Lean on Me: Finding Intentional, Committed and Consistent Community

by Anne Marie Miller

Have you ever found yourself in what feels like your darkest hour desperately seeking a lifeline?

Life has a way of throwing unexpected obstacles in our path, tripping us up, and bringing us to our knees. When these crises hit, who do you call? Who do you lean on? Anne Marie Miller found herself in one of these valleys on the floor of a hotel bathroom while on a business trip. Months of stress accumulated and took its toll. In a moment of desperation, she picked up the phone and called a friend for guidance. That simple phone call was the first step in a transforming journey of evaluating what community truly meant and looked like in her life.

We live in a world and a generation where the word “community” is often discussed. But how genuine and authentic are your relationships really? Anne Marie noticed an important tension all of us must recognize in order to have life-giving friendships: “We desperately want to belong yet at the same time, we yearn for independence.”

In Lean On Me, Anne Marie Miller takes us along as she sets out to dig below the superficial and explore what choices are necessary to find intentional, vulnerable, and consistent community. Jesus was passionate about truth-speaking relationships. And with Anne Marie’s narrative and practical insights interwoven together, you will feel more equipped in your quest for these types of relationships as you seek people to lean on and as you pour love into those around you.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Christian Living, Biography Memoir, Theology, Spirituality

198 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2014

About the author

Anne Marie Miller is the author of five books and speaks at colleges, conventions, and churches on the topics of social justice, sexuality, health, addiction, and biblical themes like grace and restoration. She also writes for various publications, studied family sociology, and is currently pursuing her DMS at Rockbridge Seminary. She lives with her husband Tim, in a small town in Iowa. They are expecting their first-born this summer.

Her highly anticipated book 5 Things Every Parent Needs to Know About Their Kids and Sex (Baker Publishing) releases May 17, 2016.

Reviews

[Beyond the Pages with Eva K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must confess that I sought this book out for many reasons. One reason that I wanted to read it was because I wanted to understand the concept of what having a healthy, spiritually-enriching community of support and encouragement was all about. The second reason was because I wanted to appreciate the lesson of finding an intentional, vulnerable, and consistent community. The third reason was because I wanted to see if it was possible, in this age of transparent secrecy and feigned openness, to really and truly have a trusting relationship with others in the faith community. Finally, I wanted to read this book because the title, quite simply, drew me in. I am glad that I decided to get this book.

Lean on Me by Anne Marie Miller was not a "pretty words" kind of book and yet it was a work of beauty. It was raw and honest. It was real and heartbreaking. It was a help and an encouragement.

Although many may say that they cannot relate to Miller's experiences, I genuinely believe that there is a message in this book for everyone. I believe that there are many rich lessons that can prove to be inspiring.

A complimentary copy of this title was made available by the publisher.

[Richard Propes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't expect to read all of "Lean on Me" over the course of one day. Having obtained the book during a Kindle sale, I thought it might be another fluffy, well-meaning but ultimately disappointing endeavor (as I find most of the Kindle sale books to be).

I was wrong.

Anne Marie Miller's writing hooked me early on and never let me go. I resonated with her writings, especially being a 50+ year-old disabled male whose "community" has largely passed away over recent years and yet I've far surpassed my life expectancy. While she dealt with many of these things in her early 30's, many of these issues I've been dealing with over recent years.

I appreciated Miller's ability to balance personal testimony with scripture with some research and with a wonderful balance of vulnerability and humor in her writing. This was a book I actually "enjoyed" reading, a refreshing change from recent reading.

If there's one weakness in the book for me, and it was significant enough that I feel the need to drop the book from a 5-star rating to a 4-star rating, it's that toward the end as she's re-entering a "relationship," I feel like the focus of the book shifts too far away from the idea of "community." I'm thrilled she found a loving partner. I obviously had no problem with this, but I felt like the extended literary focus really shifted the entire tone of the book and in some ways conflicted with earlier insights. I think it could have been woven into the fabric of the story - I just feel like Miller wasn't quite successful in doing so.

However, by book's end I was back and fully immersed in her world. This is a book where even before I'd finished reading I'd posted a quote on my Facebook status. I mean, I really had to share the quote right then! The book made me laugh. I'll even admit it made me cry. It made me reflect on my successes and failures and the people in my life. It made me reflect upon my faith journey.

In short, while I can't quite go the 5-star rating this was a book I really, really loved.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first read of Anne Marie Millers was a roaring success, I now can't wait to read through her other titles and stir her words into the folds of my heart.
By the time I'd reached the second chapter of Lean On Me I knew I was in for an absorbing and engaging read. I stopped and pondered over several passages but these are by far my favourite [emphasis my own];
"Are you HIDING from him, ashamed?...GOD SEES YOU, He loves you and He wants to be in a relationship with you"
+ The power of being able to read this from a woman who hasn't even met me, yet KNOWS exactly what I need to hear and how I need to be encouraged.
"...it doesn't matter how many times we concede to our old faults and habits, God is ALWAYS waiting for us to answer his question, "where are you?" with "I'm right here. BROKEN. Please forgive me, Father."
+ Again, a passage that really made my heart swell with emotion. The knowledge that I'm not the only one to fall backwards and more importantly AWAY from Him...and yet each and every time, He's waiting for that moment when we realise and need His strength to take even one more step.

I sometimes struggle with non-fiction books because they can lack the continuity that a novel offers but Miller delivers page after page, paragraph after paragraph, until my heart and mind were swelling with the knowledge that He is there for me, whatever the circumstances.

*Thank you to NetGalley and Thomas Nelson - W Publishing for the opportunity to read this title in exchange for an honest review.*

[Monica Willyard Moen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has the value of a rare, precious gem that is hiding in a stack of trinkets so that its beauty isn’t immediately obvious. I almost overlooked it because the author is in a different political party and me. No, that wasn’t a very good reason.
I didn’t expect very much from this book. I expected it to be another memoir of someone who got famous and got too busy and had a lot of money and could take it easy By some form of retiring early I have seen too many books like those that talk about the authors problems but don’t really talk about solutions other people could use. I was totally Wong about this book, and boy! I am glad to be wrong. This book was worth reading, and this probably worth reading several times to put it’s ideas into practice in my own life. The focus in The book is understanding what community is, why it’s so important, why we tend not to have it as adults, and what we can do in both big and small ways to bring it back, to make it real again. This book is about deepening relationships we already have as well is meeting new people. It is also about learning how to be open and be ourselves with people with love and who love us.

[Joe Sewell]

Ouch. Ouch! OUCH!

Wow, this was one of the toughest books I have ever read yet managed to finish. I've communicated with the author before, during, and after the events detailed herein. I also went through similar, but distinctly different, events, yet my story has not found its happy ending. I'm still married, but I still long for relief, not the kind of mercy Miller discovered. I confess to feeling a bit envious. I still have difficulty comprehending how this Christian form of "accountability" can be healthy for the one not dealing with addiction or other major issue, as the term has always carried the accusing finger of blame.

The book shows well how one person had to dig through the devastation life can bring and came out well on the other side. Like a Hallmark or Lifetime movie, though, the resolution still eludes some of us, and the pain remains.

[Leigh Kramer · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the title made me think this book might offer a more big picture look at community, it's really a memoir and a likable one at that. Miller does include some information and research related to friendship and community in the early chapters and the last chapter might have been better served toward the beginning to set the tone. Miller's story is so uniquely hers that the reader must read it as such, instead of trying to glean insights about community. The insights are there but they will not necessarily be easy to replicate. Still, I do think this is worth reading because of the storytelling and because of the vision Miller paints of her community. Also, I loved seeing favorite Nashville and Quad City haunts pop up in the narrative.

[Elisabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have a hard time rating memoirs. I don't wish to discredit the author's experiences, but the book just didn't resonate with me like I wanted. I was expecting more of a guide on how to find intentional, vulnerable, authentic community, not just the author's experience creating one. Aside from the gross theological differences, there are still some gems of truth to pull out of this memoir and I'm glad I read it.

[Jonnah P · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a sweet and encouraging read, challenging myself to deepen my relationships and to be more intentional with my community.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt like this book couldn't really decide what it wanted to be/do.
It started off with me thinking it was going to be a self help book, but then it sort of fizzled out and became more of a memoir, followed up in the end by follow up questions/reflections.
It went through the author's journey through her divorce and how she dealt by creating a group of people around her to hold her accountable. I feel like a lot of details were left out, so where I wanted to relate to her, I found myself not being able to.

[Angie Barnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Anne Marie Miller calls us to committed and vulnerable community, and does so by sharing her story with us. It is well written and challenging but because it straddles the genres of memoir and practical application I only gave it a three-- not enough depth of looking at community and not enough memoir to engage me on that level.

[Ioana · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I really loved about this book - Lean on me - is the lack of "how-to". It is a memoir in which the author speaks pretty openly about aspects relevant to the topic, which I admired. I knew some things about the author, Anne Marie Miller, and the things she went through, but this was a bit more detailed and it was useful in creating the context, and understanding why community and close relationships are that important.

I personally don't think this is a book that brings a revolutionary aspect to the "why do we need community" question. However, I think it helps the reader understand one person's point of view coming from a personal experience.

The way in which the author approached her situation, where she realised that something has got to change, and this all led to her moving across the country a few times.. yeah, I want that. But what this made me realise is that roots are not always physical. I appreciated her openness towards the group of mentors that were to guide her. Also, her willingness to guard herself from the "bad" community AKA those who wouldn't necessarily help her grow - to be appreciated.

This is probably not a nice thing to say, especially as a Christian, but I appreciated her not throwing a bunch of Bible verses into the book. I know them all. This is not the first book on community that I've read. I know the verses. I liked the effect of the Bible passages in her life better, to tell you the truth. I believe those were a major fact in her coming out of that dark period.

Probably more that this being a book on community and its importance, it is a book on how community actually helps ones brokenness and the feeling of lost that inevitably are to appear in everyone's life, even for the briefest of moments.

I knew I liked this book when after I started it, I didn't dread going back to the "community book". That's not my favourite topic, but this was not the point with this book. I was actually eager to read more. It must be the memoir aspect of the book. If I sound like a curious lady, I am afraid I don't know how to defend myself.

All in all, I appreciated the honesty (the vodka and Coke moment? pretty honest) and the willingness to write about it. I also liked the style. I've previously read one of Miller's books, Permission to Speak Freely, and I also enjoyed that. She has a poetic kind of writing which draws the reader into the book, but this is probably something not everyone enjoys.

It's a good book and it's worth the time and money.

I was offered a free copy of this book by Thomas Nelson--W Publishing through NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion of the book. All thoughts expressed here are my own.

[Lorraine Montgomery · Rating 5 out of 5]

I own a copy of this book courtesy of the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

In Lean On Me, Anne Marie Miller tells a very personal story of her struggle to find an "intentional, vulnerable, and consistent community" through which to heal and change her life to one which would be open to leaning on others and allow others to lean on her. While she presents her biographical timeline, the acknowledgment of her need for others to come alongside began at a particularly low point in her life when physical symptoms of that need began to incapacitate her. The time had come for her to completely re-evaluate decisions made and the path she had chosen. The road to recovery began with a phone call to a friend who, she knew, would 'tell it like it is'.

Anne Marie points out that, as humans, we have a dichotomy of emotions: we long to be independent and yet a part of us wants to belong. She talks about different kinds of friendships that we all have. Some relationships are superficial, where we commit nothing and are in no way vulnerable. In other relationships, we can have a commitment, and yet still not allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Or vice versa. But how many of us can actually say that we have relationships where we are both committed and vulnerable? And yet this, she says, is what makes a community.

I found this book to be very challenging. Not to read; it was a quick read, flowing easily, and logically laid out. Not that it wasn't deep; it was extremely deep, and scripture-based. But it was challenging for me on a personal level; I found myself questioning my own relationships to re-evaluate also, and to climb over that wall we tend to build when we've been hurt. While the narrative of this book is moving and revealing, I believe the Reader's Guide at the back which asks questions, then presents next right steps followed by a prayer, is what will change the lives of those who read this book. I have read the book through once, but now my goal is to reread chapter by chapter, honestly answering the questions from the guide for that chapter. Saying so in print is my commitment to re-examining my choices and to begin forming a truly "intentional, vulnerable, and consistent" community of my own. I challenge you to read this book and see if you are inspired to do the same.

[Jessica Higgins · Rating 5 out of 5]

A story of what to do when you find yourself all alone, lower than you could have imagined. Do you stay in that place of lonely despair or do you climb out and find the community that God has provided for moments such as this?

Just when things seem to be going great, life will inadvertently through you a curve ball. What do you do when these unexpected obstacles find their way into your path? Anne Marie Miller opens up about how she found herself in one of these situations and how she was able to rise above the hardships thrown her way and come out the other side a new and better person.

To me, this book was different than most non-fiction I have read. For one, it was good. I found myself turning page after page wanting to hear what she had to say next. So many of the points hit home and rang true in hit home in more than one way. It is so easy to isolate ourselves when things are going bad, but that is when we need community with those around us the most. I find the words used within this book even more compelling as I find myself on the journey of becoming a writer also. It is a profession can leave you lonely and give you the excuse to stay shut up, closed in, and closed off from society. Never a good thing. Even if you don’t want to be the life of the party, it is still incredibly important to surround ourselves with at least a few close friends. Ones that will be there for you when you need someone to talk, but it is also important to surround ourselves with people that will come to you and tell you when you are not making good decisions and help lead you down the right path.

The thing I liked best about this book was the way Anne Marie Miller poured her heart and soul onto each and every page. She wasn’t afraid to bare those blemishes within herself and show the mistakes she made. If it weren’t for those mistakes she wouldn’t be able to say she is in a good place and can help lead others. It felt real. It wasn’t just a story. It was a real story with real people, real problems and real solutions. Those solutions might not have come right away or been in the form they were asked for but in the end it was exactly as God planed. And after all, his plans are always better than ours.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I requested a copy of this book for review I don't think I truly understood how much I had in common with the author, Anne Marie Miller. I knew I was looking for community in my life and that this book would be helpful in my quest for building intentional community, but I didn't realize how much her story would reach out and shake me at times.

This story is one we've heard a million times, woman has a hard time, relies on others and all ends well. Except in the case of this book Anne Marie is one who enjoys solitude and resists being a part of community. I saw so much of myself in her, from being unwilling to appear weak, to preferring to be alone so she wouldn't be vulnerable. I laughed along with her, cried along with her and made the leap to committed and vulnerable in my relationships along with her.

I appreciated her fresh approach to community and her acknowledgement of how community in our modern world can take many forms. It's good for the soul to reach out to people locally and all around the world for our support team of committed, vulnerable relationships. If you're looking for a book about building community in unlikely places along with taking the leap into living faithfully with others then this book is the one for you, to give you that nudge you need to living in community with others.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

[Beth-Anne White · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredible book. The first thing that clued me in was that I had to put down this book and I was eager to go back to it. This is not unusual for a fiction story but for a non-fiction, non-story book this was unusual. And I could sit for hours and read it. I just soaked in each chapter. Underlining and marking up the words as they spoke to me. Anne Marie Miller draws the reader into her book with candid language that will stir the heart.

She tells her own heart in this book and in return I felt that my heart was open and honest in my need for community and my own conversation with God. There were many times that I felt like I was reading what my own heart has said.

Anne Marie Miller not only discusses the need for our commitment and vulnerability to others but also with God. Both aspects of life are vital. She shares truth over and over again that will challenge you and help you on the journey to intentional, vulnerable, and consistent community with God and others.

I will be re-reading this again to soak up the words and begin to really apply them to my community. There is also a study guide in the back for further study which I will be using my second time around. This is a book to read, and re-read, and apply each time.

This is the first work of Anne Marie Miller that I have read, but I can guarantee that it won't be the last. I have already put her other books on my "Wish List."

I received this book free from BookLookBloggers in exchange for my honest review.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lean on Me was not what I expected it to be. I expected it to be an academic how-to on being in community. I was pleasantly surprised that the how-to was given in the form of her testimony. Her story touched me and demonstrates how community works in our lives. I related to Miller, because community is what helped to heal me. It was the piece that was missing. James 5:16a says, "Confess your sins to each other so that you may be healed." I learned that while I had confessed to God and tried to go on with life, that I was still not healed. What was missing? I had not confessed my sins to another person(s). There are two parts to healing: 1) confess to God; 2) confess to another person(s). My life has changed for the better because of community. Miller eloquently puts into words the importance of community in her life and, in doing so, sets others on the path to embracing community.

[Kaitlyn Bouchillon · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title says it best - this book is Anne's story of finding community that is real and honest and continues to show up even when it isn't easy or convenient. To be honest, the book is not what I expected - yet I couldn't stop myself from finishing it. I simply had to know the rest of her story. If you have wounds from community or friendship, this book is a good source of encouragement that although community may wound, it sure does heal.

[Amy E Patton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tender and raw account of how Anne Marie Miller found community through the choice to enter both vulnerable and committed. This look at how true intimacy is developed in community through her story is threaded with brokenness, surrender, grace, and most of all love. While not a how to manual, Lean On Me, certainly lays a path on which others can follow.

[Cassie Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anne Marie's ability to be candid about the dark places she has been in her life is encouraging and uplifting. Through her book, she shows us the importance of community in climbing out of our own dark places. The book also includes a reading guide, making this a perfect book to read with a book club or group of girlfriends.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I so appreciated Anne's clear, honest prose infused with truths at every turn. Much of it was a reminder of things I've been told but never told through someone's life experience. She illustrates the power of story well and tells a story that can truly change the way we have relationships with each other.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a narrative, rather than a how to. But relationships don't fit neatly into a checklist, so the format flows with her story of redemption and discovering community. I don't have neat takeaways. I do have hope that intentionality and commitment will bring what my heart is looking for in friendships.

[Lori Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

New ideas and beautifully crafted! A transformational book read!

[Jessica Wilkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Miller explains the importance of true community while honestly chronicling her own painful journey towards this realization. Engaging and inspiring.

[Anjeli Crisanto · Rating 5 out of 5]

Be open. Be vulnerable. Embrace community.

Because you are not alone.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many practical applications and ideas for showing hospitality.

[Holly Huffman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good book! I took a big chance on this one, and I absolutely loved it. I couldn't put it down!

So good.

[Jennifer Whitehead · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although it's not what I expected, I still enjoyed the book. It was an easy read. Reading it, I felt like she was a friend telling me about a time in her life that was hard where she had to really lean on a community of friends to see her through.

[Allison Banze · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!

Very relatable!!! Would recommend to anyone struggling with feeling alone or just wanting to know how to get a better community. Community is so important!!

[Candy Shepard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Real, authentic effort to proclaim the importance of stepping out beyond oneself in an intentional, vulnerable way, and the strength that comes from such relationships.
We need one another.

[Becky Hintz · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book's title was a little misleading. It probably should be titled, or at least subtitled, How My Friends Helped Me Through a Hard Divorce.