A Dream of Waking Life

by E.S. Fein

HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF YOUR EXISTENCE?

HOW MUCH WOULD YOU SACRIFICE FOR LOVE?

When Matthew Willish wakes up on a cold steel floor unsure of how he got there, he begins desperately searching for answers. What Matthew doesn't realize, however, is that this is only the beginning of a journey that will ultimately send him searching other worlds for the answer to numerous profound questions, the most pressing being: is he living in reality or in a dream? Or is he just an insane man who desperately needs help? A Dream of Waking Life is a philosophical and psychological thriller that tells the story of one man's journey through space, time, and mind to not only discover his true identity but also the love of his life—a woman who keeps slipping through his fingers and into another reality. A thought-provoking meditation on the thin line between what is real and what is not, A Dream of Waking Life will leave readers questioning how far they would go to understand the nature of their own existence and how much they would sacrifice for love.

"This is the kind of story I wish I could read more. I've been chasing the high of a well thought out mind bender since I first saw Donnie Darko. E. S. Fein really nails it...Buckle up and open your mind. You're about to go for a reality bending ride." - Author Derek Lukachko

"I'm speechless. I just finished the book and I'm sobbing like a baby...this book goes DEEP into what it means to be alive, to exist, to be real, and to wonder what reality really is. And it also contains a wonderful love story at its heart...A truly remarkably and riveting experience from first page to the last." - Author Nikki Rollins

"This book was a WILD journey. Really interesting narrative - can honestly say I've never read a book like this before and I will be thinking about it in the days to come." - Author Emmie Hamilton

"From start to finish, there's no time to let up. A Dream of Waking Life will pull you into the labyrinthine layers of Matthew Willish's twisted mind, searching ever deeper for Truth, Love and the Real World. With mild notes that call to mind such works as Inception and Vanilla Sky, E. S. Fein expertly crafts a series of worlds within worlds within worlds to explore and ponder. " - Author I. B. Hippe

"A thought-provoking, thrilling read and page-turner! There are plenty of twists and turns that keep you on the edge of your seat as you progress through the book. If you love psychological sci-fi thrillers and lovable characters, I highly recommend this book!" - Author E. L. Li

"An extremely impressive exploration of the mind, life, and everything in between." - Author Denis Moreau

"Wow! E. S. Fein's story...had me riding a roller coaster of emotions." - Author Ivan Scott

"This book is an incredible and well thought sci-fi story. The narration is well crafted and so different from other books of the same genre." - Author Debaruna Ghosh

"For those who don't dream much, A Dream of Waking Life may seem confusing or disjointed (although it also may be alien and fascinating--perhaps this book will inspire you to explore the world of lucid dreaming more). For those who are already immersed in these concepts, no other book I've read utilizes them to such an accurate extent...There's a universality to this book that connects all humans." - Reddit Review

"A mix between Lathe of Heaven, Inception, and The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch. I simply could never have foreseen this story's trajectory. What a heartrending yet satisfying and impressive journey! A love story, mystery, grand philosophy, incredible suspense--A Dream of Waking Life stands in a category of its own." - Reader Review

Genres: Science Fiction

Paperback

First published May 6, 2022

About the author

E. S. Fein is the author of the Neoevolution Earth Series, two standalone novels (A Dream of Waking Life and Points of Origin), and two short story collections (Ascendescenscion and The Process is Love). More than anything, he enjoys writing strange stories about strange characters in strange situations. Some people refer to him as a lucid dreaming expert. Others know him as a rapper. But E. S. Fein just thinks of himself as a dude who likes to think about what it means to be a dude thinking about being a dude. When he isn't hanging out with his partner and son, you can usually find him reading, playing DnD and video games with his friends, going for walks while writing stories in his head before putting them on paper, or practicing yoga. Check out some free short stories on his site, Officialesfein.com.

Reviews

[Nikki Rollins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm speechless. I just finished the book and I'm sobbing like a baby. I'm not happy about the ending, but at the same time, I can't get it out of my head. I feel so sorry for Matt...

This book was a gripping thrill ride that leaves you guessing to the very last word. There were times when I laughed, times when I cried, times when my heart raced, and times when I just wanted to see more of the love between Matt and May.

The story is split into three major "environments" or "dreams," but we as the reader never truly know what is real. There's the video game dream, the "real" world, and the old man's world. Each chapter shifts to one of these three worlds, and by the end, it all comes together and we understand how these worlds are connected. The characters are so believable, and the love between Matt and May just felt so real and present. This reminded me of Inception, except it wasn't just a blockbuster full of explosions. This books goes DEEP into what it means to be alive, to exist, to be real and to wonder what reality really is. And it also contains a wonderful love story at its heart.

I can't recommend this book enough. What a truly remarkable and riveting experience from the first page to the last.

[Jesse Repak · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was riveted from the first page. I laughed, I cried, I had flashbacks to my own psychedelic experiences and some gentle/ not so gentle existential reminders from my subconscious. (And on a quantum level I wouldn't be surprised if my higher Self orchestrated coming across this book, lol. We're just fragments of God reminding ourselves that we're God, right?)

I have a hard time with books that leave a cliffhanger, so I appreciate that this is a stand alone novel. I also appreciate the consistency of characters and there aren't a bunch of confusing names to keep track of. While I'm not sure how this would translate to a movie, I could easily see this being an episode series in the same caliber of Lost. My mind is blown! Great work!

[I. Hippe · Rating 5 out of 5]

From start to finish, there's no time to let up. A Dream of Waking Life will pull you into the labyrinthine layers of Matthew Willish's twisted mind, searching ever deeper for Truth, Love, and the Real World. With mild notes that call to mind such works as Inception and Vanilla Sky, E.S. Fein expertly crafts a series of worlds within worlds within worlds to explore and ponder. The book is nothing if not liberating, and is the perfect antidote to any sort of imagination, creativity, or writing block. You will hit the ground running (and then the ground will be elsewhere, upside down, fracturing in myriad directions) and search desperately alongside Matthew for handholds in the pursuit of the One Thing That Matters.

[John Emil · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was nonstop thriller, action and mystery. I found this from a post on reddit and I'm really surprised the author is self-published. This was the quality of a traditionally published novel. Great love story too!

[Benn · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's hard for me to express how this book affected me, as someone who has had a number of highly impactful, highly emotional (occasionally lucid) dream experiences. Without spoilers, this book's central idea mirrored a dream I had years ago in shocking similarity, and for that reason I found it intensely personal.

Fein writes from years of experience living in and manipulating dreams, and though A Dream of Waking Life's narrative is fantastical, it also stems from a groundwork of very real phenomena.

It's hard to recommend this book without reservation. For those who don't dream much it may seen confusing or disjointed (although it also may be alien and fascinating--perhaps this book will inspire you to explore the world of lucid dreaming more). For those who are already immersed in these concepts, no other book I've read utilizes them to such an accurate extent, and I can recommend it as a thrilling march through landscapes and experiences that you may also have had.

I don't have many people in my life with whom I can talk about the world of dreams, and reading this book reassured me that I'm not crazy for spending so much time in my own head (or am I?). There's a universality to it that connects all humans.

[Ivan Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!

E.S. Fein's story of dreaming had me riding a roller coaster of emotions. It begins with a man in a terrible place, a cell, and from there it gets more intense. The fear subsides after he wakes up and realizes it's only a dream, but then it happens again and by then you're hooked into the story, as well as have compassion for Matt, the protagonist.

Matt also struggles with depression and has to take medication for it, so that's another reason you root for the guy.

The book took me through one intense situation after another, but all the time, I felt like I was going through everything with Matt due to the expressive and creative descriptions.

I liked the end of the story, which for me, left me wondering if there was going to be a sequel. Matt is left searching for something, but was it real? Was any of it real? Dreams actually happen, so there has to be some realness to them. But how much? This story made me think about those scary questions.

I liked that E.S. also was able to put his thoughts and feelings into a story and write about it as en expert since he is a lucid dreamer. So when you read about Matt's dreams, you get a sense someone has had them before...

Well, done, E.S.! Again, I have to ask, is there a sequel?

[H. Potter · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's been a few days since I finished reading A Dream of Waking Life, and I am still thinking about the characters (and that ending!!!!). I loved joining Matt on his crazy journey to find himself and the person he loves. From the beginning, I felt so connected to everyone. Even during scenes when I was 95% positive the characters were part of a dream, they still seemed so real to me. Whether I was encouraging them or yelling at them, I was totally invested!

I also love that this book made me question what it means to be real and how do we even know that we are awake. What if I'm dreaming right now? I've never explored lucid dreaming, but I started listening to E.S. Fein's podcasts, so maybe they'll help me figure out the answers to my questions.

Overall, I hope lots of people read this book, so then I can chat with other readers...especially about that ending!!! Also, if more people read the novel, then maybe Room Reaper will become a "real" video game we could all play! Be prepared, though: every chapter ends on a cliffhanger, so you won't want to stop reading!!

[Denis Moreau · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author has an intro where he talks about his experiences with lucid dreaming and being confused about reality, and it is clear from the story that he has experience with this. I did enjoy the thrilling pace of the book, but more than that, I was enamored by the author's frequent existential ponderings on the nature of reality and existence and...everything! Even though this is part scifi and part thriller, it is also a reflection on all of our experiences with life's obsessions, awe-filled moments, dissatisfactions, confusion, and love. On the one hand, Matthew Willish might just be insane, and on the other hand, existence itself might be insane. But on a third hand, insanity itself might just be irrelevant. I love the way this author revealed what is most important in life, even if it is heartbreaking sometimes.

I loved everything about A Dream of Waking Life. I wish I could revisit these characters. I wish this was a 5 books series or something but I understand why it's a standalone novel too. Overall, it was an extremely impressive exploration of the mind, life, and everything in between.

[James Endico · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found Fein's Dream of WAking Life on a reddit post from r/scifi. I was a bit skeptical as I had never heard of this author, but this book compelled me so much that I ended up reading his other three works as well. While I enjoyed his other works and will be leaving a review, this one was by far the best.

A dream of waking life is like other reviews say, is just so fast paced and intriguing. There was never a single moment that I wasn't drawn into Fein's prose, characters, and mind boggling plot. I kept wondering to myself how he would end it and if it would be worth it, and let me tell you, IT WAS WORTH IT. Hands down one of my favorite novels of all time. Now it's time to give it a second read as it wasn't until I was mostly done that I started remembering little clues Fein planted along the way. I'm excited to reread this one. And to Fein, I say, well done! You've created what I personally consider to be a masterpiece! Thank you!

[Derek Lukachko · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the kind of story I wish I could read more.

Aside from excellent word smithing, dynamic imagery, and colourful creative characters, this story really had something else.

Imagine being trapped inside of your head, yet out of your mind, and the harder you dig, the more you get buried. I’ve been chasing the high of a well thought out mind bender since I first saw Donnie Darko. E. S. Fein really nails it with A Dream of Waking Life.

You are going to feel lost right from the beginning when Fein introduces the main character, Matthew Willish, with no context into a captivating scene, where he is confused and fighting for his life.

Not only does the story slowly reveal more and more of who Matthew Willish really is and how he came to be, almost every detail and interaction forces the reader to reevaluate they thought they knew.

As he desperately searches for a woman, one that he is not sure even exists, Matthew’s understanding of time and reality become more and more distorted.

Buckle up and open your mind. You’re about to go for a reality bending ride.

[Kan Arminger · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a wild book. A lucid dreamer, Matthew, who also has some mental health issues as well as some substance use is continuously falling from reality to reality trying to figure out which, if any of them, is the "real" world. The pacing is relentless and really gives the reader the feeling of fatigue of uncertainty that he is going through. The common thread is his love interest, May. He is willing to endure the endless world changes in hopes of finding the "real" / "original" iteration of her. His love for her is both beautiful in its endurance and tragic in his inability to love the May in front of him while he searches for the one illusive, ideal May. In the preface, the author mentions that this book is based somewhat on an experience had several years ago. A lucid dreamer himself, he is well versed in doing his reality checks to make sure he is awake. He experienced a series of dreams, one flowing into the next, that all passed his reality checks. When he finally did wake, he was quite disoriented and shaken. I think those of us who do not dream lucidly may be intrigued to know what it is like to have lucid dreams, but this book and the way he has described his experience, impress the significance of what that means. When the line of when we are asleep and awake and what is real and what is not becomes blurred, it has repercussions in both states. If when we're asleep we might wonder if we are awake, when we're awake, we might wonder if we're asleep. The author did a beautiful job sharing Matthew's story.
I received a copy of this through Voracious Readers in exchange for an honest review.

[Fatima · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book through a post on reddit from the author e. s. fein. I messaged him that I enjoyed the book and he asked me to please leave a review on goodreads and amazon, so here I am.

A dream of waking life was hand down one of the best books I've ever read. I went out of my way just to make a goodreads account just to leave a review for the author when he asked me. I finished the book in almost a single sitting because it was just so good and I just couldn't tear myself away from the gripping tale. Actually I don't think Ive ever read a book quite like a dream of waking life. It is like nothing Ive ever read even in the scifi genre. I see other reviews saying that it is all about lucid dreaming and while that is a part of it I dont think you need to be a lucid dreamer to appreciate this story at all. If you are a human being that dreams and loves and wonders about reality then you will also dream and love and wonder about this story. It really is a mix of so much, like action, drama, romance, science fiction, fantasy, philosophy, it has it all!

[Kellie Tibbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

This novel honestly had me from the very beginning. Matt Willish is fighting for his life, his sanity, confusion and questioning himself as too what's real. Lucid dreaming is something I've always been interested in and this book does not disappoint. Matt finds himself from a young man in a video game too an old man, alone in a hospital battling depression and his health. Dreams for some are just that! But for others, dreams are more real than waking life. Or are they? This novel is a definite page turner and at times my heart beat faster as events unfolded. This is a stand alone novel, however a sequel would absolutely peek my interest for another wild ride. If you love fiction then this book is for you. If you are interested in dreams , particularly lucid dreaming then I can't recommend this book enough.
E.S. did a phenomenal job with weaving in the other characters and I can't say enough about the picture he painted in my mind. It felt very real.
Would give 10 stars if this were an option.

[Mohit Chawla · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an outstanding job and literary work in the crime-fiction genre! This mystery book will ring in your ears like an Alfred Hitchcock or deeper with a subplot that is chilling. This book is a philosophical and psychological thriller that tells the story of one man's journey through space, time, and mind to not only discover his true identity but also the love of his life, who is slipping into another reality.
I love a smart, well-written mystery, especially one with a twist in the tale, so this was definitely my kind of book. I have to admit it took a lot of concentration to stay on top of events, but the best books usually require participation on the part of the reader.
This is an excellent book, as I would expect from this author.

[Marcin Tendera · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down. Who, what, where, why, and when... were always on my mind while diving into Dream of Waking Life! Even at the end of it all I am still thinking.. Do I really know what happened? Thrills and chills oh my, definitely a fun ride!

[Mateo · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's been about a year since reading Dream of Waking Life and it is still constantly on my mind and in my dreams both waking and sleeping. This is a bold, unique, ground breaking novel, audacious in what it is trying to achieve. And it does it achieve it! This is a pretty clear modern day homage to the story The Lathe of Heaven, and it is incredible!

I notice this book has racked up a healthy number of negative reviews. To be totally fair, this is to be predictable. This is not a traditional narrative. This is a compelling lens into insanity and the very ontological nature of not just the universe, but the very concept of concepts. If you are looking for an easy read that holds your hand the entire way through, this book isn't for you. This book is deep, and the subject matter it deals with is about as "deep" as one can get.

The characters are certainly compelling and though the main character is lacking in appeal he serves his role perfectly. This is a visionary story dealing with metaphysics that is exploring the nature of reality through the lens of a set of characters rather than exploring a set of characters through the lens of reality exploration.

As for the ending, it's perfect. It is a profound masterpiece level ending. Remember the Soprano's ending? Remember how much people hated that? Those people missed the whole point of the show, and the same goes with this novel. If you aren't satisfied with the ending, then the author did his job. This might be the story of Matthew Wilish but it is so much more as well. The last line of the book is, "...he knew the question would creep and permeate through his thoughts like nightmare black ink into pure white paper for the rest of his life." Guess what, no spoilers, because clearly many people who read the whole book missed the entire point of that line. It tells us everything. If you stuck with the story and put all the pieces together, that single line wraps up every single loose end in a single gut punch knock out!.

My favorite part was Chapter 24: the good lives. Wow. That sequence left me reeling.

A profound, unique and borderline alien story that resonates at the deepest levels of philosophical and existential inquiry. Thank you for the wild, one-of-a-kind ride!

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was quite a trip! Never knew where it was going next! Dream within a dream, what is true reality? Again, Betty Bat crushed it!

[Lizzy Steinhauer-Li · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thought-provoking, thrilling read and page-turner! There are plenty of twists and turns that keep you on the edge of your seat as you progress through the book! If you love psychological sci-fi thrillers and loveable characters, I highly recommend this book!

[Betty · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely FANTASTICAL journey through the main character's spiraling psyche. This story takes you on a wild ride with plenty of twists and turns. Just when you start thinking you've figured it out BOOM you realize you and Matthew both have no idea! A seriously highly recommended story!
Enjoy dreamers~!

[Robert Jarvis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an absorbing read, like trying to follow Alice as she goes through her adventures, except bringing in more realities (or dreams) than you expect. Don’t think you can decide where one ends and if another has started. I would gladly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in where dreams and reality intersect

[Jacob Mollicone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fein's previous novel Points Of Origin was phenomenal, but this story takes it to another level!
His writing is stellar and the improvement in the story and characters is impossible not to notice
This book gets a huge recommendation from me!

[Angélica Correia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! I love it!!! I can’t wait to read more from this author.

[Willy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met the author in person, and, well, he was right when he said this book is unlike anything out there. What a bizarre and crazy ride I just went on. I put off reading it for a few weeks, letting it just sit on my desk at home. Then, last night, I decided to try out the first page after hearing someone mention lucid dreaming on TV. I ended up finishing the book in a single sitting, right around 3am. At one point, the protagonist goes through this part-horrifying, part-comical scene where he loses his sense of time, and suddenly it is a half-day later and he has to pee extremely badly. I felt the same way at one point, as I just totally lost myself in this story.

The story centers around three main "realities" or "unrealities" as the protagonist refers to them. There are some sweet actions scenes in this book, and they can be pretty jarring and horrific, but even more horrific is the existential situation the main character Matt finds himself in. The author did an incredible job of really laying out what it would be like to experience infinite existence and insanity, while simultaneously having no idea what is truly real all at once. All the while, he turns the whole story into a love story as well. Very well executed story, but certainly very strange in its execution as well. Utterly unique, that's for sure.

The ending actually made me tear up a bit, which is the mark of a great story with excellent emotional investment. I'm going to check out the author's other books today (I bought all 3). Thanks again for the wild ride and unforgettable experience!

[Frank Aberman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked the book up on a whim and I am so glad I did. I am a lucid dreamer as well, and this book really dug deep beneath my skin. I totally lost myself in the narrative, and I felt like the book was speaking to me directly in some areas. There was times I questioned my own sanity, which I am pretty sure is exactly what the author was going for. I was taken back to so many periods of my life of which a great deal of reality was confusing and blurred but at the same time full of possibilities and what ifs. There is something special and terrible and wonderful about this book. I read it twice back to back and I might even read it again. There is no other book like it. I am not saying it is perfect, but it is unlike anything I have ever read in way it amalgamates philosophy, love, thrill, scifi, and even humor in many parts. It is a strange book, but I cannot help feeling oddly connected to it in so many ways. It is like the author tapped into something inside me or inside all of us. There is no "About the Author" section in the book, but there is a prologue in which the author talks about his own experiences with lucid dreaming and insanity, and that much is very clear. I think this book is a window into a vivid and wild mind. Very much worth the read!

[JulieAnn Crane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Intriguing, trippy, and thought-provoking, this book had me captivated from the very first chapter. The dream/wake sequences are so vivid and unique that I found myself thinking about the book at other times during the day. I was even dreaming about it! I felt in tune with Matt’s emotions and thoughts - I especially liked how he asked himself reasonable questions about his situation early on (Am I awake here? Am I dreaming?). There’s nothing worse than a character who doesn’t get it until LONG after we do, and that definitely was NOT the case here. Matt’s incessant whining for May did get annoying after a while, but it was understandable given his situation and helped add to his personality and motivation throughout. I’m still pulling apart that ending - definitely a sign of a great book!

[Emmie Hamilton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a WILD journey. I honestly don't even know where to begin. Matt, the MC, believes he is lucid dreaming after he wakes up in his video game, then in what he thought was the real world, then a futuristic trippy hospital as an old man. He goes through this cycle throughout the entire book as he tries to figure out what is reality, and more than that, what reality really means. This was trippy, sad, heartbreaking, and honestly I felt myself slipping away a bit as Matt was as well. Really interesting narrative - can honestly say I've never read a book like this before and I will be thinking about it in the days to come.

[Christine Ariah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Endless twists and turns. Non-traditional plotline that keeps you guessing to the very end. Many stories and different things happening all at once. I met the author at a convention and he said to look out for little clues to a subplot taking place in the story and he said to pay attention to the very last line. I think I got it? Don't want to leave spoilers! Really clever ideas, and very well written. Really pulled me through a whole range of emotions. I'll be checking out E.S.fein's other works as well. Seems like a really nice man in real life, and a very great author. Thanks for the incredible and wild ride!

[Debaruna Ghosh · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an incredible and well thought sci-fi fictional story. The narration jumps in between numerous elements.
The authors take at blending science fiction with thriller, mystery and romance is laudable.
The narration is well crafted and so different from other books of the same genre. The story line is fact paced with an appropriate mix of mystery, the characters are well developed, the scenes are vividly described and the plot is fascinating. Yhe cover is captivating and intriguing, keeping the readers wanting for more.

[Neal Werner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found out about E. S. Fein from a recent convention in the Midwestern of the US. I just finished reading all his books. Most of all I enjoyed this one, A Dream of Waking Life. I have never read a book like this book. Such incredible ideas, and I became invested in the characters. Especially Dr. Heron. Despite being the villain, I really enjoyed his portrayal. Fein is an exceptional writer, and this story will pull you in and never let go. I can see the ending being controversial, but I personally very enjoyed it. I thought it was the perfect way to "end" this insane journey.

[Jb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best lucid dreaming book I've read! I finished the book in just a few hours. He blends scifi, fantasy, horror, and philosophy seemlessly into one.

Fein creates a sense of existential horror and paranoia that I haven't found in other books. He takes you on a ride through infinity and makes you question the nature of your own reality.

I was was left feeling...am I on drugs or AM I DREAMING? Am I in a book too?