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If Love Could Kill: The Myths and Truths of Women Who Commit Violence
A groundbreaking work by an internationally acclaimed forensic psychotherapist that looks at women who commit extreme acts of violence and cruelty and at the underlying oppression and abuse often at the heart of these crimes
Women can be murderers and child abusers. They can commit acts of extreme and sadistic brutality. And those who do, are outcasts from society and from womanhood itself. They are seen as monsters and angels of and must be kept at a safe distance.
Anna Motz is a renowned clinical and forensic psychologist in London and New York. Writing with candor, compassion, and a clear-eyed perspective, she explores in depth the shockingly underexamined psychological underpinnings of female violence. Far from the heartless and inhuman monsters we might believe them to be, these women are often victims of a culture of violence and emotional trauma.
Already hailed as a landmark, Motz's daring book, bursting with humanity, makes clear that women’s violence is more widespread than most realize, that these acts of violence expose deeply held, centuries-old beliefs about women and their value, and that these acts demand to be taken more seriously as a distinctive societal taboo that can—and must—be brought into the light.
Women can be murderers and child abusers. They can commit acts of extreme and sadistic brutality. And those who do, are outcasts from society and from womanhood itself. They are seen as monsters and angels of and must be kept at a safe distance.
Anna Motz is a renowned clinical and forensic psychologist in London and New York. Writing with candor, compassion, and a clear-eyed perspective, she explores in depth the shockingly underexamined psychological underpinnings of female violence. Far from the heartless and inhuman monsters we might believe them to be, these women are often victims of a culture of violence and emotional trauma.
Already hailed as a landmark, Motz's daring book, bursting with humanity, makes clear that women’s violence is more widespread than most realize, that these acts of violence expose deeply held, centuries-old beliefs about women and their value, and that these acts demand to be taken more seriously as a distinctive societal taboo that can—and must—be brought into the light.
272 pages, Hardcover
Published February 6, 2024
32 people are currently reading
995 people want to read
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January 23, 2024
Told through the forensic psychoanalysis of several mentally unstable women in the eyes of the criminal justice system, If Love Could Kill is to be handled with care and love. I am so thankful to aaknopf, PRH Audio, and Anna Motz for granting me advanced digital and audio access to this heartbreaker before it hits shelves for the public on February 6, 2024.
Anna Motz, our narrator, author, and forensic psychotherapist, takes readers on a ride through the cases of 10+ women and their horrid upbringings and resulting traumas that led them to commit crimes on themselves, their partners, and their children as a cry for help. Motz covers crimes of passion, perversion, revenge, obsession, and other motivators that led them to act out. The underlying psychological conditions of all of these women stemmed from abuse and abandonment during their childhood upbringings, curating their way of understanding and living as they grew older.
Motz leads with love in her depiction of all of these cases and urges readers to handle them with care, as there’s no place for judgment in these trials, as the women are all serving their time. There are ways to break generational traumas, and that starts with acceptance rather than hate.
Anna Motz, our narrator, author, and forensic psychotherapist, takes readers on a ride through the cases of 10+ women and their horrid upbringings and resulting traumas that led them to commit crimes on themselves, their partners, and their children as a cry for help. Motz covers crimes of passion, perversion, revenge, obsession, and other motivators that led them to act out. The underlying psychological conditions of all of these women stemmed from abuse and abandonment during their childhood upbringings, curating their way of understanding and living as they grew older.
Motz leads with love in her depiction of all of these cases and urges readers to handle them with care, as there’s no place for judgment in these trials, as the women are all serving their time. There are ways to break generational traumas, and that starts with acceptance rather than hate.
March 6, 2024
A collection of 10 case studies of women who committed violent acts. As someone who is always fascinated by human behavior, I thought it would be an interesting read, and it was. It provides insight into why some women behave in violent and seemingly irrational ways. Sometimes it feels as if you delving into assigned reading for an abnormal psychology course, but, the women and their motivations are always interesting.
Thank you to NetGalley, Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor, Knopf, and Anna Motz for the eARC
Thank you to NetGalley, Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor, Knopf, and Anna Motz for the eARC
January 9, 2024
If Love Could Kill is a collection of 10 case files of women involved in violent acts that the author was involved in. The book provides a psychoanalysis of each of the 10 women and the why’s for their propensity toward violence.
Cases were varied and included psychological disorders such as Munchausen’s Syndrome, Self Mutilation, and Erotomania, among others. But in the end it all comes down to the vicious cycle of the abused becoming the abuser after an endless cycle of violence.
I didn’t particularly care for the book inasmuch as I was probably expecting more of a true crime type narrative. Instead, I felt like a student in a case studies class analyzing symptoms, dysfuctions, and therapies.
The book eventually becomes a platform for the author promoting her political beliefs and reforms. Something that I didn’t need to read about. Two okay stars.
I received a DRC from Knopf, Pantheon through NetGalley. The review herein is completely my own and contains my honest thoughts and opinions.
Cases were varied and included psychological disorders such as Munchausen’s Syndrome, Self Mutilation, and Erotomania, among others. But in the end it all comes down to the vicious cycle of the abused becoming the abuser after an endless cycle of violence.
I didn’t particularly care for the book inasmuch as I was probably expecting more of a true crime type narrative. Instead, I felt like a student in a case studies class analyzing symptoms, dysfuctions, and therapies.
The book eventually becomes a platform for the author promoting her political beliefs and reforms. Something that I didn’t need to read about. Two okay stars.
I received a DRC from Knopf, Pantheon through NetGalley. The review herein is completely my own and contains my honest thoughts and opinions.
May 28, 2024
This was fantastic- one of the best nonfiction books I’ve read in a long time. Motz, a forensic psychologist who works in women’s prisons, covers the stories of 10 different violent women she has worked with, the crimes they committed, and what led them to commit these crimes. She offers a very non-biased approached, covering not only their crimes, but her interviews and therapy sessions with them, recounting the trauma and abuse that often led them to commit a violent act. Motz covers the whole spectrum of violent women- women who harm themselves, children, partners, and strangers.
The stories, while often difficult to read, really opened my eyes to how violent women are often the product of trauma, abuse, and a society that enables abusers and fails women. Motz’ writing and stories really resonated with me. She is not only fantastic at her job, but she is passionate and truly cares about rehabilitating the women she works with. She makes the language of her book accessible, while still teaching about psychology and the effects of her therapy on these women. This was an absolutely brilliant read that truly addresses the nuance of the justice system, of prisons, and of society’s views of motherhood and femininity.
The stories, while often difficult to read, really opened my eyes to how violent women are often the product of trauma, abuse, and a society that enables abusers and fails women. Motz’ writing and stories really resonated with me. She is not only fantastic at her job, but she is passionate and truly cares about rehabilitating the women she works with. She makes the language of her book accessible, while still teaching about psychology and the effects of her therapy on these women. This was an absolutely brilliant read that truly addresses the nuance of the justice system, of prisons, and of society’s views of motherhood and femininity.
November 2, 2023
Written by a forensic psychotherapist, “If Love Could Kill” is about some of the author’s female patients who have committed egregious crimes and/or inflicted violence, even to children. Anna Motz explores the reasons behind the criminality and whether or not these women can survive outside of institutions in their future.
We, as a culture, tend to believe that violence is caused only by psychopaths or sociopaths, but often these acts of violence are due to one’s upbringing or even based on a mode of self preservation. Ms. Motz draws on her expertise to engage in a meaningful way with her patients and often breaks through to the good person inside each of them.
The story of each woman is unique, compelling and thought-provoking. We need more psychotherapists, doctors and other medical personnel to take an interest in this field of work and bring it to the forefront of forensics. Excellent book. I highly recommend this along with a trigger warning of violence, child abuse and sexual abuse.
Thank you, NetGalley and Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage and Anchor for the advanced copy.
We, as a culture, tend to believe that violence is caused only by psychopaths or sociopaths, but often these acts of violence are due to one’s upbringing or even based on a mode of self preservation. Ms. Motz draws on her expertise to engage in a meaningful way with her patients and often breaks through to the good person inside each of them.
The story of each woman is unique, compelling and thought-provoking. We need more psychotherapists, doctors and other medical personnel to take an interest in this field of work and bring it to the forefront of forensics. Excellent book. I highly recommend this along with a trigger warning of violence, child abuse and sexual abuse.
Thank you, NetGalley and Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage and Anchor for the advanced copy.
March 11, 2024
So many mixed feelings. The book was definitely interesting, the things these women have endured are heartbreaking & awful BUT some are still inexcusable.
April 2, 2024
Thank you Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor | Knopf for allowing me to read and review If Love Could Kill
The Myths and Truths of Women Who Commit Violence on NetGalley.
Published: 02/06/24
Stars: 4
Thought-provoking.
The author shares her personal experiences in conjunction with her education about specific women and their crimes. She also gives her opinion as to the why, etc. they commit these atrocities. She gently points out from professional and lay persons rationale traditional thoughts. Example: Upon hearing a mother hurts her child the general public immediately starts how could she, I never would,etc. No mercy or grace is given to illness.
Motz writes well. The stories (actual cases) varied in comprehensive accepting of crimes and me trying to step back and objectively listen to her. I found this to be eye opening.
I would gift this in a basket with a bottle and cheese.
The Myths and Truths of Women Who Commit Violence on NetGalley.
Published: 02/06/24
Stars: 4
Thought-provoking.
The author shares her personal experiences in conjunction with her education about specific women and their crimes. She also gives her opinion as to the why, etc. they commit these atrocities. She gently points out from professional and lay persons rationale traditional thoughts. Example: Upon hearing a mother hurts her child the general public immediately starts how could she, I never would,etc. No mercy or grace is given to illness.
Motz writes well. The stories (actual cases) varied in comprehensive accepting of crimes and me trying to step back and objectively listen to her. I found this to be eye opening.
I would gift this in a basket with a bottle and cheese.
Read
March 30, 2024dnf. reading this led me to two main conclusions:
1. i’m not in a place where i can read about explicit self-harm, which featured heavily in the first two chapters.
2. i am just not a psychodynamic girlie. the main principles sound like something i’d be into - examining root causes, bringing the unconscious into conscious awareness, etc. - but in practice i find it hard to follow. i don’t understand how certain conclusions and interpretations are formulated and so it comes across as someone just…. making it up. and i know it’s not! we covered it in grad school! but i can’t help it.
1. i’m not in a place where i can read about explicit self-harm, which featured heavily in the first two chapters.
2. i am just not a psychodynamic girlie. the main principles sound like something i’d be into - examining root causes, bringing the unconscious into conscious awareness, etc. - but in practice i find it hard to follow. i don’t understand how certain conclusions and interpretations are formulated and so it comes across as someone just…. making it up. and i know it’s not! we covered it in grad school! but i can’t help it.
March 16, 2024
In If Love Could Kill, author Anna Motz provides ten case studies focused on women who have committed very serious crimes. She presents each case with remarkable sensitivity and tenderness. As a forensic psychologist, she explores the life histories of her patients to round out her understanding of the forces that have affected them. She explores the limitations, challenges, and biases of social instutitions tasked with providing realistic therapies and accommodations and offers a frank delineation of her personal feelings when working with women who have committed the unthinkable. I learned a lot from this book, and will revisit it.
February 24, 2024
This was a fascinating look into several case studies of women who committed violent acts. I truly appreciated the way the author discussed these women with compassion and understanding about what led them to their breaking point. I was appreciative of how she was able to discuss these cases of sometimes extremely taboo behaviors without hyperbole and condemnation. Difficult listen, but as a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate it was a very important read, especially when I work with victims that also victimize.
December 10, 2023
Interesting and enlightening read on the psychology of and criminal justice systems care for female violence and those who commit violent crimes. I would highly recommend this read to anyone, but especially those on psychology, forensic psychology, and within the criminal justice system. The US criminal justice system has a lot to learn for reviewing and treating these people so we can break the cycle.
March 27, 2024
Fascinating dive into some of the things that can drive women to violence against themselves and others. It does contain descriptions of crimes, so be aware of that before you read.
March 25, 2024
I felt really underwhelmed by this tbh. It is definitely more about therapy than prison issues. Overall, I guess its fine, but I don't really think "the idea of motherhood being sacred and virtuous" actually plays a KEY role in this whole thing- but like, the author reaaaallly loves this hypothesis lol. More so than the fact that childhood sexual abuse and ignored epidemic of rape in women and femicide/ women literally being stuck with men who want to kill them and have 0 options. I cringed every time the author brought up "we need to STOP thinking that women can't do violent crime !!! Yes, 99% of violent/sex crime is perpetrated by men ...but if we could just start assuming any mother is also a risky predatory mofos, we could stop being so ~shocked~ when a woman does something truly evil - like the type who makes CP for her pedophile boyfriend who groomed her and made CP of her as a child too. Author was like weirdly obsessed with this concept that thinking less highly of all mothers would help these extreme outliers. I am not even a mother nor particularly close to any family and I was weirded out by this repetitive message. Especially since she had to say it explicitly every time because her client stories could not speak for themselves.
I think it might be more eye opening if you are mostly interested in therapy and are completely unaware of how women acting in self defense or literally experiencing psychosis get harsher sentences than many violent male criminals. Or how women are harmed by biological men in women prisons or co-ed psychiatric wards...
I have been upset about the conditions faced by the most vulnerable forgotten minority- incarcerated women. I think the degree to which they go ignored by the Western world is highlighted by the fact that "progressive" policy makers literally allowed for men, even those who have JUST committed rape/pedophilia, /sexual homicide, to have the right to transfer to a womans prison with a children's ward. Politicians have literally NEVER ASKED incarcerated women if THEY feel safe and now there are situations actually happening where women who were raped as children are forced to share a cell with a biological male who is serving a sentence for raping his very young daughter. [This is NOT FEAR MONGERING- THIS IS REAL; look up on DuckDuckGo] If incarcerated women were not second class citizens, truly oppressed by their biological sex, it would be female psychological wellbeing and physical safety at the forefront of policy makers mind and the ACLU and other alleged advocates of prisoner rights and criminal justice reform would NOT ALLOW ANY INCARCERATED WOMAN- who are already disproportionately victims of childhood sexual abuse-TO BE GIVEN UNLIMITED OPPORTUNITIES TO BE RAPED BY HER BIOLOGICAL MALE CELLMATE. This is literally one of the worst human rights atrocities in all history. There are women getting locked up and NON CONSENSUALLY impregnanted by biological male rapists- who the ACLU defends?! Why?! Like that is beyond cruel and unusual punishment! l was really hoping she would address this as the book it very recently written.
I have read a Iot of works written by female prisoners on their life and experiences and I highly recommend those over this- stuff like Wally Lambs' workshops in women's correction facilities.
If you didn't know, most women have had extremely traumatic childhoods and most in for murder were literally defending themselves or suffering EXTREME post partum psychosis- a condition that doctors do not address. The author DOES touch on this.
---
To the judge, victims of domestic abusers- even ones who are threatening to kill them and their children- a woman who doesn't just sit back and die is a murderer lol. Seriously, it isn't self defense unless she literally kills her husband DURING the time he is choking her. Obviously, this is stupid AF because if a man already has his hands on you and going for the kill, you are not gonna be able to fight back then??? I think the 'idea of mothers wanting the best for their kids' is important here- a good mother WILL do ANYTHING to stop a man deadset on murdering their child. You might think they have other options like dial 911 but there is a 0% chance that they will get a long enough sentence for you to be able to change you and your child's location and whole identities, etc. If you have never met this kind of man, it is likely unbelievable to fathom that a man will make it a life goal to kill a woman and kid(s). But they exist, and they get shorter sentences for their murders than the woman who kill them first.
If they stumble away drunk and fall asleep on the couch after hurting you and your pet viciously, while threatening to kill your child if you even attempt to leave - and yeah, a restraining order is useless on the man who would rather his wife and child be dead than divorced, living sway from him- any real action a woman takes in this situation is considered COLD blooded Premeditated Murder !!!!!
---
My terrible rant turned screenplay:
Judges are like: ok she has many bruises, police have been literally useless in this situation, he wants to kill them all, this isn't an empty threat since he routinely beats women and intends to kill the kid too so long as hes alive.....but Wait a second...
Judge (*flips page*): WHAT THE F***... She got him when he was sLEEPiNG??!!!! Like sleep sleeping?! But men, including married men like ME, have to sleep sometimes? How am I supposed to have compassion for this woman's situation when it could EASILY be me and my wife next tim? Better to nip this #Sleepy #SlipperySlope in the bud....
Judge ( *looks at female defendant, who killed a man so that her children could live*): LIFE IN PRISON!!! THIS IS THE MOST HEINOUS CRIME I HAVE EVER SEEN! LIFE IN PRISON W/ NO CHANCE OF PAROLE!
If you cared about your kids so much, you shouldn't have become a murderer!!!! Like for God's sake woman, if you can't kill him when he is 100% conscious and already attacking you- JUST DIE!!!!! Other women do it All The Time and you don't exactly hear THEM complaining, do you?
Defense attorney: Your honor, that is really not a great solution to this problem. The extenuating circumstances-
Judge: let me stop you there, buddy. Murder is Murder. If I WAS a sexist, i would think it's 'more complicated' when one sex kills the other. But when I see our little killer here, I don't even notice her race OR her C cups! I just see a terrible wife! I'm gonna start tuning you out if you go on some spiel about how she had been abused since childhood or some crap about how the male victim (RIP) has a long history of violence against women or children.
Defense attorney: My client has two children w/ PTSD from their father and will be forcibly removed from their loving mother and placed in foster car-
Judge *puts fingers in ears, going lalala*:
Defense Attorney: "attachment disorders....perpetuate a cycle of violence and trauma..."
Judge *speaking really loud so he can keeps fingers in ears*: IF YOU OR YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN CANT DO THE TIME, DONT DO THE CRIME! ALSO WE HAVE NO IDEA WHY A TOP CAUSE OF DEATH FOR PREGNANT WOMEN IS HOMICIDE BY MALE PARTNERS!!!! Sure is sad, but just like a rare terminal cancer in that there's simply nothing we can do about it! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS IS IN ANY WAY RELATED TO A WOMAN KILLING A MAN WHO IS SLEEPING??!!!! HE CANT KILL a PREGNANT WOMAN OR HURT CHILDREN WHEN HES SLEEPING! HE. Is. ASLEEP. THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS WORLD MORE INNOCENT THAN A MAN WHO IS ASLEEP!
I think it might be more eye opening if you are mostly interested in therapy and are completely unaware of how women acting in self defense or literally experiencing psychosis get harsher sentences than many violent male criminals. Or how women are harmed by biological men in women prisons or co-ed psychiatric wards...
I have been upset about the conditions faced by the most vulnerable forgotten minority- incarcerated women. I think the degree to which they go ignored by the Western world is highlighted by the fact that "progressive" policy makers literally allowed for men, even those who have JUST committed rape/pedophilia, /sexual homicide, to have the right to transfer to a womans prison with a children's ward. Politicians have literally NEVER ASKED incarcerated women if THEY feel safe and now there are situations actually happening where women who were raped as children are forced to share a cell with a biological male who is serving a sentence for raping his very young daughter. [This is NOT FEAR MONGERING- THIS IS REAL; look up on DuckDuckGo] If incarcerated women were not second class citizens, truly oppressed by their biological sex, it would be female psychological wellbeing and physical safety at the forefront of policy makers mind and the ACLU and other alleged advocates of prisoner rights and criminal justice reform would NOT ALLOW ANY INCARCERATED WOMAN- who are already disproportionately victims of childhood sexual abuse-TO BE GIVEN UNLIMITED OPPORTUNITIES TO BE RAPED BY HER BIOLOGICAL MALE CELLMATE. This is literally one of the worst human rights atrocities in all history. There are women getting locked up and NON CONSENSUALLY impregnanted by biological male rapists- who the ACLU defends?! Why?! Like that is beyond cruel and unusual punishment! l was really hoping she would address this as the book it very recently written.
I have read a Iot of works written by female prisoners on their life and experiences and I highly recommend those over this- stuff like Wally Lambs' workshops in women's correction facilities.
If you didn't know, most women have had extremely traumatic childhoods and most in for murder were literally defending themselves or suffering EXTREME post partum psychosis- a condition that doctors do not address. The author DOES touch on this.
---
To the judge, victims of domestic abusers- even ones who are threatening to kill them and their children- a woman who doesn't just sit back and die is a murderer lol. Seriously, it isn't self defense unless she literally kills her husband DURING the time he is choking her. Obviously, this is stupid AF because if a man already has his hands on you and going for the kill, you are not gonna be able to fight back then??? I think the 'idea of mothers wanting the best for their kids' is important here- a good mother WILL do ANYTHING to stop a man deadset on murdering their child. You might think they have other options like dial 911 but there is a 0% chance that they will get a long enough sentence for you to be able to change you and your child's location and whole identities, etc. If you have never met this kind of man, it is likely unbelievable to fathom that a man will make it a life goal to kill a woman and kid(s). But they exist, and they get shorter sentences for their murders than the woman who kill them first.
If they stumble away drunk and fall asleep on the couch after hurting you and your pet viciously, while threatening to kill your child if you even attempt to leave - and yeah, a restraining order is useless on the man who would rather his wife and child be dead than divorced, living sway from him- any real action a woman takes in this situation is considered COLD blooded Premeditated Murder !!!!!
---
My terrible rant turned screenplay:
Judges are like: ok she has many bruises, police have been literally useless in this situation, he wants to kill them all, this isn't an empty threat since he routinely beats women and intends to kill the kid too so long as hes alive.....but Wait a second...
Judge (*flips page*): WHAT THE F***... She got him when he was sLEEPiNG??!!!! Like sleep sleeping?! But men, including married men like ME, have to sleep sometimes? How am I supposed to have compassion for this woman's situation when it could EASILY be me and my wife next tim? Better to nip this #Sleepy #SlipperySlope in the bud....
Judge ( *looks at female defendant, who killed a man so that her children could live*): LIFE IN PRISON!!! THIS IS THE MOST HEINOUS CRIME I HAVE EVER SEEN! LIFE IN PRISON W/ NO CHANCE OF PAROLE!
If you cared about your kids so much, you shouldn't have become a murderer!!!! Like for God's sake woman, if you can't kill him when he is 100% conscious and already attacking you- JUST DIE!!!!! Other women do it All The Time and you don't exactly hear THEM complaining, do you?
Defense attorney: Your honor, that is really not a great solution to this problem. The extenuating circumstances-
Judge: let me stop you there, buddy. Murder is Murder. If I WAS a sexist, i would think it's 'more complicated' when one sex kills the other. But when I see our little killer here, I don't even notice her race OR her C cups! I just see a terrible wife! I'm gonna start tuning you out if you go on some spiel about how she had been abused since childhood or some crap about how the male victim (RIP) has a long history of violence against women or children.
Defense attorney: My client has two children w/ PTSD from their father and will be forcibly removed from their loving mother and placed in foster car-
Judge *puts fingers in ears, going lalala*:
Defense Attorney: "attachment disorders....perpetuate a cycle of violence and trauma..."
Judge *speaking really loud so he can keeps fingers in ears*: IF YOU OR YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN CANT DO THE TIME, DONT DO THE CRIME! ALSO WE HAVE NO IDEA WHY A TOP CAUSE OF DEATH FOR PREGNANT WOMEN IS HOMICIDE BY MALE PARTNERS!!!! Sure is sad, but just like a rare terminal cancer in that there's simply nothing we can do about it! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS IS IN ANY WAY RELATED TO A WOMAN KILLING A MAN WHO IS SLEEPING??!!!! HE CANT KILL a PREGNANT WOMAN OR HURT CHILDREN WHEN HES SLEEPING! HE. Is. ASLEEP. THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS WORLD MORE INNOCENT THAN A MAN WHO IS ASLEEP!
May 6, 2024
An eye opening look into the world of female trauma and extreme mental illness resulting in violence. This is a hard to read from a human standpoint - the experiences she describes are appalling - but fascinating from a therapeutic and social science standpoint. I wish there had been a more definitive conclusion to her observations, but maybe there are no definitive answers in the real world. Nonetheless, I’d encourage everyone to read and think about the issues raised in this study. Perhaps you have the definitive answer the world is looking for.
July 29, 2024
Okay wow, what an informative and poignant piece. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one and would recommend it to anyone who would listen. This book is a collection of cases of women's violence and its analysis from the POV of a forensic psychologist. All these women were the Author's clients at some point or the other and have committed egregious crimes or inflicted violence. Motz covers these crimes from all angles and explains, in each case, where the crime or intent for it might have originated. Each case would force the reader to see beyond their purview of women's behaviors. We as a society find it hard to see women as anything but the caregivers and empaths they are supposed to be, but at times that dam breaks. This book also explains how women's experiences and even their crimes are much more contrasting when compared to those of men.
This is the best true crime non-fiction book I have read this year.
This is the best true crime non-fiction book I have read this year.
April 13, 2024
I normally love social science and psychology books that explore the behaviors and thought processes of violent criminals, but this book fell a little flat for me. I’m trying to put my finger on why that is.
The book is a breakdown of ten case studies, where the author treated the women who were often both victims and perpetrators. Within each of these cases, the content became repetitive. I felt the author was telling us the same thing in different ways, which lengthened the chapters without adding a whole lot of substance. I also felt the content often focused more on the author’s treatment process and discoveries than the women she was treating.
The writing was a little dry, almost like a college lecture as opposed to narrative nonfiction.
The subject matter is important. I think female violence needs to be better understood, but this book didn’t quite measure up to my expectations.
*I received a free eARC from the publisher, via NetGalley.*
The book is a breakdown of ten case studies, where the author treated the women who were often both victims and perpetrators. Within each of these cases, the content became repetitive. I felt the author was telling us the same thing in different ways, which lengthened the chapters without adding a whole lot of substance. I also felt the content often focused more on the author’s treatment process and discoveries than the women she was treating.
The writing was a little dry, almost like a college lecture as opposed to narrative nonfiction.
The subject matter is important. I think female violence needs to be better understood, but this book didn’t quite measure up to my expectations.
*I received a free eARC from the publisher, via NetGalley.*
February 22, 2024
Powerful.
Read
February 13, 2024nuanced & hopeful
February 2, 2024
A very in-depth look at what drives women to violence. I loved how this author provides different cases and shows how circumstances and environments can bring women to commit horrible acts.
As a mother who has gained a more empathetic sense when it comes to the crimes women commit against their own children, this served as more educational content when it comes to understanding what it can take to make a woman do something so horrific to the ones she loves.
The author also did a great job presenting these cases in a way that did not make the read feel heavy when it comes to dumping a lot of statistics and medical facts all at once (which tend to make lose interest really fast).
Highly recommend this book!
Thank you to the publisher and author for providing a free copy of this book through NetGalley.
As a mother who has gained a more empathetic sense when it comes to the crimes women commit against their own children, this served as more educational content when it comes to understanding what it can take to make a woman do something so horrific to the ones she loves.
The author also did a great job presenting these cases in a way that did not make the read feel heavy when it comes to dumping a lot of statistics and medical facts all at once (which tend to make lose interest really fast).
Highly recommend this book!
Thank you to the publisher and author for providing a free copy of this book through NetGalley.
December 2, 2023
When I was offered an ARC for If Love Could Kill, my interest was immediately piqued. The idea of reading about women who have committed especially heinous crimes brought out the voyeur in me: what drives them? what humanizes them? what hope is there for their recovery? Anna Motz aims to detail answers to all of these questions in this set of case studies.
Motz is a therapist. She has devoted her career to working with women who have been convicted of violent crimes (think sexual abuse, arson, murder [of partners and children]). Each chapter is devoted to one or two women Motz worked with. I appreciated how Motz explored each woman's background, telling how their histories and upbringing contributed to their life perspectives and, thus, their behaviors and actions. Each woman was subject to horrific abuse as a child. While that does not excuse or entirely explain their own actions, it does paint a picture that makes it easier to remember their humanity.
I also appreciated how Motz infused her own experiences into the stories. For example, how she will struggle at the beginning of each relationship to compartmentalize her own shock and feelings about the woman's crimes, how she works to keep those feelings at bay, and how, on rare occasions, she feels fearful of the women she works with.
This book is not for everyone. It is, by definition, graphic, explicit and filled with trigger-heavy content. I enjoyed it (although I always hesitate to use the word enjoy for books like this!) and recommend if this topic interests you. Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Tidbit of note:
"According to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), at least one child is killed a week on average in the UK, with children under the age of one the most likely to be killed by another person, and parents or stepparents the most frequent perpetrators. In the United States, in 2020, a total of 255 child fatalities due to abuse or maltreatment occurred in Texas alone, the most out of any state. In that year, California, New York, Illinois, and Florida rounded out the five leading states of child abuse deaths."
Motz is a therapist. She has devoted her career to working with women who have been convicted of violent crimes (think sexual abuse, arson, murder [of partners and children]). Each chapter is devoted to one or two women Motz worked with. I appreciated how Motz explored each woman's background, telling how their histories and upbringing contributed to their life perspectives and, thus, their behaviors and actions. Each woman was subject to horrific abuse as a child. While that does not excuse or entirely explain their own actions, it does paint a picture that makes it easier to remember their humanity.
I also appreciated how Motz infused her own experiences into the stories. For example, how she will struggle at the beginning of each relationship to compartmentalize her own shock and feelings about the woman's crimes, how she works to keep those feelings at bay, and how, on rare occasions, she feels fearful of the women she works with.
This book is not for everyone. It is, by definition, graphic, explicit and filled with trigger-heavy content. I enjoyed it (although I always hesitate to use the word enjoy for books like this!) and recommend if this topic interests you. Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Tidbit of note:
"According to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), at least one child is killed a week on average in the UK, with children under the age of one the most likely to be killed by another person, and parents or stepparents the most frequent perpetrators. In the United States, in 2020, a total of 255 child fatalities due to abuse or maltreatment occurred in Texas alone, the most out of any state. In that year, California, New York, Illinois, and Florida rounded out the five leading states of child abuse deaths."
March 7, 2024
If Love Could Kill is a surprisingly compassionate, in-depth look at different types of women who commit violent crime. This book is for anyone who’s ever seen a woman in the news who committed an inconceivable crime, especially against her own children, and honestly wondered, how could a woman, especially a mother, do that? What’s going on in their head? This book answers those questions in a way that looks at the background, emotional state, and psychological development (or lack) of women who have committed various violent crimes. This book is great for true crime fans and those seeking to understand the mental and emotional nature of violent women.
I received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are entirely my own and do not necessarily reflect the author or publishers.
I received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are entirely my own and do not necessarily reflect the author or publishers.
June 11, 2024
Forensic Psychologist Anna Motz tackles female violent crime and explores the histories and victimization of her patients. Each of the ten chapters delves into the case studies of ten women, each undergoing psychoanalysis by Dr. Motz. I found the women's stories to be compelling and heartbreaking. Each has a background of child abuse and neglect to domestic violence and series mental health diagnoses. Anna Motz' understanding, experience, and caring are clearly part of her treatment. She was able to create a trusting connection that allowed her patients to feel safe enough to share their stories and, for many, make progress in treatment with her. Although not a true crime or suspenseful thriller, If Love Could Kill is an intelligent and important look at why women commit violent crimes. I hope this book helps to increase our understanding of the psychological impact of trauma and abuse in a way that helps victimized women receive support and help long before their desperation turns to violence.
March 20, 2024
Fascinating and disturbing read. Forensic psych is so interesting to me. This book just goes to show the severe and significant impact that trauma has, even on the most giving of our species: women.
January 2, 2024
Many thanks to NetGalley and Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor, Knopf for the free e-book in exchange for my honest review.
This is such an eye opening and interesting read about the criminal justice system's care of and the psychology behind female violent offenders. If you love true crime stories and forensic psychology, think in the vein of Mindhunter, I would highly recommend this!
Each chapter focuses on a different case study blending factual and narrative styles to draw you into the psychology of each woman's story completely while still providing scientific and medical context. All of the chapters are engaging, disturbing and distressing despite the case study format. I never lost sight of the fact that these are actual women offenders housed in prisons and all of them did something horrific to land themselves in their situations.
The author worked in the U.K. for many years, and hides most of the identities, except for a few of the more notorious offenders that you can guess, as the identity is not the focus of the book but the forensic psychology behind the offender. Each of these women ended up in Motz's office and these are her case notes, as she worked at prisons for most of her career as a forensic psychotherapist.
This is such a thought-provoking and engaging read. If your a true crime junkie like myself, you will love it!
This is such an eye opening and interesting read about the criminal justice system's care of and the psychology behind female violent offenders. If you love true crime stories and forensic psychology, think in the vein of Mindhunter, I would highly recommend this!
Each chapter focuses on a different case study blending factual and narrative styles to draw you into the psychology of each woman's story completely while still providing scientific and medical context. All of the chapters are engaging, disturbing and distressing despite the case study format. I never lost sight of the fact that these are actual women offenders housed in prisons and all of them did something horrific to land themselves in their situations.
The author worked in the U.K. for many years, and hides most of the identities, except for a few of the more notorious offenders that you can guess, as the identity is not the focus of the book but the forensic psychology behind the offender. Each of these women ended up in Motz's office and these are her case notes, as she worked at prisons for most of her career as a forensic psychotherapist.
This is such a thought-provoking and engaging read. If your a true crime junkie like myself, you will love it!
November 23, 2023
What a fascinating book this was! The stories were disturbing and distressing but the writing was a really engaging blend of fact-based and narrative styles that drew you into the pathos of each woman's story completely while still providing context and scientific and medical grounding for the individual case study. And yet despite the presentation in a case study format, the reader never loses sight of the fact that these are real women facing real challenges - as did their victims. It made for a very thought-provoking and engaging read.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my obligation-free review copy.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my obligation-free review copy.
November 9, 2023
If you’re interested in psychology, this is a book you should read. I’m not particularly interested in the field, but I am interested in the criminal “justice” system and how people end up there.
I’m not quite sure why this was titled If Love Could Kill. This was about violent women and how they got that way, and it usually began with NOT being loved or cared for as children. A very common theme was sexual abuse when they were young by someone who should have been caring for them—a father, stepfather, uncle, or cousin. Often they didn’t tell anyone because of shame or the abuser would threaten them with killing them or family members. But if they were brave enough to tell someone and then weren’t believed, this compounded the feeling that there was no one looking out for them. In this book it’s a mother or other person in charge, but I think of all the cops over the years not doing anything with rape kits and screaming at victims that they were lying.
Motz worked in the U.K. for many years, and she hides the identity of her patients. While she does mention a few names that might ring a bell to Americans (Susan Smith), that’s not the focus of this book. Instead, each chapter focuses on a woman and what made her end up in Motz’s office. Motz worked at prisons for much of her career as a forensic psychotherapist, so these women might have gotten to her before going to court to see if they could retain custody of their children and so on.
Another common theme was that these women, who did not have good parenting as a guide to follow, would get pregnant and might initially feel like now they’d have someone to love and would love them back at long last, but then often felt instead like an alien was taking over their body and then would get mired in postpartum depression, having no one to help with the day-to-day demands of a child who needed constant attention. These women were already battling PTSD, depression, and other mental issues, and now a child was endangered (lots of these women were self-harming—I learned a lot about that in this book—and/or already physically harming others). I wish the forced birthers cared at all about women and how not all women should be forced to go through the pain and other potential serious issues of pregnancy, both physical and mental. Also, these women’s partners sometimes became abusive for the first time during late-stage pregnancy, making the woman feel trapped to stick with a man who battered her.
There was a chapter on a woman who sexually abused children, and I didn’t think I’d be able to get through it, but I’m glad I did. I think of myself as someone who doesn’t give in to the myths of motherhood and intrinsic maternal instincts, but this chapter made me realize I do still cling to certain myths of what it means to be a woman.
I learned a lot from this book. Recommend.
NetGalley provided an advance copy of this nonfiction book, which RELEASES FEBRUARY 6, 2024.
I’m not quite sure why this was titled If Love Could Kill. This was about violent women and how they got that way, and it usually began with NOT being loved or cared for as children. A very common theme was sexual abuse when they were young by someone who should have been caring for them—a father, stepfather, uncle, or cousin. Often they didn’t tell anyone because of shame or the abuser would threaten them with killing them or family members. But if they were brave enough to tell someone and then weren’t believed, this compounded the feeling that there was no one looking out for them. In this book it’s a mother or other person in charge, but I think of all the cops over the years not doing anything with rape kits and screaming at victims that they were lying.
Motz worked in the U.K. for many years, and she hides the identity of her patients. While she does mention a few names that might ring a bell to Americans (Susan Smith), that’s not the focus of this book. Instead, each chapter focuses on a woman and what made her end up in Motz’s office. Motz worked at prisons for much of her career as a forensic psychotherapist, so these women might have gotten to her before going to court to see if they could retain custody of their children and so on.
Another common theme was that these women, who did not have good parenting as a guide to follow, would get pregnant and might initially feel like now they’d have someone to love and would love them back at long last, but then often felt instead like an alien was taking over their body and then would get mired in postpartum depression, having no one to help with the day-to-day demands of a child who needed constant attention. These women were already battling PTSD, depression, and other mental issues, and now a child was endangered (lots of these women were self-harming—I learned a lot about that in this book—and/or already physically harming others). I wish the forced birthers cared at all about women and how not all women should be forced to go through the pain and other potential serious issues of pregnancy, both physical and mental. Also, these women’s partners sometimes became abusive for the first time during late-stage pregnancy, making the woman feel trapped to stick with a man who battered her.
There was a chapter on a woman who sexually abused children, and I didn’t think I’d be able to get through it, but I’m glad I did. I think of myself as someone who doesn’t give in to the myths of motherhood and intrinsic maternal instincts, but this chapter made me realize I do still cling to certain myths of what it means to be a woman.
I learned a lot from this book. Recommend.
NetGalley provided an advance copy of this nonfiction book, which RELEASES FEBRUARY 6, 2024.
March 8, 2024
I’ve recently come across several books by forensic psychologists, doctors whose job is not to treat but to evaluate persons accused of serious crimes to determine whether they are currently sufficiently “sane” to participate in their defense at trial, and if so, whether they were “sane” enough at the time of the offense to be morally responsible for it if found guilty at trial. The professionals’ presumably non-partisan medical conclusions are presented to the trier of fact (judge or jury) who uses it, along with other evidence, applicable laws, and precedent, to determine how the alleged offender will be dealt with. However, these trained doctors like all of us are affected by conscious and unconscious prejudices and preconceptions, so it should not be surprising that their opinions vary hugely. For example, Anna Motz, writer of If Love Could Kill is obviously influenced by Freudian psychology and genuinely believes that perpetrators of the most appalling criminal behavior acted as they did because of the circumstances of their [very] early childhood. She fully accepts “the forensic psychotherapy axiom that underneath any act of offending there is a wish to be caught, stopped, and punished.”
That said, her book is extremely interesting; the accounts of how she obtains personal information from people reluctant (in fact often unable) to give it are fascinating. I was impressed by her insight when I read her analysis of a woman who had been jailed for wrecking her doctor’s office and holding him and his staff hostage at knifepoint. I speak from experience when I say that her description of the woman is frighteningly accurate: “She was akin to a baby waiting to be fed, in a high state of arousal, at peak sensitivity, needing only a whisper of inferred provocation to tip into a violent outburst. Like an infant, she was incapable of self-soothing, unable to do anything with her rage and frustration except to unleash it on the nearest available person. In these moments, being made to wait was intolerable for her. Having people look at her was intolerable. Having to sit with her own thoughts even for a few minutes was more than she could bear.”
If Love Could Kill is Highly Recommended.
That said, her book is extremely interesting; the accounts of how she obtains personal information from people reluctant (in fact often unable) to give it are fascinating. I was impressed by her insight when I read her analysis of a woman who had been jailed for wrecking her doctor’s office and holding him and his staff hostage at knifepoint. I speak from experience when I say that her description of the woman is frighteningly accurate: “She was akin to a baby waiting to be fed, in a high state of arousal, at peak sensitivity, needing only a whisper of inferred provocation to tip into a violent outburst. Like an infant, she was incapable of self-soothing, unable to do anything with her rage and frustration except to unleash it on the nearest available person. In these moments, being made to wait was intolerable for her. Having people look at her was intolerable. Having to sit with her own thoughts even for a few minutes was more than she could bear.”
If Love Could Kill is Highly Recommended.
November 2, 2023
I found this book so interesting. It is written by Anna Motz, who is an acclaimed forensic and clinical psychologist in London and also in NYC. Each chapter describes a new case, a different woman, who Dr. Motz has had in therapy; each with different types of problems/situations and violence that brought them to her. All of her patients are involved in some type of violence, in different ways, and Dr. Motz works on how that violence, their upbringing, and adulthood have affected their personalities and their current lives. Each story was so interesting to read while Dr. Motz examines their involvement in multiple forms of female violence, and how the circumstances of their lives as victims of multiple different crimes usually involving living situations while young, led them to being involved in a violent situation. The patients have committed some unbelievably violent acts against children (possibly their own child), their parents, their family or partners, or community members that they have come in contact with. Dr. Motz is able to humanize each victim no matter how violent their crime. She can't rehabilitate everyone she sees, but she definitely tries her best to teach them that they are valuable to themselves, their families and to society, and everything is not hopeless. It takes a lot of work to get there for many of these women. I enjoyed reading each of Dr. Motz's cases and learning about each case. Thank you to NG for the ARC! I definitely recommend this book to anyone interested in violence and forensic psychology.
April 26, 2024
Very mixed feelings about both the telling and the author's opinions. Possibly from knowing too much about the education, training etc. It excuses too much. And also I am NOT a fan of her brand of "above it all" psychology branch much either. Much more on the page of Cognitive Behavioral using therapies and their practitioners overall.
Yes, the abused become the abusers. But outcomes of extreme violence matter. Even those committed against one's self. They do. And cause, event, consequence?
I really don't recommend reading this book. The horror and the life stories are too severe. For me, also. And it is told in erudite, almost treatise burdened prose flow.
I detest Introductions when every other word seems to be an I or a me surround. Or when preach-teach occurs in the copy itself through different portions of the book. So take that grain of salt.
Not all or even most women kill. Not even the most sick. So take all this excusing and excusing with a grain of salt too.
Yes, the abused become the abusers. But outcomes of extreme violence matter. Even those committed against one's self. They do. And cause, event, consequence?
I really don't recommend reading this book. The horror and the life stories are too severe. For me, also. And it is told in erudite, almost treatise burdened prose flow.
I detest Introductions when every other word seems to be an I or a me surround. Or when preach-teach occurs in the copy itself through different portions of the book. So take that grain of salt.
Not all or even most women kill. Not even the most sick. So take all this excusing and excusing with a grain of salt too.
January 28, 2024
“The principle of forensic psychotherapy is that we look at the whole person, the factors that shaped them, and how experiences in one part of life ultimately prompted their development and actions in another.”
In If Love Could Kill, the author delves into the thoughts and minds of the women of the world that have committed unspeakable crimes. Some have killed their children, some their husbands. And all have suffered abuse at some point in their lives.
I will admit I did skim read a portion of this as it is a bit dry and is basically a book of case studies. But as someone who devours true crime and loves the ID channel I found these women simultaneously disturbing, fascinating, and sad.
“Every human life is defined by relationships, romantic or otherwise, and the experience of them, both good and bad.”
Thank you to Netgalley, Knopf Publishing, and the author for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
In If Love Could Kill, the author delves into the thoughts and minds of the women of the world that have committed unspeakable crimes. Some have killed their children, some their husbands. And all have suffered abuse at some point in their lives.
I will admit I did skim read a portion of this as it is a bit dry and is basically a book of case studies. But as someone who devours true crime and loves the ID channel I found these women simultaneously disturbing, fascinating, and sad.
“Every human life is defined by relationships, romantic or otherwise, and the experience of them, both good and bad.”
Thank you to Netgalley, Knopf Publishing, and the author for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
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