Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (Hardback) - Common

by John Gray

304 pages, Hardcover

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.

John Gray is an American relationship counselor, lecturer, and author. In 1969, he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long-term best seller and formed the central theme of his subsequent books and career activities. His books have sold millions of copies.

Reviews

[Beck Loux · Rating 3 out of 5]

i honestly have no idea how this book got on my shelf. it was most likely something i picked up while thrifting as a haha for the movie clueless. i remember cher telling her friend you should read one book per week outside of school work, and this was the book she was currently reading. while this book is definitely very 90’s, has some major cringe moments (i.e the author letting the reader know numerous times what a woman may do that is a turnoff, while never using that same language in the reverse), and is obviously through the gender-binary, heteronormative, and traditional marriage lens, i found some of the information to be decently useful. i would say, by today’s societal standards, the last three chapters (11-13) were the most applicable. the author talks about writing letters to process emotions (even brings up burning ones that you’ll never send, how occult of him), healing your inner child, alludes to getting triggered due to unresolved feelings and emotions, as well as even bringing up an interesting point about how these things may resurface in a seemingly loving relationship because one or both partners may finally feel safe enough to allow these emotions to surface. he also mentioned often that much of this may be unconscious, which aligns with making the unconscious conscious and becoming self aware. most of the book is about men and women and their toxic traits they bring to a relationship when they haven’t done their inner work. i related to a lot of the issues from my previous heterosexual relationships, and i found myself rolling my eyes pretty often. some of the situations the author described revealed that some relationships are simply toxic and beyond repair. i believe that when two people are repeating how their unhealed parents loved each other within their own relationship, it is often not going to work out. if it does, it is often not very loving. if both parties are willing to do the work together, there is hope, as it seems the author did with his wife. in my experience though, typically if one person become more self aware and starts doing their inner work, their partner may not even realize until it is too late (they breakup or divorce). kudos to the couples he helped in the 90s who worked on things together, but i’m not necessarily buying it. when you date or marry someone who subconsciously reminds you of your emotionally immature parents, they typically aren’t an ideal partner, but more of a karmic lesson you needed to learn to grow as a person. perhaps since it was the 90s, it seemed more important to try to stay together and work it out since many saw their own parents power through an unbalanced and unhealthy marriage for 25+ years. i am glad i finished it because if i gave up i wouldn’t have read the last few chapters that shed some light on inner work, and what it takes to begin to heal your childhood wounds. it was an interesting perspective, but i don’t necessarily believe that men are from mars and women are from venus. i also really wish the last three chapters were first because i spent the first 75% of the book internally screaming, but other than that it wasn’t bad.