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Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully
A paradigm-shifting book looking at the pervasive influence of silence and how we can begin to dismantle it in order to find our voices at home and at work
Having a seat at the table doesn’t mean that your voice is actually welcome. Knowing something is wrong doesn't mean it's easy to speak up. In fact, there are incentives for many of us to stay silent. Why speak up if you know that it won’t be received well, and in fact, often makes things worse?
In Unlearning Silence , Hering explores how we’ve learned to be silent, how we’ve benefited from silence, how we’ve silenced other people—and how we might choose another way. She teaches how to recognize and unlearn unconscious patterns so we can make more intentional choices about how we want to show up in at home and at work. Only by unlearning silence can we more fully unleash talent, speak our minds, and be more complete versions of ourselves… and help other people do the same.
With compassion, clarity, and understanding, Hering guides readers through real-life examples and offers a concrete road map for doing this vital and challenging work.
Having a seat at the table doesn’t mean that your voice is actually welcome. Knowing something is wrong doesn't mean it's easy to speak up. In fact, there are incentives for many of us to stay silent. Why speak up if you know that it won’t be received well, and in fact, often makes things worse?
In Unlearning Silence , Hering explores how we’ve learned to be silent, how we’ve benefited from silence, how we’ve silenced other people—and how we might choose another way. She teaches how to recognize and unlearn unconscious patterns so we can make more intentional choices about how we want to show up in at home and at work. Only by unlearning silence can we more fully unleash talent, speak our minds, and be more complete versions of ourselves… and help other people do the same.
With compassion, clarity, and understanding, Hering guides readers through real-life examples and offers a concrete road map for doing this vital and challenging work.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published March 19, 2024
154 people are currently reading
4099 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews
April 10, 2024
This book has helped me investigate the role silence has played and still plays in my life. I have a better understanding of how I am silenced by myself and others and how my actions can silence others. As a life coach, this has been crucial in my work to help empower my clients but has also given me a more nuanced awareness of how I can make sure I don't silence my clients even with my best intentions.
As a woman of color with ADHD, I often have to do the extra work of translating a book into my own context or making it fit my needs.
But I was able to read this book with such ease and didn't have to translate or contextualize it for my situation...it just fit.
As a woman of color with ADHD, I often have to do the extra work of translating a book into my own context or making it fit my needs.
But I was able to read this book with such ease and didn't have to translate or contextualize it for my situation...it just fit.
March 19, 2024
Silence comes from what we have been taught and socialized about speaking up - a tension many of us navigate way into our adulthood. I love Elaine’s departure from a frequently oversimplified advice to a nuanced discussion about owning the power of our voice, speaking up and discerning when it is not in our best interest to do so.
As I reflected after reading an advanced copy of Elaine’s book “Unlearning Silence” I recognize that our true power when it comes to owning our voice doesn’t lie in speaking up as many would advise nor in the opposite of not speaking up. The power is in our choice and being able to decide what is best for us. This is agency.
Sometimes speaking up and using your voice is the best decision you can make especially in taking back agency and pushing back against the effects of being silenced over a lifetime (this is when silence results in erasing our sense of self and infringing upon our dignity) . There are other times when there is no psychological safety present to speak 🗣️ and so silence is the wisest thing you can do because protecting yourself should be the priority. This is when silence makes sense.
Great book that I highly recommend.
As I reflected after reading an advanced copy of Elaine’s book “Unlearning Silence” I recognize that our true power when it comes to owning our voice doesn’t lie in speaking up as many would advise nor in the opposite of not speaking up. The power is in our choice and being able to decide what is best for us. This is agency.
Sometimes speaking up and using your voice is the best decision you can make especially in taking back agency and pushing back against the effects of being silenced over a lifetime (this is when silence results in erasing our sense of self and infringing upon our dignity) . There are other times when there is no psychological safety present to speak 🗣️ and so silence is the wisest thing you can do because protecting yourself should be the priority. This is when silence makes sense.
Great book that I highly recommend.
March 20, 2024
This was an excellent book. It is well-written, clear, and the sections are written in easily digestible sections. The vignettes and anecdotes keep us engaged and help us better understand the ideas. Both professionally and personally, there are many times silence and lack of silence affect me, and Hering does an excellent job of exploring those ideas. Whether you are a decision maker, or someone who just goes along with things, this book helps us reflect on our words, actions, and how we communicate with others. She also gives concrete advice about what to do about it. You may not agree with everything she has written, but I definitely recommend checking it out.
Note: I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review
March 16, 2024
Unlearning silence is a raw and honest book. It provided a framework for me to reflect on the values that I absorbed unconsciously and what values I want to portray as I move though the world. As an Asian American woman myself, I felt seen when Elaine talked about the internalized rules that dictate when I choose to speak up. The book made me think about the consequences of silence on my body, my soul, my sense of self. It's pushed me to actually give people more grace and be bolder in engaging in challenging conversations.
September 18, 2024
DNF. Maybe I’ll return to this book another time to try to finish it. I had less than 100 pages left, and started the Action section where I thought there would be useful tools and insights. And there are some.
Really I just can’t process the author’s writing style here. This book has a very simple and overused pattern. She starts with an anecdote and then provides insight.
The main problem with this pattern is that the entire book is structured this way and it is sooo repetitive. Like the section headers, sub headers and chapter breaks all seem so arbitrary because sometimes there are two or three of these anecdote -> insight blocks per section. And it all very quickly starts to bleed together. Reading this book feels like scrolling through a very slow communication and mental healthy TikTok feed and I mean in a brain rot way.
Specifically for these anecdotes, they are all so specific with people’s names, life context, exactly what they said, etc. which may be good context to have for anecdotes. But eventually they start to feel like a collection of fables with a shared theme. There are only so many times I can read stories of people wishing they could say something or getting shut down or not being heard. I didn’t come here to read their stories I’ve already experienced it.
I think what the worst part is that what I’ve called insight above is very often not insightful. At best, there are a few paragraphs that explain a social pattern or structure that causes or is the situation in the preceding anecdote. There are several points where the insight is just comments on the author’s personal experiences and life, only a few lines, or just not related of the anecdote that preceded it. Which completely undermines the entire anecdote.
For example: she tells a story about how a man tells his father that he does not want to take over his father’s business because he is not passionate about the work his father does. His father hears this and responds with judgement on the career he wants and attempts to guilt the man to accepting the business anyway. The author does not say whether or not the man actually ends up taking over the business or following his dreams. The insight from this anecdote is that we sometimes do not share our desires because we fear the judgement of others.
The problem is that despite the anecdote being a valid instance of someone being silenced and the insight being a valid pattern and experience. They are not related because in the anecdote the man DOES speak his desire and DOES face the judgement of his father for that. This insight should have been about ways to have a mature response to that judgement.
All that to say, I think this book definitely could have benefitted from another couple rounds of editing and review. I came here looking for tools to be more confident, vulnerable, and open minded. But got a repetitive stream of shallow fables. I think that maybe 45% of this book could be worth reading, but it’s buried in a whole lot of fluff.
Really I just can’t process the author’s writing style here. This book has a very simple and overused pattern. She starts with an anecdote and then provides insight.
The main problem with this pattern is that the entire book is structured this way and it is sooo repetitive. Like the section headers, sub headers and chapter breaks all seem so arbitrary because sometimes there are two or three of these anecdote -> insight blocks per section. And it all very quickly starts to bleed together. Reading this book feels like scrolling through a very slow communication and mental healthy TikTok feed and I mean in a brain rot way.
Specifically for these anecdotes, they are all so specific with people’s names, life context, exactly what they said, etc. which may be good context to have for anecdotes. But eventually they start to feel like a collection of fables with a shared theme. There are only so many times I can read stories of people wishing they could say something or getting shut down or not being heard. I didn’t come here to read their stories I’ve already experienced it.
I think what the worst part is that what I’ve called insight above is very often not insightful. At best, there are a few paragraphs that explain a social pattern or structure that causes or is the situation in the preceding anecdote. There are several points where the insight is just comments on the author’s personal experiences and life, only a few lines, or just not related of the anecdote that preceded it. Which completely undermines the entire anecdote.
For example: she tells a story about how a man tells his father that he does not want to take over his father’s business because he is not passionate about the work his father does. His father hears this and responds with judgement on the career he wants and attempts to guilt the man to accepting the business anyway. The author does not say whether or not the man actually ends up taking over the business or following his dreams. The insight from this anecdote is that we sometimes do not share our desires because we fear the judgement of others.
The problem is that despite the anecdote being a valid instance of someone being silenced and the insight being a valid pattern and experience. They are not related because in the anecdote the man DOES speak his desire and DOES face the judgement of his father for that. This insight should have been about ways to have a mature response to that judgement.
All that to say, I think this book definitely could have benefitted from another couple rounds of editing and review. I came here looking for tools to be more confident, vulnerable, and open minded. But got a repetitive stream of shallow fables. I think that maybe 45% of this book could be worth reading, but it’s buried in a whole lot of fluff.
March 20, 2025
An insightful book filled with of examples regarding the ways silence impacts and controls our everyday experiences. Written from an intersectional lens, the book explores how culture and current system of power leads to underrepresent groups engrained silence in the world. I implore any people pleasers to read the book
March 18, 2024
There are a lot of great things about this book but I’ll list what stood out to me:
1. Readable. The author cites a lot of research (see Toiletgate) and weaves it seamlessly into her narrative to support her points. The book does not come off as snooty or self important but the citations are there to help us know that she has done her homework. Lots of jargon isn’t used and it’s an easy and quick read if you want to skim. But! I tried skimming but ended up whipping out a pen and paper frantically trying to scribble down all the golden nuggets of practical and theoretical ideas in there! Nevertheless it’s easy to read and accessible to pretty much most readers.
2. Highly practical. The book contains lists that are easy to screen shot or write on a napkin for future reflection. One of my favorites was the 3-bucket metaphor helping us decide who gets to influence the decisions we make in life. There’s also really practical advice on the different entry points into a conversation. I often do feel too timid to speak up - either from fear of being too junior or not expert enough to join in on the convo - but the author shows us where a person can join in on the conversation easily because we all have a voice.
3. Practical advice for people in power. In the chapter on learning how to stop silencing others, the book provides advice on how to truly enact our ideals of wanting to be fair, equitable, and respectful. For instance, concepts such as attributing credit to people who actually did the work or simply getting out of the way leads to others being heard. I find this practical advice refreshing since other books calling out people in power often leaves them with mere feelings of guilt and not necessarily any actionable steps. The author takes the time to share what we can do to listen better and to prevent ourselves from silencing others even inadvertently. It might not be a bad idea to share this chapter with anyone who is in a position of power.
4. Powerful anecdotes. The book gives us memorable stories to explore a point the author is making. And I think most of them come from the authors personal or work experience, giving each anecdote a sharpness that a hypothetical otherwise wouldn’t have. The stories do help draw me in emotionally and helps me see the authors point clearly.
This is a book I’ll be returning to remind myself how to exercise my voice and hear the voices of others better!
1. Readable. The author cites a lot of research (see Toiletgate) and weaves it seamlessly into her narrative to support her points. The book does not come off as snooty or self important but the citations are there to help us know that she has done her homework. Lots of jargon isn’t used and it’s an easy and quick read if you want to skim. But! I tried skimming but ended up whipping out a pen and paper frantically trying to scribble down all the golden nuggets of practical and theoretical ideas in there! Nevertheless it’s easy to read and accessible to pretty much most readers.
2. Highly practical. The book contains lists that are easy to screen shot or write on a napkin for future reflection. One of my favorites was the 3-bucket metaphor helping us decide who gets to influence the decisions we make in life. There’s also really practical advice on the different entry points into a conversation. I often do feel too timid to speak up - either from fear of being too junior or not expert enough to join in on the convo - but the author shows us where a person can join in on the conversation easily because we all have a voice.
3. Practical advice for people in power. In the chapter on learning how to stop silencing others, the book provides advice on how to truly enact our ideals of wanting to be fair, equitable, and respectful. For instance, concepts such as attributing credit to people who actually did the work or simply getting out of the way leads to others being heard. I find this practical advice refreshing since other books calling out people in power often leaves them with mere feelings of guilt and not necessarily any actionable steps. The author takes the time to share what we can do to listen better and to prevent ourselves from silencing others even inadvertently. It might not be a bad idea to share this chapter with anyone who is in a position of power.
4. Powerful anecdotes. The book gives us memorable stories to explore a point the author is making. And I think most of them come from the authors personal or work experience, giving each anecdote a sharpness that a hypothetical otherwise wouldn’t have. The stories do help draw me in emotionally and helps me see the authors point clearly.
This is a book I’ll be returning to remind myself how to exercise my voice and hear the voices of others better!
June 26, 2024
I got this book from a Goodreads giveaway so here’s a review.
I was conflicted on giving this a 2 star or 3 star review because I could relate to some of the things the author talked about but on the other hand, I’m not sure this book is for everyone like she claimed it would be at the beginning of the book.
I was conflicted on giving this a 2 star or 3 star review because I could relate to some of the things the author talked about but on the other hand, I’m not sure this book is for everyone like she claimed it would be at the beginning of the book.
May 9, 2024
Elaine Lin Hering’s book is both inspiring and challenging. She offers practical frameworks for speaking up, the struggles that stand in the way of many people from speaking up in the first place, and when it might just be an act of self-love to remain quiet.
As an immigrant Asian American woman in America, I resonated deeply with Elaine’s personal stories, and I’ve faced my own fair share of times in which I was silenced, afraid to speak up, and complicit in silencing others. This book was eye-opening and a must-read for anyone who’s trying to “unlearn” all the years of being told to mind your own business, stay in your lane, or “good girls don’t argue.” I know that the actionable recommendations Elaine offers will help me to continue to grow into a more empathetic, powerful advocate for myself and those around me.
As an immigrant Asian American woman in America, I resonated deeply with Elaine’s personal stories, and I’ve faced my own fair share of times in which I was silenced, afraid to speak up, and complicit in silencing others. This book was eye-opening and a must-read for anyone who’s trying to “unlearn” all the years of being told to mind your own business, stay in your lane, or “good girls don’t argue.” I know that the actionable recommendations Elaine offers will help me to continue to grow into a more empathetic, powerful advocate for myself and those around me.
May 2, 2024
The first part was good but the second part read like an instruction manual for corporate leadership so I didn’t really enjoy it. Definitely recommend the first part though.
March 13, 2024
I was honored to read Elaine's book, she took a perfect swing at giving us so much information we all need to take a step in the right direction in understanding where silence comes from, understanding silence in many of its forms and being proactive towards not silencing ourselves or others.
I am a woman who came from an extremely marginalized community. I was taught to never have a voice. I grew up knowing I had no significance, no education, no value, no future and no life of my own. It took many years of healing for me to be able to speak up every single time i need to, in a loving, truthful and kind way. There are always going to be people that do not see us for who we really are and it is imperative that we kindly but firmly, stand our ground on who we are in truth. Learning to be lovingly vocal comes at a cost, we must leave people who silence us behind.
No matter what field you are in, no matter who you are as a person, no matter your sexual identity, no matter your background, no matter your gender this book will give you a good kick in the right direction :)
There are many ways, ideas and thoughts she haa in the book that I truly enjoyed, here are some of them: "...people around you can't support you unless you provide guidance about how they might best do so.....", that is 100% accurate. She uses stories to get the point across. She has questions that we can allow to poke around in our minds, to see where we can grow. She reminds us to start out small and that jumping into the deep end is not where to begin. She has a road map at the end of the book that is concise, great idea! Lastly, she is quite vulnerable to tell us who she is as a person, that took courage, awareness and self sacrifice again.
Each of us will gain something from this book. She reminds us that silence keeps us from listening to others and being engaged in all sorts of good (not perfect but good) relationships, that in itself keeps us from a plethora of beautiful relationships. She reminds us that silence perpetuates lies. She has an excellent handle on truth.
What I really liked at the end of her book was her nod to God, in Ephesians 3:20. What I also really liked about this book is that she stayed far away from "Christianity". Her reminder that silencing others (in small ways or big ways) is not Love, silencing ourselves is not Love. From someone like me who began life in an extremely marginalized community, I know that bad silence comes from pain and suffering, it is not peaceful nor quietness. We all must heal from the past with Love and Truth so we not only can have our own voice, but be the voice for others, show others the way and be the listening kind ear whenever needed.
This book is an excellent read for everyone!! I am personally going to be buying Elaine's books for gifts all year round!!. May her book reach millions of people around the world, to bring health, healing, love and peace to each person individually and each relationship
I am a woman who came from an extremely marginalized community. I was taught to never have a voice. I grew up knowing I had no significance, no education, no value, no future and no life of my own. It took many years of healing for me to be able to speak up every single time i need to, in a loving, truthful and kind way. There are always going to be people that do not see us for who we really are and it is imperative that we kindly but firmly, stand our ground on who we are in truth. Learning to be lovingly vocal comes at a cost, we must leave people who silence us behind.
No matter what field you are in, no matter who you are as a person, no matter your sexual identity, no matter your background, no matter your gender this book will give you a good kick in the right direction :)
There are many ways, ideas and thoughts she haa in the book that I truly enjoyed, here are some of them: "...people around you can't support you unless you provide guidance about how they might best do so.....", that is 100% accurate. She uses stories to get the point across. She has questions that we can allow to poke around in our minds, to see where we can grow. She reminds us to start out small and that jumping into the deep end is not where to begin. She has a road map at the end of the book that is concise, great idea! Lastly, she is quite vulnerable to tell us who she is as a person, that took courage, awareness and self sacrifice again.
Each of us will gain something from this book. She reminds us that silence keeps us from listening to others and being engaged in all sorts of good (not perfect but good) relationships, that in itself keeps us from a plethora of beautiful relationships. She reminds us that silence perpetuates lies. She has an excellent handle on truth.
What I really liked at the end of her book was her nod to God, in Ephesians 3:20. What I also really liked about this book is that she stayed far away from "Christianity". Her reminder that silencing others (in small ways or big ways) is not Love, silencing ourselves is not Love. From someone like me who began life in an extremely marginalized community, I know that bad silence comes from pain and suffering, it is not peaceful nor quietness. We all must heal from the past with Love and Truth so we not only can have our own voice, but be the voice for others, show others the way and be the listening kind ear whenever needed.
This book is an excellent read for everyone!! I am personally going to be buying Elaine's books for gifts all year round!!. May her book reach millions of people around the world, to bring health, healing, love and peace to each person individually and each relationship
June 11, 2024
I am currently enjoying the book, and I wish I had discovered this or a similar book sooner, because it is helping me understand a correct a gap that I have been carrying for a long time. However, the continuous (too many) allusions to the issue of racism irritate me; I do not see the connection between the central issue of the book and racial minorities. I do not belong to any racial minority, and the concepts in the book also apply to me as well.
March 4, 2025
This book really let me down. From the title, I assumed there would be great advice on not staying silent and how to do so confidently. Sadly that was not the case. The author’s writing style is very repetitive and I felt like I heard the same thing but in a different context over and over again. There were lots of examples of a time when someone stood up and spoke their mind, but never a true explanation of how.
Not what I expected and I wouldn’t recommend.
Not what I expected and I wouldn’t recommend.
June 29, 2024
A solid, well researched book with great insights. I would have given it four stars but I felt like it was padded out too much with too many illustrations. Could have been a better book if it was cut down to 2/3rds the size with some illustrations stripped out.
December 11, 2024
I like the intention of the book, but I feel like the whole thing can be boiled down to: “be considerate and kind to people; stand up for yourself.” It was very wordy, repetitive, and fluffy.
August 7, 2024
Unlearning Silence is a timely reminder on the power of voice and its profound impact in our lives - both personally and professionally. I enjoyed this book tremendously! Right from the onset, the introduction of the topic was presented in strings of rhythmic sentences – reminding me so much of spoken word poetry, and I was here for it. With my attention immediately captured, I was curious to see how well the chapters that followed could keep up with the uplifting momentum. Between sharing the fundamentals of unlearning silence, and practical advice on how to put them into practice, safe to say – I was enlightened.
Speaking up can often be a risky and unwelcoming exercise, and Elaine breaks this down quite simply by connecting us with relatable case studies and her own experiences to illustrate valuable lessons. There are both industry-specific and family-related examples, giving us a glimpse of everyday challenges faced by some individuals. With diversity and representation becoming increasingly key in any organisation, the fact of the matter is, “having a seat at the table doesn’t mean that your real voice is actually welcome.” Challenging ourselves to put our opinions across is essential, yet the book also made it evidently clear that there are situations when silence can serve us well too. In practising self-reflection, it is wise to consider the bigger picture when using our voice – thread carefully and be patient in managing the relationships around us.
As we experiment in nurturing our growth forward, we should also surround ourselves with trusted “sounding boards” – family, friends or even colleagues whom we can bounce ideas with to provide us clarity, minimise overthinking and avoid demotivation. The time is now to identify patterns and communication styles that no longer serve us – with a powerful book at hand, opportunity can be made possible.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has been silenced, who wants to be heard and valued, or may have (intentionally or unintentionally) silenced others. As we navigate through life and our careers, I sincerely hope that each and every one of us will thrive to become more approachable and empowering, with such strong leadership competencies under our belt. After all, the “measure of success in communication isn’t what we mean, but what others take away."
I would like to thank Definitely Books for this review copy in exchange for my honest review!
Speaking up can often be a risky and unwelcoming exercise, and Elaine breaks this down quite simply by connecting us with relatable case studies and her own experiences to illustrate valuable lessons. There are both industry-specific and family-related examples, giving us a glimpse of everyday challenges faced by some individuals. With diversity and representation becoming increasingly key in any organisation, the fact of the matter is, “having a seat at the table doesn’t mean that your real voice is actually welcome.” Challenging ourselves to put our opinions across is essential, yet the book also made it evidently clear that there are situations when silence can serve us well too. In practising self-reflection, it is wise to consider the bigger picture when using our voice – thread carefully and be patient in managing the relationships around us.
As we experiment in nurturing our growth forward, we should also surround ourselves with trusted “sounding boards” – family, friends or even colleagues whom we can bounce ideas with to provide us clarity, minimise overthinking and avoid demotivation. The time is now to identify patterns and communication styles that no longer serve us – with a powerful book at hand, opportunity can be made possible.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has been silenced, who wants to be heard and valued, or may have (intentionally or unintentionally) silenced others. As we navigate through life and our careers, I sincerely hope that each and every one of us will thrive to become more approachable and empowering, with such strong leadership competencies under our belt. After all, the “measure of success in communication isn’t what we mean, but what others take away."
I would like to thank Definitely Books for this review copy in exchange for my honest review!
March 19, 2024
Thank you, Elaine Lin Hering, for writing this book. As someone who had previously noticed my silence in certain situations and how it didn’t feel right viscerally, this book is helping me gain better awareness and engage in deeper inquiries on my own silence, the roots of my silence, and how I have silenced others. The action steps that the author laid out to help one unlearn silence are very helpful and accessible.
I really like the way that the book unpacks the layers of complexities in how we experience silence and engage in silencing, and the stories of relatable examples in personal relationships and the work place. These helped me start examining more deeply where, how and why silence and silencing show up in my life, and better understand myself and how I impact others with empathy. The vulnerability and authenticity with which the author shares her own experience in being silent and silencing others, as someone who spent years as a leader at one of the top consulting firms training leaders from around the world, are inspiring and help to normalize the experience with silence we each have.
Being a woman of color, an immigrant who had to learn how to speak English after coming to the US, and a first-generation college graduate, I also greatly appreciate the richness with which the author illuminates the experience of people with subordinate identities. It feels validating, supportive, and empowering. It also helps me to better see how I impact other people with subordinated identities and people without subordinated identities, especially in my role as a leader in different settings.
This is a wonderful book that I am not just putting down after reading. The practical advice from the book accompanies me in my journey in finding and using my true, authentic voice, becoming a better version of who I am for myself and the people around me, and creating changes I wish to see in systems.
I really like the way that the book unpacks the layers of complexities in how we experience silence and engage in silencing, and the stories of relatable examples in personal relationships and the work place. These helped me start examining more deeply where, how and why silence and silencing show up in my life, and better understand myself and how I impact others with empathy. The vulnerability and authenticity with which the author shares her own experience in being silent and silencing others, as someone who spent years as a leader at one of the top consulting firms training leaders from around the world, are inspiring and help to normalize the experience with silence we each have.
Being a woman of color, an immigrant who had to learn how to speak English after coming to the US, and a first-generation college graduate, I also greatly appreciate the richness with which the author illuminates the experience of people with subordinate identities. It feels validating, supportive, and empowering. It also helps me to better see how I impact other people with subordinated identities and people without subordinated identities, especially in my role as a leader in different settings.
This is a wonderful book that I am not just putting down after reading. The practical advice from the book accompanies me in my journey in finding and using my true, authentic voice, becoming a better version of who I am for myself and the people around me, and creating changes I wish to see in systems.
May 10, 2024
I found this book at random at the library and was very curious. Silence can be a shield, a weapon, etc. so I was curious to see what this book could tell me. Sometimes it can be hard to know when it is best to remain silent and when it is best to speak up. Author Hering talks about understanding what silence it is, when to use it, when to speak up, when to recognize when it is a problem or a barrier, how to learn not to be be silent, etc.
So the book is broken down chapter by chapter with the above topics. Within are personal anecdotes and stories of how silence is used, viewed, etc. Hering also talks about how to address the silence (if appropriate) and the "why" (is it to hurt, protect, someone doesn't know how to properly address the situation, etc.
Overall, this was very dull. A good chunk of the book was perhaps really about definitions and the why's. For me, the book only became more interesting in the last 1/3rd or so when I thought it was more about moving forward and more actionable things we can do to better utilize silence.
I think for the right person this is probably a good read. Someone who has been in situations where silence was used to harm (abuse, lack of access, etc.) might most benefit from this. If you're already familiar with the concept you might find this repetitive and/or not particularly useful in addressing your situation, especially as it does tend to lean more towards corporate-speak.
It was interesting but ultimately a library borrow was best for me.
So the book is broken down chapter by chapter with the above topics. Within are personal anecdotes and stories of how silence is used, viewed, etc. Hering also talks about how to address the silence (if appropriate) and the "why" (is it to hurt, protect, someone doesn't know how to properly address the situation, etc.
Overall, this was very dull. A good chunk of the book was perhaps really about definitions and the why's. For me, the book only became more interesting in the last 1/3rd or so when I thought it was more about moving forward and more actionable things we can do to better utilize silence.
I think for the right person this is probably a good read. Someone who has been in situations where silence was used to harm (abuse, lack of access, etc.) might most benefit from this. If you're already familiar with the concept you might find this repetitive and/or not particularly useful in addressing your situation, especially as it does tend to lean more towards corporate-speak.
It was interesting but ultimately a library borrow was best for me.
March 19, 2024
"Unlearning Silence" by Elaine Lin Hering is a powerful exploration of the challenges faced by anyone who has struggled to use their voice. The book may resonate particularly with people of Asian descent in the United States who find themselves confined by the constraints of the "model minority myth" and relegated to tokenism — present yet silenced. Through thoughtful reflections and practical guidance, Hering offers insights and tools for individuals grappling with their identities in the personal and professional environments they are navigating.
One of the book's most compelling aspects is its emphasis on the notion of unlearning — a process essential for personal growth and empowerment. Hering adeptly demonstrates how shedding ingrained mindsets and behaviors that no longer serve us is crucial for breaking free from the cycles of being silenced and silencing others. The title itself encapsulates this theme, serving as a poignant reminder of the transformative power of auditing and then discarding the habits that no longer align with the person we wish to be.
"Unlearning Silence" extends beyond individual introspection to encourage readers to confront their roles in perpetuating silence and marginalization in others. By fostering a deeper understanding of how systemic biases operate, Hering inspires readers to become active agents of change, challenging existing structures and advocating for inclusivity.
One of the book's most compelling aspects is its emphasis on the notion of unlearning — a process essential for personal growth and empowerment. Hering adeptly demonstrates how shedding ingrained mindsets and behaviors that no longer serve us is crucial for breaking free from the cycles of being silenced and silencing others. The title itself encapsulates this theme, serving as a poignant reminder of the transformative power of auditing and then discarding the habits that no longer align with the person we wish to be.
"Unlearning Silence" extends beyond individual introspection to encourage readers to confront their roles in perpetuating silence and marginalization in others. By fostering a deeper understanding of how systemic biases operate, Hering inspires readers to become active agents of change, challenging existing structures and advocating for inclusivity.
February 29, 2024
This book is an absolute game-changer. From the very first chapter, I found myself fervently nodding in agreement, chuckling at the all too relatable anecdotes, tearing up at your poignant reflections, and feeling deeply understood in a way I didn't even realize was missing. This book not only empowers individuals to find their voice but also drives meaningful change in business leadership, personal growth, and cultural evolution. To the author, thank you for giving silence a voice and for shining a light on the power of dismantling the barriers that hinder authentic expression and fulfillment.
“Unlearning Silence” seamlessly blends research-backed insights with lived experience, resulting in a comprehensive guide that is both enlightening and accessible. This invaluable resource offers practical tips for navigating difficult conversations and thought-provoking exercises for self-reflection, catering to both seasoned leaders and individuals striving for personal growth. Ultimately, “Unlearning Silence” serves as a catalyst for transformation, challenging readers to confront their fears, embrace vulnerability, and reclaim their power to speak their truth authentically. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone committed to unlocking their full potential and making a positive impact in their lives and communities.
“Unlearning Silence” seamlessly blends research-backed insights with lived experience, resulting in a comprehensive guide that is both enlightening and accessible. This invaluable resource offers practical tips for navigating difficult conversations and thought-provoking exercises for self-reflection, catering to both seasoned leaders and individuals striving for personal growth. Ultimately, “Unlearning Silence” serves as a catalyst for transformation, challenging readers to confront their fears, embrace vulnerability, and reclaim their power to speak their truth authentically. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone committed to unlocking their full potential and making a positive impact in their lives and communities.
April 8, 2024
I can’t possibly summarize my feelings about this book in three sentences.
I'm bookmarking pages, sending copies to my clients, and recommending it to every biz owner I know. I have been following Elaine for some time now on LinkedIn and found all her postings relatable.
I think this year is very much about challenging the norms, challenging what’s been taught, interrogating, and also questioning. What still serves us at our highest potential and what is ours to claim, how do we claim agency. What are the cost of choosing voice? What are the benefits of staying silent? 3.) Given the costs and benefits of voice and silence, what makes sense for me?
I had to reach in my emotional toolbox and remember what I learned in therapy all those years ago: Redirect your anxious energy in a way that will distract your hands from. Slow down your thoughts, pause, and process before you answer so that. That's what I did with Elaine's book. It was also packed with reflection questions.
I'm so grateful this book exists and that Elaine was the *unique messenger* to bring it to life.
To potential readers: It's a YES. Buy a copy for you *and* your biz bestie and dive in.
To Elaine: Thank you for pouring so much love into this project so we can all benefit from your lessons learned. Cannot wait to see what you create next.
I'm bookmarking pages, sending copies to my clients, and recommending it to every biz owner I know. I have been following Elaine for some time now on LinkedIn and found all her postings relatable.
I think this year is very much about challenging the norms, challenging what’s been taught, interrogating, and also questioning. What still serves us at our highest potential and what is ours to claim, how do we claim agency. What are the cost of choosing voice? What are the benefits of staying silent? 3.) Given the costs and benefits of voice and silence, what makes sense for me?
I had to reach in my emotional toolbox and remember what I learned in therapy all those years ago: Redirect your anxious energy in a way that will distract your hands from. Slow down your thoughts, pause, and process before you answer so that. That's what I did with Elaine's book. It was also packed with reflection questions.
I'm so grateful this book exists and that Elaine was the *unique messenger* to bring it to life.
To potential readers: It's a YES. Buy a copy for you *and* your biz bestie and dive in.
To Elaine: Thank you for pouring so much love into this project so we can all benefit from your lessons learned. Cannot wait to see what you create next.
May 18, 2024
"Unlearning Silence" captivated me from the very first page because of it's bang-on insights into the influence of cultural conditioning on our voices. In a society that often values conformity and reinforces oppressive systems, speaking our truth can be a radical act. "Unlearning Silence" encourages readers to challenge these norms and embrace their unique voices.
One of the most compelling aspects is the emphasis on the intersectionality of silence. The book explores how factors such as race, gender, and socioeconomic status influence our ability to speak up and be heard. Through personal anecdotes, research, and thought-provoking questions, Hering invites us to reflect on our communication patterns and how they may have been shaped by societal expectations.
The book is also very practical, and packed with tools to help us navigate real-life, everyday scenarios where finding our voice is challenging. It's not just inspiring, but genuinely empowering in that it gives you the skills to step into your power and speak up.
For me, "Unlearning Silence" was a powerful call to action—a reminder that our voices are significant and that speaking our truth is essential for both personal and collective evolution. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who wants to live more fully and authentically.
One of the most compelling aspects is the emphasis on the intersectionality of silence. The book explores how factors such as race, gender, and socioeconomic status influence our ability to speak up and be heard. Through personal anecdotes, research, and thought-provoking questions, Hering invites us to reflect on our communication patterns and how they may have been shaped by societal expectations.
The book is also very practical, and packed with tools to help us navigate real-life, everyday scenarios where finding our voice is challenging. It's not just inspiring, but genuinely empowering in that it gives you the skills to step into your power and speak up.
For me, "Unlearning Silence" was a powerful call to action—a reminder that our voices are significant and that speaking our truth is essential for both personal and collective evolution. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who wants to live more fully and authentically.
March 13, 2024
GoodReads Giveaway Book One: I am so glad that this is the first book I got through the giveaways! This book was really great and thought-provoking in so many ways.
As someone who has been silenced and has instinctually silenced herself for years in fear of being silenced again, this book was a serious game changer for me.
This book made me feel seen and understood, and it's incredible that even through text, Hering makes me feel like I am being given the space to speak and be heard.
I absolutely loved the diversity of examples used throughout the book to help visualize the points Hering is making. Some of those stories hit me right in the feels, and they really offered a perfect balance to the information being presented.
Also, there were quite some zingers in this book, and I'm all for it. The number of times I said "OOF" out loud is unreal.
I think this book is really necessary in a time when only the loudest people are being heard and so many people are being censored. If there was ever a time we needed to speak up and have our voices heard, it's now.
As someone who has been silenced and has instinctually silenced herself for years in fear of being silenced again, this book was a serious game changer for me.
This book made me feel seen and understood, and it's incredible that even through text, Hering makes me feel like I am being given the space to speak and be heard.
I absolutely loved the diversity of examples used throughout the book to help visualize the points Hering is making. Some of those stories hit me right in the feels, and they really offered a perfect balance to the information being presented.
Also, there were quite some zingers in this book, and I'm all for it. The number of times I said "OOF" out loud is unreal.
I think this book is really necessary in a time when only the loudest people are being heard and so many people are being censored. If there was ever a time we needed to speak up and have our voices heard, it's now.
July 1, 2024
Wow! That's the word that comes to mind when trying to beat describe the experience of reading Elaine's book. I first encountered her as a public speaker, when she gave the keynote at a local Society of Women Engineers (SWE) event in my city back in April of this year. Her cadence, information, and conviction got me excited to read her book - in hindsight, I should've done it way sooner. As a woman of color in engineering, the topics and situations presented in this book were extremely relatable (shout-out to my five coworkers that have called me by the name of the only other black woman in the workplace), but she also does an amazing job of conveying these experiences to people who don't have that same identity. The actions presented in the second part of the book are so useful, and I am extremely excited to utilize them in my everyday life moving forward - both for unlearning my own silence, as well as working to stop silencing others. Thank you Elaine for this meaningful opportunity for reflection!
January 6, 2025
Unlearning Silence was one of the most transformative books I have read in a very long time. As a second-generation Pakistani-Canadian, daughter of immigrants, the concept of silence is well known to me - staying quiet, in my lane and as expected has been a core expectation and one that was further upheld when finding myself in work environments in the corporate world where I rarely, if ever, saw representation of leaders who looked like me or who were capable of tapping into their authentic expression to lead in thoughtful and human ways. Elaine has this incredible way of taking such a complex and nuanced subject and breaking it down in a way that makes it much easier for those who grew up like me to grasp why silence has been a necessary survival tactic but more importantly how to move beyond that to nurture your voice, be heard, take up space and realize your potential. I cannot recommend the book enough and listening on Audible gives you the extra pleasure of listening to Elaine's calming and beautiful voice narrate the book :)
March 19, 2024
This book had me hooked right away. The story of the young girl and her new bike is just one, immediate example of the way Elaine Lin Hering challenged how I think about silence.
I expected this book to cover how people stay silent (or are silenced) in meetings, at work, in society. But I wasn't expecting how broadly we've learned silence. Elaine gives so many use-cases that got me thinking: the trip with her brother, or the question, "are you staying silent about not wanting to go on that family vacation?"
I'd never considered silence in its full spectrum, nor with such nuance. Elaine writes with empathy, openness and vigor. I highly, highly recommend this book for all of us. Not only will you discover ways you stay silent, you'll also increase your awareness of others' silence—and how you can support people to use their voices.
Note: I received an ARC of this book in advance, and this is my honest review.
I expected this book to cover how people stay silent (or are silenced) in meetings, at work, in society. But I wasn't expecting how broadly we've learned silence. Elaine gives so many use-cases that got me thinking: the trip with her brother, or the question, "are you staying silent about not wanting to go on that family vacation?"
I'd never considered silence in its full spectrum, nor with such nuance. Elaine writes with empathy, openness and vigor. I highly, highly recommend this book for all of us. Not only will you discover ways you stay silent, you'll also increase your awareness of others' silence—and how you can support people to use their voices.
Note: I received an ARC of this book in advance, and this is my honest review.
February 25, 2024
Unlearning Silence is a must-read for anyone who is tasked with empowering marginalised voices.
As an East Asian woman, I have been looking forward to reading more authors who I can relate to and learn a good dose of wisdom from. Elaine’s book doesn’t disappoint. For those who feel unheard and unseen, Unlearning Silence will be a welcoming hug to your existence, whilst also encouraging you to take gentle, but practical steps to empowering your voice and those around you.
This book is filled with so many relatable examples and how silence can show up in our daily lives - be it at family gatherings, school, and workplace, and how it is compounded by our intersecting identities. Kudos to Elaine for not shying away from tough topics too. A candid, mindful, and compassionate take on silence. I highly recommend everyone to read.
As an East Asian woman, I have been looking forward to reading more authors who I can relate to and learn a good dose of wisdom from. Elaine’s book doesn’t disappoint. For those who feel unheard and unseen, Unlearning Silence will be a welcoming hug to your existence, whilst also encouraging you to take gentle, but practical steps to empowering your voice and those around you.
This book is filled with so many relatable examples and how silence can show up in our daily lives - be it at family gatherings, school, and workplace, and how it is compounded by our intersecting identities. Kudos to Elaine for not shying away from tough topics too. A candid, mindful, and compassionate take on silence. I highly recommend everyone to read.
March 15, 2024
I highly recommend this book to anyone who struggles with feeling heard, not just in the workplace. Often, books like these are written from the lens of finding professional success. I appreciate how this book frames a variety of situations in the case studies - personal, familial, professional. Elaine shows that exercising our voice is a skill that isn't limited to one sphere of life, and gives solid practical advice on how to grow and practice that skill.
As much as this book gives lessons on exercising our voice, it is also instructional in teaching ways to be better listeners. In recognizing the ways we silence ourselves and others, we can also find ways to be better listeners and communicators. The lessons in this book feel universal and worthwhile for anyone who is making an effort to speak up and feel heard.
As much as this book gives lessons on exercising our voice, it is also instructional in teaching ways to be better listeners. In recognizing the ways we silence ourselves and others, we can also find ways to be better listeners and communicators. The lessons in this book feel universal and worthwhile for anyone who is making an effort to speak up and feel heard.
March 17, 2024
As a woman of color who resonates deeply with the themes explored in Elaine Lin Hering's insightful book, Unlearning Silence, I am profoundly grateful for Elaine's courageous voice and invaluable perspectives. Elaine's non-judgmental, matter-of-fact approach, coupled with her wealth of professional expertise and personal insights, provides a practical yet transformative roadmap for individuals and institutions alike, guiding us towards the discovery/reclamation of our voices and the empowerment/support of others in doing so. Particularly impactful are the thoughtful reflection questions interspersed throughout the book, which encourage introspection and foster a deeper engagement with the material.
March 18, 2024
This is a book I will be gifting all my friends and family! It is a book I needed when I stepped into the USA as an immigrant at 17, all the way to the book I need now after having navigated the corporate world and starting my own business 21 years since! Elaine has in such an inspired way laid bare the inner negotiations we continue to make with ourselves as we unlearn the various parts of ourselves we have silenced. It is a book that has given me my mantra for the day “What aspects of myself am I silencing for the comfort of others!”. It is a must read book, that puts a loudspeaker to the questions we don’t ask ourselves enough in pursuit of living out our purpose in service of ourselves and others. Thank you for writing this book Elaine!
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