The Duties Of Parents

by J.C. Ryle

The best brief summary we know of describing the goals of parents which God holds them to account for. This booklet provokes much further thought than its few pages contain and will help any family re-assess their goals according to Scripture. This tiny booklet on Christian parenting may well be one of the most challenging and insightful tools you ever read, to train yourselves for the biblical responsibility of child rearing. Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Prov 22:6) I suppose that most professing Christians are acquainted with the text at the head of this page. The sound of it is probably familiar to your ears, like an old tune. It is likely you have heard it, or read it, talked of it, or quoted it, many a time. Is it not so? But, after all, how little is the substance of this text regarded! The doctrine it contains appears scarcely known, the duty it puts before us seems fearfully seldom practised. Reader, do I not speak the truth? It cannot be said that the subject is a new one. The world is old, and we have the experience of nearly six thousand years to help us. We live in days when there is a mighty zeal for education in every quarter. We hear of new schools rising on all sides. We are told of new systems, and new books for the young, of every sort and description. And still for all this, the vast majority of children are manifestly not trained in the way they should go, for when they grow up to man's estate, they do not walk with God. Now how shall we account for this state of things? The plain truth is, the Lord's commandment in our text is not regarded; and therefore the Lord's promise in our text is not fulfilled. Reader, these things may well give rise to great searchings of heart. Suffer then a word of exhortation from a minister, about the right training of children. Believe me, the subject is one that should come home to every conscience, and make every one ask himself the question, "Am I in this matter doing what I can?" It is a subject that concerns almost all. There is hardly a household that it does not touch. Parents, nurses, teachers, godfathers, godmothers, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters--all have an interest in it. Few can be found, I think, who might not influence some parent in the management of his family, or affect the training of some child by suggestion or advice. All of us, I suspect, can do something here, either directly or indirectly, and I wish to stir up all to bear this in remembrance. It is a subject, too, on which all concerned are in great danger of coming short of their duty. This is preeminently a point in which men can see the faults of their neighbours more clearly than their own. They will often bring up their children in the very path which they have denounced to their friends as unsafe. They will see motes in other men's families, and overlook beams in their own. They will be quick sighted as eagles in detecting mistakes abroad, and yet blind as bats to fatal errors which are daily going on at home. They will be wise about their brother's house, but foolish about their own flesh and blood. Here, if anywhere, we have need to suspect our own judgment. This, too, you will do well to bear in mind.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Family, Theology, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Christian Non Fiction

38 pages, Paperback

First published March 19, 2005

About the author

(John Charles Ryle) Ryle started his ministry as curate at the Chapel of Ease in Exbury, Hampshire, moving on to become rector of St Thomas's, Winchester in 1843 and then rector of Helmingham, Suffolk the following year. While at Helmingham he married and was widowed twice. He began publishing popular tracts, and Matthew, Mark and Luke of his series of Expository Thoughts on the Gospels were published in successive years (1856-1858). His final parish was Stradbroke, also in Suffolk, where he moved in 1861, and it was as vicar of All Saints that he became known nationally for his straightforward preaching and firm defence of evangelical principles. He wrote several well-known and still-in-print books, often addressing issues of contemporary relevance for the Church from a biblical standpoint. He completed his Expository Thoughts on the Gospels while at Stradbroke, with his work on the Gospel of John (1869). His third marriage, to Henrietta Amelia Clowes in 1861, lasted until her death in 1889.

Reviews

[Jimmy]

Readers should probably know a little about the author--that he was an Anglican Bishop of Evangelical persuasion who lived most of his life in the 1800s (he died midway through 1900). Yet, this short work turns out to be still relevant for parenting today. There were nuggets of wisdom offered throughout the work. For instance, the author brings out a great point that it's easy for parents to see what other parents does wrong. Yet in the midst of this parents must examine themselves that they are parenting in a way that honors God. I like the point Ryle made about making sure we teach our children to obey even if they don't understand, but that they understand your love for them and care should be something they trust in even if they don't understand with their feeble minds. I thought that was a good analogy of our Christian faith with God the Father as well. Also a good point was made about not spoiling your kids because a spoiled child in the end is not going to be a happy child. I also was much encouraged by the point the author made that sometimes it's okay to teach our children spiritual matters even if they might not understand it right then and there (of course, that's not an excuse to work hard in bringing things down to the kid's level). This work was an encouragement for me as a new father of a child less than one year old--and as I realize the need of our times is Christian parents to raise up their children under the admonition of the Lord and the discipleship of children under a Christian worldview.

[Ashley Bacon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short, biting "book." A concise, needed reminder of things I need to focus on and pray for as a parent and for my kids. I love JC Ryle -- everything he writes is gold.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I began reading this book after a miscarriage. This book is filled with much practical information such as taking children to church, teaching them how to pray, requiring obedience, etc. No major breakthroughs, which makes me very thankful for my upbringing.

Alan Witchalls has edited the language into modern English, and it seems that certain parts have been added. For example, in various sections he mentions the Internet (24) and DVDs (86). So besides obvious parts, it's difficult to know exactly what is Ryle's and what is Witchalls's. I'd like to read Ryle's version, just to see if the parts that I disagreed with were Witchalls's additions.

4.5 stars (maybe because of Witchalls)

1: reality of death
2: edited into modern English
10: parents don't want to be told about their kids' problems
11: kids' desires aren't naturally good and need to be trained
15: lots of good comparisons
16: [fear section is incomplete; in a fallen world, fear and love are not mutually exclusive (Prov. 1:7, 9:10)]
17: [false dichotomy in notes: discipline vs. love]
19: training does much to determine our end; precious window of opportunity
20: delusion that parent cannot train their children
23: souls never die
24: pampering/pandering is cruelty
28: tales of irrelevant little storybooks
29: don't skip parts of the Bible
32: prayer leads to spiritual prosperity
33: engine, weapon, key, hand, silver trumpet, cry
34: don't let children pray flippantly
37–39: regular church attendance is a blessing; families should stay together, not separate into adults and children
43: teach children to believe you and God (strengthening/training their faith)
44–45: don't cruelly withhold reasons, but at the same time, children should learn to trust their parents
48: require obedience
53: require the truth
55: avoid idleness and encourage work; don't let imaginations breed mischief
56: Sodom (Ez. 16:49) and David (2 Sam. 11:1) were idle
57: teach children to use their time well
60: allowing children to have their own way ruins their souls
61: Eli and David failed to discipline their own children
69: discipline is good for children's souls' health; constant indulgence leads to selfishness and unhappiness
72: children learn much from our example; [school influence is diminished]
73: Penelope's loom as a metaphor for undoing all the good [misapplication]
75: sin's power means that we can't simply follow a formula and expect everything to turn out right
76: knowing sin's power should make us more diligent in training children well
79–80: persevere, because God's promises do not arrive all at once
82–83: Jacob acknowledges twice that children come from God
85: God uses means
86: disciplines consistently; much formation happens at home; foundations for character are laid; tastes/opinions are formed; trained children lead to contented parents

[Gabie Peacock · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short and edifying book for any that are currently parents or desire to be parents. This is less of a "how-to" instructional and more heavy on biblical principles we ought to apply in parenting. J.C. Ryle communicates these principles with warmth and tactfulness. I hope to reread again and take MANY notes along the way. So many beautiful quotes to meditate on. Highly recommend!!

[Owen Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good reminder, encouragement, and strong exhortation. I will read this again. To nourish and train our children in the light of eternity is to love them truly. After reading I have a greater appreciation for God’s grace!

[Abbie Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

2023 Will reread this over and over again.
2022 Excellent! I’ve read a few parenting books but this is my favorite by far and something I will reread for many many years to come. It is a must read for every parent in my opinion!!

[Autumn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent little booklet. Perfect for new parents or seasoned ones, those new in the faith or those with many blessed years walking with the Lord. If a chapter is familiar view it as a needed reminder, if you feel discouraged remember “Sow in hope and plant in hope.” Never could we bring our children too often to the throne of Grace.

[Benjamin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely excellent. Christian parents, read this as soon as possible. This will be a great little book to hand out to Christian families.

[Liane Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!

The edition I read was edited by Alan Witchalls and he did so with the intention to modernize the language because he found himself wanting to give this book to new parents but was worried that the outdated language would scare them off from really solid and helpful teaching. So while I am thankful this version exists, I do wonder how much I missed from the original based on some footnotes he included of the original and some jarring references to the Internet and DVDs in the book 😆 so if you’re already a fan of JC Ryle consider picking a different edition for his truest voice.

[Nickolas Wingholt · Rating 4 out of 5]

If there has ever been a model of clear, concise, and motivating writing, it is J.C. Ryle. Every one of his words pack a wallop, yet at the same time strengthen the reader. In The Duties of Parents, Ryle entreats moms and dads to train up a child in the way he should go - and gives 17 guidelines to stir up their motivations. I've been reading quite a few parenting books lately, and it was refreshing to just hear some simple, challenging encouragements to love my sons more effectively. 1st time read. 4/5.

[Jake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. My wife and I read one of these each time we drove somewhere together as a family. This, along with Douglas Wilson's "Why Children Matter" is currently my best recommended book on parenting.

[Sophie Brint Wages · Rating 5 out of 5]

Concise, convicting, and insightful. Would do me well to read this once a year for frequent reminders of the principles addressed.

[Matthew Bloomquist · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spank ur kids

[Amy Esslinger · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful, short book! However, I disagree with his interpretation of Prv. 22:6 as being a promise rather than a warning.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe our favorite parenting book (actually booklet) of all time. We used to buy them and give them as baby shower gifts. Ryle is an excellent teacher.

[Kofi Opoku · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great!

[Carli Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Might be my favorite little book on parenting so far!

[Lydia Bethay · Rating 5 out of 5]

J.C Ryle is always a 10. One of the best books on parenting. Stick with the Puritans.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

No, this is not a pregnancy announcement #_#

I love short, impactful reads like this one! In particular, his thoughts on training your children in habits of faith & obedience were new to me. Another thought, about withholding things from children for their good (stemming from how God does that with us), was challenging to meditate on.

I was surprised that Ryle views this Proverb as a promise - I had thought of it (and still do) as a wisdom principle that teaches a general practice, but whose results are not guaranteed to always come about.

[Adam Nesmith · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is more wisdom, insight, and encouragement in this less than fifty page book than in parenting books five times its length. I have yet to read anything written by Ryle that is not a gem, and this book is no exception. The points he makes about prioritizing the heart and character instead of right behavior and the dangers of not taking seriously the reality that your child has indwelling sin I particularly found helpful reading through it a second time. If you have kids, you should read this and hand it out liberally to other parents you know.

[Cameron McCartney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brief but brilliant introduction to the duties and joys of parenthood. Ryle writes with gentle respect, yet not without with his usual provocative flair. In 17 punchy chapters, Ryle always asks good questions of the reader. His key principles flow from the source of a practical, visible and personal faith in the parent, and often challenges the reader to think about the parenting principle in their own life before applying it to their child’s life. Chapter 12: “Your Children on being Spoilt” was the highlight for me, with some class one-liners, and helpful Scriptural insights, Ryle rightly warns the parent of the long-term dangers of allowing their child whatever they want whenever they want it. Overall I’d recommend this book to all prospective and current parents, I expect it is a book I will read and reflect on again in years to come. Thanks again J.C.Ryle.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

[Marcella Chatham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect for when you want to train your child in the ways of the Lord and have no idea where to start or if you need encouragement and motivation to continue down that path. Super short -- I wish each section was longer but this is supposed to be more of an introductory to biblical parenting and it reads as such with little nuggets of wisdom throughout the whole thing. About an 1.5 hour read so could easily be finished in one day.

"Beware of that miserable delusion into which some have fallen, that parents can do nothing for their children, that you must leave them alone, wait for grace, and sit still. These persons have wishes for their children in Balaam’s fashion,—they would like them to die the death of the righteous man, but they do nothing to make them live his life."

Listened to the audiobook for free on Hoopla. The narrator was great.

[Mark A Powell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though first published more than a century ago, this little booklet from Ryle contains principles of parenting that still resonate today. He reminds Christian parents that their main concern is the eternal souls of their children, not primarily their comfort or convenience. Although much of his counsel seems to run counter to modern culture’s approach to rearing children, it lines up perfectly with Scripture’s admonitions to parents. Ryle has written a highly helpful, highly recommend book.

[Blessing Bloodworth (naptimereaders) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short little book full of valuable insights on the importance of faithfully discipling our children. With advice both practical and conceptual, it’s written in Ryle’s classic straightforward approach.
Though I don’t agree that the “Train Up a Child” proverb should be viewed as a promise as Ryle does, I do agree with the vast majority of the counsel he provides in this teeny volume.

[Eric Keel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Put this in the hands of parents! It's not an intimidating book at just under an hour to read... but man is it good. Consider this a primer on parenting. I need to get like 15 copies and just pass them out now.

[Rachel Schultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

A power boost for parents that takes not long to read and is what like $4 on Amazon. Writing so crisp. Chooses just the right word. Straight to your heart.

[Grace Anne Vrazo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short, easy, punchy read. Should probably have this on a yearly rotation!

[BrontëKas · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I know also that God says expressly, ‘train up a child in the way he should go,’ and that He never laid a command on man which He would not give man grace to perform.”

This book, really more of a pamphlet, doesn’t pull any punches. I read through The Duties of Parents slowly, mulling over the timeless practicality. I almost didn’t want the book to end because the wisdom was so comforting and the grace so profound. The pastor who recommended this book said he rereads it every year. I will probably do the same.

“It is not God’s way to give everything at once. ‘Afterwards’ is the time when He often chooses to work, both in the things of nature and in the things of grace. ‘Afterward’ is the season when affliction bears the peaceable fruit of righteousness. ‘Afterward’ was the time when the son who refused to work in his father’s vineyard repented and went. And ‘afterward’ is the time to which parents must look if they see not success at once, — you must sow in hope and plant in hope.”

[Ross Hearne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, although short is packed with wisdom. Ryle has spurred me through the very words of God to take responsibility for the training up my child in the way he should go. So that when he grows old he would not depart from it. This book has been one of the most influential books for me as I prepare to welcome my firstborn son into this world. To train him unto Heaven, and to Christ Jesus. Asking, seeking, and pleading for the Lord to save him unto heaven through the Lord Jesus great and glorious work.

[Anna Patterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good book to read if you ever find yourself overwhelmed by all the well-meaning parenting suggestions. It gets back to the basics of what it means to “train up a child in the way he should go”. Simple and quick!