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196 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1966
In this lifeless world what else was there for me to do but forget the searing light whose glare had blinded me when I had felt my mother in my arms? But I already knew that it was not going to be forgotten, ever.- 'My Mother'
Madame Edwarda went on ahead of me, raised up until the very clouds... The room's noisy unheeding of her happiness, of the measured gravity of her step, was royal consecration and triumphal holiday: death itself was guest at the feast, was there in what whorehouse nudity terms the pig-sticker's stab.- Madame Edwarda
Will I be reproached if I have the weakness, finally, to confess that at present the kind of insignificance I am gradually turning into, which, I think, I have turned into, by now even lacks the meaning my last phrase, 'a violent silence', takes on? An instant ago, beside me, in a mirror, I caught sight of an empty face: my face. It does not have the meaning of a violent silence. Through the window what I am really watching is 'the multitudinous smiling of the sea'.- Dead Man
Easily, frequently, we would, my mother and I, find ourselves in the state of the woman or the man who desires, and in this state we would rage, but I did not desire my mother, she did not desire me. She would be as I knew she used to be in the wild, I would hold her hands and know that in front of me she had turned into a maenad, that she was in the most literal sense deranged, and I would share her frenzy. Had we translated our trembling madness into the barren acts of copula-tion, the cruel game we played with our eyes would have ceased: I would have ceased seeing my mother ecstatic at the sight of me, my mother would no longer have seen me beholding her in ecstasy. We'd have exchanged the purity of the unattainable for a mess of pottage, to satisfy our immediate greed.