Surrendered Child: A Birth Mother's Journey

by Karen Salyer McElmurray

Surrendered Child is Karen Salyer McElmurray's raw, poignant account of her journey from her teen years, when she put her newborn child up for adoption, to adulthood and a desperate search for the son she never knew. In a patchwork narrative interwoven with dark memories from her childhood, McElmurray deftly treads where few dare--into a gritty, honest exploration of the loss a birth mother experiences. The year was 1973, a time of social upheaval, even in small-town Kentucky, where McElmurray grew up. More than a story of time and place, however, this is about a girl who, at the age of sixteen, relinquished her son at birth. Twenty-five years would pass before McElmurray began sharing this part of her past with others and actively looking for her son. McElmurray's own troubled upbringing and her quest after a now-fully-grown son are the heart of her story. With unflinching honesty, McElmurray recounts both the painful surrendering and the surprise rediscovery of her son, juxtaposed with her portrayal of her own mother, who could not provide the love she needed. The dramatic result is a story of birthright lost and found--and an exploration of the meaning of motherhood itself.

Genres: Memoir, Adoption, Nonfiction

249 pages, Hardcover

First published September 1, 2004

Reviews

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whoops forgot to say I finished this one ages ago! I read this for my creative nonfiction class and we had the pleasure of welcoming the author to one of our sessions. It was truly wonderful to talk to her after reading such a powerful book. It helped me personally, as well, in dissecting my own difficult relationship with my parents. Very heavy, but necessary.

[Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful, if dark, memoir which is so much more than an account of a teen mother making the decision to give up her child for adoption. Although that is at the center, it is a reflection on her own childhood and life. The light it casts on so much darkness, with such beautiful language, feels like it should provide some salvation.

Karen is one of the best writing teachers I've ever had, and I am not surprised that her writing is so powerful.

[Jessie Wittman · Rating 4 out of 5]

McElmurray brilliantly depicts how grief collapses time for the mourner. And how women are inextricably linked to the lives that are born out of their bodies, whether they will it or not.

[Alice Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Karen McElmurray analyzes her experience as a birth mother who chose adoption for her baby born when she was 16. Her tremendous talent for writing gorgeous lyrical prose brings the reader into her story, the doubts, the pain, the experiences, and the transformation that took a lifetime to achieve. Without placing any blame on how her circumstances evolved, she describes her years at home growing up, running away while pregnant at 15, a dive into risky behaviour, and the loss she feels after surrendering her child at birth. The narrative moves back and forth in time and, with gut-wrenching honesty and raw prose, shows how memory fills in the questions one has during such a dramatic and traumatic life experience. It is worth the read to get to the end, to feel with her the hope and light that comes with acceptance.

[Amanda Corbin · Rating 4 out of 5]

So sad! Without naming them, the author opens a window and shows what depression and OCD look like in herself and her mother, respectively. As a whole, the story is poetic and raw. The inside flap says it is about her search for her son, but that part is relatively short. It's more a search for herself as she examines her past and her family of origin. As a fellow Kentuckian, the setting was familiar, and so was the dysfunction. Seeing her story on paper reminds me of the value of my own.

[Anne M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very emotional read for me. Was glad to read it, because it gave me some insight as to why maybe my daughter's birth mom gave her up.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wicked good writing.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an adoptee who sought out her birth mother, I was very interested to read this memoir of a birth mother who meets her lost son. The writer handles the tangled, often-intangible emotions involved in this kind of relationship very well. Often the book reads like prose poetry, perhaps because of the intangible nature of many of the emotions involved, which I sometimes found hard to penetrate, but overall she conveys her experience to the reader. I definitely feel like I gained a better understanding of birth mothers from reading this.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd forgotten how much I could love a memoir till I read this. (Finally.) It's beautiful and intense and dense, filled with the sort of longing--for love, for a home, for what's lost and won't ever be retrieved--that I instinctively identify with and which haunts me, too. I'll probably be thinking about this for years to come.

[April Line · Rating 4 out of 5]

i was mesmerized by this book's beginning and deeply admire its lyricism. but about 2/3 through i began to crave a more traditional narrative structure. The heightened/poetic treatment started to feel like it misserved tbe material. still. this is one of the most lovely, inspiring memoirs i have read.

[Nancy Peacock · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story touched me deeply. At each turn I wanted to reach inside it and pull young Karen out; I wanted to take care of her, as no one else was, or could. A strong story of survival, loss, and love that has a beating heart growing louder and stronger with each passage.

[Maureen Stanton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heart-wrenching, deeply honest and authentic, and gorgeously written memoir. It was one of those books I thought about during the day and couldn't wait to get back into each evening. KSM's language is stunning and lyrical.

[Sabrina Rutter]

I'm not in the mood to read this one right now, so I'm going to come back to this one at a later time.

[Deb Vanasse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully rendered memoir of two children surrendered, the author and her son. Much to ponder on truth and memory.

[Van · Rating 5 out of 5]

The language of this story is so hauntingly beautiful!