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Pumping Up Napoleon
A collection of 15 short stories with an offbeat take on human relationships, this diverse compilation offers wry, humorous tales about universal themes—such as love, adolescence, death, and art—in settings that range from a realistic homestead to intergalactic space travel. The stories include bizarre and horrific situations that seem commonplace, where the boundaries between the real and the imagined are blurry. Donovan’s understated style and well-crafted stories constantly surprise and engage, producing a hugely enjoyable and thought-provoking collection.
128 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2006
2 people want to read
About the author
Maria Donovan
11 books8 followersThe Chicken Soup Murder is Maria Donovan's first novel and grew from a desire to see bereavement from angles other than her own. It brings a touch of humour with a child's account of what happens to the adults around him. It's also a realistic view of what he can do about an unsolved and unrecognised murder and how he and his best friend cope with loss.
Maria Donovan is from Dorset and spends equal time (emotionally if not physically) in the Netherlands, Wales and some imaginary places.
Maria Donovan is from Dorset and spends equal time (emotionally if not physically) in the Netherlands, Wales and some imaginary places.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
November 25, 2016
"PUMPING Up Napolean" is a story written by Irish writer Maria Donovan. She writes about Napolean Bonaparte being resurrected and a woman called Marjorie who fantasizes having affairs with historical figures falling for him. However, she was revolted when she saw him wearing shorts.
"That summer Napoleon Bonaparte started wearing shorts, which made Marjorie Campbell question her feelings for him. In her opinion only very good legs should risk exposure in an urban setting - and even then ... Besides, and disappointingly, of the bare parts of Napoleon she'd seen so far, his legs were the least attractive: a dirty grey colour, mottled with blue; knees like dried porridge."
That makes the French leader's knees look like reptiles or maybe even an alien from Saturn whose Mama made him promise to wear Bermuda shorts on invading Planet Earth.
Marjorie too is nothing short of being an interesting character. After all she is the heroine of the story.
"She was one of those women who has to be in love with someone. It was a kind of addiction, something she aspired to control by only allowing herself to become enamoured of men she couldn't have.
"Her admirers had always been mainly fictional. They visited for five minutes at bed-time, inevitably said the right thing and knew exactly when to shut up. The bliss of being able to roll over and fall asleep without thinking of someone else's needs and desires."
However, before falling in love with Napolean she was in love with Prince Rupert. The latter got ditched when Mr. Shorty walked in.
As the story continues, Napolean gets a job at a school. After all he has to put food on the table for his family.
"Term began. Students flocked to Napoleon's classes, but his tongue had not been delivered on time - the mouse in Milton Keynes was weakening: tissue growth was slow. A Green Studies activist wrote an article in the student magazine, Daff, objecting to the exploitation of a small animal for the purpose of maintaining the Emperor's expensively embalmed body. He should never have been let out of the tomb. Was there a place for him in the classroom?
"Napoleon's lectures went ahead as planned. They were well-attended, despite his silence. He had his students read aloud from the commentaries he had written on Plutarch, Homer's Iliad and the life of Alexander the Great. He was interested in everything and refused to confine himself to his allotted area of history. Raiding the territory that rightfully belonged to his colleagues, he produced discourses on Industrialisation, the October Revolution and the Second World War. He began to write a novel."
It is an unusual romantic story full of humour and touches of sci-fi. The ending is a bit sad. But then all stories do not end with "and they lived happily together forever".
"That summer Napoleon Bonaparte started wearing shorts, which made Marjorie Campbell question her feelings for him. In her opinion only very good legs should risk exposure in an urban setting - and even then ... Besides, and disappointingly, of the bare parts of Napoleon she'd seen so far, his legs were the least attractive: a dirty grey colour, mottled with blue; knees like dried porridge."
That makes the French leader's knees look like reptiles or maybe even an alien from Saturn whose Mama made him promise to wear Bermuda shorts on invading Planet Earth.
Marjorie too is nothing short of being an interesting character. After all she is the heroine of the story.
"She was one of those women who has to be in love with someone. It was a kind of addiction, something she aspired to control by only allowing herself to become enamoured of men she couldn't have.
"Her admirers had always been mainly fictional. They visited for five minutes at bed-time, inevitably said the right thing and knew exactly when to shut up. The bliss of being able to roll over and fall asleep without thinking of someone else's needs and desires."
However, before falling in love with Napolean she was in love with Prince Rupert. The latter got ditched when Mr. Shorty walked in.
As the story continues, Napolean gets a job at a school. After all he has to put food on the table for his family.
"Term began. Students flocked to Napoleon's classes, but his tongue had not been delivered on time - the mouse in Milton Keynes was weakening: tissue growth was slow. A Green Studies activist wrote an article in the student magazine, Daff, objecting to the exploitation of a small animal for the purpose of maintaining the Emperor's expensively embalmed body. He should never have been let out of the tomb. Was there a place for him in the classroom?
"Napoleon's lectures went ahead as planned. They were well-attended, despite his silence. He had his students read aloud from the commentaries he had written on Plutarch, Homer's Iliad and the life of Alexander the Great. He was interested in everything and refused to confine himself to his allotted area of history. Raiding the territory that rightfully belonged to his colleagues, he produced discourses on Industrialisation, the October Revolution and the Second World War. He began to write a novel."
It is an unusual romantic story full of humour and touches of sci-fi. The ending is a bit sad. But then all stories do not end with "and they lived happily together forever".
September 6, 2024
Read this for uni and it was so chaotically funny lmaooo. Was not expecting that. And we’re supposed to write a diary entry from a pov of one of the characters ahhh I’m going to have so much fun with this!!!
February 9, 2019
I'm not usually one for short story collections but this one is brilliant. Inventive and very funny stories.
July 10, 2007
A really fascinating collection of short stories that are well-written and anything but ordinary.
The dog thing just won't go away!
The dog thing just won't go away!
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews