Everyone has a "grievance story" - we've all been hurt or rejected by someone who mattered to us. Unfortunately, while most of us have been told to forgive, we've never been told how or why to forgive. Dr. Dick Tibbits is here to say that understanding and practicing forgiveness can literally save your life! It's a scientific fact that anger kills - spiritually, emotionally, relationally and physically. Tibbits reveals the clinically proven steps and tools every person needs to uncover their grievance story, eliminate the unresolved anger that they can and can't see - and forgive for good. He also delivers self-tests, activities and other interactive resources and reading to help people measure their progress and ultimately enjoy a long and anger-free life.
In conjunction with Florida Hospital and the Stanford University School of Medicine Dr. Dick Tibbits conducted a study of how anger and forgiveness affect health. The book in its entirety delves into the whole body experience. It covers not only the psychological and physical repercussions of anger and the inability to forgive but also the spiritual side.
Dr. Tibbits writes not just from scientific proof, but also empirical knowledge through life experiences he has overcome. Reading from an individual that has life intimacy with the subject matter, and not just scientific evidence can be more powerful for those in search of answers.
There is no reason to worry that this book will throw at you the over used maxim of forgive and forget because it doesn’t. As any individual could speak for themselves on the matter—if you have conquered the art of forgiveness, unless you happen to develop amnesia, you are not likely to forget wrongs done.
There is a purpose for the title and the author cares enough to share – “Forgive to Live isn’t just a catchy title or an easy–to-remember slogan. It’s actually a concise description of an effective way to function in our unfair world. As you will discover, forgiveness is not the easy road, but it is the better road.”
In Forgive to Live Tibbits defines forgiveness as – “...the process of reframing one’s anger and hurt from the past, with the goal of recovering one’s peace in the present and revitalizing one’s purpose and hopes for the future.”
There are different types of forgiveness, however, Dr. Tibbits seeks to educate and guide individuals through self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is the type that we as individuals do have control over and it can be the hardest to learn. We may not always be able to bring about justice or make life a thing of fairness once again, but what we can do is forgive ourselves in whatever situation warrants it.
Why forgiveness isn’t easy is the first topic to be covered. There are differing factors that make living in resentfulness seem like the easier path. You might be surprised to read some of the reasons provided in the book. Why would anyone led to believe that life is fair, not be alone in their thinking is simply because we have been taught that it should be. There is also the claim that we are taught a semblance of this type of psychological pattern from childhood that becomes reinforced throughout impressionable years. This too is explained along with time proven examples.
Were you aware of the good side of anger? We all know the down side, but the good side propels much more than some individuals may be consciously aware exist. Along with forgiveness there is in-depth discussion and explanation on the role anger plays in the ability to forgive, and the impact on our individual health.
Dr. Redford Williams through countless research hours and differing studies found data that clearly supported his theory that anger kills. It was this research supported by science that prompted the American Heart Association to declare anger a risk factor for heart disease. “Recent studies have also shown a link between sustained anger and headaches, stomach disorder, joint pain, fatigue and chronic lower back pain.”
Given the choice between the ailments listed above or forgiving which would you pick?
Dr. Tibbit's steps to forgive are life-changing and have helped me discover the true meaning of forgiveness and also how to help others. Since reading this book, I have conducted seminars globally on the steps to forgiveness. We should not try to forget the past but learn how to accept it and find hope for tomorrow through forgiveness, as our lives are dependent upon it.
The author offered a form of “forgiveness” in this book that suppressed the awareness of sin and evaded the necessity of Jesus Christ’s redeeming work. There were some helpful thoughts in Forgive to Live, but overall it just felt very shallow.
This book helped me recover - helped me move from a difficult, painful time of hurt, disappointment, anger, frustration, and betrayal, lettin me see what and how much had actually been done to me directly - a lot less than I thought - how much was meant for me - ditto - and how long I had to hold to it - no longer than I already had. Forgiveness is not about letting the other off the hook, its about letting yourself off the hook --- letting go the anger and the pain.