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Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence
Andersen's insights into Christian response to domestic violence will benefit those experiencing abuse as well as those they are most likely to turn to for help. This book provides clear scriptural direction, straight answers, and some tough challenges from one who has been there but is there no longer.
- GenresReligion
Paperback
First published May 15, 2007
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26 people want to read
About the author
Jocelyn Andersen
10 books35 followersJocelyn Andersen writes and speaks on a variety of topics including Bible Prophecy, God and Women, and Christian response to domestic violence. Her work has been featured in magazines, newspapers, radio, and television.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
November 2, 2009
Although I don't agree completely with Andersen's theology, her message is valuable and important. Christians must understand domestic violence to put a stop to it. Some churches and some Christians exacerbate the problem because they don't realize the abuse is a violation of the marriage vows and cannot be justified or excused by distortion of Scripture.
March 2, 2011
Woman Submit / 978-0-9794293-0-9
My first marriage, at a young age and in a tightly knit Christian community, was marked by physical abuse. Many years later, I was intrigued by the premise of this book - that Christian women are especially prone to stay in abusive relationships due to the pervasive doctrines within their communities: that marriage is eternal (and divorce and remarriage are sinful) regardless of abusive circumstances, that women *want* to be abused in order to get a 'get out of marriage free' card (yes, I'd read that James Dobson quote during my marriage, and found it painful and unhelpful in the extreme), and that abuse is just something that you have to leave to God to fix. I was interested to see how another woman in a similar circumstance had coped with these issues, and what she had to say to the community around her.
Despite my high expectations for this slim volume, I cannot personally recommend this book, as it is written from such a widely different perspective from my own that I actually found it quite infuriating. Andersen begins her book with her own personal testimony of abuse, highlighting a point in her life when her husband beat her near unto death, and denied her medical care for fear of being arrested. The only way Andersen could convince him to leave her alone in the house with a phone was to swear "a vow before God" that she would not call the police (and, apparently by extension, the hospital). In her own words:
"Then he left again. But now I had another problem. I had just made a vow before God that I would not call the police. I stared at the phone and mentally worked through my options - breaking my vow was not one of them...I was confident that God was leading. John returned after being gone only a short while and made a point of looking to see if the phone had been moved. It had not. I had returned it exactly as he left it."
Luckily, John finally leaves again, and Andersen manages to get her pastor's cell phone - the pastor is in the neighborhood and takes her to the hospital, nicely circumventing Andersen's 'vow problem'. Later in the chapter, Andersen will marvel at people who pity her for being 'stupid', and doesn't seem to put together that at least *some* of those people are actually pitying her for thinking her god cares more about a completely invalid vow made under duress to an abuser rather than her own personal, physical safety. I'm sure Andersen feels that God protected her because of her fidelity, but how many other women have made the same choice only to die needlessly when their husbands return in a rage or their internal injuries take their toll? (Andersen insists that her own internal injuries were miraculously healed by God because she was obedient to her vow.)
Throughout the book, Andersen keeps up the heavy-handed approach of insisting that her view of religion is the correct one, and that anyone with a different viewpoint is simply wrong. She sneers at research done on Battered Woman Syndrome (BWS) and while I take her point that the diagnosis has been misused and should be handled with more care, I cannot bear such sanctimonious passages as "And although it may come as a complete surprise, psychologists are NOT the experts on the human condition - Jesus Christ our creator is." I really cannot bear that attitude - she can't believe that her god may have made us with the knowledge and insight to understand our own minds and thought processes. Simply, she disagrees with those godless psychologists out there and god is on HER side, of course, so they *must* be wrong, Q.E.D.
(My own beliefs: Although it may come as a complete surprise, mathematicians are NOT the experts on the physical laws of our universe - the great lord Cthulhu is. Take that, math profs of my yesteryears.)
As a woman who has experienced both an abusive marriage and the oppressive 'submission' advice of a well-meaning, but fundamentally disconnected Christian community, I think there is some good advice in Andersen's testimony. She urges readers not to succumb to victim-blaming and to remain open and helpful to women in abusive relationships rather than to write them off as perpetual victims. Outside of the immediate counseling, however, Andersen's book falters and fails - I have no interest in a book that discounts psychology completely in the search for answers and instead devotes literally *pages* to "Adam and Eve" (here treated as real, historical figures) and why their personal family troubles are to blame for domestic violence in this day and age. To me, personally, that makes as much sense as trying to blame marital problems on Thor and Sif.
~ Ana Mardoll
My first marriage, at a young age and in a tightly knit Christian community, was marked by physical abuse. Many years later, I was intrigued by the premise of this book - that Christian women are especially prone to stay in abusive relationships due to the pervasive doctrines within their communities: that marriage is eternal (and divorce and remarriage are sinful) regardless of abusive circumstances, that women *want* to be abused in order to get a 'get out of marriage free' card (yes, I'd read that James Dobson quote during my marriage, and found it painful and unhelpful in the extreme), and that abuse is just something that you have to leave to God to fix. I was interested to see how another woman in a similar circumstance had coped with these issues, and what she had to say to the community around her.
Despite my high expectations for this slim volume, I cannot personally recommend this book, as it is written from such a widely different perspective from my own that I actually found it quite infuriating. Andersen begins her book with her own personal testimony of abuse, highlighting a point in her life when her husband beat her near unto death, and denied her medical care for fear of being arrested. The only way Andersen could convince him to leave her alone in the house with a phone was to swear "a vow before God" that she would not call the police (and, apparently by extension, the hospital). In her own words:
"Then he left again. But now I had another problem. I had just made a vow before God that I would not call the police. I stared at the phone and mentally worked through my options - breaking my vow was not one of them...I was confident that God was leading. John returned after being gone only a short while and made a point of looking to see if the phone had been moved. It had not. I had returned it exactly as he left it."
Luckily, John finally leaves again, and Andersen manages to get her pastor's cell phone - the pastor is in the neighborhood and takes her to the hospital, nicely circumventing Andersen's 'vow problem'. Later in the chapter, Andersen will marvel at people who pity her for being 'stupid', and doesn't seem to put together that at least *some* of those people are actually pitying her for thinking her god cares more about a completely invalid vow made under duress to an abuser rather than her own personal, physical safety. I'm sure Andersen feels that God protected her because of her fidelity, but how many other women have made the same choice only to die needlessly when their husbands return in a rage or their internal injuries take their toll? (Andersen insists that her own internal injuries were miraculously healed by God because she was obedient to her vow.)
Throughout the book, Andersen keeps up the heavy-handed approach of insisting that her view of religion is the correct one, and that anyone with a different viewpoint is simply wrong. She sneers at research done on Battered Woman Syndrome (BWS) and while I take her point that the diagnosis has been misused and should be handled with more care, I cannot bear such sanctimonious passages as "And although it may come as a complete surprise, psychologists are NOT the experts on the human condition - Jesus Christ our creator is." I really cannot bear that attitude - she can't believe that her god may have made us with the knowledge and insight to understand our own minds and thought processes. Simply, she disagrees with those godless psychologists out there and god is on HER side, of course, so they *must* be wrong, Q.E.D.
(My own beliefs: Although it may come as a complete surprise, mathematicians are NOT the experts on the physical laws of our universe - the great lord Cthulhu is. Take that, math profs of my yesteryears.)
As a woman who has experienced both an abusive marriage and the oppressive 'submission' advice of a well-meaning, but fundamentally disconnected Christian community, I think there is some good advice in Andersen's testimony. She urges readers not to succumb to victim-blaming and to remain open and helpful to women in abusive relationships rather than to write them off as perpetual victims. Outside of the immediate counseling, however, Andersen's book falters and fails - I have no interest in a book that discounts psychology completely in the search for answers and instead devotes literally *pages* to "Adam and Eve" (here treated as real, historical figures) and why their personal family troubles are to blame for domestic violence in this day and age. To me, personally, that makes as much sense as trying to blame marital problems on Thor and Sif.
~ Ana Mardoll
July 18, 2018
If you are a victim of domestic violence or in a position to offer counsel to someone who is, this book is a must read. This first chapter is so compelling, it hooked me. I am not a victim, nor do I know anyone that is, but as a friend, ministry leader, or an acquaintance, my path might one day cross with someone who is in the throes of home violence. I pray that my words would be encouraging and wise; that they would be led by the Spirit and consistent with scripture. Reading this book has removed my “rose colored glasses” and opened my eyes to a dangerous error being made today in Christian circles.
The author writes from first-hand experience as a victim of domestic violence, after careful self-examination, exhaustive research, and all under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Her target audience is Christians dealing with domestic violence, and with that said, much of it also pertains to victims in general, and primarily to battered women by their spouses or male partners. The author effectively provides valid arguments for viewpoints usually overlooked by Christian leaders attempting to counsel women in abusive relationships.
I don’t want to give away her insights that readers will find so fascinating as they read, and yet I want to convey the excellence of the book in content, form, and style. The book dynamically addresses the roles friends and family often take and presents insights into the psyche of victims.
The writing is excellent! I found it hard to put down. Andersen makes notable statements like, “And although to some it may come as a complete surprise, psychologists are NOT the experts on the human condition – Jesus Christ our creator is” and “Stay and pray – only serves to enable the abuser to comfortably continue his sinful and illegal behavior while keeping his victim in harm’s way.” Andersen declares the power of Proverbs 3:5-6 and the need for all involved in such cases to wholly rely on it.
I heard voices! Those of past ministers and well-known Christian Leaders. I also, recognized the strength of the author, her intention, determination, and faith. I highly recommend this book for EVERYONE.
The author writes from first-hand experience as a victim of domestic violence, after careful self-examination, exhaustive research, and all under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Her target audience is Christians dealing with domestic violence, and with that said, much of it also pertains to victims in general, and primarily to battered women by their spouses or male partners. The author effectively provides valid arguments for viewpoints usually overlooked by Christian leaders attempting to counsel women in abusive relationships.
I don’t want to give away her insights that readers will find so fascinating as they read, and yet I want to convey the excellence of the book in content, form, and style. The book dynamically addresses the roles friends and family often take and presents insights into the psyche of victims.
The writing is excellent! I found it hard to put down. Andersen makes notable statements like, “And although to some it may come as a complete surprise, psychologists are NOT the experts on the human condition – Jesus Christ our creator is” and “Stay and pray – only serves to enable the abuser to comfortably continue his sinful and illegal behavior while keeping his victim in harm’s way.” Andersen declares the power of Proverbs 3:5-6 and the need for all involved in such cases to wholly rely on it.
I heard voices! Those of past ministers and well-known Christian Leaders. I also, recognized the strength of the author, her intention, determination, and faith. I highly recommend this book for EVERYONE.
July 1, 2023
AN EVANGELICAL WOMAN LOOKS FRANKLY AT THIS DIFFICULT ISSUE
Author Jocelyn Andersen wrote in the ‘From the Author’ section of this 2007 book, “Although there are different scenarios within the arena of spousal abuse and domestic violence this book presents just one---primarily my own personal experience, observations, and insights which I have found… to be quite typical… It is not my intention to try and duplicate or replace other good works dealing with the subject of domestic violence, but rather to complement them… Although this book is written primarily as a resource for battered women (97-99% of battered spouses are women), most of the insights and advice given to battered/abused wives in this book can be applied to husbands as well, should the situation be reversed.”
She states in the Introduction, “Fear, desperation, pain, humiliation, and confusion are constant companions to all women who experience abuse of any sort at the hands of their husbands. But the evangelical Christian woman finds herself faced with the unique burden of also needing to know the specific will of God concerning her situation. I call this a unique ‘burden,’ because assimilating all the conflicting information she receives from books, well-intentioned Christian friends, family members and spiritual leaders can leave her head spinning… in precisely the wrong direction. To make matters worse, the counsel she receives often ranges from disappointing at best to life-threatening at worst. The practice of hiding, ignoring and even perpetuating the emotional and physical abuse of women is still rampant within evangelical Christian fellowships… as many evangelicals view recommending separation or divorce as unscriptural, but then view the battered/abused woman with contempt for staying in the situation and tolerating the abuse…
“The Christian woman whose… life is endangered by domestic violence needs straight answers… In this book she will get straight answers, clear scriptural direction and some tough challenges from one who has been there, but is there no longer. Ministers, friends and family of the abused will find the book informative, useful and challenging as well… As both a minister and a woman who has experienced abuse, I feel I can contribute a unique, personal perspective to the small but growing data base of books concerned with the issue of domestic violence.” (Pg. 14-15)
She recounts, “My pastors and I had made the difficult decision not to hide the abuse from our church family any longer. As a member of the Praise Team, I was accustomed to standing before the congregation, but this particular evening the bruises on my face made the public appearance a bit more difficult. Due to the unusual absence of my husband, the person responsible for the bruise and an associate pastor of our church, it was imperative that the issue be dealt with as quickly, delicately, and honestly as possible. He was evading arrest. This was the second time in six months he had tried to kill me…” (Pg. 21)
She is highly critical of Dr. James Dobson: “In a 1984 broadcast… Dr. James Dobson told his listening audience that he had seen situations where the wife wanted to be beaten up… He said she did this… to give herself a moral exit from the marriage, because the Bible says marriage is forever… In ‘Love Must Be Tough,’ Dobson revealed his profound lack of concern for, as well as lack of insights into, the issue of domestic violence…. Dobson not only does nothing in this book to help the plight of battered women, but actually makes things worse for them by propagating and reinforcing age-old prejudices such as the myth about women who… enjoy being beaten and ‘bait’ their husbands until they give them what they want… Dobson’s analysis … has been read by evangelicals for over 20 years ow and had no doubt adversely affected both their perceptions and their treatment of battered women---leaving many women without the unbiased support they desperately need from their spiritual leadership.” (Pg. 54-56)
Later, she adds, “Dobson is not the only prominent evangelical who takes wife-beating so lightly… John MacArthur Jr. … said divorce is not an option to a battered wife, because the Bible doesn’t permit it… He warned wives to be very careful that they were not PROVOKING the abusive situation. Because, he said that was very often the problem… Dobson and MacArthur seem to be on the same page when it comes to wife beating. How carelessly these two men… deal with the LIVES of women. Christian wives appear to be simply expendable in the name of good solid, patriarchal, male supremacist theology.” (Pg. 74-75)
She states, “Battered wives cannot afford to focus on the unscriptural goal of changing their husband’s behavior. The price can be too high. Too many women have been strung along, indefinitely, with … false hope dangling before their eyes and have ended up paying for this hope with the ruination of their entire lives. Too many women have LOST their lives…. It’s not worth it---and God does NOT require it.” (Pg. 86)
She proposes, “Is your marriage or relationship nothing more than a series of temporary fixes? Are you living… with nothing but abuse (or physical violence), heartache, longing, and loneliness in between? If this is the case, then it’s time to go into rehab---JESUS’ rehab… How does Jesus rehab work? First realize that only one person can help you. That person is Jesus… Second, be willing to go through the withdrawal…. The pain, loneliness, and uncertainty become almost unbearable… Refuse to be comforted by the counterfeit… Lean instead on Jesus… he can, AND WILL, make it better. The pain MUST be experienced---fully---and without anesthesia… You will emerge on the other side a … stronger person… and person who understands the faithfulness and the power of your God.” (Pg. 95-97)
She clarifies, “I am not advocating divorce as an across-the-board solution for all marriages with these types of problems. I am saying that … the possibility of divorce or permanent separation must become a viable option to the abused or battered wife. The possibility of divorce or permanent separation must cease to become the unthinkable… We cannot be threatened by things we do not fear.” (Pg. 106)
She acknowledges, “I do not usually recommend thar Christians seek counseling from non-Christian counselors, but in this case, if a qualified Christian counselor cannot be found, I make an exception. The reason for this is, we are dealing with physical violence---assault. Women can and do DIE from being assaulted by their husband… Even if the batterer is a professing Christian, he is … rebelling against God by living a lifestyle contrary to biblical teachings. He is breaking the law… If there is no qualified Christian counselor available and a non-Christian counselor has demonstrated an ability to help abusers… change their behavior…. I say go for it.” (Pg. 133)
This book will be “must reading” for any Christians studying this topic.
Author Jocelyn Andersen wrote in the ‘From the Author’ section of this 2007 book, “Although there are different scenarios within the arena of spousal abuse and domestic violence this book presents just one---primarily my own personal experience, observations, and insights which I have found… to be quite typical… It is not my intention to try and duplicate or replace other good works dealing with the subject of domestic violence, but rather to complement them… Although this book is written primarily as a resource for battered women (97-99% of battered spouses are women), most of the insights and advice given to battered/abused wives in this book can be applied to husbands as well, should the situation be reversed.”
She states in the Introduction, “Fear, desperation, pain, humiliation, and confusion are constant companions to all women who experience abuse of any sort at the hands of their husbands. But the evangelical Christian woman finds herself faced with the unique burden of also needing to know the specific will of God concerning her situation. I call this a unique ‘burden,’ because assimilating all the conflicting information she receives from books, well-intentioned Christian friends, family members and spiritual leaders can leave her head spinning… in precisely the wrong direction. To make matters worse, the counsel she receives often ranges from disappointing at best to life-threatening at worst. The practice of hiding, ignoring and even perpetuating the emotional and physical abuse of women is still rampant within evangelical Christian fellowships… as many evangelicals view recommending separation or divorce as unscriptural, but then view the battered/abused woman with contempt for staying in the situation and tolerating the abuse…
“The Christian woman whose… life is endangered by domestic violence needs straight answers… In this book she will get straight answers, clear scriptural direction and some tough challenges from one who has been there, but is there no longer. Ministers, friends and family of the abused will find the book informative, useful and challenging as well… As both a minister and a woman who has experienced abuse, I feel I can contribute a unique, personal perspective to the small but growing data base of books concerned with the issue of domestic violence.” (Pg. 14-15)
She recounts, “My pastors and I had made the difficult decision not to hide the abuse from our church family any longer. As a member of the Praise Team, I was accustomed to standing before the congregation, but this particular evening the bruises on my face made the public appearance a bit more difficult. Due to the unusual absence of my husband, the person responsible for the bruise and an associate pastor of our church, it was imperative that the issue be dealt with as quickly, delicately, and honestly as possible. He was evading arrest. This was the second time in six months he had tried to kill me…” (Pg. 21)
She is highly critical of Dr. James Dobson: “In a 1984 broadcast… Dr. James Dobson told his listening audience that he had seen situations where the wife wanted to be beaten up… He said she did this… to give herself a moral exit from the marriage, because the Bible says marriage is forever… In ‘Love Must Be Tough,’ Dobson revealed his profound lack of concern for, as well as lack of insights into, the issue of domestic violence…. Dobson not only does nothing in this book to help the plight of battered women, but actually makes things worse for them by propagating and reinforcing age-old prejudices such as the myth about women who… enjoy being beaten and ‘bait’ their husbands until they give them what they want… Dobson’s analysis … has been read by evangelicals for over 20 years ow and had no doubt adversely affected both their perceptions and their treatment of battered women---leaving many women without the unbiased support they desperately need from their spiritual leadership.” (Pg. 54-56)
Later, she adds, “Dobson is not the only prominent evangelical who takes wife-beating so lightly… John MacArthur Jr. … said divorce is not an option to a battered wife, because the Bible doesn’t permit it… He warned wives to be very careful that they were not PROVOKING the abusive situation. Because, he said that was very often the problem… Dobson and MacArthur seem to be on the same page when it comes to wife beating. How carelessly these two men… deal with the LIVES of women. Christian wives appear to be simply expendable in the name of good solid, patriarchal, male supremacist theology.” (Pg. 74-75)
She states, “Battered wives cannot afford to focus on the unscriptural goal of changing their husband’s behavior. The price can be too high. Too many women have been strung along, indefinitely, with … false hope dangling before their eyes and have ended up paying for this hope with the ruination of their entire lives. Too many women have LOST their lives…. It’s not worth it---and God does NOT require it.” (Pg. 86)
She proposes, “Is your marriage or relationship nothing more than a series of temporary fixes? Are you living… with nothing but abuse (or physical violence), heartache, longing, and loneliness in between? If this is the case, then it’s time to go into rehab---JESUS’ rehab… How does Jesus rehab work? First realize that only one person can help you. That person is Jesus… Second, be willing to go through the withdrawal…. The pain, loneliness, and uncertainty become almost unbearable… Refuse to be comforted by the counterfeit… Lean instead on Jesus… he can, AND WILL, make it better. The pain MUST be experienced---fully---and without anesthesia… You will emerge on the other side a … stronger person… and person who understands the faithfulness and the power of your God.” (Pg. 95-97)
She clarifies, “I am not advocating divorce as an across-the-board solution for all marriages with these types of problems. I am saying that … the possibility of divorce or permanent separation must become a viable option to the abused or battered wife. The possibility of divorce or permanent separation must cease to become the unthinkable… We cannot be threatened by things we do not fear.” (Pg. 106)
She acknowledges, “I do not usually recommend thar Christians seek counseling from non-Christian counselors, but in this case, if a qualified Christian counselor cannot be found, I make an exception. The reason for this is, we are dealing with physical violence---assault. Women can and do DIE from being assaulted by their husband… Even if the batterer is a professing Christian, he is … rebelling against God by living a lifestyle contrary to biblical teachings. He is breaking the law… If there is no qualified Christian counselor available and a non-Christian counselor has demonstrated an ability to help abusers… change their behavior…. I say go for it.” (Pg. 133)
This book will be “must reading” for any Christians studying this topic.
January 31, 2023
Reviewed in the United States on January 28, 2023
I just finished reading Jocelyn Anderson's book, "Woman Submit." this is a book that every abused woman and every person trying to help an abused person, should read it. Pastors and counselors especially should read it. The book is an excellent resource. I wish I had had it when I went through many years of abuse and like Jocelyn I had no idea what to do or where to turn. Like her, I found that people failed me far more than helped me. After being punched in the face by my husband my own father said "well you probably deserved it!" ( I had done NOTHING to annoy him, and NOBODY ever deserves to be abused). My ex-husband would get mad about things that happened at work and would then take it out on me. This book should be put not only into the hands of those being abused but should also be an almost mandatory read for someone who is trying to help an abused person. I had several pastors tell me it was my Godly duty to stay. That nearly cost me my life. I firmly believe in serving God with all my heart and I always want my life to be a testimony but I do not believe God wants women to be abused and beaten. I believe God will give definite direction and provide what is needed if we trust Him. I love that Jocelyn uses Proverbs 3:6 "In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make straight your paths." THAT verse has been my main answer to everything. When we seek God HE will show us exactly what to do. Therefore we will not be stepping outside His will. He will open and shut the right doors at the right time. I know this because He did it for me. Well-meaning people do not understand that most of the time the abused person has nowhere to go that is safe. Shelters are temporary. This book points out the many difficulties an abused woman faces. It also describes the many negative comments she receives from other well-meaning people. I believe it is very likely by getting this book into the hands of abused women and those who are trying to help them, lives may be saved.
I just finished reading Jocelyn Anderson's book, "Woman Submit." this is a book that every abused woman and every person trying to help an abused person, should read it. Pastors and counselors especially should read it. The book is an excellent resource. I wish I had had it when I went through many years of abuse and like Jocelyn I had no idea what to do or where to turn. Like her, I found that people failed me far more than helped me. After being punched in the face by my husband my own father said "well you probably deserved it!" ( I had done NOTHING to annoy him, and NOBODY ever deserves to be abused). My ex-husband would get mad about things that happened at work and would then take it out on me. This book should be put not only into the hands of those being abused but should also be an almost mandatory read for someone who is trying to help an abused person. I had several pastors tell me it was my Godly duty to stay. That nearly cost me my life. I firmly believe in serving God with all my heart and I always want my life to be a testimony but I do not believe God wants women to be abused and beaten. I believe God will give definite direction and provide what is needed if we trust Him. I love that Jocelyn uses Proverbs 3:6 "In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make straight your paths." THAT verse has been my main answer to everything. When we seek God HE will show us exactly what to do. Therefore we will not be stepping outside His will. He will open and shut the right doors at the right time. I know this because He did it for me. Well-meaning people do not understand that most of the time the abused person has nowhere to go that is safe. Shelters are temporary. This book points out the many difficulties an abused woman faces. It also describes the many negative comments she receives from other well-meaning people. I believe it is very likely by getting this book into the hands of abused women and those who are trying to help them, lives may be saved.
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