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1 pages, Audio CD
First published May 2, 2023
The more I read of this book, the more I disliked it. I tried to piece together my biggest reasons for disliking it without turning my review into a rant. Overall, this book felt like a step back in time -- not necessarily because the homophobia depicted has gone away, because it certainly hasn't -- but because it's a tired queer narrative. Part of the success of recent queer media is because we're finally telling all kinds of queer stories — including queer joy — but this book is much more similar to the main queer narrative told in the 90s/2000s: one that centers coming out and homophobia, not joy.
See the end of my review for a full list of content warning descriptions prospective readers may want to be aware of.
For context, Barclay is varsity basketball captain at his rural (?) Georgia high school who comes out at a pep rally (an interesting choice), and the entire town is incredibly homophobic about it. The homophobia on the team (from teammates and tolerated/perpetuated by the coach) is bad enough that Barclay quits the team & for basically the entire book, Barclay endures explicit homophobia and anger for "letting the basketball team and town down" by almost everyone in the book.
1. The back pitches this book as "Heartstopper meets Friday Night Lights which is truly a horrendous comp for this book as it sets readers up for the completely wrong vibe. While Heartstopper does tackle some serious issues (including homophobia), there's so much love and care and support baked into the story and characters, that the reader/viewer always feels safe. This book felt incredibly unsafe (for reasons I'll dig into in further points). It feels like this book is trying to piggyback off the widespread success of Heartstopper, and by doing so, does an incredible disservice to potential readers. A better comp is High School Musical, if Troy were to come out as gay and get involved in local politics instead of theater.
2. I think the authors set out to capture a pretty good lesson (especially in the current political environment: Be resilient in the face of homophobia and turn to your friends for support. Unfortunately, that lesson came paired with a second much worse lesson: The way to be resilient is to swallow the pain you feel when people who you thought cared about you & the systems you're entrenched in are homophobic; if you step back from the front lines of the fight against bigotry for the sake of your own mental health and/or physical safety, you are letting people down. This lesson is codified throughout the book with numerous examples, including another gay character modeling that the appropriate way to being threatened with a literal gun for being gay is to "bravely stare down the barrel".
3. Barclay faces explicit, overt homophobia throughout the entire book. Barclay -- and the reader, by extension -- is frequently faced with slurs, in addition to other types of bullying ( ), a hate crime, and a public murder threat. The homophobia comes from all directions, too: random townspeople, Barclay's boss, the basketball coach, & basketball teammates (both through direct homophobia and passive compliance). As I was reading, the homophobia went from jarring to nauseating to exhausting. It was so frequent and so overt, and so little was done to mitigate its harm, that I found myself feeling miserable while reading.
4. Despite being fourth on this list, this point is probably my biggest problem with this book. There is very little on-page support for Barclay to help him cope with the disproportionate amount of pressure and overt homophobia he endures for the entirety of the book. Overall, it doesn't feel like anyone (especially the straight people in Barclay's life) genuinely tries to understand what it is like for Barlcay to experience the repeated, explicit homophobia and pressure he endures.
● We don't see Barclay's friends and "allies" standing up to overt homophobia. When someone hurls a slur (which happens a lot) at Barclay, no one intervenes to call it out as unacceptable. In fact, even when Barlcay is publically threatened with literal murder, no one calls out the perpetrator. This book misses the point that part of being a good ally means using your privilege and clout to stand up against bigotry. Good allyship should be uncomfortable because you are aligning yourself with marginalized folks, and marginalization isn't comfortable. Instead, most of the allyship in this book is performative, expressed verbally to Barclay but not followed up by meaningful action.
● The book loses sight of the fact that people having the strength to fight for widespread system and culture shifts is often rooted in them being well-supported in their daily life by their chosen family. Instead, it feels like Barlcay's closest people expect the former without giving him the latter.
● There are no quality supportive adult figures. The only one who kind of qualifies is his mom, but she's very distracted and doesn't make any solid attempts to understand and validate her son's pain, instead focusing on the added stress he's caused her by removing himself from the homophobic and unsafe environment of the basketball team.
● Barclay's BFF Amy is sometimes supporting, but it's clear she thinks Barclay should just "get over it" & she is often too focused on her own goals (and using Barclay's clout to accomplish them) to properly validate and support Barclay. She definitely endorses the narrative from Point #2 that Barclay is obligated to be resilient in the face of homophobia.
5. A more minor point: there is almost no romance in this book, which would be fine except the back of the book makes it sound like that's going to be a fairly prominent storyline. Small spoiler that communicates the extent of this point:
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Content warnings:
Bullying, homophobia, hate crime: Barclay faces bullying due to being gay throughout the book, including . This bullying extends to a hate crime, which is intended to scare and cause physical harm to Barclay ( details: ) and is followed up with an explicit, public murder threat (details: )
Car accident: Off page: . On page:
Gun violence:
Antisemitism: The LI is half-Jewish and he speaks about some of the antisemitism he's experienced as a result, but it's not in great detail.
Grief: Barclay, his family, and most of the town grieve Barclay's dead grandfather for the entirety of the book.