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Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists
If a mountain man felt compelled to dance, how would he do it? If koala bears could talk, what would they say? And what’s the right pickup line, if you’re a necrophiliac? (Maybe “I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get you pregnant.”)
In the throes of debates like these, we’re lucky to have the learned people of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency , America's best low-budget humor website, and their edifying work. From their best-looking writers comes this collection of over three hundred lists, including...
“Signs Your Unicorn Is Cheating on You.”"Errors in Communication Between My Hairdresser and Me, in the Form of What I Said and What He Heard""Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock 'n' Roll""Things This One Girl Sitting Near Me in a Movie Theater Said Out Loud When One of the Characters Was Shown Pulling Into a Gas Station""Future Winners of the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest""Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters""The Collected Apologies of Lawrence H. Summers, President of Harvard""Exactly What I Mean When I Say My Ex-Girlfriend Kristin and I 'Wanted Different Things from Life’"And much, much more...
In the throes of debates like these, we’re lucky to have the learned people of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency , America's best low-budget humor website, and their edifying work. From their best-looking writers comes this collection of over three hundred lists, including...
“Signs Your Unicorn Is Cheating on You.”"Errors in Communication Between My Hairdresser and Me, in the Form of What I Said and What He Heard""Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock 'n' Roll""Things This One Girl Sitting Near Me in a Movie Theater Said Out Loud When One of the Characters Was Shown Pulling Into a Gas Station""Future Winners of the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest""Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters""The Collected Apologies of Lawrence H. Summers, President of Harvard""Exactly What I Mean When I Say My Ex-Girlfriend Kristin and I 'Wanted Different Things from Life’"And much, much more...
224 pages, Paperback
First published September 12, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 129 reviews
January 20, 2008
REASONS TO READ MOUNTAIN MAN DANCE MOVES
-Unicorn on cover makes strangers think you are the sensitive
type.
-Learn impressive array of dance moves should you ever find
yourself at an Appalachian musical event.
-Guaranteed to inspire you to make your own lists, e.g.:
*"First drafts of 'If it's yellow let it mellow; if
it's brown, flush it down."
*"Gossip overheard in the back row of the Unitarian Universalist Sunday meeting."
*"Nicknames for men whose erections last longer than four
hours but who decline to phone the pharmaceutical
hotline."
*"Rejected ideas from the 'American Girl' product
development department"
*"Video games found at the Republican National Convention"
-Can steal witty material for your next cocktail party.
-Attractive, pleasing, transportable, low-energy, collected format obviates surfing the web for the same material (i.e. truly wireless).
-Brings order to a chaotic universe.
-Unicorn on cover makes strangers think you are the sensitive
type.
-Learn impressive array of dance moves should you ever find
yourself at an Appalachian musical event.
-Guaranteed to inspire you to make your own lists, e.g.:
*"First drafts of 'If it's yellow let it mellow; if
it's brown, flush it down."
*"Gossip overheard in the back row of the Unitarian Universalist Sunday meeting."
*"Nicknames for men whose erections last longer than four
hours but who decline to phone the pharmaceutical
hotline."
*"Rejected ideas from the 'American Girl' product
development department"
*"Video games found at the Republican National Convention"
-Can steal witty material for your next cocktail party.
-Attractive, pleasing, transportable, low-energy, collected format obviates surfing the web for the same material (i.e. truly wireless).
-Brings order to a chaotic universe.
September 12, 2021
Very short humor pieces. A lot of the humor in these lists is socially awkward/rude in the sort of way that maybe you could get away with that in 2006 but now it is 2021. Or maybe it was uncomfortable even in 2006. I decided not to finish it because of this.
October 6, 2011
I've kept this book in my car since April, reading a list here or there whenever I found the time. This isn't a book to be read all at once. The one time I sat down with it for a longer period - waiting for someone to arrive at the bus station - it quickly started to bore. Still, hilarious in small doses. I particularly like the song related lists such as "Changes to the Hotel California Made in Response to Mr. Henley's Recent Complaint." Comic gold.
January 3, 2009
My husband thinks these kind of books are destroying my mind, but I can't help myself. I'm addicted to fun (and now possibly, unicorn facts).
April 21, 2009
Here's a snippet:
Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters.
BY ADAM KOFORD
Chunky
Super-charged
Pondy
Wine-a-licious
Alcoholy
Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters.
BY ADAM KOFORD
Chunky
Super-charged
Pondy
Wine-a-licious
Alcoholy
May 26, 2022
Some of the lists in here were hilarious. I keep it on my bookshelf for those ones. The rest of them depend heavily on you having grown up in the 2000s. I got a lot more references than I would have expected, but I noted just how many consecutive pages I'd have been flipping if I didn't have a strange fascination with pop culture and show business from that era.
If you know about 2000s pop culture, you might enjoy a few more lists than those of us who don't. But even then, I'd say most of the book (like with any joke book) is... negligible.
If you know about 2000s pop culture, you might enjoy a few more lists than those of us who don't. But even then, I'd say most of the book (like with any joke book) is... negligible.
June 12, 2018
Funny stuff
Perfect for when you don’t have a long time to read. Each list is maybe a page. Lots of subtle humor. 80% of it hit for me.
Perfect for when you don’t have a long time to read. Each list is maybe a page. Lots of subtle humor. 80% of it hit for me.
January 11, 2019
Mountain Man Dance Moves - McSweeneys
A gift from justine- it’s a pretty fun book of lists, written by witty people for witty people, I think Garett would like it.
A gift from justine- it’s a pretty fun book of lists, written by witty people for witty people, I think Garett would like it.
May 23, 2020
A fun piece of silliness you can pass around or read to another person.
January 26, 2022
Includes full pre-desist version of “what i like about you.”
April 20, 2022
I loved the Unicorn lists. A few of the others were funny, but many were just downright weird.
August 17, 2022
It's not McSweeney's fault that by the time I'm reading this listicles have become an overdone format for jokes, but their jokes are dated nonetheless.
December 12, 2022
There’s some funny stuff in here. Some hit or miss too, but it’s pretty entertaining overall.
July 25, 2024
F yeah this was awesome. Read it in one day (not a huge achievement but it was fun). I want to make my own now. There are some smart and witty people out there.
August 29, 2008
This book contains a number of helpful lists. For example, there's a list titled "NICKNAMES FOR TOUGH UNICORNS." I find this useful because our kickball team's mascot is an inflatable unicorn, and we've been trying unsuccessfully to assign nicknames to our teammates for two seasons. This list offers perfect unicorn-themed kickball nicknames, such as Impaler, Mythdemeanor, Horny D, Rainblow, Crazy Horse, and (my favorite) Drill Bitch. Problem solved!
As this book's resplendent cover indicates, many of the lists are unicorn-themed.
Here are some of my other favorite lists:
FUTURE WINNERS OF THE NEW YORKER CARTOON CAPTION CONTEST
"You're doing something unusual, Harold!"
"I certainly am in a bar with other businessmen."
"This desert island is a bummer."
"I love being wealthy in the Hamptons."
"I'm saying a cliché in a different context, Pam."
"I like intercourse."
"I'm thinking something incongruous to what I'm doing."
TOTALITARIAN INSTITUTIONS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE FITTING FOR GEORGE ORWELL'S 1984, CONSIDERING HOW THAT YEAR TURNED OUT
The Ministry of Denim
The Ministry of Footloose Starring Kevin Bacon
The Ministry of the Beef and Where It Currently Is
The Ministry of Girls Just Wanting to Have Fun
The Ministry of Fools, and the Pity with Which Mr. T Regards Them
ACTUAL ENGLISH NAMES CHOSEN BY OUR ESL STUDENTS IN SUZHOU, CHINA
Napoleon
Beyoncé
Whiskey
Virus
Bob Shop
WAYS I WOULD SUBTLY MENTION MY INVENTION OF THE HOVERBOARD IN EVERYDAY CONVERSATION
"Yeah, traffic was terrible yesterday. But not for me, since I soared above it on my hoverboard."
"I like your hat. I would get one like it, but I'd probably lose it while riding my hoverboard."
"Yes, this week has gone by fast--fast like the hoverboard I invented."
"Excuse me. Could you pick up my pen? Unfortunately, it is susceptible to gravity, unlike my hoverboard."
"Did someone say 'hoverboard'? No? Well, now that we're on the subject..."
"Hoverboard! Which I invented."
HAIRCUTS I HAVE REVIEWED WHILE RIDING TO WORK ON THE SUBWAY
On a bowl cut: "This cut is to fashion sense what the microwave is to cooking: bland, insipid, and uninspired."
On a bob: "Great energy but poor execution."
On a crew cut: "A minefield of danger and delight. The gel says 'stay' and the spikes say 'play.'"
On a double French braid: "This casual luxury brings to mind Heidi of the Swiss prom."
On a short cut (male): "Wind-tossed fun--the happy drama of the ocean on the surface of the human head."
On a short cut (female): "A short, shorn bird's nest of salt-and-pepper respectability. Middle-aged never had it so good."
On a hat: "A triumph of understatement."
As this book's resplendent cover indicates, many of the lists are unicorn-themed.
Here are some of my other favorite lists:
FUTURE WINNERS OF THE NEW YORKER CARTOON CAPTION CONTEST
"You're doing something unusual, Harold!"
"I certainly am in a bar with other businessmen."
"This desert island is a bummer."
"I love being wealthy in the Hamptons."
"I'm saying a cliché in a different context, Pam."
"I like intercourse."
"I'm thinking something incongruous to what I'm doing."
TOTALITARIAN INSTITUTIONS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE FITTING FOR GEORGE ORWELL'S 1984, CONSIDERING HOW THAT YEAR TURNED OUT
The Ministry of Denim
The Ministry of Footloose Starring Kevin Bacon
The Ministry of the Beef and Where It Currently Is
The Ministry of Girls Just Wanting to Have Fun
The Ministry of Fools, and the Pity with Which Mr. T Regards Them
ACTUAL ENGLISH NAMES CHOSEN BY OUR ESL STUDENTS IN SUZHOU, CHINA
Napoleon
Beyoncé
Whiskey
Virus
Bob Shop
WAYS I WOULD SUBTLY MENTION MY INVENTION OF THE HOVERBOARD IN EVERYDAY CONVERSATION
"Yeah, traffic was terrible yesterday. But not for me, since I soared above it on my hoverboard."
"I like your hat. I would get one like it, but I'd probably lose it while riding my hoverboard."
"Yes, this week has gone by fast--fast like the hoverboard I invented."
"Excuse me. Could you pick up my pen? Unfortunately, it is susceptible to gravity, unlike my hoverboard."
"Did someone say 'hoverboard'? No? Well, now that we're on the subject..."
"Hoverboard! Which I invented."
HAIRCUTS I HAVE REVIEWED WHILE RIDING TO WORK ON THE SUBWAY
On a bowl cut: "This cut is to fashion sense what the microwave is to cooking: bland, insipid, and uninspired."
On a bob: "Great energy but poor execution."
On a crew cut: "A minefield of danger and delight. The gel says 'stay' and the spikes say 'play.'"
On a double French braid: "This casual luxury brings to mind Heidi of the Swiss prom."
On a short cut (male): "Wind-tossed fun--the happy drama of the ocean on the surface of the human head."
On a short cut (female): "A short, shorn bird's nest of salt-and-pepper respectability. Middle-aged never had it so good."
On a hat: "A triumph of understatement."
January 26, 2009
A fun compilation of the lists from McSweeney's Website, selected by the McSweeney's group. Excellent bathroom reading, but doesn't always work for reading aloud to folks. Recurring gags throughout books include Unicorn lists and found (?) brochures on German tourist attractions. Other subject matter runs the mill from politics to religion to pop culture, also work-related and hygienic.
Some lists are hilarious; others less than amusing. Great cover on the paperback edition, but I have a sneaking suspicion that if I were to run out of TP in the bathroom and found out that Charmin, AngelSoft, and those other great TP folks stopped making their fabulous products, this would be the book that gets sacrificed, without compunction.
Trivial fact: friends of mine attempted to submit their lists. But were shut out.
Some lists are hilarious; others less than amusing. Great cover on the paperback edition, but I have a sneaking suspicion that if I were to run out of TP in the bathroom and found out that Charmin, AngelSoft, and those other great TP folks stopped making their fabulous products, this would be the book that gets sacrificed, without compunction.
Trivial fact: friends of mine attempted to submit their lists. But were shut out.
December 14, 2012
Even if you've read these lists on the McSweeney's website -- which, let's face it, you have if you're considering picking up this book -- the "Mountain Man Dance Moves" collection is still a lot of fun and worth buying. The lists are compiled in a new order and with some recurring themes, so it wins a lot of presentation points. Most of the lists will get laughs out of you multiple times, so it's a good book to keep around for the occasional re-read to boost your mood. And this book supports independent and upcoming writers, so you can't beat that.
You can read these lists on-line for free, or you can pay a few bucks for a convenient tangible copy to amuse yourself after the Apocalypse knocks out the power grid. I don't know about you, but I want some printed unicorn humor around to read by candlelight. So I'm glad I own this book, and I think you'd be glad to own it, too.
You can read these lists on-line for free, or you can pay a few bucks for a convenient tangible copy to amuse yourself after the Apocalypse knocks out the power grid. I don't know about you, but I want some printed unicorn humor around to read by candlelight. So I'm glad I own this book, and I think you'd be glad to own it, too.
September 9, 2016
The unicorn theme made me laugh as well as a few other surprising unexpected twists. Here's a favorite:
Eight Reasons Why a Tyrannosaur Caught in a Tornado is a Funny Thing to Think About
by Austin Allen
1. The tiny flailing arms
2. The helpless "RARRRRRR!"
3. The angry, wild-eyed expression
4. That dinosaur with the sail on his back floats by and he's just cruisin'
5. The landing.
6. The Wizard of Oz music in the background. What an anachronism!
7. Tyrannosaurs inhabited the western United States, an area of the country known for it's heavy tornado activity. Statistically speaking, it is probable that the scenario in question actually happened at least once. In this, as in all enduring comedy, there is a grain on indubitable truth in side the humor.
8. "RARRRRRR!" Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha "RAAAARRRRRRRRRR!"
Eight Reasons Why a Tyrannosaur Caught in a Tornado is a Funny Thing to Think About
by Austin Allen
1. The tiny flailing arms
2. The helpless "RARRRRRR!"
3. The angry, wild-eyed expression
4. That dinosaur with the sail on his back floats by and he's just cruisin'
5. The landing.
6. The Wizard of Oz music in the background. What an anachronism!
7. Tyrannosaurs inhabited the western United States, an area of the country known for it's heavy tornado activity. Statistically speaking, it is probable that the scenario in question actually happened at least once. In this, as in all enduring comedy, there is a grain on indubitable truth in side the humor.
8. "RARRRRRR!" Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha "RAAAARRRRRRRRRR!"
January 25, 2008
So I know the cover of this book looks ridiculous. I got it as a Christmas gift from Matt's sister and thought she was nuts...I had never heard of McSweeney's before. Basically it's a compilation of random lists. It sounds bizarre, but will be some of the funniest stuff you've EVER read!
Just to give you a sample, one of the lists is called "Scratch and Sniff Books that have failed the test of time". In the list are such titles as: "Curious George and the Truck full of Ether", "Carbon Monoxide: Friend or Foe" and of course "The Book of Job". It is seriously hilarious...I thought I might pee my pants laughing so hard!
Just to give you a sample, one of the lists is called "Scratch and Sniff Books that have failed the test of time". In the list are such titles as: "Curious George and the Truck full of Ether", "Carbon Monoxide: Friend or Foe" and of course "The Book of Job". It is seriously hilarious...I thought I might pee my pants laughing so hard!
November 2, 2012
My dear friend was kind enough to send me this book for my birthday several years ago and I have been laughing ever since I opened it for the first time Best of all there are numerous lists about unicorns and koala bears!
Signs Your Unicorn is Cheating on You
Seems emotionally distant and uninterested
Wears fancier tail ribbons
Starts working out at the gym
Quickly closes its laptop when you walk into its enchanted den
Credit card bill full of charges to area elf lodges
The "three Cs": confrontation, criticism and complaints
Every time you say the word "magic," it sighs forlornly
Is making a movie with Angelina Jolie
Signs Your Unicorn is Cheating on You
Seems emotionally distant and uninterested
Wears fancier tail ribbons
Starts working out at the gym
Quickly closes its laptop when you walk into its enchanted den
Credit card bill full of charges to area elf lodges
The "three Cs": confrontation, criticism and complaints
Every time you say the word "magic," it sighs forlornly
Is making a movie with Angelina Jolie
December 3, 2014
Brought to you by McSweeney's, this collection of lists submitted by readers is silly, with undertones of randomness. Especially the unicorn bits.
Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters
Chunky
Supercharged
Pondy
Wine-a-licious
Alcoholy
Things Going Through Robert Plant's Mind When Jimmy Page Takes a Solo
What is today, Wednesday? It's been... What is it, Tuesday... Monday... I guess it has been a long time since I've rocked and rolled.
BUMP BUMP wheedly deedlydeedly DEE! BUMP BUMP BUMP wha-wha weeeer do-de-doodly-deet-dee. BUMP BUMP wht-weer doort do duh dee deer. Doot doot deet doot duyh deert dee!
Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters
Chunky
Supercharged
Pondy
Wine-a-licious
Alcoholy
Things Going Through Robert Plant's Mind When Jimmy Page Takes a Solo
What is today, Wednesday? It's been... What is it, Tuesday... Monday... I guess it has been a long time since I've rocked and rolled.
BUMP BUMP wheedly deedlydeedly DEE! BUMP BUMP BUMP wha-wha weeeer do-de-doodly-deet-dee. BUMP BUMP wht-weer doort do duh dee deer. Doot doot deet doot duyh deert dee!
July 12, 2007
This book is just what the title would indicate: a book of lists. But this isn't the old "Book of Lists" you remember from the 1970s -- the lists are along the lines of "Times that a four-dollar umbrella will break" (one of the items is "when you touch it"). Nevertheless, it's generally so hilarious that I was embarrassed to read it on the subway because every time I did I would burst into laughter and people would look at me as though I was one of those crazy people you don't want to sit next to. Go out and buy it RIGHT NOW.
April 8, 2008
This book never gets old. It's great for road trips or when you just need to laugh at something random. One of the classic lists:
SIGNS YOUR UNICORN IS CHEATING ON YOU
by Christopher Monks
Seems emotionally distant and uninterested
Wears fancier tail ribbons
Starts working out at the gym
Quickly closes its laptop when you walk into its enchanted den
Credit card bill full of charges to area elf lodges
The “three C’s”: confrontation, criticism, and complaints
Every time you say the word “magic” it sighs forlornly
Is making a movie with Angelina Jolie
SIGNS YOUR UNICORN IS CHEATING ON YOU
by Christopher Monks
Seems emotionally distant and uninterested
Wears fancier tail ribbons
Starts working out at the gym
Quickly closes its laptop when you walk into its enchanted den
Credit card bill full of charges to area elf lodges
The “three C’s”: confrontation, criticism, and complaints
Every time you say the word “magic” it sighs forlornly
Is making a movie with Angelina Jolie
June 16, 2008
Hilarious. Don't let creepy unicorn cover deter you from reading this book. It's a great book to just have around and read a list here and there.
Some of my favorites:
Little-Known Song Titles that Answer Questions Posed in Better-Known Songs: "Love Has Everything to Do With It If, by 'It,' You Mean Romantic Relationships but Significantly Less If You Were Talking About Auto Repair"
Methods Other Than Song By Which One Can Be Killed Softly: Stuffed Animal Avalanche
....I could keep going forever, but I'll stop with two. It's a funny, quick read. I'd recommend it.
Some of my favorites:
Little-Known Song Titles that Answer Questions Posed in Better-Known Songs: "Love Has Everything to Do With It If, by 'It,' You Mean Romantic Relationships but Significantly Less If You Were Talking About Auto Repair"
Methods Other Than Song By Which One Can Be Killed Softly: Stuffed Animal Avalanche
....I could keep going forever, but I'll stop with two. It's a funny, quick read. I'd recommend it.
July 30, 2008
Yes, very funny, very irreverent.
True unicorn story: on March 14, 2007, a late-model Toyota truck ran two red lights, veered into a gas station parking lot (narrowly missing the bank of gas pumps), jerked and skidded all over the place and then came to a dead halt against something solid. The driver, Mr. X, who has something like ten DUIs, claimed that a unicorn had highjacked his car, terrorized him with its horrible driving (animals with hooves make for awful drivers), crashed the car and then leapt off on four hocked legs into the night, leaving poor Mr. X to take the heat.
True unicorn story: on March 14, 2007, a late-model Toyota truck ran two red lights, veered into a gas station parking lot (narrowly missing the bank of gas pumps), jerked and skidded all over the place and then came to a dead halt against something solid. The driver, Mr. X, who has something like ten DUIs, claimed that a unicorn had highjacked his car, terrorized him with its horrible driving (animals with hooves make for awful drivers), crashed the car and then leapt off on four hocked legs into the night, leaving poor Mr. X to take the heat.
November 5, 2011
INAPPROPRIATE NAMES FOR SPECIALTY FURNITURE SHOPS
Stool Samples
The Ottoman Empire
Knobs
Hidden In-desk-retion
Great (One) Nightstands
Getting the Chair
*****
Unicorn on the cover
Now with 20% more advice for the tourist in Germany
Liberal sensibilities
It's from 2006
Half of the book is unfunny
*****
7 HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE
1. Skiing
2. Yachting
3. Snorkeling
4. Golf
5. Polo
6. Dinner parties
7. Shopping
October 14, 2013
Blair's Pick!
By far no other book has made me laugh this hard. It is the essence of a cynical yet hopeful generation of intellectuals who give new meaning to lists, although I’m not sure what the old meaning was, but the new meaning is much funnier. This book will make you popular at social gatherings by reading aloud, or more impressively, reciting from memory, one of the many adorably funny lists in this book such as “Ways in which I have personally taken it upon myself to mess with Texas.”
By far no other book has made me laugh this hard. It is the essence of a cynical yet hopeful generation of intellectuals who give new meaning to lists, although I’m not sure what the old meaning was, but the new meaning is much funnier. This book will make you popular at social gatherings by reading aloud, or more impressively, reciting from memory, one of the many adorably funny lists in this book such as “Ways in which I have personally taken it upon myself to mess with Texas.”
July 24, 2007
As with most of McSweeney's recent output there is some good and some bad in this collection. One of the central problems of this group seems to be that they are excellent at coming up with concepts but weaker in the execution. In that regard the ideas for these lists are often much funnier than the actual lists. Still, it is a good book for pulling out when you have a few free minutes at a Doctor's office or something like that.
April 19, 2009
If you love lists, or unicorns, or McSweeney's, or irony, this book is for you. I don't recommend reading it in one sitting, since it get's a little predictable, but it's definitely the thing to pick up when wanting a morsel of something hilarious or ridiculous. I DO recommend pulling it out at a party and entertaining the masses.
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I'm so happy my birthday is this week, because this came off my wish list! I've skipped around and had hilarious fun. Can't wait to read more.
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I'm so happy my birthday is this week, because this came off my wish list! I've skipped around and had hilarious fun. Can't wait to read more.
January 20, 2008
I love the sheer silliness of McSweeney's lists, and so I enjoyed this compilation (although 216 pages of lists might be a little too much at once of a good thing). Favorites include "Changes to the Hotel California Made in Response to Mr. Henley's Recent Complaint," "Things I'd Probably Say If the Bush Administration Were Just a Weekly TV Show and I Were a Regular Viewer," and "Things That Paper Could Be Replaced With to Make Rock, Paper, Scissors More Believable."
Displaying 1 - 30 of 129 reviews