The Power of Self-Coaching: The Five Essential Steps to Creating the Life You Want

by Joseph J. Luciani

An easy program for freeing yourself from your mental and emotional traps-and leading the life you want and deserve

"This empowering book will teach, inspire, and coach you to break the habits of insecurity that prevent you from realizing your spontaneous inner potential for genuine happiness."
-John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"There is nothing more empowering than accepting responsibility. Taking responsibility is not about assuming fault; it is about re-taking the helm and control of your journey in life. This book will help you navigate through the difficulties of personality and behavioral change to more emotional peace."
-Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Nobody is born insecure, angry, bored, or depressed. The fact is, happiness is our natural state and, as psychologist Dr. Joseph J. Luciani explains in this warm, witty, and empowering guide, chronic unhappiness is just a bad habit-a habit that can be broken.

It's much easier than you think! Based on Dr. Luciani's twenty-five years of experience helping patients unlearn reflexive, destructive thinking, The Power of Self-Coaching arms you with all the tools you need to free yourself from your mental and emotional traps. As you work through the many self-quizzes, training and coaching exercises, and Power Drills, you'll see yourself anew and feel yourself growing lighter, more spontaneous, and ready to take charge of your life.

A proven five-step program for reconnecting with the innate capacity for happiness, The Power of Self-Coaching gives you what you need
* Identify learned patterns of thought and feelings that are making you unhappy
* Use Dr. Luciani's celebrated Self-Talk techniques to develop new, healthy ways of thinking and feeling
* Eliminate boredom, hopelessness, chronic fatigue, and emotional numbness from your life
* Tap your full creative, intellectual, and emotional potential and live the rich, rewarding life you want and deserve

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Business, Audiobook, Personal Development, Leadership

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Dr. Joe has been a practicing clinical psychologist for more than forty years. He's the internationally best-selling author of the Self-Coaching series of books, published in ten languages. He's written articles and been featured in numerous national magazines and newspapers, including O, The Oprah Magazine, Redbook, USA Today, Fitness, Health, Shape, and Body and Soul. He appears frequently on national TV, radio, and the Internet.

Reviews

[Noor Abu Hassan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned new things, it has different approach I like it.

[Jennifer Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

My grandmother was a worrier, my mother is a worrier and yes, I tend to worry. The author does a wonderful job of making you really think about how you live your daily life. He explains that constant reflexive thinking can hammer you with doubts, fears, and worries. In the end the insecurities in our lives are just the way we've created a bad habit of thinking negatively about our lives. "Habits are learned, and habits can be broken." We can't always have control of everything and that is ok. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who may find themselves going through a difficult time in life. I picked this book up when I was unhappy with a job that really wasn't meant for me. I was about halfway through the book when I forgot about it and put it on pause. The good news is I've found a new and better position for myself and a week ago my husband found my half finished copy of this book under our couch, so I picked it back up and finished it. It was exactly what I needed at the time. Even though I found this great new position, I've been letting my insecurities from my last job start to take root and grow, just out of old habit. This book has helped me to realize that my life is what I decide to make it and that separating fact from fiction in my mind eliminates my need for over worrying about a situation that isn't really there.

[Cindy (BKind2Books) · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this was a slog. For as short as this was, it seemed very repetitive. The basic premise was a good one: you don't need to know why you act a particular way to take action to overcome them. The advice basically seemed to be grow up and be an adult, take responsibility for your actions, and don't let your inner child throw tantrums. Good advice.

Quotes to remember:

Perfection is the enemy of creation.

Let life unfold. There are obstacles but no dead ends.

[I.S. Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am usually not into reading these “self-help” books but my mother said that perhaps I should look at this. I guess she figures I was going through a slump and needed a pick me up.

I found it rather insightful. It mainly deals with how we have insecurities and how to stop listening to our insecurities and make a choice to go ahead and forge the life we want. The difficult part is learning how to incorporate these teachings into your own life. There were some tips on how to use meditation. When I tried to do it the way that the book describes, it turned out to be a lot more difficult than it looked.

If you are into psychology books, or if you find yourself thinking negatively all the time, maybe you should give this one a read. I am not in the business of telling people that they need help, but if you think you do, I think this book can help.

[Nikki Morse · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know why I insisted on reading this again, why I was so determined to find something of value. I didn't particularly like it as an audio book, but chalked that up to listening to his annoying voice. But it came through in the written form as well - there's just this arrogance about how right he is, and how powerful it is to just dismiss people's distress and tell them it's all in their head. That's what a football coach would do, right?? I wish I hadn't bothered.

[Paige Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've listened to this twice - and will probably listen again. Lots of good 'nuggets' - it's an older book but timeless advice.

[Rhiannon Sibley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Overall lots of great methods to help reframe your thought process and allow yoy to coach yourself through changes you want to make in yourself and your life.

[Zdenek Sykora · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Power of Self-Coaching by Joseph J. Luciani presents a practical guide to overcoming insecurity, anxiety, and depression through self-coaching. Luciani, a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience, offers readers a set of psychological self-treatment methods designed to help them break free from negative thinking patterns and regain control over their lives. The book emphasizes the power of self-dialogue and self-directed change as key tools for achieving emotional well-being and personal fulfillment.

Central Argument:
Luciani’s central argument is that insecurity and negative thinking are not inherent traits but learned behaviors that can be unlearned through self-coaching. He argues that many psychological issues, such as anxiety and depression, stem from long-term negative thinking patterns rooted in insecurity. By identifying these patterns and applying the five steps of self-coaching—awareness, evaluation, dismissal, focus, and motivation—individuals can retrain their minds to adopt healthier thought processes, ultimately leading to a more positive and fulfilling life.

Key Ideas:
• Insecurity as a Learned Behavior: Luciani explains that insecurity is not an innate characteristic but a learned behavior developed through life experiences. This insecurity manifests in negative thinking patterns that can be challenged and changed through self-coaching.
• Five Steps of Self-Coaching: The book outlines a five-step process for self-coaching:
1. Awareness: Recognizing negative thoughts and identifying them as products of insecurity.
2. Evaluation: Distinguishing between thoughts based on facts and those based on imagination or fear.
3. Dismissal: Firmly rejecting thoughts that stem from insecurity and replacing them with positive actions.
4. Focus: Concentrating on the present moment and actively seeking solutions to problems rather than dwelling on worries.
5. Motivation: Encouraging oneself to make small, positive changes that challenge existing insecurities.
• The Role of Self-Dialogue: Luciani emphasizes the importance of self-dialogue in recognizing and altering negative thought patterns. By engaging in constructive self-talk, individuals can gain insight into their psychological state and take proactive steps toward change.
• Overcoming Psychological Distress: The book offers practical strategies for dealing with common psychological issues, such as anxiety and depression, by addressing their root causes in insecurity and negative thinking.

Writing Style and Approach:
Luciani’s writing is straightforward and accessible, with a focus on practical application. He combines his extensive clinical experience with relatable examples to illustrate the concepts he discusses. The book is structured as a step-by-step guide, making it easy for readers to follow and implement the self-coaching techniques in their daily lives. Luciani’s approach is empowering, encouraging readers to take responsibility for their mental health and well-being.

Strengths and Potential Weaknesses:
The strength of The Power of Self-Coaching lies in its actionable advice and the simplicity of its self-coaching framework. Luciani’s method is practical and can be easily integrated into daily routines, making it accessible to a wide audience. However, some readers may find the techniques too simplistic if they are dealing with more severe psychological issues. Additionally, the book’s focus on self-reliance may not resonate with those who prefer external guidance or support from professionals.

Target Audience:
The Power of Self-Coaching is ideal for individuals struggling with insecurity, anxiety, or depression who are looking for a self-directed approach to improving their mental health. It is particularly suited for those who prefer practical, hands-on strategies that can be applied independently. The book is also valuable for anyone interested in personal development and self-improvement, as it provides tools for achieving emotional resilience and a positive mindset.

Conclusion:
The Power of Self-Coaching by Joseph J. Luciani offers a practical and effective approach to overcoming insecurity and negative thinking through self-directed change. By applying the five steps of self-coaching, readers can learn to identify and challenge destructive thought patterns, leading to greater emotional well-being and personal fulfillment. The book’s emphasis on self-reliance and actionable advice makes it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their mental health and achieve a more positive and empowered life.

[Mihai Rosca · Rating 4 out of 5]

For some time I have been flirting with the idea of learning more about the coaching process. And so, I started reading towards this purpose. Then, along the way, came this sudden idea that if one could learn how to coach others, surely one could learn how to coach himself. So, I tried to find as many good books on the topic as I could find. Enter "The Power of Self-Coaching", the first book I've read on this topic.

I can tell you from the start that the approach is altogether different. When you coach someone, you first define some goals, do a reality check, make a plan about stuff and then try to follow that through with the coachee. Well, when it comes to coaching yourself, it's tends to get more complicated.

"The Power of Self-Coaching" teaches us that we need to first of all chart our weaknesses. Careful though, the goal is not to just eliminate them, but to obtain the self trust that we need and the power to create the desired life, so these goals are not the end ones.

The second step in the self coaching approach is described as the ability to separate the cold hard facts that concern us from the fiction that goes on in our heads and keeps us awake. In other words, a sort of a reality check that we must loop often.

Then, we must learn to stop those crazy voices in our heads that keep pounding relentlessly about what we can or cannot do. The fourth and fifth step are about learning to set our minds still and learn how to use motivation all the way up from the little things that we achieve to the good and happy life we like.

Overall, the style of this book is very american. What I mean by this is that it is simple and quick to follow. It distills a lot of knowledge into a book that uses simple language and easy to understand sentences. I think anyone can read it. And it reinforces that "if you fail just try again" attitude that gets things done. Why? Because only by repeating the same things over and over and over you can truly internalize them.

Perhaps some of the things in here you have done in one form or another. Or perhaps the concepts themselves seem familiar. That's ok, most self help book speak about self trust, habits, meditation and such. And that is because they are tools that work. Remember however - they are just that: Tools. And as tools, they should be used accordingly until you get good at using them and until your actual beliefs, skills and imagination allow you to craft your true happiness.

So getting back to the book, did I like it? Yup.
Am I going to try to apply what's inside? Can't wait, actually.
Do I think it was worth reading? You bet!

[Sami Asaad · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you feel like you want to do better but don’t know how to structure your mental models and time for optimal living then this book is for you. It’s not a one time ready; it needs many. Reading this is one thing, understanding it is another, and applying it is a totally completely different universe. You should be able to muster up the will power to take action while reading this book with intention.

[Kelly Storc · Rating 3 out of 5]

Glad I read it, and enjoyed the insight on how negative self-talk is often correlated with an unhealthy need to try to control life, but didn’t love the overall tone/delivery style of the book compared to other audio books I’ve read on the same subject.

[Lalit Pamnani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mostly about self talk. What goes in our head and how to save ourselves from ourselves.
Mostly good. Lots of things you may already know if you read a lot of self help books. But you may like this one anyway.

Will have to repeat one more time and take some notes.

[Brent Sweet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book had a few words in it that changed my life and how to deal with them. I'll put part of my take away here. Worry and anxiety are fear that you are unable to deal with future circumstances. This book helps you and you alone to deal with that. Excellent book, may be life changing for some

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Offers hard-won wisdom from the author but some of the stories I found hard to relate to.

[Thara Tenney · Rating 4 out of 5]

The main theme of this book is that we do have the ability to choose a better life. A quote, "we can't control if a bird hits us in the head, but we don't have to help build its nest."

[Abubakr Abdella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for this great masterpiece!

[Jade]

I loved reading this book, it's a great tool and can really help build mental self discipline

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first read this book it really did change my life. If you truly put these practices and ideas to the test, they will deliver. But that is the hard part. This book serves as an inspirational and motivating coach to get you to rid yourself of bad mental habits. But in the end you are responsible for putting them to use or ignoring them.

I can't give this book the highest rating because it starts off too much like a sales pitch. It might be tempting to skip the first handful of chapters because these are not the actual "5 steps" but rather a self-analysis to see how moody, angry, or controlling you might be. But in these chapters are repeated attempts to convince the reader that the 5 Steps will actually work. Only the very last few chapters are dedicated to the actual steps themselves. So, my biggest criticism is that at times it feels like I'm reading a sales pitch for a product I already purchased. However, the message is sound. These ideas really do work, if you make them work for you.

So, if you have the time and patience to work through the beginning chapters, and can put your ego aside to answer the quizzes honestly, you will see where your mental hangups have lead you astray. Then, if you put in the work, you can begin to reverse your mental habits and feel alive.

This is my go-to book if I feel like I am headed towards a funk in life. Recommended.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the first audio book I have listened to and now I want to read more books via this media. It is great to listen to while cooking, baking, cleaning, going out for a walk. Okay, so I would give 5 stars to the form of the book, but I only give 3 stars to the content - the self-coaching techniques to help you overcome your anxieties or reflexive thinking are helpful, but not really life-changing. I did enjoy listening to the author read but it felt like it was just skimming the surface, or was a little too general to be specifically helpful to me.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I find this not a typical self help book. but almost like a face to face counseling of providing me tools to learn how to move forward. Dr. Luciani writes this book in a format that doesn't talk above or down to you, it's very personalized through his own life experiences as well. It'll be the first self help book I will complete reading, as other self help books seem to be too factually based with out any depth of emotions or realism and seem to rely on idealism.

[Evie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the way this book is written, very conversational. It's easy to read and has examples sprinkled through the chapters.

There's very straight forward quizzes in most of the chapters to help you identify what you might want to work on. And later it gives you 5 steps to help you work on the areas you identified.

Very informative and laid out well, but the true power of the book is in implementation. When you actually *do* the exercises and take the work into your every day life.

[ChaChanna Simpson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. It approaches how you can change your life by eliminating control over your life and breaking bad habits. I've gotten some good tips and clarity on some areas in my life. I love that it's informative without being boring, which is always important to me. What's crazy is that the steps he gives are so easy to do, if you are committed to breaking your old habits.

[Joseph Santiago · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had the style of having a friend talk with you about the issues faced in life. It is big on negative self talk and thinking through new behaviors to create habits. Though it was not the best I have read I did find its style more personal than many books in this vein.

J

[Bonnie Arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

LIFE CHANGING. Because of this book I learned that worrying is useless, so I quit. Cold turkey. Best thing ever. Screw worrying. I also decided to stop trying to control things. Life cannot be controlled. I feel better and I get more done. Definitely influential for me.

[Frederik Lierde · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had doubts about Self Coaching and Coaching, because I knew my issues, I knew what was going right.... until I red this book.

Where my previous books where more about business and understanding customer / people, this book was an revelation.. Time to work... also on myself :)

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm reading this book for a second time because it had so much positive information. It's all about how we talk to ourselves. I really related to this book!