The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography

by Wendy Maltz, Larry Maltz

Since the explosion of the Internet in recent years, the number of people addicted to pornography has skyrocketed. The Porn Trap is the first book to examine the full range of pornography-related problems, providing help for everyone from the recreational dabbler to the compulsive addict, as well as partners of addicts. In an authoritative, nonjudgmental style, sex, and relationship therapists Wendy and Larry Maltz combine an understanding of porn - its definition, its attractions and effects, its history, and the industry that creates it - with simple but effective healing strategies. The Porn Trap will help readers to: identify and evaluate the impact of porn, decide when it's time to quit using porn, stop using porn and never go back, rebuild self-esteem and restore personal integrity, heal a relationship harmed by porn use, and develop a thriving and satisfying sexual life without porn.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Sexuality, Addiction, Pornography, Health

304 pages, Hardcover

First published April 22, 2008

About the author

Wendy Maltz LCSW, DST is an internationally recognized author, speaker, and sex therapist. Her books include The Porn Trap, The Sexual Healing Journey, Private Thoughts, Passionate Hearts, Intimate Kisses, and Incest & Sexuality. Wendy’s highly acclaimed videos are Relearning Touch and Partners in Healing. In 2014 she received the prestigious Carnes Award from the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health. Wendy and Larry Maltz LCSW, an esteemed therapist with more than 30 years of experience, provide consultation and counseling services at Maltz Counseling Associates in Eugene, Oregon.

Reviews

[Murtaza Hasan · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book to unlearn the things that exposure to internet porn has taught us especially for men. Just because this addiction isn't talked about doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Well over 90% of men and 75% of women watch this shit and the worse part is with the advent of high-speed internet, the age that young kids are exposed to is getting shorter and shorter (A recent survey said 70% of boys by age 10 began watching some form of pornography)

I am going to go ahead and say whatever percentages we come across in the surveys, the actual percentage is even higher and the situation is probably worse. Being sex-positive is an entirely different thing, porn is the worst of what sex can be. This book is well written and covers a lot of ground. It might be the best book written on this subject.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book I received from the Harper Collins First Look program, and what a way to start. I have a dear friend who is a self-professed porn addict, struggling for many years to completely eliminate his porn use.

This book doesn't judge or preach. It's not a morality issue. They delve into the beginnings of the addiction, how our childhood exposure largely determines our relationship with porn later, and how it escalates.

The two biggest things I took away were:

1) This addiction has a STRONG neurobiology component. Because of the process our bodies go through, a porn addiction is a PHYSICAL addiction. Just like drugs or alcohol, there is a legitimate, medical, physical withdrawl that must be expected, planned for, and managed. It will require complete abstinence, as the neuropathways are there for life.

2) This addiction will ALWAYS ESCALATE, no matter how benign or how cancerous it seems at the moment. There is no plateau. There is no standing still. You are either actively recovering, or you are sinking, and there is no bottom until the consequences create one. The authors pull no punches in detailing the accounts of porn addicts and the journey of their disease.

There are not only relational, but serious physical repercussions to porn addiction, ad they cannot be avoided. One of the most telling comments I remember is a recovering addict who said,"Porn has created a huge gap between the kind of woman I enjoy being it ad he kind of woman I actually desire sexually."

Those fighting a porn addiction, or even those just suspecting that they may have a problem, will find this book valuable. The entire last half is devoted to recovery, deciding if you are indeed ready to recover, discovering the motivation and the desire needed to recover, doable action steps and even help dealing with relapse.

The book is also an indispensable resource for anyone who cares about a porn addict, and the numbers are staggering. I not only helps you understand the why and the how, but gives even the partner clear guidelines for what not to do and how to truly help and support someone in recovery.

The authors aver that pornography and porn addiction has become not only a personal and relation issue, but with the easy availability the Net has brought, it as become a societal issue. All of us will be affected by porn addiction in one way or another, in the course of our lives. All of us should educate ourselves and prepare to help and support those around us looking to win the war.

[John Kennedy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the advice is simplistic, some insightful. The book, written by therapists who have treated dozens of addicts, does a good job of describing the shame that addicts feel. It also describes the reaction of spouses well. For example:
"Feelings of betrayal, disappointment, sexual inadequacy and rejection can last for many months, even years, well past when the angry outbursts and crying spells have ended. Women often suffer in internal psychological ways that can be difficult for the porn user to see or understand. A woman's self-esteem, sense of security and ability to feel open and sexually responsive are often profoundly wounded. Porn users are often surprised at how much continued suffering their partners report. The length of time a woman feels hurt depends in large part on how well her partner responds to her feelings and what steps he takes to address the porn problem that results in regaining her trust and rebuilding intimacy in the relationship."

[Niranjan Banda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book on Internet Pornography. Generally other books which I've gone through don't work for an atheist. They'd generally convey their message on a spiritual level but not on the technical grounds. This is something which hits you to the point and is beautifully crafted to couples as well as singles.

[Joseph · Rating 2 out of 5]

i'm still not convinced that "porn addiction" and other "behavioral" addictions exist. mainly, 'cause i have a hard time understanding that an addiction can exist without physiological withdrawal. however, i picked up the book, thinking that it'd be a good read . . . even though it was written by two LCSWs.
there were several good points in the book, one being that porn can cause strain within the relationship. it also makes finding a relationship a lot more difficult. mainly, it makes us lose the intimacy in sex. it just makes sex sex--which is only one of several ways of "doing it."
however, on and on the drivel went about the 12 step model and blahblahblah. boooooring. there were some interesting quotes from people who did have some porn problems. but would i go to call it an "addiction?" no. further, the authors stated that porn addiction can cause a "slippery slope" that can lead one into kiddie porn and more and more hardcore porn. i highly doubt this statement. if a person likes kiddie porn, they've always liked kiddie porn. it's not something that "accidentally" arises from an ignored porn addiction.
i guess what i'm saying with a lot of the behavioral addictions is that there are usually other components at play . . . personality issues, something greater than what most of us understand. porn is not THE problem, rather it seems to me that it's a SYMPTOM of something else.
it took me a while to finish the book. mainly 'cause it was dry at times and also because i'm highly ambivalent about its contents.

[Sajjad thaier · Rating 3 out of 5]

الكتاب مقسم الى قسمين :
القسم الاول يتكلم عن مخاطر المواد الاباحية .
والقسم الثاني يتكلم عن طريقة العلاج منها .
من مميزات الكتاب وسيئاته هو كثرة نقل قصص مستخدمي المواد الاباحية . فهي من جانب محفز للقارئ لكي يعرف أنه يمكن التغلب على هذا الدمان , ومن جانب كانت تلك القصص تشكل اكثرمن نصف الكتاب لذلك تجاوزت اغلبها .
الكتاب يطررح الكثير من المعلومات الحديثة في علم الاعصاب والطب عن أخطار المحتويات الأباحية وعن تأثيرها على الدماغ وعلى الصحة العامة ككل.
فالمواد الاباحية ليست مجرد متعة لحظية خالية من الضرر كما يظنها البعض بل تحتوي على الكثير من المخاطر ذات المديين القريب والبعيد .
فهي تسبب الكثيرمن الامراض العصبية كتقلص الدماغ والامراض الجنسية والامراض النفسية والمشاكل الزوجية وغيرها .





Most men assume that other men do
it at least occasionally. After all, “it’s a guy thing, since at least three out
of four porn users are men.

On the other hand,
chances are we probably wouldn’t picture a grad student, an accountant,
or a pastor as a porn user either. But that’s who uses porn. Regular
people. People like you and me

most people have their first
experience of viewing porn when they are, on average, eleven years old,

Nine out
of ten children between the ages of eight and sixteen years old report they
have viewed porn online

Pornography gives you a false sense of pleasure. It feels good for the
moment and then it just takes you down.
—ROB



Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from
achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the
wrong mental attitude.
—THOMAS JEFFERSON

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a Christian, I know pretty clearly what the Bible says about sexual immorality. All sin, including porn, is meant to snare us and suffocate the life out of us. But I incessantly hear cultural voices playing down the dangers of porn, trying to normalize it by saying every man does it. This book was written by two psychologists who are not speaking from a Christian worldview. They have found from working extensively with clients over the years that porn is extremely harmful both to the persons using it and to those who love the porn user. I found the first half of the book extremely helpful in building a case for why porn is harmful and what actually happens to a person who uses it on a regular basis. The second half deals with treatment, and I just skimmed over this part because it didn't really apply to me.

[Naomi Clare · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really interesting read. Was really intriguing to better understand from a psychological perspective how porn gets people hooked and how it (often subconsciously) alters people’s ideas about sexuality.

It definitely was very focused on straight relationships and definitely had an intended audience (that being straight men,) so a lot of it felt a bit narrow and didn’t feel super relevant to me. That being said, I think it’s worth the read for everyone (especially straight men) to get to understand how influential porn is in society’s ideas of sex and intimacy. Whatever your personal relationship with porn, I think porn is so pervasive in the ideas it puts out that it affects everyone in some way.

I would be interested to read more similar stuff that is more aimed at/focused on women and how misogynistic and violent the porn industry is. Would also be interesting to think/learn more about how porn’s influence on society pressures women to view their sexuality from a point of view of men’s pleasure and desires. I have definitely seen how misogynstic ideas from porn make their way into all forms of society and relationships and I would be interested to explore/dismantle this more.

All in all, a good basic read to better understand the negative influences on porn and hopefully I can continue to read more on the topic!

[Dev N. Samal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Book.

Part One, Covers About First Encounter With Porn, The Consequences Of Porn, How It Affects Relationship & Individuals. This Is All About Porn Awareness.

Part Two, Covers The Main Part Healing. Starting With Motivation To Quit, Gives Six Basic Action Steps, Preventing Relapses, Healing Each Other If You're Couple Etc. This Part Includes Lots Of Exercises Which You Can Apply Whether You're a Individual Or A Couple.

I already know the effects of Porn, So didn't cover Part One In Detail. Covered Part Two Completely Except The Healing Couple Chapter But I skimmed through it Good Advices & Exercises Are There.

I Personally like books with practical exercises which are applicable. I'll give it four stars.

[Milan Chamariya · Rating 1 out of 5]

Looks like a woman had written a book when she get hurt and write this book
There is more about porn ( bad things ) but not this And what happened to him the that happens to him is not going happened to us

Someone dick in someone other pussy and not feeling connected it is not the problem of porn addiction but of that stupid person Brian even that person get of from porn you e will not fell connected you a dick of a horse in your pussy to feel connected




Most stupid book I had read about porn

[Conor Hanifian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Essential reading for everyone. Focuses heavily on males as the victims of addiction so if you are a female reader, further reading may be essential. But for those suffering with issues relating to porn and recovery this book is presented excellently. The authors did a great job!

[Taylor Bradbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, this was good book with many insightful “common grace” insights. It is practical, helpful, and inspiring not only in its call to resist pornography, but also in the why, what now, and how. Maltz and Maltz are insightful as to the various reasons men and women first begin watching porn (p. 33), provide common inhibiting factors and accelerating factors to viewing porn (47, 57), highlight nine commonly given negative consequences of the use of porn (72), discuss four strategies to weaken ambivalence and strength motivation to quit porn (142), provide six action steps to eliminating porn from your life (158), give implementations to resist relapses (192–193), highlight ways to restore strained relationships from porn’s use, and much more.

Here are a few quotes that I pulled out:

Thirty years ago, getting your hands on pornography required time, money, and effort. Today it takes time, money, and effort to get away from porn. With unsolicited e-mails, deceptive links, and pop-up windows, porn can make its way into our lives whether we want it to or not. As one man said, "You no longer have to go looking for porn, porn is looking for you!" (3–4)

People in porn recovery take an average of eighteen months to heal from the damage to their dopamine receptors alone. (20)

[P]rimary inhibiting factors that often contribute to a person losing interest in porn as an adult. These include:
1. Personally disliking porn
2. Having limited contact with porn
3. Feeling sexually secure and satisfied
4. Wanting to experience emotional intimacy
(47)

[P]rimary accelerating factors that can seduce a person into a deeper relationship with porn. These include:
1. Associating porn with pleasure
2. Having frequent and easy access to porn
3. Using porn to medicate distress
4. Having difficulty being intimate in relationships
(57)

In the sexual fantasy arena, porn caters particularly to the sexual interests and needs of men. In porn you just have to show up and the woman will give herself sexually without any questions asked. The fantasy of a woman who wants him can be pleasurable to even the most macho guy. Men often experience having to "knock on doors" and ask if they are welcome and can come in when it comes to sex. Men can feel an intense pleasure bond with porn because when they are using it they don't run the risk of sexual rejection or critique. (58)

In his booklet, A Male Grief: Notes on Pornography and Addiction, writer David Mura writes, "The greater the frequency of [sexual] images, the greater the likelihood they will overwhelm people's resistance." (61)

The six basic action steps in quitting porn are:
1. Tell someone else about your porn problem
2. Get involved in a treatment program
3. Create a porn-free environment
4. Establish twenty-four-hour support and accountability
5. Take care of your physical and emotional health
6. Start healing your sexuality
(158)

When it comes to creating a porn-free environment, the options can be summed up simply: Clear it out. Keep it out. Turn away from it. (172)

In our work with people overcoming porn problems, we have found that whether you are currently in an intimate relationship or not, an approach that is powerful enough to compete with and prevail over porn is one that has the primary goal of being intimate with a real partner. (232)

Remember, when talking about sex with your partner, there are no right or wrong questions or answers. You both will probably have different needs and desires. Your goal as a couple is to understand each other better and negotiate differences you may have without compromising your values, safety, personal comfort, or self-esteem. (238)

3.5/5

[Henry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall... Interesting.

The potential negative side effect of porn has been studied and observed. One of them being that porn usage over stimulate a male's brain, making them desensitize towards real life sex.

However - this book is saying something completely different. It's saying that porn usage actually makes people sexualize other people a lot more in real life - does the author has any proof of that? (at least I didn't find any evidence in the book). That non porn user don't sexualize females, and porn user sexualize females more?

But the main thesis of the book is that porn usage is damaging because other people would have a taboo towards any porn users. At first, I thought perhaps the book was written 60 years ago (but it turns out, it was written in 2008). In today's world, porn usage is so widely accepted, it's hard to fathom such negative side be real. In addition, porn-like graphic ranging from Kim Kardashian's Skims ads to over sexualized music videos are serving as de facto porn in any person's everyday lives. The outrage resulted from the then 15-years-old Brooke Shields' Calvin Klein commercial would be considered kosher in today's mainstream standard. As the author of another anti-porn book Pornland pointed out, that the society has became so used to real life pornographic messaging, that porn itself is resorting to extreme acts to stay relevant - in today's age, the tabboo simply doesn't exist because any one connected to civilization would be exposed to sexualized message anywhere one goes.

[Stiltzkin Vanserine · Rating 3 out of 5]

In 1989, a day before he was electrocuted, the notorious serial killer Ted Bundy was interviewed by Dr. James Dobson, during which he talked about the influence pornography had had on him. In his words:

"I’ve lived in prison a long time now. I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence just like me. And without exception, every one of them was deeply involved in pornography. Without question, without exception, deeply influenced and consumed by addiction to pornography."

Of course, Ted Bundy was a manipulator and a sociopath, so any word from him must be taken with a grain of salt; and obviously, not every person who watches porn becomes a killer. However, he does speak some truth in that porn is fraught with violence.

When a person watches too much porn, he or she becomes desensitized. The shocking, graphic images that used to repel him or her become, over a period of time, normal. When one is conditioned by porn, he cannot help but see the world through hypersexualized lens: people become sex objects, human interaction turns into a means to sexual gratification, and love and care no longer matters. He becomes a husk of a man—he loses integrity, self-respect, and spiritual fulfillment. Simply put, porn is poison for the brain.

Masturbation is the opposite of sex, porn is the opposite of love.

[Austin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Porn is everywhere. Yet no one talks about it.

I found this to be very compelling & inspiring, especially hearing all the stories from compulsive porn users throughout it. However, with this work’s original publication being pretty old, the constant mention of using pronouns like “her” in reference to a romantic/sexual partner was slightly frustrating for me as today in 2025, porn affects more than just heterosexual men. It’s become an epidemic. Hence, it didn’t make sense for the book to be so restrictive within a cultural context, straight men were the primary focus here. I did appreciate women sharing their story, but that’s what is so conflicting here: the content in this almost contradicts itself when it touches on how pornography’s effects are on women and how they can be just as addicted to it as men, yet it never dives deep enough to contextualize the impact it has on not only women, but on other people from other cultural backgrounds as well. That aside, great read. As a counselor who’s witnessed clients with this addiction, I would strongly recommend this to them.

[Sergi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este ensayo sobre el impacto de la pornografía me ha costado casi un año de leer. Y es qe es bastante duro. Estoy convencido de que todos podemos reconocernos, al menos parcialmente, en algunas de las experiencias que recoge. Los testimonios que presenta no solo describen hábitos, sino que exponen el sufrimiento, aislamiento y una erosión progresiva que a menudo pasa inadvertida.

La primera parte es eso, una recopilación de todas las formas en que el consumo de pornografía afecta a la vida emocional, física, afectiva, y psicológica de las personas; y sus consecuencias en la autoestima y la intimidad. La segunda parte adopta un enfoque más propositivo, hablando, de manera esperanzadora, de cómo contrarrestarlo.

Una pena que solo esté disponible en inglés, pero por poca influencia de la pornografía que hayas tenido en tu vida (o creas haber tenido) lo recomiendo.

Ojalá esta reseña contribuya a visibilizar el impacto real y perjudicial de un fenómeno que se banaliza y normaliza en exceso.

[Aniket Patil · Rating 3 out of 5]

Its informative book. The book describes various cases and scenarios. It highlights how pornographic content affects mental, behavioral and physical health of people. It is as harmful as other physical addictions such as smoking, drinking, drugs etc. It explains how people get addicted, it looks for patterns as well. e,g. normally boys, girls get addicted in teenage and watch such content in similar gender groups. How they kept such content hidden from others. It all affects their social life.

The book then goes on about various other reasons. It finally came to the point about how to stop such addiction via internet filter, counselling, dialogue with friends and family (by being social and open), rehab etc. I found this part okay and general . It may not be as effective as it looks. But overall author is successful in explaining how it is a trap. anyone who is curious about the topic can read this one

[Ziad Shoeib · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book tries to Shok you a lot at frist, showing you all what can porn make to you, getting to the roots of it by why it is made at frist place, then what it focuses on, and how usually people get hooked and what makes them later in an addiction level.
The book is well organized with sequential step mainly divided into two parts, realizing the problem, then healing, and it cpvers a lot of points, it tries to give you a lot of stories to realize different situations and viewpoints. In the healing part, it gives you many techniques that is by therapists, and tried to, it tries to open your vision on the full picture of the sexual life, the real one not the porn related one.

It is an informative book that helps you to understand many points that are critical at our time. one drawback sometimes there are too many stories at the same point so usually I skimmed over many of them after the frist one or two.

[Jordan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love reading books on addictions of all kinds to see how different users deal with their addictions and see how (or if) I can use any of the ways they recover can be related to helping myself through my own problems regardless of how closely tied to the books subject matter they are. This book, while interesting to hear the stories of the individuals, became quite dry and very one sided (almost vicious) towards the person recovering towards the end. This threw me for a loop, and while I could understand the anger the other person felt, the writer herself almost sounded vile towards the people recovering and gave them no mercy. I believe that all people recovering should feel like they are getting help for the right reasons and have the support of those they are vulnerable too, but perhaps that's just my own conceited world view.

[Deyth Banger · Rating 3 out of 5]

"May 3, 2019 – page 109
35.86%
May 3, 2019 – page 72
23.68% "Even more difficult to deal with!"
May 3, 2019 – page 72
23.68% "We all like to joke about pon say and tell jokes... but porn is a serious... problem... and I decided to go over it once again... to see why some habbits come back again!"
May 3, 2019 – Shelved
May 3, 2019 – Started Reading"

- How about to over the level... fuck that... and fuck you!?
...

Really get this message... it fucks you more... than to help this book... SO FUCK THAT!

[Dori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this as a close friend is going through recovery and have asked me to be his support person. From this point of view, there have been useful bits in the book that helped my understanding but it is mainly aimed at the users rather than their support circle. The reason I gave it only 3 stars though was because I thought the writing was terrible. It would have been nice also if they had considered that not all readers are religious and not all are American. The endless references to church and faith quickly become tiring for a non-believer. 

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was surprisingly sex-positive and made me see porn in a different light even though I don't personally have a problematic relationship with porn. I liked that cross-applicability many of the practical steps have with other behavioural addictions, but I felt like most of the book could be essentially summed up as "Porn is bad. Don't watch porn." Well, that's fine and dandy, but if you are reading this book, you probably already think that.

[Allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book to understand better the struggle that some people experience when it comes to pornography. In addition, this book provides an excellent synopsis of pornography and helpful methods for approaching addiction and relationship issues related to it. This book is a must-read, not only for those who experience addiction to pornography but for anyone impacted by pornography at some level.

[Joel · Rating 5 out of 5]

在恰当的时间读完合适的书，真是帮了大忙！虽然这个话题略显羞耻……但我还是要表达出来，我不管我不管！

这书好就好在作者夫妇表达观点比较实在，能感觉两口子是在和我缓慢、温和地交流，所以给出的建议容易看进去。

对于如何从成瘾状态中跳脱出来，书里给出很多建议。有几个章节的笔记都快划满了。
当然单身如我自然跳过了需要伴侣提供支持的那部分；团体互助和医师治疗的难度也挺大。所以老实说，相当一部分建议只好望洋兴叹。

比如把“坦诚”放在第一步，在脱离色情成瘾的过程中首先把自己的问题坦白给合适对象。

把黑暗中的事物暴露在阳光下，是了解它的好方法。

于是我按图索骥，向暗恋的直男和敬爱的老师袒露心声。心情轻松了很多，在戒除的路上迈出成功的一大步。

对于具体的措施，这本书是掺了很多水，没法否认。但相比以前看过的很多鸡汤读物，由于“注水”部分谦和且循循善诱的话语特别契合我现在的需求，所以看得十分专注，也在情感上收到了许多鼓舞。

对频繁自慰或者花费大量时间在色情内容上，影响了工作、生活、人际关系甚至生理机能的人不可错过。

[Aditya Pratap · Rating 3 out of 5]

For me this book exposed Internet world as it
is a container of the explicit material such as pornography video and photos for free at high rate through this book author who is professionally a sex tharepyst has given full knowledge about such topic which is not been discussed anywhere openly the author in this book has given us knowledge with the real life example of many people to whom she has checked and cured them by their councelling. And had helped the people to come from the porn trap and heal their life back to normal.

[Y T · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute must read for anyone struggling with porn. The authors are the experts in their fields and shared many real life testimonies of recovering addicts and the harm porn has brought to their lives.

What I found most helpful was the six basic action steps to get out of the cycle. Very practical, and also how to move on from there. It won’t be easy, but it will heal.

[Bill Yuan · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is an essential read for anyone curious, or struggling, or watching someone you know struggle with this insidious problem that plague the modern men and women. It is for anyone who wish to understand a loved one or themselves. It is for those who’s been ensnared, hanging on the last straw, and desperately looking for hope.

[Supinder · Rating 3 out of 5]

Effective use of anecdotes to highlight the extent of the issue. The book lies out several strategies which an addict can attempt to wean themselves off their porn addiction. The book is written in an engaging way - the anecdotes with their wide variety of stories is compelling.

[Ahmed Ali]

The book gave me a lot of advice and motivation to quitting porn, as well as lots of stories you can relate to and be inspired by.

The problem is that the book it self is quite old, so it doesn't address all of the current problem a pron addict will can face.

[Forhåpentligvis Greit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful to get to read about others struggle and how it is on the other green side of the addiction. That it can get better. Also good to see how it can affect and effect a partner and how it totally blinds the acter