What Could He Be Thinking

by Michael Gurian

Having studied how boys and girls develop differently, Michael Gurian turns his attention to adult men in this entertaining, informative, and groundbreaking book on the male brain. Following two decades of neurobiological research, "What Could He Be Thinking? answers the questions women and the world are asking about husbands, fathers, boyfriends, and coworkers. Mixing neurobiology with Gurian's very readable writing style, anecdotes from everyday life, and a new vision of the male psyche, the book will satisfy the tremendous curiosity women and our culture have about the roots of male behavior.
Women know intuitively that men are different from them. What women are now just coming to realize is that the men they are married to, having sex with, working with, parenting with, and trying to fathom, act and think in very male ways, not only because they are socialized to do so, but because they are built to - neurobiologically.
The new field of brain science has revealed wonderful secrets about a man's mind. In this book, women who are eager to understand the men in their lives can discover the new brain science in an entertaining way, as they get answers to the prime question every woman asks at some time in her life: What could he be thinking?
The book provides fascinating information about the male brain, male habits, male tendencies and the nuances of men's' actions and thoughts. It is a provocative, exciting vision into the minds of men.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Relationships, Parenting

Hardcover

First published January 1, 2003

About the author

Michael Gurian is an American author and social philosopher. He works as a marriage and family counselor and corporate consultant. He has published twenty-eight books, several of which were New York Times bestseller list bestsellers. He is considered, along with Leonard Sax, as one of the major proponents of the post-modern "single-sex academic classes" movement.
Gurian taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University. His work tends to focus on sex differences and how they contribute to learning.
He is also a co-founder of the Gurian Institute, which trains professionals who deal with the developmental aspects of childhood. The Gurian Institute has trained more than 60,000 teachers from over 2,000 different schools. Some of these schools become "GI Model Schools" and aim to leverage the role gender plays in learning styles.

Reviews

[Dora · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well, I have this great friend (you know who you are) who has finally figured out men and did it with this book. With a recommendation like that, why wouldn't I read it? All I can say is I'm glad she's reading some more to broaden her understanding, because this guy is a fruit loop. Not only does he try to derive archetypal significance from movies like Saving Private Ryan and Iron Monkey (why he doesn't refer to research to prove his points, I don't know) but he preaches a philosophy called 'intimate separateness' (typified by the actions of the couple in the movie 'the Rookie') which is basically allowing your partner to be the stereotypical beer-swilling, golf-playing grease monkey and never saying a word about it, because his primitive male brain wouldn’t understand the words you used anyway. That's right, men physically can't process what we say if it contains any emotion-type words. Also, it might be dangerous for us to even try to communicate. A quote, "Nothing less than her safety and the health of her relationship and family may depend on her developing oxytocin-based relationships with other women with whom she can depressurize her emotional relationship with her partner." FYI the 'her' above is the typical woman who according to the author would want to see an action movie 0% of the time because of her brain chemistry. To sum up: This book is a HOOT! Read it!

[Regina Andreassen · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 . It was written in 2003, since then, part of what is discussed of this book- which Michael maintains was based on research- has been successfully refuted. He emphasises though that he refers to the average man; Gurian also admits that there is a percentage of men that do not fall into this category, this partly to brain structure (this is true), nonetheless, some of his claims about the average man’s personality or approach to sex are exaggerated and even men have challenged it. If I had to read this book again (and I did), I would skip most of it and focus on the biology sections. I particularly enjoyed the information that comes under the heading The Biology of Male Emotion, pages 80- 85 of my book. Right after comes another heading: The Male Mode of Feeling which also provides some additional insight. In this chapter he explores hormone and brain structure. That chapter alone deserves the 3.5 stars but as a whole the book is average: 2.5 stars.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for both women AND men to read. It has an unfortunate title, as what man would be willing to pick it up based on its' title, unless his wife/girlfriend encouraged him to do so. This book helped me to better understand the very different ways that a man's mind works, compared to a woman's, and has since helped me be more patient with the men in my life. The reverse would be true also if men were encouraged to read the book.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I much prefered the approach of "For Women Only" to this book, but I still enjoyed it. I skimmed quite a bit, but enjoyed learning a few new facts about the minds of men. I thought the "transactional nature" of men was interesting and the "respect" topic lined up well with "For Women Only".

[Ruben Mes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Droge Nederlands-vertaalde titel van een must-read om je relatie/huwelijk te bouwen (of redden).

Michael Gurian beschrijft de verschillen tussen mannen en vrouwen vanuit biochemisch oogpunt. Deze wetenschapprlijke benadering brengt hij met nuance en vergiffenis, en roept op tot groter begrip voor de 'typisch traditioneel mannelijke tendensen'.

Dat is meteen ook een kritiek punt, wat sommige mensen zullen ervaren als een negatief: om helder te kunnen spreken over het typische mannelijke brein in actie worden natuurlijk voorbeelden gebruikt van typisch, traditionele mannen en de situaties waar zij zich in bevinden.

Omdat we tegenwoordig (anno 2023) leven in een samenleving waar de demonisering van deze kwaliteiten hoogtij viert in het Westen, en derhalve veel mannen gefeminiseerd zijn en 'vrouwelijke gedragingen vertonen', zullen we voorbeelden minder aanslaan en weerstand op kunnen roepen. 'De zachte man' en de vrouwen die met zachte mannen omgaan of intiem zijn zullen minder herkenning vinden in dit boek (zoals mijn ietwat progressieve, relatief - lees: moderne - jonge vriendin - tot mijn frustratie). Maar is dat wel echt zo dat deze vrouwelijke mannen niet meer zo mannelijk zijn?

Ikzelf merk dat ik, alhoewel ik wel in aanmerking kom voor 'bruggenbrein' (meer vrouwelijk, hormonaal en neurologisch), mijn gedrag heel sterk is aangeleerd ipv inherent ingebakken is.

Ik ben door het lezen van dit boek mezelf meer gaan snappen, en begin mezelf in mijn mannelijke tendensen meer te omarmen. Ik ben gaan herkennen dat mijn drang naar onafhankelijkheid, macht en eigenwaarde, evenals mijn neiging tot afstand nemen, heel mannelijk zijn, en niet persé 'fouten'

Ik voel meer balans in mijn houding tegenover mijn vriendin. Ik durf bv meer ruimte te nemen voor mezelf en gewoon een grens te zetten als we in stressvolle, emotionele gesprekken zitten. Ik merk zelfs dat mijn excessief contact en verbinding zoeken onnodig en zelfs destructief is, naast dat het (als ik heel eerlijk ben) onnatuurlijk voelt voor mij. Wat een opluchting.

Het boek was in Nederlandse vertaling vrij droog en soms moeizaam leesbaar, en dan specifiek de eerste helft. De tweede helft was echter fenomenaal. De zinsopbouw van het boek was echter, ivm vertaling, on-Nederlands opgebouwd en daardoor soms verwarrend.

Eindverdict:
Dit is een boek waarvan ik voel dat iedereen er baat bij zou hebben om deze te lezen. Je zal leren over wat natuurlijk is voor een man, en hoe je in je relatie tot wederzijds begrip kan komen. Gurian beschrijft daarnaast wat de man en vrouw nodig hebben in een relatie, en de stappen die mensen doormaken van dating, naar vaste relatie, naar trouwen en beyond. Hij geeft specifiek advies voor hoe je met meer harmonie je huwelijk kan vormgeven en kan genieten van elkaars kwaliteiten en verzachting kan vinden voor elkaars eigenaardigheden.

Ik raad dit boek aan.

[Nancy Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is written mainly for women and covers how men's hormones and brain chemistry compared to women's cause them to behave as they do. It totally opened my eyes. Nearly everything I had concerns about with my boyfriend were expressed in it and explained scientifically. While reading it, I had several "This is crazy!" moments that clarified so much for me. Taking this knowledge into consideration in how I speak and react to my boyfriend, I has given me almost immediate positive reactions. He became more complimentary and gentle.

I see in everyday life how our expectations of the other sex that just don't always work naturally, yet that is not understood by many. The book is very readable, except for having some very long sentences.

[Carmen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Reading this book have me so many insights into male thinking! As a high school teacher, I've already figured out some of his statements, but the insights and reasoning really impacted me. I wish that I had read something like this 20 years ago.

[Mark Havenhand · Rating 4 out of 5]

well its an interesting read and material to think about. Mansplaining comes to mind. All male weaknesses are explained with pseudo-science and requested to be accepted. First chapters and the last few "man at home" are best. Book is dated and needs an update really

[Beverly · Rating 4 out of 5]

lol

[Scott Clement · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent way to be the most hated in the room

[Donna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Michael Gurian explains the male brain, how it is different from the female brain, and how those differences affect relationships. Published 2003 but still relevant.

[Lorinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book almost twenty years ago. For me it was a relationship game changer.

[Battsetseg Battsetseg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Эрэгтэй хүний ялгаатай байдлыг өмнө нь ингэж тодорхой, ойлгомжтой уншиж, мэдэж байсангүй.

[Marita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh, NOW I finally get it!! :) Had I heard about Gurian's theory of Intimate Separateness earlier I would have been released of many years of thinking that my marriage (26+yrs) was not quite ideal... who ever came up with the idea of soul mates should be shot... This book is awesome down to earth nature based look on how men and women are different but can have a wonderful marriage anyway. Very good to see different stages of a marriage listed as well as other very interesting research. Had this book included some pictures of the brain anatomy and scans I would have given it the 5th star! Even if it was just a bit repetitive. Thank you Alison for giving this for me to read!! I had great fun reading this.

[Ellen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book. I have a psychology degree so the idea that behaviour in a relationship can be traced back to evolutionary themes and biological differences is really appealing. I like the science of it. But. But.

I just can't buy into this. Some minor elements, OK, yes, I'll accept that. But to ignore the influence of socialisation on behaviour - no. And he COMPLETELY lost me on page 222 with this gem:

""These dishes, these glasses are extensions of her home, and thus, more than he realises, parts of her identity. She feels a great deal of pride in making sure the dishes her children will use are clean."

No. Just no.

[Jaimee Clements · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book (and the counter to it, The Female Brain) should be required reading for all high school seniors or freshman college students.

Seriously... the angst and drama I could have saved myself by reading it back then...

Sigh.

[Leslie Jem · Rating 4 out of 5]

similar to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, only with a strong scientific basis, no sweeping generalizations, and an author who isn't a failed monk; love the chapter about the male need to hold the remote

[Harumichi Mizuki · Rating 5 out of 5]

RECOMMENDED!

*masih nyusun review dari banyak catatan progress baca yang tersebar di sana-sini.

Aniwei, kayaknya review buku ini yang ini lumayan komprehensif, nih: https://aprasetyo.wordpress.com/2009/...

[Jennifer Chin · Rating 3 out of 5]

pretty interesting, biology-based book on why men react to certain situations the way they do.

[Melee Farr · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has a juvenile name, but it is actually well-researched and has tons of neurobiology and sociology perspectives in it. I'm interested in it, and it's going well so far.

[Apryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

All women should read this one

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This describes the biological differences between men and women, and why/how each of us do the things we do (or don't do!). I found it completely fascinating.

[Mindi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really liked.

[Jennifer]

Guess who gave me this book to read...

[Nina Hedin]

Hahaha.... it's certainly interesting. Not sure I believe any of it though...

[Jenifer]

I'm going to attempt to read this as a procrastination tool.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting book.