How to Sell Yourself: Winning Techniques for Selling Yourself, Your Ideas...Your Message

by Arch Lustberg

How many people do you know who have a knack for connecting with others? Very few of us are born with it. The rest of us need to learn it. This book explains in clear, simple, easy-to-understand, common sense terms the skills you need to develop to get your message across in any speaking situation. The secret of winning communication is "likeability". Some people call it warmth. Some call it charm or charisma. Whatever name you give it, likeability can be learned. If you know how to use it to communicate effectively, it will improve your chances for success in every aspect of your life. Arch Lustberg, an acclaimed speaker, teacher and coach has filled this book with practical skills. He demonstrates how you can sell yourself, your ideas and your organization. This book is about how to use your mind, your face, your body, and your voice to win, because in the end likeability wins.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Business

206 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Steven Kaminski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book. Having been raised by wolves and growing up inside a library I'm one of those fellows who could politely be called socially awkward. This book actually was pretty helpful (with pictures even) about how you can improve your presentation of yourself out in the general public. A worthy read for people like me who have a hard time grasping those basic etiquette rules...

[Danijela Jerković · Rating 5 out of 5]

Communication Errors Avoidance Tools, Methods, and Techniques...

COMMUNICATION is the transfer of information from one mind to another mind, or to a group of other minds.
It can be in the form of an idea, a fact, an image, an emotion, or a story.
It can be written, spoken, drawn, danced, sung, or mimed.

Whatever the medium, if the message doesn’t reach the other person, there’s no communication, or there’s miscommunication.

The simple premise of this book is that every time you open your mouth, in order for communication to happen, you have to sell yourself.
If you don’t sell yourself, communication is nearly impossible.
If you do, your message will get across.


Every time you open your mouth to speak you’re doing the equivalent of selling yourself, whether the communication is:

• Exchanging a greeting.
• Talking on the phone.
• Chatting with family, friends, colleagues, strangers, or clients.
• Speaking up at a meeting.
• Delivering a presentation.
• Interviewing for a job.
• Running as a candidate for election.
• Testifying before a legislative or regulatory body or a jury.
• Teaching.
• Preaching.
• Negotiating.


That’s what selling yourself is all about.
It’s getting your message across, sending the right signals that you’re saying what you mean and that you mean what you say.
Understanding you should take no special effort on the part of the person you’re talking to.


Everything you do sends a signal to the audience.
The way you look at me, the way you use your hands, the way you stand or sit, the inflection in your voice, all-cause me to reach certain conclusions about you.
The book is about the signals you send, how you send them, and how your listener receives them.

Communication is about instant understanding.
It’s about the audience, your listeners, going away with the message you intended for them.

If you have nothing to communicate, don’t.
The trick is to make the message immediately understood.


There are three things we all need to sell ourselves:

1: Competence.
2: Likability.
3: Luck


Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
~ Oscar Wilde



Selling Your Competence...

There are four communication tools available to each of us:

1: Your mind.
2: Your face.
3: Your body.
4: Your voice.


The use of the brain (mind) is the key.


As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves.
~ Mahatma Gandhi



Selling Your Likability...

You give your audience four choices:

1: They can like you.
2: They can dislike you.
3: They can be neutral to you and not care one way or the other.
4: They can feel sorry for you

Use of face, body, and voice are your keys to likability.


When the mind, face, body, and voice are working together for the benefit of the audience, the end result is almost always likability, and likability wins.


Become the best version of yourself!
Becoming the best version of yourself means getting back to your quintessential self.
As straightforward as that sounds, it's anything but:
Authentic self-discovery takes courage and tenacity.
To approach your essential self, you must turn away from distracting false beliefs that cloud or distort your self-perception.



Selling with Confidence ...

The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence.
~Blake Lively

Important: although stress is a communication killer, nervousness is an asset.

With the skill how to turn stress (bad) into nervous energy (good), it is possible to develop the all-important ingredient: confidence.

In anything you do, the greater your confidence in yourself and your abilities, the stronger your impact.
That’s being prepared. It’s knowing how to take control of your own metabolism and turn your
stress into nervousness that generates enthusiasm and energy.

Good spoken communication begins with good breathing.
Self-control is the name of the game.

Proper breathing before—and during—presentation is a vital ingredient in delivering every message with confidence.

When you have self-confidence, your audience will have confidence in you.
They’ll like you better, and likability wins.


Confidence comes from hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.
~Robert Staubach



Selling with the Right Signals...

Everything you do sends signals to the people you’re talking to.

Few realize how loud their expressions really are. Be kind with what you wordlessly say.
~Richelle E. Goodrich,
Making Wishes: Quotes, Thoughts, & a Little Poetry for Every Day of the Year


Much of being a good communicator is being a good listener. You’re sending signals even when you’re not speaking.


I do listen. I just wait for the words to stop and your eyes to speak.
~Richelle E. Goodrich,
Slaying Dragons: Quotes, Poetry, & a few Short Stories for Every Day of the Year


When you’re not speaking, you’re still “on”.
The point is that when you’re not speaking, you have to stay alert and look interested because the audience may be looking at you.

Listening is as important to a career as learning to speak well.
Communication isn’t complete without both.

Signal-sending and -receiving touches every facet of our lives.

More often than not, interpersonal problems are caused by misunderstood signals rather than by misunderstood words.

The words we choose, the way we say them, and the way we look all have an important bearing on the signals we send.
It doesn’t really matter what we say if it doesn’t reach the person who hears it the way we intended.

The rule is that nothing you do and nothing you wear should attract unnecessary attention.
Anything that’s noticed about you can destroy your message.
Anything that’s conspicuous will interrupt, interfere with, or cancel out your communication.
The goal is for the audience to leave with your message.

Communication means moving what’s in your mind easily and directly into the mind of the recipient. Anything that gets in the way of that movement, the intellectual and emotional movement, tends to destroy the communication


Listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
~ Graham Speechley



Selling Yourself As a Speaker...

There are three factors to consider in any speaking situation:

1: The logistics.
2: What to do.
3: How to do it.


If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.
~ John Quincy Adams


People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
~ Maya Angelou


You can speak well if your tongue can deliver the message of your heart.
~ John Ford


Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews...

We all have a dark side. Most of us go through life avoiding direct confrontation with that aspect of ourselves, which I call the shadow self. There's a reason why. It carries a great deal of energy.
~Lorraine Toussaint


I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation.
~John Cleese


Cooperation and respect for each other will advance the cause of human rights worldwide. Confrontation, vilification, and double standards will not.
~Robert Mugabe


Winning interviews:

- Prepare
- Pause
- Remain silent
- Maintain eye contact
- Inform
- Be honest
- Be positive
- Be simple
- Be memorable
- Be proud
- Smile
- Open your face
- Gesture
- Finally:
Don’t get angry. Don’t lose your cool. Don’t take an attack personally. That’s playing right into
the hands of the tabloid reporter. It makes a good copy for everyone but you.
Be the voice of reason.

Win the game.
Don’t deny—educate.
Don’t negate—inform.
Don’t fall into the buzzword trap—tell a story that relevantly contradicts the error.


I want to make sure I always show off my smile and have a positive attitude the whole time, whether it's during a performance, practice, or doing an interview.
~Laurie Hernandez


An investigation may take six months. A quick interview, profile, a day.
~Diane Sawyer


Selling Yourself in the Classroom...

The best teachers are those who show you where to look but don't tell you what to see.
~Alexandra K. Trenfor


Selling Your Product...

Selling is the process of persuading a person or a group to buy a product or a service.
The more beneficial to both, the more likely it is that the sale will be made and, more important, that each party will come away satisfied with the transaction.

For a sale to happen and for customer satisfaction to be the final and enduring result, some basic principles apply:

First, you’ve got to know your product.
Second, you have to believe in your company, your product, and yourself.
Third, “Ya gotta know the territory,” as Meredith Willson said in one of the songs from The Music Man. That means you need to know who the decision-maker is and sell to that person.



Selling Yourself in the Job Interview

If you're going through hell, keep going.
~ Winston Churchill.


Opportunities don't happen, you create them.
~Chris Grosser


In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
~Albert Einstein



Selling Yourself When Testifying...

Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number, not voices, but weigh them.
~ Immanuel Kant


The testifying should be:

• Honest.
• Positive.
• Brief.
• Simple.
• Logical.
• Well-organized.
• Well-delivered.
• Anecdotal rather than statistical.
• A concise statement of your position


What do you want? What do you want your life to be? What do you want your testimony to be?
Go for it!
~Viola Davis



Selling Yourself in Meetings...


Management's job is to convey leadership's message in a compelling and inspiring way. Not just in meetings, but also by example.
~Jeffrey Gitomer

Words alone do not a successful meeting make.
Skillful, dynamic presentations do, whether you are the chairman, the chief speaker, or a participant.
The way you present yourself and your ideas, the way you communicate, can make all the difference between just getting through a meeting and getting the results you had hoped for.

Meeting skills can be acquired.


Meetings should have as few people as possible, but all the right people.
~Charles W. Scharf


Basically, there are five types of meetings, most of which have overlapping functions and purposes:
1: Information meetings.
2: Decision-making meetings.
3: Instruction meetings.
4: Motivation meetings.
5: Social meetings.



12 step guide to make your next meeting a success:

Step 1: If there’s no important information to exchange, don’t hold a meeting.
Step 2: Help attendees be prepared.
Step 3: Check the meeting site early.
Step 4: Start your meetings on time.
Step 5: Set the right tone.
Step 6: Use an agenda.
Step 7: Encourage participation.
Step 8: Remember: Our minds live in bodies.
Step 9: Watch for non-verbal signs.
Step 10: Beware of the signals you send.
Step 11: Hone your presentation.
Step 12: End on time.


People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything.
~Thomas Sowell



Selling Yourself in Negotiations...

Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.
[Inaugural Address, January 20, 1961]
~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy


We cannot negotiate with people who say what's mine is mine and what's yours is negotiable.
[ The Berlin Crisis: Radio and Television Address to the American People (The White House, July 25, 1961)]
~ John F. Kennedy


Everything is a negotiation. Everything is a little bit of give and take.
~Lamman Rucker


Conflict is good in a negotiation process... it's the clash of two ideas, which then, all being well, produces a third idea.
~Luke Roberts



The “Selling Yourself” Handbook...


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
~ Bernard M. Baruch


To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson



The Guidelines:

Talk, chat, converse, and communicate...
Work at getting your ideas across.
Be yourself...
The real you is far more desirable for an audience than the one you think you’re supposed to be.
You, speaking naturally and with good preparation, are the most impressive person you can be.
Open your face.
Smile when appropriate and genuine.
Gesture when it’s comfortable and appropriate.
Be open, giving, warm, friendly, and loving.
Speak in a quiet, conversational voice.
Pause.
Think silently.
Stay calm and reasonable.
Be positive.
Talk with pride.
Be ready for the worst possible scenario.
Be honest.
Admit, “I don’t know.”
Admit, “I don’t understand your question”.
Remember your audience at all times.
Keep eye contact.
Concentrate on what you know.
You’re the expert.
Have confidence in your preparation, your style, and your speaking skills.
Organize your material.
Practice aloud.
Use your text properly.
Use simple language.
Use short sentences.
Be concise.
Be clear.
Edit yourself.
Express yourself.
Practice the rhythm of eye contact.
Communicate ideas.
Be attentive to your audience’s signals.
Practice diaphragmatic breathing.
Look and sound pleasant and interesting.
Send positive, loving signals.
Be likable.



We must have the courage to bet on our ideas, take the calculated risk, and act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective and bring happiness.
~Maxwell Maltz


What your audience needs, expects, and wants is you, so be yourself.



IMAGINE|BELIEVE|ACHIEVE
Heart Believe & Mind Achieve!

[Jesse Nyokabi · Rating 5 out of 5]

One way to succeed in life is by learning how to effectively position, promote, or market yourself in any situation. Communication plays a vital role in achieving this. This is why I would like us to review the book “How to Sell Yourself,” subtitled “Winning Techniques for Selling Yourself …Your Ideas…Your Message.”

The book was written by Arch Lustberg, a renowned communication expert whose clients include top business leaders, association executives, public officials, and professionals from various fields.

Lustberg spent ten years teaching Speech and Drama at The Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C. He co-produced the Tony Award-nominated musical “Don’t Bother Me, I Can’t Cope,” and also produced and directed numerous LP record albums, including the Grammy-winning “Gallant Men” by the late Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen. Before founding his own company, Arch Lustberg Communications, he directed communication workshops for the United States Chamber of Commerce.

According to Lustberg, communication involves transferring information from one mind to another, or to a group. This can take the form of ideas, facts, images, emotions, or stories, and may be expressed through writing, speech, drawing, dance, song, or mime.

He emphasizes that regardless of the medium, if your message does not reach your audience, then communication has failed or resulted in miscommunication. The central premise of his book is that every time you speak, you must sell yourself for real communication to occur. Lustberg argues that without selling yourself, effective communication is almost impossible, but when you do, your message gets through.

Lustberg notes that selling is often thought of as being product-focused. However, that’s only one aspect. In product sales, the key factors are usually the salesperson and the price. Even so, people rarely make expensive purchases from someone they dislike. Similarly, we seldom pay attention to ideas presented by someone we don’t like, unless we have a strong personal or emotional interest in the subject.

He points out that good written communication is now as rare as good spoken communication, and many of the book’s principles for speech also apply to writing. However, not all great writing translates well to the spoken word. Too many speechwriters strive for literary greatness rather than writing for the speaker’s style and the audience’s ear.

The focus of this book is on the spoken word, which can be challenging. Even the best message can fail if it isn’t delivered as intended, resulting in the wrong message being received.

The book is divided into 14 chapters. Chapter one, “Selling Yourself,” identifies three essentials for selling yourself: competence, likability, and luck. Lustberg believes the first two usually lead to the third. However, it’s not enough just to possess competence and likability; what matters is that your audience perceives you as competent and likable. It’s not about pretending or deceiving the audience, but about using techniques to present your authentic self effectively.

Chapter two discusses selling your competence. Lustberg identifies four communication tools: the mind, face, body, and voice. He simplifies this by linking the mind to competence (what you say) and the face, body, and voice to likability (how you say it), acknowledging that there is some overlap.

He notes that few people excel when improvising—most need practice to appear spontaneous. He reminds readers that their unique backgrounds make them experts in certain areas, and they should use this uniqueness to their advantage. Preparation is key, and pausing before responding to questions or accusations allows that preparation to serve you well.

Chapters three through eight delve into topics such as selling your likability, selling with confidence, using the right signals, public speaking, handling confrontations and media interviews, and selling yourself in the classroom.

Chapter nine focuses on selling your product by first selling yourself. Lustberg shares his experience training thousands of Merrill Lynch financial consultants, noting that their sales improved dramatically after learning to use open expressions, eye contact, gestures, storytelling, and personalization. For sales to succeed and customer satisfaction to last, you must know your product, believe in your company, product, and yourself, and understand your market. These require intelligence, integrity, and initiative—the “three I’s.”

Chapters ten to fourteen cover selling yourself in job interviews, when testifying, in meetings, and during negotiations, and include a handbook on selling yourself.

Stylistically, the book stands out with its clear, logical presentation and use of reflective examples, detailed analysis, autobiographical anecdotes, and literary references to deepen understanding. Lustberg highlights key concepts in bold for emphasis. The book is attractively designed, with a glossy cover and well-formatted pages.

The book could be improved by consolidating chapters for greater conceptual clarity, which would also reduce some repetition and redundancy—a point Lustberg himself acknowledges in chapter nine.

Despite these minor flaws, this is an excellent resource for anyone looking to showcase their competence and succeed through effective communication strategies.

[Hamad Abdulsamad · Rating 3 out of 5]

كتاب خفيف، ليس ضروريا كما تم ترشيحه من قبل المختصين. الدورات التدريبية ومقاطع الفيديو الموجودة مجانا على اليوتيوب قد توفر لك نفس المادة، فهي لا تعتمد على دراسات وإنما آراء. الكاتب على ما يبدو أنه مختص، ولكن لا توجد دراسات. لذلك، إذا توفرت مادة مسموعة أو مرئية لنفس الكاتب أنصح بها، أما الكتاب فليس بالمهم، وهذا لا يعني أني لم أستفد منه.

[J. Schmidt · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some good points in this book about coming across in a likable manner. Much is a bit old school, but generally good advice. I appreciated the section on how to deal with "hostile" questions and helpful mindsets during job interviews. It is really well written (again old school without letting the content get lost in anecdotes as it commonly happens with many books nowadays).

[خالد]

لم أقرأ إلا أجزاء متفرقة منه. كتاب يُحاول أن يعطيك نتاجا لخبرات الكاتب في المواقف التي تحتاج فيها لأن تسوق لنفسك، أو أن تبيع نفسك بتعبير آخر.

أثناء التفاوض، وفي الاجتماعات وأثناء التحاور ومواقف أخرى تحتاج منك أن تكون متحدثا بارعا قادرا على الحديث مسيطرا على توتره وما قد يعيب القاءه.

أرى أن الاستغناء عن الكتاب بغيره ممكن، فهو لا يقدم سوى ما يراه الكاتب مناسبا في ظرف معين، وليس من الصعب أن تختلف معه أحيانا، وشخصيا، لو رغبت في التعمق أكثر في واحدة من مجالات الكتاب، لفضلت أن آخذ كتابا يتعمق فيها دون غيرها.

فشخص مثلي، لم يكن بحاجة لقراءة فصل اللقاءات التليفزيونية على سبيل المثال، رغم أنه لا عيب في امتلاك فكرة عن كل شيء.