不再試著修補生命：覺醒、面對，全然接納每一個不完美的自己

by Jeff Foster, 傑夫．福斯特

生命，不會照著我們的計畫走，
若想要變得更好，
就是認真面對最糟的部分，
並發自內心接納它。

本書適合
對生命有熱忱，欲探究生命意義為何物的人
盼望尋找自我存在感，與自我價值的人
過於在乎他人想法，認為自己不夠完美，並為此困擾不已的人
被工作、家庭、生活等各種壓力，壓得喘不過氣的人
不喜歡面對改變，一有波動便想逃避的人
對未來充滿不安全感，害怕失去擁有一切的人

在本書中，我們將探究內在的衝突根源，因為衝突發生的地方也將是它結束的地方。
「就像海洋接納每一道海浪，我們的意識，也早已容許和接納此刻發生的事。」

傑夫‧福斯特近年於英國、歐洲快速崛起，
透過部落格、論壇、討論會等平台和小眾交流；
藉由分享自身被憂鬱症與疾病纏身，展開心靈探索的過程，
探討如何在紛亂的世界中，找到內心的平靜與自在。
本書用令人意想不到的方式，引領讀者發掘真我，
在學習全然接納的過程中，發現全然的喜悅與靜好，
脫離受苦模式，體悟何謂「全然的接納，從日常生活中覺醒」。

◆你害怕失去什麼？
真正的自由不用向外尋求，真正的自由是不依賴外在的事物來讓你感覺完整。菸、性、導師慈愛的眼神都不可能使你一輩子自由，只有當你把注意力轉一百八十度，回頭去看你急著想逃離的糟糕，你才有可能發現真正的自由與平靜就在你的感受中。

◆所有的苦難都是在邀請你回來接納現在
苦難、壓力或心理問題都不再是需要被超越或摧毁的邪惡，而是讓你看到自己內心能在交戰或尋求的一個機會。在苦難中，你永遠都看得到這種爭戰，也永遠都找得到對接納的盲目。所以，心裡的爭戰在邀請你回到全然的接納，而苦難雖使你痛苦，卻也指引你回家的路。

◆生命不會照著我們的計畫走
即使我們有最好的立意，做了最周詳的計畫，正面思考，好好禱告，企圖彰顯我們的使命，順著靈性發展，並且宣傳我們靈性上的進化，但事情仍不如我們所願的發生。也因此，我們也才能一次又一次的看到，最終我們仍無法掌控這個我們稱為「生命」的東西。

若將每一個生命比喻為大海，海裡無數翻騰湧起的波浪，都是生命的一部分。我們無法挑剔波浪的美醜，正如我們無法抗拒生命中每一個未知的來臨。當我們因為生活壓力、現實條件等種種因素，忘記了「自我的本質」，大多數人會企圖建構且維持一個由錯誤概念構成的「自我形象」，我們不僅是在和當下的經驗對抗，更是與他人、與宇宙對抗。而這股來自我們內在的衝突，造就了外在衝突。

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Philosophy, Mental Health, Religion

210 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2012

About the author

Jeff Foster graduated in Astrophysics from Cambridge University in 2001. Several years after graduation, following a period of severe depression and illness, he became addicted to the idea of "spiritual enlightenment", and embarked on an intensive spiritual search which lasted for several years.

The spiritual search came to an absolute end with the clear seeing that there is only ever Oneness. In the clarity of this seeing, life became what it always was: spontaneous, clear, joyful and fully alive, and Jeff began to write and talk about "nonduality" (which he often calls "the utterly, utterly obvious").

He holds meetings and retreats in the UK and Europe, clearly and directly pointing to the frustrations surrounding the spiritual search, to the nature of mind, and to the Clarity at the heart of everything. His uncompromising approach, full of humor and compassion, shatters the mind's hopes for a future awakening, revealing the awakening that is always already present, right in the midst of life.

"

Reviews

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I've given this book 5 stars, I'd like to start with the book's drawbacks. First, if you've already read plenty of books on oneness, non-duality, dharma, or whatever you want to call this genre, be prepared to cover a lot of familiar ground. This is to be expected, of course, as all such writings ultimately point to the same truths. Besides re-hashing some well-worn themes, this book also contains a LOT of repetition of its central metaphor - the inseparability of waves from the ocean. This metaphor is a helpful one, but at numerous points in the book I found myself thinking "I get it already with the ocean thing, please get to your point." With some good editing this book could have been about half as long, in which case it would have packed a wallop, word-for-word.
This brings me to why I give the book 5 stars. Foster's discussion of the "seeking mechanism" is both new and powerful. Many readers will recognize themselves in the many forms of seeking Foster describes, and they may experience a flash if insight (as I did) into how seeking itself is an obstacle to the realizing the very truth one is seeking. Foster's discussions of relationships and honest communication are nothing short of fantastic. His descriptions of how we carry our search for completeness into our relationships, and how that search corrupts those relationships, should be required reading for every couple in a committed relationship. His treatment of addiction is also extremely good. In my view, these plusses more then make up for the drawbacks discussed above and make this a 5 star book. Highly recommended.

[Fatima · Rating 5 out of 5]

بعد سالها جست و جوی رهایی از ذهن و روشن ضمیری و پیچیدن و تاب آوردن در دور و بر اساتید بیدار و گوروهای مختلف ، واقعا شادم که این کتاب رو پیدا کردم، جف فستر تمام چیزهایی که نیاز بود بشنوم تا خودم رو از رنج جست و جو و درد نرسیدن رها کنم ، در قالب کلمات زیبایش به من منتقل کرد و بالاخره آرامشی در وجودم فعال شد که طی تمان این سالها ازش دور بودم و با جدیت میتونم بگم که این کتاب تمامی توهمات درباره ی روشن ضمیری رو میتونه باطل کنه و با مثال هایی روشن و جالبی که داره نگاهی تازه و حقیقی درباره ی ریشه ی تمامی جست و جوهای درونی ایجاد کنه ...این آرامش و پذیرش خوبی ها و بدی ها، پذیرش هرچه که هست و نیست در وجود و زندگی ، داره کم کم تمرینی دائمی میشه که به لطف این کتاب میسر شده ...

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could rate this any higher I would. This is Eckhart Tolle 2.0. If you still seem to encounter suffering even though you've read other spiritual texts, this book explains why.

Usually we would seek to avoid negative emotions and maximize positive ones through various methods. This is where suffering begins: non-acceptance of all that appears in your reality. If we give the same amount of space to negative emotions that we give to positive ones to play themselves out, this is where life becomes effortless. We then experience the deepest acceptance to life, irrelevant of what life brings you. This is the beginning of inner peace.

This book talks about how to 'deal' with negative emotions, self image, feelings of incompleteness, pain, relationships, addictions, duality, and an inherent acceptance in reality. This is all lucidly conveyed with the metaphor that you are the ocean of life, and what occurs within your awareness are the waves. One of the other great metaphors Foster uses was "you are the movie screen in which the movie plays on but doesn't stick".

Within reading every couple pages, I had to put my book down to process about what I read. Content smiles ensued.

This is a spiritual book that is very practical and applicable to life. Highly recommended.

[Cyberpayanee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very sincerely and with urgency, he drives a central point home, which you might say is the basic teaching of non duality. But that is all just memory. The intensity of speaker puts thought and its sensation aside for a while. So you are free to just listen as if for the first time. That is the key point here. Heard his audio interview with Tami Simon (sounds true) - what a passion! Simplicity! The stone drops in the pond quietly. The understanding you are left with is : "just do absolutely nothing. Stay with the thing "you call " suffering, let it do What it is supposed to do. The fact is that it is there - becos it has been already deeply accepted by awareness. The Mind has no part in this. Take your hands off! Let the thing flow through." Coming from an authentic person, it has an effect beyond the level of ideas and thought. Hall mark of good teacher. Good soul Jeff!

[Jonathan Martin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Seems like a fairly straightforward concept but feels difficult to actually implement. Essentially, we are each open spaces in which waves of the cosmic ocean can appear and disappear. All thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc., are just waves, some appear briefly, others are larger and last for a while but ultimately all return to the ocean of life. The trick is not to attach to any one particular wave, whether pleasurable, painful, thrilling or disturbing or whatever else. The idea is to allow each wave to come and go in the open space of awareness that is you and to accept all. The obvious pitfall is attaching or clinging to 'good waves' - experiences that we enjoy - and fighting or resisting 'bad waves', things that cause us suffering and distress.

The 'seeker' is a part of us that is always looking for completion and wholeness outside of ourselves, in other words, seeking fulfilment through others in relationships, through addictions and through unhealthy wants. This endless searching creates suffering in our experience because we can never truly find a sense of wholeness externally. The idea is to find it within, to be content and at peace with what *is* at each precise moment, rather than trying to fulfil one's sense of emptiness through external means, which are always changing and therefore unreliable.

The book considers pain and illness, love and relationships and addiction and how to find the deepest acceptance in all of these trying experiences.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I immediately connected with the wisdom and simplicity found in the basic premise of Jeff Foster’s teaching, summed up as: “a deep and fearless acceptance of whatever comes your way”. He sees seeking what is pleasant (love and acceptance) and escaping what is unpleasant, as leading to suffering. Rather than allowing all thoughts and feelings to come and go.
Going into great detail with pain and illness, love and relationships, addictions, and exploring present -moment awareness, Jeff shows how the seeking mechanism gives rise to addictions, inauthenticity, unhealthy communication, how we give away our own power, and create unnecessary suffering.
The Deepest Acceptance is written with warmth, intelligence, and clarity.

[Hamoun Dorfaninezhad · Rating 4 out of 5]

زندگی وقتی از منظر این مکان پذیرش عمیق، مکان کمال همیشه حاضر، دیده شود، چگونه به نظر می رسد؟ زندگی چگونه به نظر می رسد وقتی شما خودتان را نه به عنوان شخصی مجزا، نه به عنوان یک موج جدا و ناقص در اقیانوسی وسیع که در جستجوی خانه است، بلکه به عنوان خود اقیانوس، که پیشاپیش کامل است و در خانه است، ببینید، بدون توجه به این که چه اتفاقی می افتد؟ زندگی چگونه به نظر می رسد وقتی شما خودتان را به عنوان یک فضای باز پذیرش وسیع و باز بشناسید که در آن، همه ی افکار، همه ی حس ها، همه ی احساسات و همه ی موج های تجربه، پیشاپیش مجاز به آمدن و رفتن هستند؟

[Rosalind · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am listening to this book in my Audio.com Library and I have to say I'm incredibly connected with his wisdom and simplicity. I have discovered in Jeff's teaching, “a fearless acceptance (no choice to avoid) whatever circumstances come into your life” to be a basic truth...a fundamental base-line. His truth is that non-acceptance is the cause of our suffering. It feels to me as thou we must stop running from our pain and the chaos that we co-create in our lives and accept it...experience it... and what I find the very hardest to do ... FLOW with it!! Humm ... I'll let you know how this ffffllllooowwwssss.... Later... OM SHANTI
Namaste` Roz

[Stefan · Rating 2 out of 5]

How is it possible to spend so long saying so little?

He basically says the following quote in a thousand different ways - "Just as the ocean accepts every wave, so too has our awareness already allowed and accepted what is here." I agree it's a good quote but the book doesn't seem to expand beyond the quote in any meaningful way.

I've found Tara Brach and Pema Chodron to be much better at articulating practical ways to develop acceptance.

Or I could be totally wrong and the book might be the writing of a genius.

[A · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I enjoyed reading this book. Although it was repetitive in parts, I think he makes valuable insights on the importance of noticing/ accepting ourselves, and the moment, as it is. I still have some questions, such as how to reframe present experience for someone processing trauma without coming off as victim-blaming. However, I liked his compassionate and easy-to-read writing style. I recommend this book to anyone interested in acceptance and commitment therapy or anyone interested in meditation.

[Nely · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeff blew away my images of enlightenment. Truth is beyond words and concepts; however, if words can ever touch that truth, this comes as close to it as possible. He unravels pain, and addiction to the play of sound and light they are. Even the word, "ego," is a concept with no real solidity. Insights are pouring in. It may not be for everyone though. I suggest, tuning in with your whole body as you read/listen to this book.

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

while i did like this work and thought that he had some extremely valuable insights, it was repetitive and as someone who has read his fair share of buddhist books, perhaps it was an unnecessary read.

[Aline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this book changed my perspective on life once again.

Some things weren’t knew to me because I have read other books on this topic, but he gave some new perspectives, some more explanations and whole new insights into accepting your life and everything that comes with it.

[SAT CHIT ANANDA · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for the spiritual seeker who is done spinning his or her wheels. This is certainly a direct path approach. Rupert Spira may be the direct teacher for the intellectual type, whereas Jeff Foster is the direct teacher for the lay person. Incredibly powerful message... A++

[Ash · Rating 4 out of 5]

TLDR - a very accessible philosophy that our own spiritual (and life) journeys and perspectives have to be rooted in ourselves and not externalities, and we don’t necessarily need teachings (or meditation etc) to find it.

I came across Foster looking for a modern day JD Krishnamurti - and this generally seems to be the recommended start point for Foster. I really valued the core concept of the book, which is largely around duality being an illusion, and aligns with JDKs Choiceless Awareness and thorough debunking of gurus (the truth is a pathless land) - and I feel like Foster makes the content very accessible, though I found the excessive repetition not just of concepts but the way he’d repeat the same sentence, the words themselves, over and over, repeating the same sentence, again and again - incredibly annoying. That said - if you’re new to these concepts I can see how it might be helpful to allow the headspace to process and understand what he’s saying, but if you’re not it feels like the book could have been 30% of the length.

I’d be interested to read more of Foster but might find synopsis of the ideas and skip the actually books if they are equally verbose, or perhaps try Spira instead. If you’ve read this far and are still wondering if you should try this - if the concept interests you and its new to you then do. If you’re already familiarly with the concept of duality being false then maybe skip it for now.

[Suzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting read. The premise, once I could understand it, is quite simple. The road to getting there was, in my opinion, excessively verbose. I had a grasp of the premise by 1/4 to 1/3 of the way in, then started wondering if I hadn't grasped it with so much of the book remaining. By halfway through I was again confident I understood the premise, then wondered what the rest of the book would offer. I was hopeful for a deep dive into how the premise would be applied in everyday life, or how it brought peace to those who have applied it, but was disappointed on that count. I'm glad I read the book but felt it could have been a great deal shorter and still had the same impact.

[Adi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Content is worth 5 stars and I appreciate the different perspectives, metaphors and experiences Jeff Foster is sharing with us. However, I gave it 4 stars because of the many repetitions of central points he makes throughout the book. Repetitions of the important points is great for learning, but one too many is a stretch for me. Highly recommended book, especially the audiobook.

[Mahima Bathla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am going to go back to this book several times in my life, specifically the audible version.
The author gives you teachings that makes human experience, the whole living ‘thing’ - OK, on the deepest level. I feel grateful because I found this book.

I would be recommending this book to everyone in my life.

[Niki Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am totally awe-struck and moved by this book. The metaphor of the ocean and the thread of the seeker helped me to see things in a way that I never have before. I highly recommend all things Jeff Foster.

[Susanne Bandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Very wise insights in a gentle and kind way : summary - if you are capable to accept the current situation, feelings, pain radically everything turns out to be far less dramatical but more calm… I I need to practice ….

[Karen Newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Feel in to Truth

A revelation for the deepest part of us. You can feel the truth as you allow deepest acceptance to come in to that open space that we are. At last we can welcome the intelligence of everything that we are, the good, the bad and the ugly...

[Alexa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good ideas, but Jeff Foster isn't one of my favorite authors. Had a hard time getting all the way through it and having a hard time with his other, as well.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good teachings, slightly repetitive. But ok to have these ideas drummed into your head.

[Sandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Plenty of helpful message here. His way of repeating himself does not resonate with me. Would love to hear or read an edited version... I know, I know kinda petty of me but I'm being honest.

[Hege Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Jeff, this was exactly what I needed.

[Madalina Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book that helps you get closer with the present moment, to appreciate the little things in life and to connect with yourself more deeply than ever before. 💖

[Charlotte Clementine · Rating 1 out of 5]

I cannot read this book. It's physically impossible. I tried but my eyes become heavy, my vision gets blurred...this book literally puts me to sleep.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life changing.

[Carmen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Muy profundo y dentro de la línea espiritual más realista. Descripción de puntos importantes para realizar una meditación sencilla.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm clearly in a rut - nonfiction and fiction! I was searching for inspiration - a point between acceptance and awakening - in my ordinary life. This one didn't move me.