Beyond the Mirror: Reflections on Life and Death

by Henri J.M. Nouwen, Robert Durback (Foreword)

With searing honesty Henri J. M. Nouwen describes the events leading up to his near fatal accident and recalls the transformative experience at the portal of death. Beyond the Mirror helps us contact the powerful reality of unconditional love that Nouwen experienced as he touched eternity. His insight inspires us to live our lives freely with confidence and trust that we belong to God.

Genres: Spirituality, Christian, Religion, Nonfiction, Death, Christianity, Christian Living

96 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1990

About the author

Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.

Reviews

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars always, for anything Henri Nouwen writes.

[Alexsana Butt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just wish it was longer

[Matthew V Armstrong · Rating 5 out of 5]

“My main question became: "Why am I alive; why wasn't I found ready to enter into the house of God; why was I asked to return to a place where love is so ambiguous, where peace so hard to experience, and joy so deeply hidden in sorrow?" The question came to me in many ways, and I knew that I had to grow slowly into the answer.”

This is a beautiful book. I’ve been working my way through all of Nouwen’s books and this one provides insight into his continued development as a follower of Jesus and understanding of God’s deep, unconditional love for him as a son. Beyond the Mirror recounts Henri’s near death experience after being hit from behind by a mirror of a passing van. This book is quintessential Nouwen. He is open and honest about his own foibles, shortcomings, and insecurities that contributed to the accident; and he speaks powerfully about God meeting him in his broken helplessness. I find in this book the seeds that led to his most powerful book, The Return of the Prodigal Son. I highly recommend this book.

[Brennan Uhyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant, heartfelt and real. Henri Nouwen’s writing is simple but has a way of touching your heart. You can empathize the struggles that he faces while still receiving the graces from God that this world still has many redeeming qualities to love those around you. Very quick and powerful read. Highly recommended.

[Kasey Erickson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and poignant look at life and death. Doubt I took everything from it that I could- I’ll most likely reread at least once, if not more, at some point in my life.

[Dolly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen's character, as revealed in his writing, has always touched me. He is so human, like the rest of us. Not a saint, except in my definition of saint as someone who loves God and tries to be good and kind to others. In which case, aren't most of us saints? This book is the story of an accident that happened to Nouwen. While walking along an icy road he was struck by the right-side rearview mirror of a van, an accident that caused his spleen to bleed out profusely. While in the hospital emergency room awaiting surgery, his thoughts were to prepare himself for death. In his words, "My accident brought me to the portal of death and led me to a new experience of God." This is a must read for anyone who ponders death, especially their own, and life.

[Reed · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book's shortcomings are in its brevity, too much of which is devoted to the inspiration for the book instead of the thoughts Nouwen is intending to relate.

I love Nouwen's writing and would normally give unconditional praise, especially to what was so obviously a personal work for him. However, the real result of the book is the reminded that when faced with our own mortality, we must decided what we will see beyond it. And such a message might fit more appropriately as a chapter in a larger work than a work unto itself.

[priscilla · Rating 4 out of 5]

a simple & earnest & refreshingly hopeful read on life with God, life now and yet-to-come, and the subsequent vocation to love fully. i am so grateful for this priest’s heart & mind on paper. was highlighting practically every other page.



“When Jesus was baptized in the Jordan, he heard a voice from heaven, saying, ‘This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased’ (Matt. 3:17). These words revealed the true identity of Jesus as the beloved.
…
I know now that the words spoken to Jesus when he was baptized are words spoken also to me and to all who are brothers and sisters of Jesus. My tendencies toward self-rejection and self-depreciation make it hard to hear these words truly and let them descend into the center of my heart. But once I have received these words fully, I am set free from my compulsion to prove myself to the world and can live in it without belonging to it. Once I have accepted the truth that I am God's beloved child, unconditionally loved, I can be sent into the world to speak and to act as Jesus did.
…
The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free in the world--free to speak even when my words are not received; free to act even when my actions are criticized, ridiculed, or considered useless; free also to receive love from people and to be grateful for all the signs of God's presence in the world.
I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond its boundaries.”

[Eva A de Souza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful. Some quotes that stood out to me were on the pondering of why life is as it is.. "where love is so ambiguous, where peace so hard to experience, and joy so deeply hidden in sorrow" (p.62). Some quotes that stood out to me were:
"I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond its boundaries." (p.70).
"I have to live eternity while exploring the human search in time. I have to belong to God while giving myself to people." (p.71)
"Yes, I can live in God and speak to the human reality." (p.72).
On Jesus, "He was completely free precisely because he belonged not to the world but exclusively to the Father." (p.73). And likewise, I think that's how we're meant to live.

He reflects on many paradoxes that are meant to be lived out simultaneously. I find these places difficult to be in and difficult to simultaneously feel like I am able to equally grasp, believe, and internalize the reality of both. He points to the beauty of this being the reality God chose for us to live in and that God entered into as well to live with, in and through us.
Life is hard, but how infinitely worth it and meaningful it is because it is with and for Jesus.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

What makes Henri Nouwen so relevant is that even after 30 years, this book has insight on matters that are current and that intensely affect the world right now-death, pain, rejection, loneliness. But it's more than that, he writes with such, dare I say it, vulnerability. In contemporary society, that word has become trendy, but it nonetheless makes writers stick with us and to us.

Nouwen connects with the reader as if he's sitting across the table with a cup of coffee for a deep, life-changing conversation. Usually, I'm sick to death of preaching without understanding, judgment, lack of compassion from pastors, and self-righteous proselytizing, so sick that I had pretty much given up on religion and even on God. But Nouwen reveals his own pain and weakness. He's honest. And in this book, he makes me feel as if he knows my own pain, intimately. I've come to the conclusion after reading three of his books, The Prodigal Son, and this one, that he's somehow tapped into something universal, but he makes the universal feel very personal, a trait of someone who has experienced great pain but also great understanding.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The gift of Nouwen's writing is the humbled, invitational tone with which he compels you to join him on his journey, as he very much suspects it resonates with your own. Nouwen is more often than not, for me at least, right about this. I read this slim but powerful volume as part of a mini-retreat morning and found it incisive and convicting, but more than that a kindness in a year that has been chocked full with losses- the literal death of loved ones, the metaphoric but no less real death of dreams. While I do not share Nouwen's near fatal experience, I could extend his thoughts into my own moments of crisis in the past year that forced me into a new humility and grace in my words and deeds. There is an ars moriendi tone to this work which resonates with recent work I have done on early Methodist death narratives and the value in seeing all of life as a series of preparatory interruptions that remind us to 'number our days that we might seek a heart of wisdom'. A good and necessary read for our lives and our times.

[paradispetrus]

(Tror att det är denna jag läst, på svenska ”Frihetens väg”)

”Från den stunden överlämnade jag mig till Jesus och kände mig som en liten kyckling som är trygg under sin moders vingar.

Den trygghetskänslan hade samband med vissheten att ångesten var slut: ångesten över att inte kunna ta emot den kärlek som jag behövde och att inte kunna ge den kärlek som jag ville ge; ångesten som orsakats av känslor av förkastelse och övergivenhet.

Det blod jag i sådana mängder förlorade blev en bild för den ångest som hade plågat mig i så många år. Den skulle också strömma ut ur mig, och jag skulle få lära känna den kärlek som jag längtat efter av hela mitt hjärta. Jesus stod där och erbjöd mig sin Faders kärlek, en kärlek som jag mer än allt annat längtade efter att få, en kärlek som också skulle göra det möjligt för mig att ge allt.”

Jag gråter inte 😭

[Mark Jurgensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beyond the Mirror can be easily read in one sitting, but its message is profoundly disproportionate to the size of the book - the assurance that death is a homecoming where we will be welcomed and embraced by God whose love for us will never end. Thus, this would be a wonderful book for someone coming to terms with his or her mortality. As a side note, I've been reading a lot of Nouwen lately and am struck by the similarities between him and Julian of Norwich yet I can find no evidence that he was at all influenced by her.

[Joshua Sun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished reading this book in an afternoon. Once I picked it up, I didn’t put it down until I finished it. As someone went through a lot of unexpected health issues, I asked the same questions as Mr. Nouwen wondered. I was looking for answers; yet only found more questions. But this book changed my perspective on many things. There are so much to digest, but, right now, let me embrace the comfort the book offered to me…

[Albahaca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Duro relato de vida pero que te deja pensando.
Creo que lo que mas destaco es que es realista, él es consciente de que afuera del hospital va a volver a sumergirse en el mundo y es posible que no tenga ese vinculo con Dios tan intenso como lo sintio mientras se recuperaba del accidente. Pero al ser consciente también sabe que puede esforzarse para mantenerlo no igual pero si fuerte y también ayudar al otro

[Joseph J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen turns his literal brush with death on an icy road into a reflection on death and life. In hospital and facing surgery, Nouwen grapples with his own faults-angers and grudges-as he stares into the portal of everlasting life. He finds a presence which transforms his own healing and rebirth as he a bit reluctantly faces this life on earth.

[J Siew · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Don’t be afraid. You are my beloved child, on whom my favour rests.”

We see more life more clearly through death.

[John Buchanan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple, positive reflections on death - pretty much what the title says :)

[Greta · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short book about Henri's experience with near death after an accident.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

although perhaps the language and imagery is not what I connect with the reflections seem to hit at many themes that I have been thinking and feeling.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short book at just under 100 pages but impactful. I think I could re-read the recovery chapter 20 times and take something new from it. Definitely a re-read.

[Rose Rockecharlie]

Short little thing I found at the library while looking for something else. Full of some good reminders.

[Preston Grissom · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not enough to be a book. Easy, sweet reading. Thoughts many seem to have so nice that he can be so candid about it. Not a bad read for a rainy day or a vacation, but not a must read by any stretch.

[Hayden Garner · Rating 5 out of 5]

“It is a series of little deaths in which we are asked to release many forms of clinging and to move increasingly from needing others to living for them.”

[Ryan Febrian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ada hal yang menarik dari sebuah cermin. Konon, Para pendongeng memahami kekuatan cermin untuk menangkap imajinasi anak-anak, untuk menuntun mereka masuk kedalam dunia misteri. Kita memandang kedalam cermin untuk memandang apa yang ingin kita lihat, untuk menemukan siapa kita sebenarnya. Sang ratu dalam cerita Snow White meminta nasihat cerminnya untuk mencari penguatan siapa dirinya, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest on of all? (Cermin, cermin, di dinding, siapakah yang paling cantik di antara semua?)” Ketika sang ratu tidak menemukan jawaban yang ia inginkan, dalam suatu ledakan kemarahan, ia membiarkan kecantikan yang ia miliki hilang dan berganti menjadi seorang nenek sihir tua yang jahat dengan sifat-sifat yang mengerikan.
Dalam buku Beyond the Mirror ini, sang penulis ingin mengajak kita menatap dan memeriksa dimensi yang lebih dalam tentang siapakah diri kita––melihat dan menemukan diri kita yang baru, baik dalam keterlukaan kita, maupun dalam potensi yang tersembunyi––yakin akan tujuan kita yang sebenarnya. Berhadapan dengan kematian, kita harus mampu untuk memisahkan apa yang sungguh-sungguh penting mengenai hidup yang telah kita hayati––bagian kecil yang ditinggalkan oleh kita sekarang ini ketika kita menghadapi kemungkinan kematian di kemudian hari.
Secara wajar kematian adalah subjek yang secara khusus tidak kita ketahui kapan datangnya. Kita mungkin akan menghindarinya, agar kematian tidak membayangi hidup kita. Namun dalam buku Beyond the Mirror ini, Nouwen menunjukan kepada kita bagaimanapun toh kesadaran akan kematian kita akan memperkaya kita. Fakta yang sesungguhnya tentang betapa pendeknya hidup kita mengingatkan kita tentang betapa mulianya setiap momen hidup kita.
Bagi Nouwen kematian itu sendiri menjadi sebuah cermin yang menuntunya pada pertanyaan “Siapakah diri saya?” Selama hidup, kita memerlukan banyak identifikasi: Saya adalah apa yang saya lakukan. Saya adalah apa yang saya miliki. Saya seorang guru. Saya seorang artis. Saya seorang juru tulis. Saya seorang pengangguran. Sayangnya, begitu banyak orang cenderung mengatakan, “Saya bukan siapa-siapa.”
Nouwen, ketika ia terkulai sekarat dirumah sakit, mengatakan kepada dirinya sendiri: Saya seorang teolog, saya seorang psikologi, saya pernah mengajar di Yale dan Harvard, saya telah menulis banyak buku, saya telah memberi kuliah baik dalam skala nasional maupun internasional. Tetapi ini semua bukanlah pendapat yang membawanya pada kenyamanan dari apa yang ia rasakan pada akhir hidupnya. Kematian menelanjangi banyak lapisan-lapisan luar dari idetitas yang kita kenakan. Dan dari banyak identitas itu yang bisa membuat Nouwen tenang dan nyaman ketika ia sedang dihadapkan antar hidup dan mati? Apakah pengertian diri akhirnya memenangkan semua kartu lain dalam hidupnya? Ketika ia memandang dengan tajam kedalam cermin hidupnya untuk mencari jawaban definitif mengenai siapakah dirinya, ia mendengar kata-kata ini secara langsung, “Inilah Anak yang Kukasihi, kepada-Nyalah Aku berkenan” (Mat 3:17). Nouwen mendengar kata-kata itu tidak hanya berbicara kepada Yesus sendiri, tetapi kepada dirinya dan semua orang yang diwakili dalam Yesus.
Ia menyimpulkan, “Kecendrungan saya untuk menolak diri dan tidak menghargai diri membuat saya sulit untuk sungguh-sungguh mendengar kata-kata itu dan membiarkannya turun dan masuk kedalam pusat hati saya. Tetapi ketika saya menerima kata-kata ini secara penuh, saya dibebaskan dari nafsu untuk membuktikan kehebatan diri saya kepada dunia dan dapat hidup didalamnya tanpa menjadi miliknya. Sekali saya menerima kebenaran bahwa saya adalah anak Allah yang terkasih, yang dicintai tanpa syarat, saya diutus kedunia untuk berbicara dan berkarya seperti yang dulu dilakukan oleh Yesus, saya yakin bahwa saya akan mampu benar-benar mencintai dunia kalau saya percaya sepenuhnya bahwa saya dicintai dengan cinta yang melampaui batasan-batasan dunia.

[Nathan Hobby · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very short book - you could probably read it in an hour. Nouwen tells simply the story of how he got knocked over by a car one morning and nearly died. He reflects on what it felt to be near death and the comforting presence of Christ he felt. There are several worthwhile insights he shares from his experience, but less than I hoped for from such a spiritual giant as he. He published this in 1990 and died for real in 1996.

[Lee Pfahler · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit thin on length(70 pages)and depth into his thoughts on surviving from an accident which nearly killed him, yet profound nonetheless by his assertion that he felt more freedom and at peace while in the hospital due to coming to the realization more than ever before in his busy life that he is unconditionally loved by God which means he can now "be sent into the world to speak and to act as Jesus did." (58)

[Massanutten Regional Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

Daniel, Central patron, June 2016, 4 stars:

In this personal account of a near-death experience, Nouwen shares his thoughts and emotions in his typical vulnerable way. The narrative takes an unexpected twist halfway through after Nouwen survives an intense surgery -- the twist is not so much an external one as an internal one that might confuse readers as it must have done Nouwen's friends who read it. But in the midst of that confusion is a rare and valuable insight.

[Joel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen is an amazing guy. He talks at length about his accident, where he is hit by a car on a simple walk to work. In this moment of apparent suffering, Nouwen feels an invasion of peace. There are interesting ideas on "dying to oneself", seeking fulfillment in Christ, and thoughouts on how others react to death.

[Val · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Nouwen's compelling work, and this is his short autobiographical account of evens surrounding an auto accident that should have killed him and his reflections (as ever profound) on what it is to live life redeemed beyond death. it is an examination and reflecction on "to live is Christ, to die is gain."