Boarding School Syndrome

by Joy Schaverien

Boarding School Syndrome is an analysis of the trauma of the 'privileged' child sent to boarding school at a young age. Innovative and challenging, Joy Schaverien offers a psychological analysis of the long-established British and colonial preparatory and public boarding school tradition. Richly illustrated with pictures and the narratives of adult ex-boarders in psychotherapy, the book demonstrates how some forms of enduring distress in adult life may be traced back to the early losses of home and family. Developed from clinical research and informed by attachment and child development theories Boarding School Syndrome is a new term that offers a theoretical framework on which the psychotherapeutic treatment of ex-boarders may build.

Divided into four parts, History: In the Name of Privilege; Exile and Healing; Broken Attachments: A Hidden Trauma, and The Boarding School Body, the book includes vivid case studies of ex-boarders in psychotherapy. Their accounts reveal details of the suffering endured: loss, bereavement and captivity are sometimes compounded by physical, sexual and psychological abuse. Here, Joy Schaverien shows how many boarders adopt unconscious coping strategies including dissociative amnesia resulting in a psychological split between the 'home self' and the 'boarding school self'. This pattern may continue into adult life, causing difficulties in intimate relationships, generalized depression and separation anxiety amongst other forms of psychological distress.

"

Boarding School Syndrome "demonstrates how boarding school may damage those it is meant to be a reward and discusses the wider implications of this tradition. It will be essential reading for psychoanalysts, Jungian analysts, psychotherapists, art psychotherapists, counsellors and others interested in the psychological, cultural and international legacy of this tradition including ex-boarders and their partners. "

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, History, Boarding School

264 pages, Paperback

First published December 31, 2013

Reviews

[Saba Imtiaz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like other kids who read Enid Blyton's Malory Towers series, I grew up idealizing boarding schools. They seemed so utterly fascinating and idyllic. Blyton's St. Clare series, which I re-read recently, is a fictional hint at the crueler side of boarding schools which I probably didn't pick up on as a kid: with accounts of the culture of ragging, the societal class snobbery, and outright bullying. The reality of boarding schools -- as illustrated in this great study of trauma of the boarding school experience -- is far different than the world of lacrosse and dorms and tuck boxes. Imagine Jane Eyre's boarding school experience as a non-fiction book, and that mirrors some of the accounts in this book. Would highly recommend reading this, even if you don't have an interest in boarding schools, because it provides a good understanding of trauma and how it develops in childhood.

[John Benson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having attended boarding schools in Tanzania and Kenya for most of my childhood and wanting to begin a study of boarding school education around the world, I was interested in this book. It is written by a British psychologist who looks at the impact British boarding schools had on some of the male and female adults she has treated. So many of her clients had severe trauma from the experience and she brings out key issues that she feels has impacted the adult lives of her clients. The boarding schools in England were often segregated by sex, but none of the schools I attended were so that was hard for me to relate to and I would say that most of the supervision I received was very caring. Though the schools I went to were much more humane than these ones, I would never want to inflict boarding school on any of my children. It is too bad that the British sought to spread this form of schooling in almost all their former colonies. In England, the boarding schools were seen as a place for the privileged to attend, while in the New World, the schools were used as a way to change the cultures of the Native populations, who continue to suffer from generational trauma from this form of schooling. The author brings out key issues of trauma that can come from this form of schooling as she heard from her clients.

[Gabit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bold, slightly controversial, but in general quite accurate. Recommended for ex-boarders, and more so for those who run boarding schools and deal with people who went there.

[Baglan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me feel grateful that I went to boarding school when I was 14 and not 6 or 8. "The split between school self and home self" still made sense for me as well. I would have appreciated it much more if it discussed more broadly how the power dynamics among different age groups in dorms worked, though. I guess this should be the subject of another sociology book on "the syndrome"? A strong recommend for boarders from all age groups.

[Chris Amies · Rating 3 out of 5]

An invaluable insight into the effects of breaking the bonds of trust between parent and child by essentially expelling the child from their family and their home community. As a survivor of years of abuse of every kind while at school I believe I was conditioned to expect and even seek out abusive relationships afterwards. I have been obsessed with captivity ever since and identify the concept in my more recent relationships.

Another seminal point for me was the idea that children whose affective bonds are broken identify with place rather than people. For myself I was for years obsessive about the first place I lived as an adult - an apartment complex in West London - probably because it was the first place I was actually able to feel safe. (I feel far less safe where I live now). I dreamed of it regularly (still do from time to time), painted pictures of it and wrote stories clearly set there. It became a point of self-identification for me.

For me the line "the suffering of women and children trapped in abusive relationships is a hidden form of captivity" should read adults and children. Not all adult victims of relationship abuse are women. This assumption recurs at other points in the book. There also isn't anything about mixed boarding schools - it's assumed they are either boys' or girls' and that as a result the intentions and outcomes are different - boys controlled by violence and girls by shaming. At my first boarding school, when I was 9 years old (discounting one I went to for a year) my initial impression was that it was run 'by a lot of old women' - this proved true, and they ranged from relatively kind to downright demented or abusive (an old woman repeatedly beating a child with her walking stick is an image that will stay with me for a long time).

It took me many years to trust anyone - male or female - at all, and certainly my parents should have got the idea that there was something going on. Children should not be terrified of going back to school - I was. It has almost certainly affected my ability to form lasting relationships and I would prefer to live alone as it feels safer, certainly in the light of things that have happened at school and since.
This is not however, as Schaverien might have it, out of 'misogyny' - if women can feel safer and more free living alone, why can't men? They may indeed also have been abused by women and not wish to repeat the experience. (this goes along with the previous comment about 'women and children ... relationships' and perpetuates the idea that there is no reason for men not to want to be in relationships with women, as well as erasing gay and asexual men). They may well be single out of a sense of 'fuck-you' - but towards a society and its structures that didn't care about them, not towards women.
But that is a point for the discussion of elective single life, not of boarding schools.

She references Nick Duffell and boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk and I shall have a look at that site, as there is much more work can be done.

[Alex Linschoten · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent overview from a (mostly) abstracted academic perspective. Allows for a full understanding of some of the processes, and a decent amount of context to how it's presented (esp an interesting history of boarding schools in the UK over the past 200-300 years and how this intersected with the history of colonialism). Recommended as a one-stop shop / overview.

[Jonathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sympathetic criticism of the institution.
‘It is common for the ex-boarder to make deeply dependent relationships and then suddenly emotionally, or actually, abandon the loved person.’

[Suprina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as relevant for ex-boarders from the 00s/10s imo but still an insightful and at times triggering read though lacking depth.

[Johnnie · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's all the rage these days to be a "victim". Until I picked up this book I hadn't found anything on which to pin my victimhood, so I thought I'd give it a go.

However, having read (half of) this book I don't believe that anyone would take me seriously, because despite being sent off to boarding school at a very tender age, I'm not a victim at all.

Of course, the author didn't interview the overwhelming majority of boarders who enjoyed their school years because we didn't attend her clinic with the tears in our eyes blaming our failures in life and our mental health on boarding school.

Oh well... The author can glibly add me to the list of people who said "It didn't do me any harm".

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the first pages the author strikes you as a perceptive clinician and a - nothing indignant or touchy-feely here. The bibliography and the way she interprets her sources give valuable insight into childhood adversity and trauma in general. In the case studies you see people who have come to an emotional impasse decades after boarding school, only to uncover in therapy painful incidents that they never had thought of as very momentous and had never even put into words.

[Chris Amies · Rating 4 out of 5]

An invaluable insight into the effects of breaking the bonds of trust between parent and child by essentially expelling the child from their family and their home community. As a survivor of years of abuse of every kind while at school I believe I was conditioned to expect and even seek out abusive relationships afterwards. I have been obsessed with captivity ever since and identify the concept in my more recent relationships. Another seminal point for me was the idea that children whose affective bonds are broken identify with place rather than people. For myself I was for years obsessive about the first place I lived as an adult - an apartment complex in West London - probably because it was the first place I was actually able to feel safe. (I feel far less safe where I live now). I dreamed of it regularly (still do from time to time), painted pictures of it and wrote stories clearly set there. It became a point of self-identification for me. For me the line "the suffering of women and children trapped in abusive relationships is a hidden form of captivity" should read adults and children. Not all adult victims of relationship abuse are women. This assumption recurs at other points in the book. There also isn't anything about mixed boarding schools - it's assumed they are either boys' or girls' and that as a result the intentions and outcomes are different - boys controlled by violence and girls by shaming. At my first boarding school, when I was 9 years old (discounting one I went to for a year) my initial impression was that it was run 'by a lot of old women' - this proved true, and they ranged from relatively kind to downright demented or abusive (an old woman repeatedly beating a child with her walking stick is an image that will stay with me for a long time). It took me many years to trust anyone - male or female - at all, and certainly my parents should have got the idea that there was something going on. Children should not be terrified of going back to school - I was. It has almost certainly affected my ability to form lasting relationships and I would prefer to live alone as it feels safer, certainly in the light of things that have happened at school and since. This is not however, as Schaverien might have it, out of 'misogyny' - if women can feel safer and more free living alone, why can't men? They may indeed also have been abused by women and not wish to repeat the experience. (this goes along with the previous comment about 'women and children ... relationships' and perpetuates the idea that there is no reason for men not to want to be in relationships with women, as well as erasing gay and asexual men). They may well be single out of a sense of 'fuck-you' - but towards a society and its structures that didn't care about them, not towards women. But that is a point for the discussion of elective single life, not of boarding schools. She references Nick Duffell and boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk and I shall have a look at that site, as there is much more work can be done.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always been drawn to books about boarding schools. This book is one of the best I have read. It is comprehensive and goes into details about common issues faced with boarders. For example adults call missing home homesickness but the author goes deeper by mentioning the child grieves and can have post traumatic stress disorder. She goes into specifics about how overwhelming a child can feel when left alone among strangers. I liked many of the details like how some schools even suggested the mothers where sunglasses when leaving their children in order to hide tears/emotion. I liked how she mentioned reasons why mothers chose to send their children away such as being a part of generational tradition, thinking it was best for the child, and/or feeling like there was no choice if the family moved frequently. There was also a comprehensive bibliography that I appreciated. The author covers how boarding school affects children even as adults and how it can affect personal relationships. Boarding school life can even lead to eating disorders and children can commonly be exposed to bullying and abuse. The author had counseled adults who witnessed attending boarding school and how it affected them emotionally. The book is divided into four parts. Each section goes over various aspects of the school. It includes what school was like for boys as well as girls. I was surprised that there were differences in the schools based on gender. In a girls’ school there was not as much bullying but they witnessed other forms of humiliating public punishments. There was abuse in both boys and girls schools. I liked how the author mentioned boarding schools in other countries. She mentioned one country would only send a child away as a last resort. Different cultures obviously had different opinions about what they felt was best for their child.

[Georgina · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting look at the impact attending boarding school can have on children, particularly those who are sent at an early age. The issues raised in this book will be of interest to anyone who has attended boarding school themselves, or want to try and get a better idea of the impacts this has on other people. The issues raised are shocking to myself (I didn't attend boarding school), but appear to be glossed over by ex boarders as just part of growing up. A real eye opening read.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written account of the lasting negative effects of young children being sent to boarding schools. From what I know on the topic, an accurate and insightful look at the problem by a therapist who has worked with many victims.

[Charlotte Browne · Rating 5 out of 5]

suddenly so much makes sense.

This book has helped me to understand my pathological fear of homelessness and my inability to get close to others among many other, deeply personal issues which have plagued me ever since I was sent away aged 11.

[Jill Sumi]

Book details the difficulties that can come from growing up in boarding school. Can be helpful for someone trying to understand the difficulties they are experiencing.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joy Schaverien, captures the emotional bleakness aptly. It was helpful to learn about the experience from an academic and therapeutic perspective.

[Dr Tony · Rating 5 out of 5]

very good reading for those who went to boarding school in UK

very good reading for those who went to boarding school in UK and for those who live with the consequences

[Archibald · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really insightful and heartbreaking