Don't Tell Anyone You're Reading This: A Christian Doctor's Thoughts on Sex, Shame, and Other Troublesome Issues

by Lina Abujamra

In Don't Tell Anyone You're Reading This, Dr. Lina AbuJamra gives a refreshing and honest look at what it’s like to struggle with sexual temptation and shame and how the Church can better support Christians and communities in these challenging and often avoided topics.

Are you wondering why you picked up this book? Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me. Maybe you’re like me—a good person living a decent life, making a living and working hard. You go to church on Sundays and pray before your meals. But you have a secret, a hidden part of your life that you’d be ashamed for anyone to find out about.

I get it. I really do. I have secrets too. The thing with secrets is that they eventually come out.

Instead of hiding, let’s have a difficult conversation, a real talk about secrets and shame and sex and a lot of things in between. Difficult conversations don’t have to be difficult, but they do have to be honest.

In Don’t Tell Anyone You’re Reading This , Lina shares her own struggle with sexual temptation with openness and vulnerability. She points out where the church and purity culture have failed our communities. Lina gets real about the excuses we make and the lies we tell ourselves even when our behaviors point to a larger problem.

This is a no-holds-barred discussion on why Christians still struggle with sexual sin and what the church needs to be doing to support Christians and the community at large. Most importantly, you’ll see that despite our constant failures as humans, Jesus doesn’t ask us to be perfect. He just asks us to be His.

If you’re going to have a difficult conversation, you might as well have it with a doctor.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christianity, Christian Living

224 pages, Hardcover

Published October 3, 2023

Reviews

[Ayomide · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m grateful for how raw and vulnerable this book was for me. After I told a friend about my struggles she bought me this book and I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m glad that I got to read her personal stories because I was able to relate to her to a great extent. I will definitely be reading this book over and over again, because I see reoccurring lessons and reminders in this book that is worth reading many times and not just a once and done situation.

[Anna Enderle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lina Abujamra actually came to my school and gave me and all of the other students on my campus this book for free so shout out to her

[Antoinette Sutton]

I enjoyed listening to this book very much! She is very humble about what she talks about in this book and topics as people in Christ but also individuals that we struggle with!

[Bastian G. · Rating 1 out of 5]

Worse than a bad book, this book is actively damaging

The author knows the state of most Christian writings on sex. And in order to circumvent that she opts for this highly meta approach, by commenting on how people are going to be so scandalized and how some don't want to read another moralizing list of dos and don'ts and much she's not the moral taskmaster/prude that other authors are.

Including quotes from public figures and songs in the chapter headings to really sell how she's hip.

Despite that most of the content of the book is the same.

It's a lot of fear-mongering about porn, "Fornication", the human sex drive and the slippery slope of reading romance novels.

To this author, a medical doctor, the he human sex drive is not just a fact of the human body, nor is even just an inconvenient obstacle to a moral life, it's a rat infestation that's "impossible to get rid of without a miracle".
Firmly cementing sexual shame, and condemning anyone who engages with sexuality in any way.

She does touch about how we use the concept of "addiction" to distance ourselves from the sex and porn that other people consume, which was smart, but otherwise treats the concepts of sex and porn addiction as if they were real concepts. When she, as a medical doctor, should know better.

She talks about false gendered assumptions about who is involved in what kind of sexual activity.. but then reproduces gendered pseudo-science; when she, as a medical doctor, should know better.

In fact it appears that the author's status as a doctor is meant to be a selling point of this book when it only seems to be relevant in that the author wants to prove how -totally scandalized- she is about sex and to scare the reader with mentions of plan-B and "freaking out about that rash on your penis"

There doesn't seem to be any attempt to educate anyone about sexual health or the real risks of sex. Just more shame which actually perpetuates sexual health problems. As this woman clearly knows because she explicitly describes how major issues could have been prevented or fixed if not for prevalence of shame.

With such mismanagement of her medical knowledge the rest of her commentary on other topics is equally disappointing.

"Porneia" does not mean "porn", nor does it mean fornication.
She's constantly saying things that are prejudiced, especially about Queer people, she seems to be some sort of luddite who wants to retreat from society because popular media is all just so sinful and wicked.

>>>>>>>

There is however one startlingly insight early in the book.

"For someone who doesn't have a sex life, I sure spend a lot of time thinking about sex" to which her therapist responded

"You do have a sex life, you just don't have a happy and fulfilling one."

Which is just such a perfect encapsulation of the problems with this sort of anti-sex puritanism.

But the author instead turns that into proof that she's just as sinful and sexual as the people having actual sex.

It's really an exhausting routine.

Even though there are around ~1.1 Million active physicians in America and who knows how many more retired doctors and other medical staff which I suspect might be more aware(ER nurses) the fact that a medical doctors is repeating all this shame-propaganda with medical information which is blatantly untrue.. it has the potential to hurt people.

It's bad enough when theologians pull this, this is just more of the same but with false trust of a medical degree.

[Katrina Van Grouw · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was honestly shocking in the brutal honesty, but seriously good. It's refreshing to hear the bald facts without a lot of glossing over. Lina touches on how sexual sin is the one sin people either freely confess (if you're male) or never mention in a church setting (if you're female). She also points out that increased reliance on Christ is the end goal of struggles with sin, and how the most damaging part of struggling with sexual sin is how it affects your relationship with God. I found this uplifting, honest and a great resource for absolutely anyone. It touches on all areas of sin, purity culture, etc. Sometimes it had me clutching my pearls so to speak, but as a doctor especially she doesn't shy away from being truthful without being needlessly crass. This was a really vulnerable book to write and the memoir touches on other topics as well. It's not a book you can recommend to just anyone at the dinner table if you know what I mean...but worth the read.

[Dorothy Greco · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most honest, thoughtful books on sexuality that I've ever read. (Lina goes there!) Perhaps because Abujamra is an ER doctor, she is not afraid to write about the body and sexuality directly and without shame. The book focuses on sexual desire and how to navigate that desire within a faith-based context. Though the author writes as a single woman who is committed to celibacy, this is totally apropos for marrieds. In addition to her vulnerability, one of the things I most appreciated about Don't Tell Anyone You're Reading This was that Lina does not bend her knee to prevailing norms about sex. She encourages readers to understand sexuality through a more integrated, holistic framework. Very encouraging and important book.

[Cindymarrelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an odd book to review. It is a quick read and if you follow the author, you know it is very authentic. Written completely in her voice with her humor. Not exactly clear what she wanted to accomplish other than telling her story of struggling (and dealing) with her sexual urges as a single, female, Christian. She definitely intends for her vulnerability to be an encouragement to others. The book is not for everyone but to those that would benefit from this type of honesty, I recommend it. I really like the author.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the author’s honesty and openness helpful and insightful. She clearly has a zeal for Christ Jesus and points out that our deepest need in life is for intimacy with him. You’ll laugh, you might cry, you definitely won’t feel alone anymore and you will come away with a new gratitude and love for Christ, who walks with us in all things! I highly recommend, for whatever stage of life you’re in, single, married, divorced or widowed…”don’t tell anyone you’re reading this book”, but do read it!!!

[Panda Incognito · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate the author's honesty about her personal experiences, but this got repetitive at times, and it is much more of a memoir than the title suggests. I was expecting this to be more of a general guide to the topic. I also didn't care for how the author put people and their experiences in boxes at times. I was pretty sure that it was supposed to be humorous, but I found it unnecessarily stereotypical and limiting.

[Gracia Livie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author spoke at a women’s ministry event at our church and I was interested in reading her book.

My main takeaway would be to confess to my friends/ loved ones/small group as from James 5:16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

I do not see this modeled much in my life/church but I recognize its importance.

I read this book in a day, easy to read and it was worth my time!

[Sarah Newby · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay, IMO. I don’t share Lina’s life experiences. I’m married and don’t majorly struggle with sexual sin. That’s not to say I am perfect in this area, but it doesn’t daily tempt or control me. But for the person still feeling stuck in sexual sin, this may offer hope and encouragement. It won’t provide any sort of “formula” to break free, but she shares her experience and perspective and may help one feel not so alone.

[Donna Guider · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished in 1-Day

5.0 for Lina gut level openness and humility! 4.5 only because I waited for more practicals of how to change from each chapter.

However, in the last chapter, she summed up the 🔑 to living free from life's struggle

"God's loves for is enough for me"

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lina shared her personal story and made the lessons she is learning applicable to everyone. The audio book was easy to listen to and made this so accessible to me. Highly recommend this to anyone and everyone.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clear writing on many sensitive subjects related to sexuality. Mostly a memoir but plenty of wisdom sprinkled in. Helpful and frank.

[Brandon Aldaco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an amazing book that talks about the subject of porn, sex, and singleness and how the church should see singles. Also, talks about shame and guilt. Amazing book!

[Jeffrey McDowell · Rating 4 out of 5]

A message which needs to be discussed more in the church.

[Kat Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

** audiobook**
An interesting perspective on topics the church often avoids. Her refreshing honesty while not making excuses and gentle humor ease you into hard conversations.

[Aaron · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a pretty good read. There are some areas where I wish she could have gone just a wee bit deeper, but overall, it was a good read, and I enjoyed her authentic-ness and perspective on things.

[Jennifer DiGiugno · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great perspective! “Taboo” conversations that need to be had as Christians.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was very well written in a nonjudgmental fashion but was really a very helpful way to think about things as a Christian.