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69 pages, Paperback
First published May 24, 2012
Stirring porridge, my eyes are yoked
in their sockets and I long to swallow
my husband whole. My mouth is a beak.
Speaking is for covering up my thoughts
with sounds. In rain I take to hiding in barns
and in wind I am blown across fields.
Dripping with green
the moss ribs the rock walls
with jealous filaments.
On days like these,
when I lack moral fibre,
the best place for me
is the hole behind the waterfall.
Here, I hunker down,
recite auxiliary verbs
in a cave lobed with spores,
like a mouth filled with a thousand
ears, none of them listening.
It is white when I wake
so I wear my old navy dufflecoat,
finding them in my pocket
tucked inside a brown envelope
Here she is. Squatting,
she is the callus
on her size seven heel,
fingers tinsel-chipped
from schoolboard chalk,
driftwood nails, thumb
a pumicestone mouse
smiling my cheek.
Here he is. Flat out,
he is the lip of his ear,
swan soft, dust flecked,
the sound of a dog pawing.
He has grey whiskers that beat
like hair on coral
and his eyelid when he blinks
is deep, pooling, purple.
I hold them inside my pocket,
fondle skin letters
climbing the library steps.
They barely make a sound,
a rustle, a peep, as I slip
them between the pages
of a dictionary, under
Mother, Father.
I pitch on deck, where two men in Gortex talk about fixing
bicycles and one changes his T-shirt in the black wind.
We're heading to Kilcreggan tonight, only I think about
not going, about entering the water face-first instead.
You're waiting slantwise on the pier as I stumble,
dog-tired across the bridge. It's like walking over a body.
I can't keep my balance and there are oceans in my head.
You offer to take my bag but I'm carrying my own bones
in this suitcase of skin. I'm here to lock myself away
in water, although my mouth is a smile nailed in place.
You drive me to a cottage hung on the hill,
enough kindness to make my blisters weep,
but when you leave I grip the taps, twist them like wrists,
feel the cold rush of my house fill to its brim.
The sheep watch at the window as my face pushes the glass,
all bloated cheeks. Bleats leak from their stitched-up lips
as I double-knot my hair to the leg of the bed
and catch fish in my ribs.