Why Do We Feel Lonely at Church?

by Jeremy Linneman

Replacing Loneliness with a Biblical Vision of Belonging A local church should be a place of true community and connection―where people belong to God and one another. But in our individualistic culture, many Christians end up struggling with social isolation and loneliness. Lacking a sense of authentic belonging within the church, some eventually stop attending or question their faith altogether. How can believers overcome these negative cultural effects and restore the biblical vision of belonging in their churches today? In this concise booklet, author and pastor Jeremy Linneman encourages readers to pursue a life of fellowship through 5 taking initiative in hospitality , being patient in building friendships , maintaining relational stability , persisting through conflict , and praying together. By understanding the human need for belonging and reflecting on Jesus’s lifestyle of mission, ministry, and care, readers will be better equipped to build fruitful communities that bear witness to Christ’s glory and purposes alone. 

Genres: Christian

80 pages, Paperback

Published October 3, 2023

Reviews

[Autumn Cockrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

45 pages of conviction.
I have felt chronic church loneliness for years. It has been so disheartening and elevated in the past few years through depression, infertility, and baby loss. While I went in hoping this book would justify my reasons and sympathize with my loneliness, it did not. I just got (very lovingly) hit over the head and reminded I'm the problem haha. I highly recommend all church members and church leaders to read this book, even if they themselves do not struggle with loneliness. It might help you understand and help someone who does.

[Samuel Kassing · Rating 4 out of 5]

A call to longevity and intentionality for the purpose of developing friendships in the church.

[Jared · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our new Hard Questions series addresses people’s deep longings for community, their concerns about biblical ethics, and their doubts about confessional faith. The title from my friend Jeremy Linneman addresses the loneliness epidemic head on with practical encouragement for church leaders, small group leaders, and your average church member.

[Ruth Castle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could have underlined almost every line in this excellent little book! So many thoughtful, practical reflections on our need for deep community in the body of Christ and actionable steps for prioritizing this vital part of our thriving.

“A solitary life accepts burdens we were never meant to carry.”

“For your own sake, for your family’s health, and for your church’s growth, take the initiative in forming deep relationships in your local church body.”

[Linda Filcek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short great to the point Biblical exhortation to take responsibility for our own loneliness and lean into God’s provision, the church, to combat it. He created us fit community and gave us the Church to be a part of.

[Meredith Spaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fast read. Good read. Always a great sign when I talk back to the book I’m reading.

[Mackenzie Machado · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refreshing read for my heart in this season of life. Convicted me to be more present in my life with the relationships The Lord has blessed me with.

[Jen Gilmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

from a new believer, to a person who has experienced church hurt, to vocational ministers of the church.. there’s wisdom for all in love, hope, and in building intentional and authentic relationships in this read. Super short but so many good nuggets of truth that is both convicting and inspiring. Was on the fence on giving this a 4 or 5 but i think the range it was able to cover in a short amount of pages earns the jump to 5 for me.

[Suzanne Roq · Rating 3 out of 5]

good book- more of a booklet, really. made some good points but was not particularly deep about them. worth reading.

[April · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tell me something I don’t know. Yes - we have an epidemic of loneliness in our culture. Yes - churches are just as lonely as everywhere else. Yes - we need spiritual-growth-motivated relationships within the body of Christ for our faith to flourish. Solutions:
- repattern our lives around relationships
- take initiative in friendships
- leave margin in your schedule for relationships
- pray together
- practice hospitality
- stay put so your roots can establish and you can experience fruit

I don’t disagree with any of this. I just feel like it is all stuff I have heard many times before. Sometimes you have to move churches a lot because you can’t find one with solid doctrine. Sometimes the ones with solid doctrine have the most socially awkward people. Sometimes in Scripture, God calls his people to make big moves (Abraham to an unknown land, the Israelites out of Egypt to the Promised Land, Jesus from the comforts and friends in Heaven to earth among enemies, Paul sure moved around a lot, countless missionaries throughout church history who moved to hostile lands alone to share the gospel…). I just think we need to be prepared to be lonely…God wants us to find our bread, our love, our Promised Land, our needs met in Him alone. Yes - having fellowship with fellow believers is Biblical and a beautiful thing…but God can absolutely use the pain of extended periods of loneliness to test us (do we stay faithful, or quit the Christian walk and follow a wider, easier path?) and like a refining fire to grow us towards himself. There is an idolatry of community in our Christian American Evangelicalism…and I just think we have to be careful what we are ultimately seeking…God as a means to the end of friends/connection/community? Or God himself? I look forward to the perfect community God has for us with Him in Heaven. It’s sure hard to find here.

[Zak Mellgren · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good little book encouraging us to take Jesus-like steps towards community with other believers (and non-believers, as well). This was a good follow-up to the Compelling Community. I especially appreciate how Linneman graciously places the burden (rightly) on us to take initiative towards deeper relationship, and how he calls us not to programatic but largely organic, walk-by-the-way community - which believe is far more sustainable than trying to work community into a church program.

Good. Accessible. I wanted this to be aimed exclusively at church members since it's too short to properly address multiple groups of people. But other than that, it's a solid resource.

[Kiley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This little book caught my eye with its title. During and even after the pandemic, church has sometimes felt lonely. I have friends but we aren’t really close. Jeremy’s discussion on the importance of belonging struck a deep cord within myself. He gives very practical ideas of ways I can achieve a sense of belonging in my church and the Christian community I belong to. I can easily see myself sharing the tips he gave with others. They can be implemented immediately too. A great read!

[Megan Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this little book. It just focuses the reader on the importance and hardness of community. I think it can be so hard to do church community well and this book leans into the hard parts but also provides great reasons to press on. I love the fact that it is short and very readable. I could hand this to someone and feel confident that they could read it and not just put it on a shelf.

[Ali Vbeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short version of the message in popular Christian hospitality/community books. Nothing new or mind-blowing, but good quick guide to have on hand. Reminder of what fulfilling community and valuable relationships look like as opposed to the relationships individualistic cultures tend toward.

The challenge with these sorts of books is getting multiple people/families in the same community to buy in. Otherwise there are still 19 busy families and one family who cleared their schedule for nothing.

[William Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a free book I received at The Gospel Coalition conference. It was a short and easy read. That being said, it was a great reminder of the importance of community in the body of Christ. People are lonely and we must be intentional in our relationships! As we are connected to Christ, we should connect to one another!

[Daniel Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great little booklet with a brief analysis of the why people feel lonely in church and why that is a normal feeling. However, it should not be the case for the poeple of God. He then offers a set of 3 applications for three different types of people, the distraught Christian, the Pastor, and the committed believer. Definitely serves its purpose.

[Margaret Gruendyke · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great quick read on the importance of community within the church. I appreciated how Jeremy acknowledges how tough community within the church can be but gives many encouraging examples to help the reader lean in to the challenge. Our church community is special and being intentional to "do life" with other believers can be the most life-giving and growing spaces for our faith.

[Peyton Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy little read. I agreed with all of his points but nothing felt novel or specifically helpful. I was hoping more for practical insight on how churches could be better at engaging individuals. He also mentioned transience being an issue which cannot be avoided in our little college town which makes for an interesting point!

[Christina Anne Dillingham · Rating 5 out of 5]

This little 45 page book is a great and compelling read! A really practical outlet to research how we found ourselves in a loneliness epidemic and why this is so detrimental to (and was never meant for) the Church.

[Sean · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's alright. The overall point is made and the writing is somewhat engaging throughout. However, the writing suffers from unnatural repetition in many places. There are also a few pages where the writer digresses into making a shallow point that most readers will already be aware of.

[Stephanie Klahsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short, concise, encouraging, rebuking.

[Trisha Hatfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sadly, the title is oh so true. The author goes through reasons why we as humans feel lonely in general, but also in church, and ways we can try to be the difference.
It's an easy read and relatable.

[John Pate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent quick read, starting with the "loneliness epidemic" in the culture, showing how Jesus died to create a community, and concluding with some practical considerations.

[Johnny Zacchio jr. · Rating 5 out of 5]

That was outstanding!

[Devon Neese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great quick read on this topic. I loved pages 16-19 on belonging as defined by Scripture.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short booklet that gives some diagnostic thoughts on church loneliness, a clear gospel basis for belonging, and some practical guidance on fighting loneliness. Well done.

[Lindsay Yessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick read for the person seeking to belong in the body of believers.

Recommend for church leaders

[Devon Minor · Rating 5 out of 5]

A needed resource for many.

[Fastidiously Facetious · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a useful little book with lots of good observations and suggestions. I think it would have been stronger if the author had more than anecdotal evidence to support his assertions.

[Grace · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was all prepped to criticize this book for being too cheesy and buzzwordy but then the last eight pages just CONVICTED ME OUT OF NOWHERE.