniquely shaped like crescent moons when he smiled. It was the tiny freckle beneath his right eye that I’d noticed and fixated on when we were at the pond. At first, I’d thought it was a smudge of dirt and wanted to wipe it away. It was the gentle hill of his Adam’s apple. It was the rounded curve of his cheekbones, his chewed nails, dark scruff, and expressive eyebrows.
God he was gorgeous.
I had to be careful around Bowie. He awoke something inside me, something I’d told myself I could go without. If I wasn’t careful, he had the potential to ruin everything.
Father Wilder offered me everything I’d never had as a young boy, and the hopelessly love-starved child inside me ate it up even when I knew I was ingesting poison.
He was so close I could make out each long lash framing his eyes. I could feel the ghost of his exhales as they displaced the air between us. His body radiated heat, giving off a natural musk as unique to Bowie as his fingerprints. He smelled like the outdoors. Like the earth after it rained. Like the sap from a pine tree. Like the wind, and I didn’t know what the wind smelled like, but it was how my brain tagged the unique scent I couldn’t identify.
It was Bowie, and it was intoxicating.
My skin prickled with desire. His presence hijacked my system, and I wound up staring at the curve of Bowie’s generous mouth, at the gentle cut of his scruffy jaw, at the shape of his distinctive brows.
And the freckle I wanted to explore with my tongue.
Bowie found my knee, touching lightly before moving to my thigh, where he settled his hand, warm and comforting.
I took it as an invitation. He was good with our connection.
We were doing this again, touching one another. I grazed my fingers over the swell of his lips. I traced both of his thick brows, marveling at how much emotion they could convey. They said everything without needing the accompaniment of words. Then I mapped a path down the bridge of Bowie’s nose.
He laughed and swatted my hand away. “What are you doing?”
I returned the smile. “Exploring.”
I closed the distance and kissed him.
It was the simplest decision I’d made in a long time. Maybe it was our easy camaraderie. Maybe it was the atmosphere or the thrill of hiding amid dangerous people. Maybe it was being in a rundown shed in the middle of the night, but I was drawn to Bowie in a way I couldn’t explain.
I admired his strength and resilience. His determination, fearlessness, and courage.
He wasn’t like anyone I’d ever known in my life.
I moved the hair from his eyes and whispered, “I’m not using you, Bowie. I’m incapable of turning you off is the problem. In case you hadn't noticed, I’ve become somewhat infatuated with you.”
A faint smile ghosted his lips, and he leaned in and kissed me. It was slow and soft, more explorative than the previous few times. Less frantic. We didn’t let it get out of control, and after a few minutes, he pulled back, still smiling. “You’re such a shitty cop.”
I laughed and shoved him. He didn’t go far.
His smile turned serious, and he squeezed my hand as he moved back into my space and rested his forehead on mine. “I kinda like you too, Foster, for as horrible as the timing is.”
We stared at one another for a long time, and when Foster smiled, it felt like a beginning.
My heart thumped, and a rush of nerves made the words catch in my throat, but I didn’t let it stop me. Maybe it was spontaneous. Maybe the timing was bad, but it was time he knew. “I just… I love you.”
Bowie’s stunned expression made me laugh. He floundered. The light turned green, but neither of us moved to cross the street.
Bowie opened and closed his mouth several times before he found words. “Are you… Really?”
“You seem surprised.”
“No.” His smile turned devious. “It’s just…” He glanced at the street light and back. “I was actually going to say the same thing to you tonight, but I was waiting until we got home and weren’t standing in the middle of the street.”
I noted the cars zipping by in both directions and the Don’t Walk symbol flashing on the other side of the road, and I shrugged. “Seemed as good a place as any.”
Bowie shook his head, drawing me closer. “You have no self-restraint.”
“None whatsoever.”
He took my face between his palms and kissed me. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Bowie.”
“Again.”
“I love you, but now you’re being a brat.”
He chuckled softly against my mouth. “I love you too.”
This book had me invested from the jump. I love a good suspenseful book and this fit the bill. I am also very fascinated with cults and how people can actually get sucked into them. This book was the perfect blend of a thriller and romance. Not only did the cult of it all keep my attention, so did the love story between Bowie & Foster. I love these two, and although it wasn't the smartest thing to start something amid everything that was happening, they really found solace in one another.
This book had twists that I did not see coming. I thought one thing and them BAM the author was like I don't think so. It held my attention from the first word to the last. I love the story and I love impulsive Foster and bratty Bowie so much. The only thing I wish is that there was more of their story once they escaped the cult. I could read about them in the real world for at least another 100 pages. There was a nice epilogue of them a few months later which was great. It you would a romantic thriller this is definitely a good one to pick up.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It wasn’t just that there was something notable about his guarded demeanor—and there was—but he was fucking gorgeous. The combination of warm, tanned skin, crescent-shaped eyes—slightly squinty in the sunlight—expressive brows, round cheeks, and full mouth gave him a youthful, almost cherubic innocence and purity. Yet the expression he wore contradicted those looks.
Whoever he was, he stood out—enough that it took me a full minute to tear my gaze away.
For the first time since agreeing to join Oasis, I thought it might not be all bad.
Father Wilder clasped a rough hand around my nape and peered deep into my eyes. I saw a father figure—something I’d never had and always longed for. I saw a man I hated as much as I loved. A man who had broken my trust a year ago. “Mother loves you, Brother Bowie. As do I.” He planted a kiss on my forehead.
I closed my eyes, feeling the chapped dampness of his lips when they pressed against my skin. I absorbed the protective grip of his sizable palm. His scent, like Mother Earth herself, surrounded me.
Too many days of late, I’d wondered where the line was and if it had blurred to unrecognition at my inability to act. At what point did “going along with it” make me one of them? Had the time for heroism come and gone? Had I bypassed opportunities because I was too afraid? Too comfortable? Somedays, I couldn’t tell whose side I was on. It was too easy to get sucked into the folds of community and family. Too easy to bask in the love given freely by Father Wilder. A love that had been deprived to me for all my life.
A poisoned love was better than none at all, wasn’t it?
It was too easy to forget the man who had taken me under his wing had also murdered my best friend for nothing more than a desire to go home. A desire I secretly held in my own heart to this day.
But what was home? Where was home? I wasn’t sure I knew anymore.
Paxton would murder me in my sleep if she could read my thoughts, but Bowie was impossible to ignore. It was his thick dark hair that was a little too long and fell into his eyes, causing him to push it back off his face more often than not. It was his generous mouth with full lips that curved enticingly outward, permanently pouty. It was his rich, coffee-brown eyes, uniquely shaped like crescent moons when he smiled. It was the tiny freckle beneath his right eye that I’d noticed and fixated on when we were at the pond. At first, I’d thought it was a smudge of dirt and wanted to wipe it away. It was the gentle hill of his Adam’s apple. It was the rounded curve of his cheekbones, his chewed nails, dark scruff, and expressive eyebrows.
God he was gorgeous.
I had to be careful around Bowie. He awoke something inside me, something I’d told myself I could go without. If I wasn’t careful, he had the potential to ruin everything.
Father Wilder offered me everything I’d never had as a young boy, and the hopelessly love-starved child inside me ate it up even when I knew I was ingesting poison.
He was so close I could make out each long lash framing his eyes. I could feel the ghost of his exhales as they displaced the air between us. His body radiated heat, giving off a natural musk as unique to Bowie as his fingerprints. He smelled like the outdoors. Like the earth after it rained. Like the sap from a pine tree. Like the wind, and I didn’t know what the wind smelled like, but it was how my brain tagged the unique scent I couldn’t identify.
It was Bowie, and it was intoxicating.
My skin prickled with desire. His presence hijacked my system, and I wound up staring at the curve of Bowie’s generous mouth, at the gentle cut of his scruffy jaw, at the shape of his distinctive brows.
And the freckle I wanted to explore with my tongue.
Bowie found my knee, touching lightly before moving to my thigh, where he settled his hand, warm and comforting.
I took it as an invitation. He was good with our connection.
We were doing this again, touching one another. I grazed my fingers over the swell of his lips. I traced both of his thick brows, marveling at how much emotion they could convey. They said everything without needing the accompaniment of words. Then I mapped a path down the bridge of Bowie’s nose.
He laughed and swatted my hand away. “What are you doing?”
I returned the smile. “Exploring.”
I closed the distance and kissed him.
It was the simplest decision I’d made in a long time. Maybe it was our easy camaraderie. Maybe it was the atmosphere or the thrill of hiding amid dangerous people. Maybe it was being in a rundown shed in the middle of the night, but I was drawn to Bowie in a way I couldn’t explain.
I admired his strength and resilience. His determination, fearlessness, and courage.
He wasn’t like anyone I’d ever known in my life.
I moved the hair from his eyes and whispered, “I’m not using you, Bowie. I’m incapable of turning you off is the problem. In case you hadn't noticed, I’ve become somewhat infatuated with you.”
A faint smile ghosted his lips, and he leaned in and kissed me. It was slow and soft, more explorative than the previous few times. Less frantic. We didn’t let it get out of control, and after a few minutes, he pulled back, still smiling. “You’re such a shitty cop.”
I laughed and shoved him. He didn’t go far.
His smile turned serious, and he squeezed my hand as he moved back into my space and rested his forehead on mine. “I kinda like you too, Foster, for as horrible as the timing is.”
We stared at one another for a long time, and when Foster smiled, it felt like a beginning.
My heart thumped, and a rush of nerves made the words catch in my throat, but I didn’t let it stop me. Maybe it was spontaneous. Maybe the timing was bad, but it was time he knew. “I just… I love you.”
Bowie’s stunned expression made me laugh. He floundered. The light turned green, but neither of us moved to cross the street.
Bowie opened and closed his mouth several times before he found words. “Are you… Really?”
“You seem surprised.”
“No.” His smile turned devious. “It’s just…” He glanced at the street light and back. “I was actually going to say the same thing to you tonight, but I was waiting until we got home and weren’t standing in the middle of the street.”
I noted the cars zipping by in both directions and the Don’t Walk symbol flashing on the other side of the road, and I shrugged. “Seemed as good a place as any.”
Bowie shook his head, drawing me closer. “You have no self-restraint.”
“None whatsoever.”
He took my face between his palms and kissed me. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Bowie.”
“Again.”
“I love you, but now you’re being a brat.”
He chuckled softly against my mouth. “I love you too.”
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