The First Relationship: Infant and Mother, With a New Introduction

by Daniel N. Stern

Daniel Stern's pathbreaking video-based research into the intimate complexities of mother-infant interaction has had an enormous impact on psychotherapy and developmental psychology. His minute analyses of the exchanges between mothers and babies have offered empirical support and correction for many theories of development. In the complex and instinctive choreography of "conversations," including smiles, gestures, and gazing, Stern discerned patterns of both emotional harmony and emotional incongruity that illuminate children's relationships with others in the larger world. Now a noted authority on early development, Stern first reviewed his unique methods and observations in The First Relationship . Intended for parents as well as for therapists and researchers, it offers a lucid and nontechnical overview of the author's key ideas and encapsulates the major themes of his subsequent books. "When I reread The First Relationship I was astonished to find in it almost all the ideas that have guided my work in the subsequent decades. At first I didn't know whether to be depressed or delighted. As I thought it over, I am encouraged by the realization that I had some basic perspective at the very beginning that was sufficiently well founded to guide twenty-five years of observation and ideas...This book makes it possible to see, or foresee, the unfolding of an intrinsic design."
--from the new introduction by Daniel Stern

Genres: Parenting, Psychology

192 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1977

Reviews

[Naphi3 kzm · Rating 3 out of 5]

محتوای کتاب به مطالعاتی در حوزه پژوهش راجع به ریزه کاری های تعامل مراقب و کودک در شش ماهه اول پرداخته، مطالب گاها آموزنده هستند و ارزش خوندن داره به نظرم منتها حتما زبان اصلی.
ترجمه کتاب از مقصود خدایاری افتضاحه!

[Gabriel Pincus · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the first 3 chapters of the book, which establish the basic building blocks of infant-parent communication, e.g. eye contact, smiles. As a new parent, it is helpful to know (beyond mere intuition) that these are the earliest forms of communication, and also when and how they are likely to appear (generally not until at least 6 weeks-3 months). I also found it interesting to explain my own innate behaviors/communication repertoire, eg exaggerated faces, baby voice. As the book proceeds, the author theorizes how these basic building blocks become dialogues and eventually relationships. This is the majority of the book and feels far more speculative/subjective/theoretical. I don't doubt (it is obvious) that relationships are built on repeated interactions, and that interactions in turn are built on more atomic forms of communication, but the author presents it in almost a mathematical way, kind of formulaic or like a recipe, which doesn't resonate with me. The book also becomes increasingly abstract and conceptual as it progresses into these theories.

[Valeria B · Rating 3 out of 5]

More of an academic paper rather than a book - lots of info, descriptions of methods, quite unstructured and conceptual without clear messages. Some interesting points though, but nothing too groundbreaking if you already are a parent.

[Ruby Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hours of observing film footage of mothers interacting with their infants led Stern to write that “the infant is a virtuoso performer in his attempts to regulate both the level of stimulation from the caregiver and the internal level of stimulation in himself. The mother is also a virtuoso in her moment-by-moment regulation of the interaction.” Each member of the dyad comes with a limited repertoire of expression: facial expressions, head movements and gurgles on the part of the infant, mirroring, repetition and exaggeration on the part of the mother, and yet “Together they evolve some exquisitely intricate dyadic patterns.”

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book I think first time parents ought to read...to gain a deeper understanding of the intuitive parenting skills they already possess. I can't help but think that somewhere along the way the "gaze" was broken for me, or perhaps, I never had the gaze-path to begin with. :(
(Being told that on my first entry into the world that I "looked and looked and looked around.")

[Laurel Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for first time moms! Very reassuring.

[Oli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it around the birth of my first child. Rather academic but absolutely fascinating. The description of the mother-infant language helped me understand and appreciate our own experiences.

[LaLa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stern says this is a "what is" book not a "how to" book.
that is the best kind of book Dr Stern.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

More of a research focused book. Still interesting