Be Bad, Better: How Not Trying So Hard Will Set You Free

by Rebecca Seal

'An anthem! A permission slip! Freedom to be us in full glory and messiness ... a fun and freeing read' Melissa Hemsley'What a powerful, freeing, thought-provoking read this is. I let out a breath I hadn't even realised I was holding' Anna MathurYou do not have to be good. At some point, you'll have absorbed the message that being good is to be calm, efficient and tidy. Wise and well-meaning people offer to help you become worthy, to be positive and productive and to always say 'yes, I can!' But what if this is wrong? And what if some of the things we've been told are bad, are just as useful as the good?Blending science, expert interviews and practical advice, here is the flipside of everything we've been told we should be - and how the bad parts are really not so bad after all. You'll - Why it's helpful to feel angry - How it's counterproductive to always be productive - How laziness can improve your relationships - Why your body is, and has always been, absolutely fine - How clutter inspires creativity and enhances your sense of place - Why mindlessness is good for your mental health Be Bad, Better is not an invitation to start misbehaving but it is about taking what you think are your worst bits and asking what they could do to serve you. Examining how society polices our behaviour and artificially constructs the good and bad, here is a thoughtful and eminently helpful guide to reassessing your ideas of success, embracing every part of yourself and being bad, better.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology

400 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 28, 2023

About the author

Rebecca Seal is a former assistant editor of Observer Food Monthly and Observer Woman and is now a magazine editor and freelance journalist.

Specialising in food, drink and lifestyle pieces, Rebecca has written articles for many magazines and newspapers including Grazia, Red and Olive, The Guardian, The Financial Times, Sunday Telegraph, The Observer, The Times and Sunday Times. She is a food/drink expert on C4's Sunday Brunch.

Reviews

[books4chess · Rating 1 out of 5]

“If it weren’t for anxiety, we’d still be in caves”.

Rebecca Seal, a writer who has shared many columns throughout her career, compiled a wide range of information that she's collected throughout her career into an excitingly titled ‘be bad, better’. The premise is perfect - it’s telling us to collectively calm down. To stop being everything, to stop doing everything, to just exist and take pride in that. And honestly, I wanted it to be that so much. But from the introduction, it quickly becomes something else.

For anyone looking for an intro to a self-help book, this one has a lot of classic gems and banging one-liners.

Bare with me, because there’s a lot. First and foremost, Seal tries to cover EVERYTHING. And when you’re advising people on an approach to life but attempting to cover every single possibility - you can’t.

I love accurately represented intersectionality, but as a white, female, author, Seal seemed to struggle to connect with certain areas where she’d instead lift entire ideas. Whilst appropriately credited, there wasn’t really any analysis - at which point I’m left wondering why I didn’t just read the original authors take.

Many ideas were condensed to their original concept - for example the suggestion women of asian heritage seek out eyelid surgery because of the white lens - a concept not only disproven but layered in much nuance which is available from a simple Google search. One step further could have even looked into the uptick of caucasian men and women having the surgery in the past 5 years. Many of the takes were outdated, concepts I’d learnt a lot more about since first hearing them 10 years prior, and many statements were contradictory - don’t change yourself for the male gaze by any means, even though she admits she’d never dare to not wear makeup for fear of the perception.

Similarly, a lot of opinion as fact statements were sadly just incorrect. At the most basic level, Daniel Lieberman DOES say we evolved not to need exercise, but not that we shouldn’t do it, the latter point excluded due to lack of analysis of any external studies. I can’t lie, I’m always cautious around authors who reference loaded terms like ‘Big Pharma’ too.

I was really excited to read the book, but sadly the book didn’t excite me.

Thank you so much Souvenir Press for the gifted copy.

[Erin McNulty · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of the author’s points resonated, but it felt a bit all over the place, like she was trying to cover too much without landing any clear takeaways. It was well-researched but relied heavily on quotes and insights or interviews from others, which didn’t work well in the audiobook format as a lot of it was in first person. It felt more like a collection of articles, with personal anecdotes. I agreed with much of it, but nothing really stuck.

This led me to her original article in the Guardian that ended up leading to the book, which is in my opinion probably stronger than the book itself.

2.5/5.

[Tracey Sinclair · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating and deeply relatable look at how many of the things we've been taught to see as flaws are totally normal / human and / or the result of a broken system.

[Lori · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dragging on most boring book I have ever read not worth anyone’s time.

[Susanna Bloderer · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Be Bad, Better" was originally an article published in the Guardian that resonated so well with her readers that Rebecca Seal, the author, decided to turn it into a book.

I can absolutely understand why she hit a nerve with her audience, as this is one of the most relatable and gentle self-help books I've read this year (or ever). Instead of playing the blame-game and telling her audience to do more, work harder, eat better and torture yourself until you become successful/thin etc., the author's approach is one of understanding and (self-)compassion.

All of her arguments are well-researched and cross-referenced, meaning Ms Seal has done her homework on every topic she addresses. Sometimes the book felt more of an accumulation of articles/a research paper rather than a self-help book, so I wish the author had included more of her own opinions and experiences.

There were, however, some personal anecdotes, like dealing with having a stalker, or body image issues. As a reader, we want to be able to relate to the person that wrote the book, so I would have liked to read more about her, but I understand that it's difficult to find the correct balance between including objective research and personal stories and that preference is also highly subjective.

I was particularly impressed with the research on fatphobia, ageism and the fact that meditation can be harmful for people with a trauma background. There was also a small part about how social media messes with your dopamine receptors and people wasting a significant amount of time in a state of anhedonia, a topic I wish the author had done a deeper dive on.

All in all, I enjoyed the reading experience and learned a lot, but most of all to not be so hard on myself.

[Evie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Be Bad, Better, by Rebecca Seal
Rating: 4/5
Published: NOW
‘Sometime in my earliest years, I got the message that to be good was to be lovable, to belong and to be worthy and, from then on, that idea ran like a thread through almost everything that I did.’
This book is an absolute game changer for those of us that are hideously hard on ourselves. Seal takes the reader on a journey of self-discovery, where she helps you unpick everything that you think you are supposed to be. Every chapter deals with a certain criteria that we are all ‘supposed’ to meet, and she explains why this is absolutely NOT the case. She speaks with various specialists about each subject, and her arguments are incredibly well-rounded and convincing. We don’t have to be obsessed with how we look, and we don’t have to be an expert at mindfulness to live a good life. We are human beings with flaws, and we do not need the added pressures that society forces upon us.
I particularly enjoyed how she dives into how consumerism makes us all miserable. She rightly points out that society is run on materialism, and that is a huge problem when it comes to happiness. Marketing companies target us, and make out that we will be miserable unless we are constantly spending. It is a trap that we have all fallen into many times, but we are enough as we are. We don’t need to constantly buy clothes, beauty products, etc to have status and happiness in life. We need to stop comparing ourselves to the shiny people in adverts and magazines, because they are not real. Instead, we can be ourselves, our beautiful and wholesome selves.

[Ali C · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made such an impression on me, after finishing I immediately read it all over again, furiously utilising Kindle highlighters as I went.
For anyone stuck in the cycle of self-betterment, who has bought into the self-help book genre and the unrealistic expectations placed on our bodies, health, work lives, family lives and almost anything else that can be seen as 'improvement' this is a welcome change in the discourse.

The book peeks behind the drivers of current societal standards; (capitalism and patriarchy) with compelling arguments: 'If we're busy worrying about the length of our hair or how likeable we are, we're not going to pose much threat to the status quo,' '..happy and contented people don't need to spend money to feel better.'

There is no judgement: the author sensitively and kindly acknowledges the reasons why people are drawn into these ways of being and how easy it is to get trapped, while offering alternative ways to investigate navigating through life. As a reader who is going through a life transition in my career, with all the mental baggage that entails, the chapter on work (Being Indifferent) came at the perfect time: 'You are not your job. You don't need to commit to it as though it's your life partner, even if the language of work suggests that you do.'

I loved this book and would recommend to anyone.

[Rebecca Jamison · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fantastic book to start the year with! As a chronic people pleaser who is desperate to be liked, struggles to say no, feels guilty about every little thing and constantly compares herself to strangers - I needed this book!

Rebecca Seal weaves together scientific facts, advice and interviews across a variety of topics with a similar theme. All of them have negative social connotations such as being selfish, laziness, having clutter, being anxious and many more and turns them on their head, showing us that there are positives to be found and we need to stop trying so hard.

I think this is a book that everyone should read. Although I probably knew quite a bit of it deep down, having it all presented to me in this manner, factually, has really been eye opening. I am excited to take some of this advice on board and be less apologetic for being me.

[Luke Latchman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Part 1 good, Part 2 bad, Part 3 Great. Similar to other readers. This is a fantastic, well researched compilation of ideas then when the authors view comes it feels so emotionally led that I just couldn’t with part 2 so I stopped and skipped to part 3. I liked the book and I’m glad I listened but I’m not sure how well it hit its own brief. I liked it but I didn’t love it.

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I skimmed through quite a bit of this - but pretty much agreed with everything I read. It’s OK to be ordinary, imperfect, mindless (yes!) in a big body etc etc..
I’ll takeaway what she says about rest and hyaluronic acid.. and smugly keep using my cheap moisiturizer.

[Marleena Lopizzo · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25⭐️ very relatable

[Amina Rashid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it!! Going to reread.

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent.