What do you think?
Rate this book
When Caring Is Not Enough: Resolving Conflicts Through Fair Fighting
When Caring Is Not Resolving Conflicts Through Fair Fighting
190 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1983
10 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 of 1 review
August 23, 2017
In Harriet Lerner's Dance of Anger, anger was written about as an emotion that was shunned by most women because they are made to believe that anger was evil. It doesn't help that their roles in society are constantly in flux, which Lerner argued didn't help in allowing them to define anger. I didn't think the book was only for women, though. I'm occasionally angry, but it's only been recently that I've actually ask myself what I really was angry about in the first place. It turns out that anger is often a reflection of one's own frustrations with one's own peculiarities.
Before I read Lerner's book, I didn't even give a thought to this one. Another self-help book? But I'm the baddest, toughest motherfucker in this world!
And then I realized I wasn't. My problem had been to shift the blame to others, and I manifest it with my family members time and again, but often I forget about what part I contributed to the debacle. Sometimes I have failed to understand the other voice in the dialogue, and for that I am to blame.
This isn't a masterpiece because it's not a revelatory book: it just organizes what is within each of us into digestible data that allows the reader to see himself in a more realistic light, devoid of all the airs that he would like to give himself. For example, I'm occasionally a gunnysacker: I blow up at times that are unexpected not because of what the other has done, but because of what I have kept within myself. But my three biggest flaws, as categorized in this book, are probably possessing a character that is controlling, perfectionistic, and guarding: it takes a long time for me to trust someone enough before I become willing to pursue a relationship, because I expect a lot from myself, and am thus exacting.
I need a chill pill. And while I can't transform myself into what I believe is my ideal self, I can strive for small, measurable changes within that would at least allow me to converse and interact with other people less stiffly.
Yes, other people aren't perfect - but I'm not perfect, either.
This book reminds me of that truth, so that when I want to harangue or debase the significant people in my life, I can at least pause, internalize that most important kernel of truth, and find conflict that will help both of our parties improve.
Before I read Lerner's book, I didn't even give a thought to this one. Another self-help book? But I'm the baddest, toughest motherfucker in this world!
And then I realized I wasn't. My problem had been to shift the blame to others, and I manifest it with my family members time and again, but often I forget about what part I contributed to the debacle. Sometimes I have failed to understand the other voice in the dialogue, and for that I am to blame.
This isn't a masterpiece because it's not a revelatory book: it just organizes what is within each of us into digestible data that allows the reader to see himself in a more realistic light, devoid of all the airs that he would like to give himself. For example, I'm occasionally a gunnysacker: I blow up at times that are unexpected not because of what the other has done, but because of what I have kept within myself. But my three biggest flaws, as categorized in this book, are probably possessing a character that is controlling, perfectionistic, and guarding: it takes a long time for me to trust someone enough before I become willing to pursue a relationship, because I expect a lot from myself, and am thus exacting.
I need a chill pill. And while I can't transform myself into what I believe is my ideal self, I can strive for small, measurable changes within that would at least allow me to converse and interact with other people less stiffly.
Yes, other people aren't perfect - but I'm not perfect, either.
This book reminds me of that truth, so that when I want to harangue or debase the significant people in my life, I can at least pause, internalize that most important kernel of truth, and find conflict that will help both of our parties improve.
Displaying 1 of 1 review