Protecting Paul

Shafter Falls #1

by Joy Danvers

A Sexy Ex-Military Deputy Sheriff Wants to Protect Me But Is He a Danger to My Heart?

Sam was a walking wet dream in high school and he's only gotten better with age. I had the biggest crush on him, and he was my first (and best) kiss. Too bad he lives in Shafter Falls.

No one from that town tried to help when I was getting beat up for being myself, and I'm not expecting anything good now that I have to go back and settle my dad's estate. Right away I have to deal with my hateful, violent uncle. Guess this town hasn't changed.

But Sam is out of the military now and he's a deputy sheriff who keeps asking to protect me. I can't stop thinking about how good that would feel. Can I let him help without getting my heart broken?

Protecting Paul is an M/M stand alone romance with lots of heat and an HEA.

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Contemporary, Second Chance, LGBT, Westerns

181 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 10, 2023

Reviews

[Carol (§CoverLoverGirl§) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sam Conroy is a man with a heart of gold. Apart from being the local Deputy Sheriff, he helps out on the ranch that his Dad and his husband Mark runs for Rescued Horses. Mark is Sam best friend from when he was in the Military, but when he was discharged with a disability, Sam took him to the family ranch to recuperate. That’s when Sam’s Dad fell in love with Mark and married him later on.

Much of Sam’s work load is dealing with domestic abuse cases and with his emphatic nature he is very good at this aspect of his job. From early school years until his mid teens he always regretted not being able enough to help and protect his best friend Paul Boyd. He cleaned him up, patched him up, and fed him, whenever Paul managed to escape from his physically abusive and homophobic excuse for a father. Until it was all to much for Paul and he disappeared without a word of Goodbye to broken hearted Sam.

Ten years later, Paul Boyd walks into the Sheriff’s office in Shafter Falls, seeking help to evict a squatter from the home he has come back to prepare to sell after the death of his father. The fact that the squatter is his uncle who is just as bad as his brother was to Paul, leads to a mass of problems for Paul. That’s why he needed the Sheriff but came face to face with his old very best friend, Sam Conroy.

Sam has never forgotten his first love, his first everything with Paul Boyd and he of course is willing to do everything to help him out. Even it it means helping him to leave Shafter Falls as soon as possible.

Sam is such an adorable man and a great friend to Paul, they were so meant to be together. If only Paul could learn to trust his old protective friend and see the good in Shafter Falls now that his father is no longer around. He is in a hurry to get back to his good life in Denver Colorado away from all the hateful memories the town holds for him including the people who did nothing to help him. He’s even prepared to leave Sam again without saying Goodbye for the second time.

So many disasters, including sabotage, severe beatings, kidnapping and being left for dead keep this story from just being another second chance MM romance. The action and indeed the steamy episodes kept me flipping through every page of great storytelling from Joy Danvers.

I would certainly read more of her books in this genre and would recommend this one as an gripping story which I enjoyed, despite the gruesome parental abuse.

TW. There were incidents that were harrowing to read about, extreme parental physical abuse, homophobia from family members and homophobic slurs etc. as well as very violent behaviour. So be wary and warned if any of that is triggering for you.

This is the first book I’ve ever received as an ARC from this or any other author in return for my unbiased review.

[Marthea · Rating 1 out of 5]

Spokojnie można przeczytać sam blurb, zamiast całej książki - będzie się miało niemalże cała historię podaną jak na tacy, bez bolesnej konieczności przebijania się przez cały tekst...

Dramatycznie tandetna i kiczowata historia. Bohaterowie nijacy i ograni okropnie, nie da się ich polubić ani na jotę. Sam traktuje Paula jak księżniczkę, gdy w rzeczywistości to jest tak naprawdę taka klasyczna dupa wołowa, która na przemian albo przeprasza, albo dziękuje i która non stop potrzebuje ratunku. A wątek z homofobicznym, przemocowym, durnym jak but wujkiem-alkoholikiem Paula - szkoda gadać. Porwanie Paula? Mam na to tylko jedną odpowiedź: 🤦‍♀️😂🤦‍♀️

Nie odpowiada mi styl autorki, ani konstruowanie historii i bohaterów. Więcej emocji pewnie by wzbudziło we mnie przeczytanie książki telefonicznej, bo mogłabym się chociażby zdziwić np. podczas liczenia Kowalskich czy Nowaków, ilu ich jest w danym mieście. I jako, że wygląda na to, że zdecydowanie nam z autorką nie jest po drodze w kwestii, co jest dobrą książką, to na tym tomie poprzestanę...

[Ed Davis · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think the fact that it took me 6 days to read a book less than 200 pages says a lot. I really enjoyed the first two books I read by Joy Danvers. In fact, after reading Hearing Hank and Waiting Wyatt I bought several more of her books to read.

Protecting Paul was the first of these that I read and, it just didn’t live up to the other books for me. I didn’t care much for Paul. He just stood there and let his father and uncle beat on him. He may not be very big ,but they were old men. He could have picked up something and fought back. I really didn’t get to know either one of these characters. It seemed if Paul wasn’t constantly running away (which is totally boring) they’re giving each other blow jobs or handjobs. Anyway, I’ll give this series a rest and look for something else.

[Tina J · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, I was on the fence with this story. I did not love it but I did not hate it either.
It's almost easy to pick out that the author is new to the published world. If she would have spent as much time researching laws, crime, and building a case as she had Sam and Paul on their knees for one another giving "head" or handjobs, I think it would have elevated the plot (which has a good concept) and provided another layer of depth this short novel really could have benefitted from.
The writing was a little stiff in places and simplistic in others. Another round of proofreading would have caught several wording and typo errors: Through minus an "h" became trough, a few spots read like my voice-to-text app (it doesn't understand half of what I'm trying to say sometimes).

Solid HEA for Sam and Paul but it would have been nice to conclude with some sort of closure regarding Lee and Denver.

Warnings include but may not be limited to: Homophobia, off-page child abuse, off-page spousal abuse, on-page scenes of physical and verbal abuse and violence, abduction of a main character

[DLB2572 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Second Chance Romance

This is a very good second chance romance story. There is quite a bit going on in this besides the romance between Sam & Paul. Those things only add to the story to make it even more interesting and intriguing.

I received an ARC and this is my unbiased opinion

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sam & Paul Second Chance Romance

Rating: 4.2⭐

I just want to hug Paul and never let anyone hurt him again. Trigger warnings: verbal and physical abuse described throughout the book. Paul left his hometown as a teenager, dropping out of highschool and running away to another state to get away from his abusive father. It's been nine years and he is returning home for the first time to take over his dad's estate since his passing. The emotional state he's in just crossing the border into his hometown broke my heart! He gets home only to have to deal with his equally hateful uncle.

Sam is the most loveable human being there is. I loved him in the prequel "Waking Wyatt" where his best friend ended up with his dad. Sam has always looked out for and taken care of those he loves, which has always included Paul. When they were teenagers they didn't define their relationship but they definitely acted like boyfriends. Ever since Paul left town Sam has felt an immense sense of guilt for not doing enough to help him. He ends up devoting his life to help others in the way he couldn't as a teenager. The beautiful man will protect Paul with his last breath if necessary! He's super sweet just like his dad Wyatt, cooking for his lover, treating them like the most precious gift and being a full emotional support system.

This story is a rollercoaster in comparison to the story about Wyatt and Mark. Every time Paul's uncle showed up I had to hold my breath because he was so horrible. His uncle is a character that you definitely want to throat punch several times!

Now, there are some spelling and grammar issues throughout so brace yourself if that bothers you. It threw me for a loop a few times.


Verse: No
HEA: Yes

[Sasha Fountain · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

Content Warnings: Physical & Verbal Abuse, Homophobia

Paul left his hometown as a teenager, dropping out of high school and escaping to Denver to get away from his abusive father. Now he is returning after 9 years to take over his dad's estate since his death. The portrayal of his emotional state while crossing the border into Shafter Falls is heartbreaking. He must deal with his hateful and bigoted uncle when he gets home.

Sam is a loveable being who is always looking to help others, so he becomes a cop. I loved meeting Sam in the prequel Waking Wyatt, where his dad falls in love with his best friend. Sam has always cared for the people he loves, including Paul, his childhood sweetheart. We learn that Sam is drawn to domestic abuse cases because of his connection with Paul because he feels like he could not save him from his father when they were younger. Since Paul left town, Sam has carried the guilt over not doing enough to help him.

Sam swears to himself that he will protect him now that Paul is back in his life. Sam is considerate and caring like his father, Wyatt, and he emotionally supports Paul throughout the book. This story is full of challenges because they have to deal with the abuse and havoc that Paul's uncle brings. Paul's uncle was an absolutely vile person who consistently terrorized Paul throughout the book.

Ultimately, Paul and Sam got their HEA, which was well deserved.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Tom · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF

[Denise H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sam and Paul knew each other when young in school... Shafter Falls. Now they are in their 20s, when Sam is a Deputy Marshall and Paul has come back to settle his Dad's wishes in the will.

Sam, ex-military, he's strong

and muscled, solid and protective, as Deputy Sheriff. He has two Dads, who have a ranch, a horses rescue, too.
Paul, brown hair dyed teal,

tattooed arms, slim and has stubble, with fairy features. hazel eyes and dimples. He must contend with his Dad's horrible brother, Uncle Jerry.

The two men remember well their days in school. We get flashbacks of Paul's childhood, the violence and hate from his Dad and Uncle. Both were mean through and through.

Paul must go to the police to evict Uncle Jerry from his Dad's house. There he sees Sam and because they are good friends, and Paul will be staying with Sam for now, other officers go to get the Uncle. Problem is, the Uncle assaults Paul

when he goes to the house. The uncle is arrested again.

Sam helps Paul get the restraining order, which the Uncle breaks with graffiti and broken glass, etc. on the house, inside and out. That Uncle is a vile and hateful man.

Later, once safe, our two men get together every night with hot sexy times and passion. A second chance at loving each other. They work together on the house, but once again it's damaged.

Finally the police have enough evidence to arrest the Uncle, but Paul does something stupid, as he goes to the house and falls prey again. It's a kidnapping and beating, with rescue on the way.

The characters are terrific and the story is action packed and moves quickly.

Our MCs say the "L" word after the rescue, and justice is served.

Then what happens when the house sells?

This is my first book from Joy Danvers and I liked it very much.

ENJOY !

=====

[Abigail Beckwith · Rating 5 out of 5]

old post reposted


I needed a little angst in my life and happened to see an advertisement for Joy Danvers's "Protecting Paul." It's the first book in her Shafter Falls series.
["A Sexy Ex-Military Deputy Sheriff Wants to Protect Me But Is He a Danger to My Heart?

Sam was a walking wet dream in high school and he's only gotten better with age. I had the biggest crush on him, and he was my first (and best) kiss. Too bad he lives in Shafter Falls.

No one from that town tried to help when I was getting beat up for being myself, and I'm not expecting anything good now that I have to go back and settle my dad's estate. Right away I have to deal with my hateful, violent uncle. Guess this town hasn't changed.

But Sam is out of the military now and he's a deputy sheriff who keeps asking to protect me. I can't stop thinking about how good that would feel. Can I let him help without getting my heart broken?"]

There was angst (hence the trigger warnings below), but there wasn't a ton (if really any), between Sam and Paul. Not that I'm complaining. It was nice and sweet and soft. There wasn't a ton of spice (again, not complaining). It was almost easy for them to fall back into a friendship (and something more) after all those years and experiences apart from each other. But now they don't have to be apart (HEA after all).

Trigger Warnings: child abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, homophobia, homophobic slurs, kidnapping, and more

#protectingpaul #hearinghank #joydanvers #shafterfalls #shafterfallsseries #books #queerbooks #queererotica #bodicerippers #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Please note there are a number of missing words, spelling and grammatical issues throughout this book. If it bothers you like it does me, be warned!!

This is a roller coaster ride of a story, which starts off in high school where Sam and Paul are the best of friends and embarking on their first real 'romance'.

However, Paul's father is a homophobic bully who physically and mentally abuses Paul every chance he gets. Although Sam has some idea of what's going on in Paul's life, he doesn't fully realise or understand the extent of that abuse and the effect it's having on Paul. So much so that Paul drops out of high school and leaves the home town where he was born, without saying goodbye to his first love, Sam.

Roll on ten years and there's a shock in store for both men, with Paul having to leave the new life he's built in Denver to return to the place he loathes. His hated father is now dead and he has to return one last time to sort out his affairs and sell the family home.

This story is a bittersweet tale of lost love and longing: Sam has never forgotten Paul, always regretting not being able to protect him from his hateful father; and Paul who has been dealing with and still suffering from the effects of his traumatic childhood.

Although both MCs talk and say a lot, they don't actually communicate what they really want from each other! It takes another traumatic event to shock both men into action to achieve their well deserved HEA.

[Laora · Rating 4 out of 5]

Triggers might apply:
parental abuse & neglect in the past and mental and physical abuse and abduction in the the present

4-
This the first book in a new series by the author.
Sam is the white knight for Paul. Sam felt he let Paul down when they where kids/ teenagers and to such qn extent that he became a policeman ti be qble to help and protect others.
A decade after he left without telling anyone, Paul is back to handle the sale of his fathera house after he passed. Littlw did he know after one tormenter from his youth ia dead his unvle Jerry another violwnt bully is squatting in the house and making his live none to easy. Que Sam: who he meets at the police station when he needs help with his uncle.
The storyline to me feels a bit simplefied in regards to the eviction/ harrassment/ abduction part. I however like that these men get their hea and I am wondering what Paul will do workwise now that he stays in town. This is a quivk, contemporary mm romance read with a hurt/ comfort second chance thrope.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and I leave my personal review.

[Janice Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a beautiful written book of lost and found love, of sacrifices for family, and second chances. But things happen for a reason, and instead of feeling regret for losing a life together, they celebrate the opportunity of making new memories as they start a future together. Sam was such a caretaker, always wanting to take care of everyone, but especially Paul, who he wanted to protect above all else. Paul, while dealing with trauma from his past, was not broken, but stronger for what he had to endure. The book was well-written and had genuine emotion and connection. You could see the attraction is very mutual and I loved the dual POV so you could tell how they were both falling for each other even more than since they were teenagers and you can tell that it was more than just physical. I am very much looking forward to the next book in the series. It was a good story and I am so glad the author included the love story between Wyatt and Mark at the back of the book.

I received an ARC of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Christy Roberts · Rating 4 out of 5]

If didn't have the f word dropped so much this would been 5 stars. I not talking about one ends with k either. It wasn't needed and definitely not a dozen or more times. Also the mention of Paul leaving was not needed on almost every single page. Good grief we get it already.

Sam is sheriff's deputy in his home town. He was in military after high school. He did both as a way of protecting people because of his high school boyfriend Paul.

Paul is returning to Shafter Falls after his sperm donor died to fix up the house and leave. When was 17 he left because he couldn't take it anymore. The abuse was too much. He didn't even say bye to Sam because he didn't think could.

Now with Paul back they are seeing each other again. Some of it good but how started was Paul needing the cops to evict his uncle who is worse than his sperm donor. It gets really bad before book is over. Thankfully Sam saves him.

The romance was sweet and I enjoyed the flashbacks when they were teens wish had been more of those. I did wish had seen Wyatt and Mark more.

[C.B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my heart! Sam and Paul were friends in high school. They shared a first kiss. Sadly, Paul was bullied in school. Paul's Dad was not receptive to the idea of his son being perceived as gay even before Paul came out. He showed his disapproval with his fists. Sam noticed Paul's bruises, but they never talked about them. Paul, is weighed down by his experiences. Fast forward a few years, and Paul must return to bury his Father. He has feelings to return to the scene of his torture while unsure about how he will feel about Sam. Sam, is now deputy sheriff driven by a compulsive desire to 'help' people, especially those who are abused. This is a story that grabs you by the heart and won't let go. You journey through the self analysis of Sam and Paul's inner thoughts and ideas and walk with them as they try to seek solutions. Good story. You learn to appreciate, respec and like Sam and Paul. Good journey, good story, well done! I received an ARC and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Betty Loves Books Galore · Rating 3 out of 5]

story of Sam and Paul

This is a second chance small town romance, featuring Sam Conroy and Paul Boyd, and is the first book of the Shafter Falls series. Admittedly, I was drawn into this book by the cover, I thought it was a cowboy but it was a sheriff, I didn’t see the badge.

Paul returns home to deal with his father’s estate after he passes away, which is not a loss at all as his father’s abusive ways is what drove Paul away from this small town when he was just a teenager. Upon his return Paul runs into his uncle, who is squatting in the house and is just as bad, so Paul goes to the sheriff’s office for assistance. Enter Sam, our sheriff hottie.

This book is a quick read but a lot happens, especially with his POS uncle, it was great to see first loves get a second chance, Sam and Paul’s connection is so strong, it’s beautiful. I do recommend you read the TWs of this book.

[Angi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Protecting Paul is a complicated but inspiring love story. Sam had feelings for Paul since high school they had connected and shared a lot of firsts together. Paul’s abusive relationship with his dad has him running as far away a soon as possible. Ten years later Paul’s returning to the small town to take care of his dad’s estate. His uncle is just as abusive and hateful of the fact Paul is gay as his dad was. Paul can’t believe it when he goes to the sheriffs office to get help and Sam is the sheriff. They quickly begin to rekindle their feelings from years ago. Paul’s uncle Jerry’s behavior escalates and Sam is protecting Paul but he’s also falling deeply in love with a man who had no intentions of sticking around. Will their love blossom or dissipate when Paul leaves the small town behind and heads back to Denver. Don’t miss out on this book it proves sometimes love really is all you need.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sam is a good man; he is the county sheriff, he helps his dad on the ranch and helps rescue horses. He is friends with Paul. They shared a kiss many years ago, but there hasn't been anything between them for a while. It's been about 10 years and now Paul needs help to evict a squatter who has taken up residence in the home that had been his father's. The fact the squatter is also his uncle and he is evil to Paul is the real reason that he needs help. He goes to the sheriff's office and runs into Sam. Sam knows why Paul never wanted to come back to town and he knows that it's probably dangerous for him to be there now (physically and mentally). Sam wants to help Paul with his problems and then help him get out of town. He also wants to make him stay, if only to see if they can explore a relationship. But as the danger escalates, both of his missions might be for naught.

[Elaine Gray · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story revolves around Paul and Sam's rekindled romance. Paul is back in his hometown to take care of his late father's affairs, but his uncle is making things difficult for him. His uncle is prejudiced against him because of his sexuality and has even been harassing him. He has gotten a restraining order against his uncle, but the latter still persists in destroying anything that Paul fixes around the house. Sam, an old classmate of Paul, steps in to help keep him safe. The book is a beautiful and heartwarming tale with minimal conflict but some intense moments, as the two lovers finally find their happily ever after.

[Anne (Izzie) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is by a new author to me, and she has a very readable, easy style of writing although the book subject involves abuse. Sam and Paul were best friends in high school, though Paul dropped out to get away from his abusive father. Ten years on, his father has died and Paul returns home to sell his father’s house, not expecting to find his equally vile and abusive uncle now living in the property. Sam is now deputy sheriff, and a stronger character than when Paul left. Will they be able to open up to each other, or will Paul’s uncle scare him away?.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Rachel Blomberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sam and Paul

High school friends that gave each their first kiss but then Paul ran from home when he was seventeen due to his home life. Paul was being verbal and physical abuse from his bigot father. Coming home to deal with his father's home brought back all those bad memories and then his father's brother is there to take over where his father left off. Sam always felt guilty that he couldn't protect Paul as kids but when he sees him again he will make sure he does this time once he loses his heart in the process. Can he convince Paul that the town has changed and stay with him instead of going back to Denver?

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to enjoy this one. The story was pretty good. I thought it kind of odd that Sam and Paul picked right back up in their relationship after nine years of being apart, no hesitation. There were some continuity issues within the story. For instance, they'd drive somewhere, then walk home. Also, the author seemed to forget a few times which character's POV was being presented. Example: Sam's POV and I'd seen something like: I cuddled up next to Sam. The writing itself could definitely have been better. Too many narrative sentences began with 'I'. It got tedious after a while. It was worth reading once but I probably won't read it again.

[ANNBOOKSHELF · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story of abuse and love, so lots of actions and emotions in this story!

Paul escaped small town as soon as he graduated. He had to walk away the best thing he had love to secure his well being. Too bad he never gave someone a choice to go with him. Sam was defeated but knew Paul's well being & happiness is all that matters. He joins military and becomes the Deputy Sheriff in his home town. All existing into Paul returns then the action begins, hate, attacks life n death and that piece that's been missing - will it last? MM romance.

You tell me what is not to love about Sam?

[Golden Child · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sam & Paul

Sam is back in Shafter Falls after serving in the service. His job as a deputy allows him to help people in ways he has always wanted. Paul is back in town to deal with his father’s estate but then he’s going straight back to Denver. There’s nothing for him in this town either the exception of the boy he left behind without saying goodbye at 17. The two meet again when Paul has son we’d trouble at his dead father’s house. Sam instantly feels all his feelings for Paul again and with trouble on the horizon, goes into protector mode. Good story, finding love again and realizing the love they had as teens was real.

[Lois - Who Reads · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is one of those books that you read and a month later won’t be able to remember much about. The MCs were two dimensional. The perfect guy who takes care of everyone and the child of abuse that has spent years running from his past. The writing was a little stiff, there were a few typos, and a few sentences were missing words or didn’t make sense.

A death Paul back to town and that is the start of the second chance romance. There is the required bad guy causing trouble and two MCs that struggle to talk about anything important. That had a cute HEA, but when I was done, the story just didn’t feel complete.

[Stephanie W · Rating 4 out of 5]

Paul and Sam shared a kiss many years ago, but never really explored what could have been. Ten years later, Paul is back in town and needs help evicting an evil relative, squatting on his property.
He enlists the help of the sheriff's office and runs into Sam.
Running into Paul was a reminder of why he never wished to return, but now that he's back. can they take another chance?

Such a sweet story. Sam has a true heart of gold.

**I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.**

[Sue Milkovich · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVE AND DEVOTION

This is my favorite type of Book, Second Chance Romance. This is the introduction of SHAFTER FALLS. JOY DANVERS does a beautiful job of introducing this quaint small town. Sam is the Sheriff and a home town man. Paul is the one that walked or ran away. Coming back to settle his father's mess turns into heaven and hell. These two childhood sweethearts have a lot of trouble to overcome. This is a sweet and precious story about young love and conquering all. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK!!!!!

[Kathy Seabrease · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came upon this book while another in this series was being offered for free. Figured I might as well read from the start of the series. Was a cute fun read. A little sappy sometimes, but that's ok by me.At this stage of my life, I go for little to low angst, so this book was great... Jerry was more of a pain at first, just the antagonist that each book needs. Paul was kinda foolish for going home. We all knew what was going to happen. Angst is ok if it's not drug out. I liked what I read. Glad Paul and "Sammy" got there HEA. Now onto the next book.

[Saskia Veldhuis · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Paul is a sweet character despite being abused as a child. Sam is a bit too perfect a character, although his motives are excellent. They both felt a bit younger than I would expect after 10 years apart. The story was interesting if a bit basic, that did fit the shorter length of the book well. An enjoyable read.
I received a complimentary copy of this book via Booksprout and am happy to leave a voluntary review.

[D Bokelman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did not finish 43%
The story is told alternating between present day events and VERY STRONG memories (not referred to as flashbacks, but some could classify as) of past trauma and abuse. There was no content warning stating that there was significant verbal and physical abuse on page.
I stopped reading because the book seemed to focus excessively on the abuse and trauma.
I'm having a bit of a rough week with my own trauma, so maybe it's just bad timing.