Fit to Be Tied ~ Making Marriage Last a Lifetime

by Lynne Hybels

Bill and Lynne Hybels draw on their own personal experience and a guiding faith to offer practical advice on how to enjoy a lifetime of togetherness -- from finding a suitable mate and dealing with the most common marital problems to avoiding the pitfalls that can sabotage a healthy relationship. This easy-to-follow guide for enjoying a happy, healthy, and lifelong relationship - Creative ways to 'court' your spouse - Checklists for singles to use in selecting a mate - Steps to resolve conflict and not drive it underground - Practical ways to determine relational fit -- Whether you are already married or planning to marry in the future, the authors' sound, wholesome advice can show you how to make wise decisions about whom to marry and how to stay married for a long time.

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Relationships, Nonfiction, Christianity, Family, Faith

Hardcover

First published September 1, 1991

About the author

Since 1975, when Lynne & Bill Hybels started Willow Creek Community Church, Lynne has been an active volunteer at the church. For the last twenty years she has engaged in ministry partnerships in under-resourced communities in Latin America and Africa, and has advocated for Comprehensive Immigration Reform on behalf of the hundreds of undocumented immigrants who call Willow Creek their church home.

Since 2009 Lynne has been actively trying to learn what it means to follow Jesus into places of conflict. In the Democratic Republic of Congo, where the deadliest conflict since WWII still rages, she has partnered with local churches that are caring for women who have been brutally raped, and are initiating grassroots peacemaking efforts in their villages. In Israel-Palestine she hosts groups of American Christians who want to learn from Jews, Muslims and Christians—Israelis and Palestinians—who are working for dignity, security and freedom for all the people in the Holy Land. Lynne also raises awareness and funds to empower followers of Jesus in the Middle East who are serving Syrian refugees and displaced Iraqis.

Lynne and Bill have two grown children, Shauna and Todd, one son-in-law, Aaron Niequist, and two grandsons, Henry and Mac, who run the family.

Reviews

[Samuel Maina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this recommendation from a friend together with another title (to be reviewed at a later date).

All I can say is that relations can be complicated like rocket science. I like the style in that Bill and Lynne are constantly quoting from their life experiences….and that can be daunting. But those are the best examples.

The key principle is not to lose sight of the big picture for the side shows that will pop up somewhere down the line. It is not secret that we cannot be compatible…but you have to work compatibility. Like the old adage goes….you cannot hug a porcupine….

Critical is to evaluate that first you are friends. Bill and Lynne categorize friends into 3 categories…those that drain…those that are neural and finally those that replenish. This with a whole bunch of differences that have to be worked like temperaments, preferences, family background, communication, language of love among others.

How important to realize that boundaries need to be well understood. An intrusion into a boundary is cause for chaos. A couple needs to talk…talk talk…… and talk some more. Knee jerk reactions are a no no….also having to pile up emotion gnawing at your soul on the inside is a no no..

I wish people could hire communication experts for relationships. Dig into books….. so much knowledge and wisdom lies there….from people who have had past experience. That said, I thing if we forget all I just said and stated that God be at the centre…then the relation will just flow.
God demonstrated his love for us by sending his own son. If a man could lay down his own life for people relishing in darkness…. How much more can men do reading from that example to their life partners?

The icing on the cake was the discussion at the end of the book. Talk and talk is the mantra…talk to friends, talk to God, talk to your partner and just talk…….. oh well to counselors as well...

Good read!

[Chris McGrath]

This is a unique and unusual Christian marriage book. It's a very personal look at the Hybels' marriage, with far more disclosure and transparency than you usually get from a book like this; their marriage has been a rocky one with all sorts of struggles that resulted from conflicting personalities and the pressures of a demanding ministry. As a result, their book does not seek to teach about all aspects of marriage, but about specific lessons that they had to learn over the years, hurdles they have surpassed, and can now teach about from a position of hard-earned experience.

The first section of the book focuses on courtship, and I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is in a serious relationship and considering marriage, or even anyone who hopes to get married one day and wants wise counsel about how to build a good connection and avoid getting committed to someone who may be totally wrong for them.

The rest of the book is about dealing with the inevitable problems that will come in marriage, and how to resolve those conflicts in a healthy, Godly way. Again, this is a great book for people who are going through difficulties in their marriage, or just want to learn about how to handle issues when they arise.

A strong marriage always takes a lot of work, and the Hybels have opened up about much of the work they've had to do, as well as many of their mistakes along the way. As a member of Willow Creek Community Church, I appreciate being able to learn about the life of my pastor in more detail, and to know that even being a great church leader does not exclude a person from the refining fire of marriage.

[L L · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite a cheesy cover and a cheesy title, this book on marriages contains some really important and valuable insight. Bill and Lynne, the writers of the book, have had a twenty year marriage that started off with 10 very rocky years. They pass along the lessons they have learned throughout marriage – from understanding personality differences, to communication, to conflict resolution, to forgiveness—there’s a huge focus on the importance of having a spirit of reconciliation. Their advice for deciding who to marry is a little lacking-- it focuses primarily on waiting and waiting and making sure, and fails to delve into the more intangible and difficult to explain matters of calling.

[Elizabeth Newton · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a useful book! Brilliant for singles, courting couples as well as those already married. Great, practical advice firmly grounded in the Word. I could relate to so many stories and I now have many new ideas for improving my marriage as well as my own personal Christian walk.

Bill and Lynne Hybels write in such an honest and intimate way making us as the reader feel like close friends having a heart to heart over a cuppa. The fact that they had so many difficulties early on in their marriage and managed to not only overcome them, but now also have a wonderfully rewarding and loving relationship, give them the credibility I need to sit up and really pay attention.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book and hated this book... Lots of solid advice and perspective. It can be very challenging to the reader and opened my eyes to some things in my marriage I need to work on. Used scriptures, shared honest experience from the author's marriage and applicable solutions to nearly every situation one can encounter in marriage.

Highly recommend this book to those dating, engaged or married.

[Madison Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A cute book about commitment, marriage, and how to incorporate your faith into a marriage/relationship. I liked how it offered advice on how to maintain a strong and long lasting marriage built on His word and intentions. Overall just a really sweet book and will be utilizing some areas of this book in my relationship.

[Brandon Current · Rating 2 out of 5]

Don't Read - so-so book on marriage
Every book on marriage has some helpful things in it and this is no exception. Simply the act of reading someone's thoughts on marriage and personal testimony while reflecting on your own marriage is a constructive one. This book could also paint a more realistic picture for couples preparing for marriage, and set some markers in their minds for when the wheels begin to come off the bus.

However, the book is not focused. It wanders through a broad swath of life focus, personal development, and relationship strength at various angles. It has too much personal testimony. It often feels superficial with solutions that are over simplified and over-exaggerated.

Mostly, what really needs dealt with is never addressed. The picture that emerges is Bill's selfish ambition mixed with genuine zeal for the Kingdom. Work-aholism isn't just unbalanced zeal and love for Jesus without wisdom. It is love for self, and vainglory. It is an identity that is not fully formed in the perfect and finished work of Jesus Christ. I don't mean to be condemning, all of us struggle with it, but it's absence from this book is a major weakness.

I also feel it would have been more wise for this book to have waited. It seems that these solutions and healing for their marriage was being finalized as the book was being written. More time should have been allowed for healing, reflection, and to see if the solutions they had implemented lasted the long-haul. When the marriage is still smoldering is not the time to write a book for others on healthy marriage.

[Jacklyn (ReadingBliss) · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to know a lot about marriage to anticipate and head off a lot of the common problems that occur, this is a good book to gleam that insight. I feel like it encompassed my entire marriage, in a nutshell, of most of the highlighted life lessons I had to go through, the hard way. Currently in my mid 30s, I have been married for 16 years and together with my man since I was 15, for a total of 19 years. And we met when we were 10, so I have also known him and been married to him longer, than I ever lived in life without him. We have two young children, currently ages 9 and 5 with hopes of new additions in the future, and I just want to say, life is better if you train yourself early by educating yourself and your future spouse or your current spouse than having to drudge through it through pure experience with the blind leading the blind, guessing. Seeking wisdom and counsel from this book, or others like it, is a lot cheaper and faster than any other method I can think of. My last tidbit advice/recommendation is to not forget to read your bible and attend church regularly.

[Al · Rating 1 out of 5]

Although some of the things they stated in this book were valid, such as the fact that you should have the same belief and value system as your partner, I just couldn't get past some of the things that they said. Spiritual compatibility was a huge part, and they made it seem like if you and your partner were two different religions, your marriage wouldn't last. There were also comments on things like the women's movement and other things that I'm hoping were just because this book was from 1991, but it was definitely a turn off. I wish the book had more research grounded citations, but I'm not surprised it didn't since it was so heavily religion based. One thing I did find surprising was that they described sex as not being solely for reproduction which was something I've never heard from a religious perspective.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

It is really hard to read a book on marriage by a man who cheats on his wife.

[Luisa Sun · Rating 5 out of 5]

De todos los libros que he leído sobre el matrimonio este encabeza mi lista de favoritos.
Dejando de lado la maravillosa narrativa que esta pareja tan interesante Bill y Lynne tienen, como se complementan, la sinceridad y veracidad de sus palabras, su sentido del humor, (y cero arrogancia); El libro me ha servido mucho siendo soltera, no solo para un futuro cuando decida formar una relación especial y después un matrimonio, si no también para mi vida ahora, tengo en alta estima este libro y lo considero muy valiosísimo, todo ser humano debería leerlo, te ayuda con las relaciones humanas, con tu identidad, el definir tus limites, conocerte, amarte y respetarte antes que a alguien más...


"..Es difícil amar un espejismo porque uno no puede abrazar el aire.
Amar no significa que uno sumerge su personalidad en la del otro.
Hacer que el matrimonio funcione no quiere decir que uno tiene que sacrificar lo que es.
La meta del buen matrimonio es que los cónyuges mantengan su individualidad,
y hagan contribuciones únicas y valiosas a la relación mutua."

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

When my husband & I were doing "pre marital" classes/sessions with our pastor before our wedding, he gave us this book. We both read it and really enjoyed it. It talks about things that happen in life (big and small) and how to work thru them as a couple. It also talks a little about the differences in men and women and that is a fact of life, we cannot change the way they are. I think it is important for couples to read these kinds of books once in a while and realize that a marriage is a constant working relationship. It is really sad that so many marriages end up in divorce and things might have been different if they prepared for marriage and learned how to keep working at it and realize that no one is perfect, therefore, your marriage will not be perfect either. It is good for both before & after you are married...and it doesn't matter how long you have been married for. I would recommend this book for everyone.

[Tiffany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by Bill and Lynne Hybels, this book is ideal for young couples considering marriage. Because of the transparency with which the authors share their marital challenges, it's also a good discussion group boo for married couples of all ages. So, whether you want to use it as a tool to help youth properly prepare for the lifetime commitment marriage represents or as a tool to strengthen existing marriages, you'll find useful information and tools.

[Jon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful to Jen and I while we were engaged. Good for people who need help deciding whether to get married, or who are engaged or in early marriage to help work through personality dynamics and deepening friendship and intimacy. Does a great job of blasting away several widespread myths about marriage and love hang like an albatross around the necks of many marriages!

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow... This book is the most transparent book I have ever read. I think anybody whose marriage is on the rocks needs to read this from a couple whose marriage was constantly on the rocks but survived. Their committment to God and to each other saw them come out stronger than ever before. The discussions at the back of the book are very helpful for dating and married couples.

[Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned from this book that marriage can always be worked on and made better.
This book gives you encouragement and challenges you to work on your marriage or think critically about who you might be marrying.
Good book to read.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Christian should read this book - Single or Married - Everyone! It provides wonderful insight into God's intention for a long lasting marriage (something we just won't find in today's secular society). Couldn't put it down!

[Laura Hartness · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in college as my future husband and I were beginning to contemplate marriage. We both enjoyed it and found it to be very helpful to us as we prepared to wed. Highly recommended for anyone who's going to be or marry an imperfect spouse.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some things I disagreed with and the narratives were a little too frequent for me, but the basic principles were very encouraging and realistic and affirming. A good balance of scripture was used (though some misused in my opinion). Taking this book with a grain of salt, it was great!

[ccoelophysis]

Last read 2006

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for folks considering marriage, or already married, definitely Christian.

[Ebookwormy1 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book when I was single and thought it was excellent. This was the only marriage preparation book that I found helpful...

[Monique · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has a section for couples to read before they get married. The second half is for after marriage. It had some good advice and things to think about.

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good read.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the best things my husband and I did to prepare for our marriage.

[Rose Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm re-reading this book and taking my experience through it.
Incredible, painful yet necessary journey of God's hope in covenant marriage.

[Jillian P · Rating 4 out of 5]

Am enjoying this book immensely as it reflects the questions I ask before saying "Yes"

[Simon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite good. A bit too one sided on some issues, but was still insightful and helpful for pre-marriage preparation.

[Zac George · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to read through. Lots of good stories that helped me relate. Practical. I liked it.

[Danny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just about finished this book on marriage.

Been quite a good read so far, hope I retain some of it.

Might have to review it again and take notes.