With One Voice: Singleness, Dating & Marriage to the Glory of God

by Alex Chediak

Christians are fighting against a conflicting cultural ethos; reducing the beauty of God-invented sexuality to just another entertainment option. However, lifelong marriage, though less common today, is still God's plan for most people... and isn't God's plan the best plan? Alex and Marni Chediak from their experience of singles and college ministry, multi-generational small group ministry, offer wise guidance in how we should go about choosing a partner. They seek to glorify God with one voice, sharing the life goal of being marked mainly as those who love God.

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Christian Living

160 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2006

About the author

Alex Chediak is an author, speaker, and an associate professor of engineering and physics at California Baptist University. Alex has been involved in campus ministries and mentoring students for many years. He has published numerous articles in Boundless, an online magazine for young adult Christians, and he is the author of 5 Paths to the Love of Your Life and With One Voice. Alex has an MS and PhD in engineering from University of California–Berkeley. Originally from the Chicago area, Alex and his wife, Marni, and their three children now reside in Riverside, California.

Reviews

[Savanna Ammons · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book altogether! There were a few bits and pieces I disagreed with, and it was definitely written during mg the height of purity culture. But it brought up a lot of great discussions and spoke to some really solid principles!

[Bob Hayton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll get right to it. With One Voice: Singleness, Dating and Marriage to the Glory of God by Alex & Marni Chediak is one of the best books I've read in a while. Aside from skillful wordsmithing and intuitive organization, the book hits a home run when it comes to addressing the topic at hand.

There are not too many books out there which deal with how to find a mate, yet are written from a wholly Christian and Biblical perspective. And even then, some of the books which qualify as Biblical and Christian major on a specific dating (or anti-dating) method to the detriment of a well-rounded Christian philosophy of dating in general. This book provides just that: a distinctly Christian approach to the philosophy of singleness, dating, and marriage.

Alex Chediak, with the help of his wife Marni, begins the book by detailing the pervasive cultural changes which influence our view of dating. He shows how a changing job market has spread out families, and focused on the value of individuals in the marketplace. Technological and commercial advances have coupled with the increasingly personalized society to lure courtship from the parents' front porch to the drive-in movie theater and eventually to live-in relationships. The Chediaks also highlight how the new concept of delayed adolescence gave room for today's entertainment and me-oriented culture. One widespread result of these cultural changes is the tendency for young adults to remain single until they are almost 30. Confronted with these changes, which certainly threaten a Christian view of marriage and sexuality, Alex doesn't just settle for an appeal to bring back the golden days of yesteryear. He calls such nostalgic responses "unwarranted and misplaced", which often "fall short of addressing the heart issues". Men have always been sinful. The Christian response should be to study culture with a view of applying Biblical principles in such a way as to redeem and confront it.

After setting the stage, the book goes on to emphasize that marriage should be normal. Excepting those gifted for lifelong singleness, marriage is God's will for the Christian young person. That being the case, cross-gender relationships should not be all about fun and enjoyment, rather they should be intentionally focused on the reality of marriage. Before detailing how a single adult should go about finding a mate, Alex & Marni lay an important foundation by discussing a Biblical view of masculinity and femininity, and the concepts of leading and submitting. They do this, because one of the book's primary themes is for singles to focus on becoming the right kind of person first, before looking for the right potential mate.

The wisdom of the Chediaks shine through in the final two chapters detailing how to "choose [a mate:] wisely" and "proceed carefully" with your relationship. There is a wealth of wisdom available as they discuss objective and subjective considerations necessary in a prospective mate, and the intentional and careful progression of a relationship. There couldn't be a more practical "how to" book for this process, yet at the same time the book gives plenty of space for a variety of methods to be used. Instead of a detailed prescription, the book offers an under-girding framework of Biblical principles upon which to erect a healthy and successful, Biblically faithful relationship.

This book comes at the marriage issue from a Biblically faithful, conservative theology. It does not offer a theological defense of a complementarian view of masculinity and femininity. Nor does it defend the Biblical priority of marriage and denial of extra-marital sexual activity. Instead it assumes these views and aims to be very practical. This in good part forms the strength of the book. It helps you think Biblically about marriage and dating, and supports you in your quest for a godly mate. I wish I had such a book when I was thinking through my own dating philosophy. It would have saved me much time and grief in thinking through such things on my own!

There isn't much to say by way of criticizing the book. Perhaps it could have brought up the influence of the romantic movement in the 1800s on society's present view of dating and marriage. Also some of the statistics on page 22 are a little hard to follow. But all in all, this is a fantastic book. It is extremely easy to read, with large font and a well-written, fast moving arrangement. It is a short read, being only about 140 pages long; yet it will be an incredibly profitable read. I recommend the book to singles everywhere of any age, and also to youth pastors, pastors and parents. Indeed, there is much wisdom available even for those singles who feel especially frustrated in finding a mate. So by all means, you'll thank me later!

[Flo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chediak und Chediak haben es sich zur Aufgabe gemacht, (1) biblische Prinzipien für den Weg vom Singlesein zur Ehe herauszuarbeiten und diese (2) für Christen in der westlichen Welt und heutigen Kultur anwendbar zu machen. Obschon sie viele Verse zitieren und einige Prinzi-pien (wie jenes, dass Christen nur eine Beziehung mit Christen eingehen sollen) gründlich bele-gen, so werden andere Grundsätze (z. B. der Beweise für die Reife) nicht überzeugend oder stichhaltig mit der Bibel belegt. Bisweilen werden Bibelstellen gar nicht zitiert oder genannt, sondern nur Anspielungen auf bestimmte Aussagen gemacht. Dies erschwert es dem Leser, die dargestellten Prinzipien als tatsächlich biblisch und damit verbindlich anzuerkennen, was jedoch von größter Wichtigkeit wäre, denn auf der Bibel soll das gesamte Konzept des Buches doch basieren. Wenngleich die Autoren auf der Seite der Exegese mehr ins Detail hätten gehen sollen, so leisten sie auf Seite der Anwendung eine nützliche Arbeit: Dazu steuert einerseits die ge-schichtliche Aufarbeitung der Entwicklungen bis hin zu den heute bekannten und üblichen „Da-ting-Modellen“ bei. Andererseits gelingt es den Autoren, zu veranschaulichen, wie Christen die erarbeiteten Prinzipien mit Vernunft, Weisheit und Erfahrung auf die Partnerwahl und voreheli-che Beziehung heute anwenden können. In diesem Schritt der Anwendung gehen die Autoren vorsichtiger vor und machen deutlich, dass es sich hierbei bisweilen um Empfehlungen, Anre-gungen und Vorschläge handelt (z. B. die Rolle der Eltern), während das Verbot der Beziehung mit Ungläubigen, die Tatsache, dass die Bibel nur zwischen unverheiratet und verheiratet unter-scheidet, oder dass die Ehe stets das Ziel der Beziehung darstellt, unabdingbare und verbindliche Richtlinien darstellen.

[Jimmy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m reading this as a Pastor who is thinking about the topic of relationships for those in my congregation that are single and who desire to be married some day. There’s been quite a bit of Christian books published on the topic of courtship and marriage but what I was looking for that I found in this particular book is that it addresses singles and their preparation before being in a relationship. In my church’s teaching series on relationship I am convinced that it’s healthy to begin teaching about singleness first before talking about relationship and I appreciate this book’s approach that keeps its singles readers in mind. The book is a fast read and yet is filled with biblical content. It’s not merely regurgitation of facts but helpful in applying biblical principles. The first chapter in the book begins by surveying the development of what relationships look like over the ages and how we got to our chaotic dating/courtship scene today. The author makes it very clear that he’s not trying to bring back old school conventions on relationship just merely for old times sake. While acknowledging different cultural situations and expectation nevertheless the author’s main focus is on being biblical, and thus pleasing God through our relationship. I was quite spiritually edified reading this book as a Pastor and it will definitely edify readers who desire to be godly in their perspective and practice of courtship. This work has a very simple and easy to understand chapter on what is biblical masculinity and femininity and it’s not just the echoing of unhelpful cultural sterotypes of gender expectation since again the author’s aim is to be biblical. There were things I’ve never thought about before until I read this book: For instance, the book made a point that the older singles get, the standard for a suitable mate actually increases. This seems counterintuitive but as the author explained, with more relationship in one’s history there is more expectation with thought such as “I wish this person would be more like someone else I know who was strong in a particular trait,” etc. I recommend this book.

[Valerie Bryand · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is provides an excellent overview of the roles of men and women in marriage and dating. It doesn't go into too much depth so its a good way to grasp the basic concepts as pertaining to gender roles as is taught in scripture. It made my boyfriend (now fiance) and I curious about what else we had to learn in this arena and led us to research other books on this topic. The book also goes over how "casual" modern-day dating can pervert God's purpose for our single lives and how we go about choosing a partner; although i do think it may have harped on this point a little emphatically. I also completely disagree with the point that dating couples should not pray together, i do not think this leads to an inappropriate spiritual closeness that only belongs in marriage. All in all, this book is extremely conservative yet still relevant and applicable. It provided excellent thinking points.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a simple and straight forward read. Chediak gives good, biblical insights on what Christian, non-platonic, relationships should look like as well as insights on what should be the foundation of those relationships. I would recommend it to anyone who is in the early stages of a relationship, and it's a good refresher for those who might need guidance on Biblical principles for dating. It's certainly not an in-depth look into these principles, but the author provides pragmatic advice based on what the Bible says about relationships between men and women.

[Holly]

With One Voice: Singleness, Dating, and Marriage to the Glory of God by Alex Chediak (2006)

[High Pointe Baptist Church]

Useful for singles groups or parents of teenagers in preparing to guide them toward marriage

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

AEWSOME Book...must read!