The 50/50 Solution: The Surprisingly Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier and Healthier after a Split

by Emma Johnson

There is one proven method for happier kids, more involved dads, and less stressed-out moms after divorce―50/50 custody.

It's hard for everyone when parents split up―but the end of living together doesn't need to mean the end of a functional family. Part of the reason divorces are so traumatic for the kids involved is because of our child custody system, which truly sets everyone up for failure. Throughout the country, the default arrangement is for Mom to get majority time with the kids (and most of the responsibility of caring for them), for Dad to become an occasional visitor (and perhaps saddled with massive child support payments), and for the kids to lose the stability, structure and confidence of knowing they have two equally committed, loving parents. But it doesn't have to be this way!

In The 50/50 Solution , creator of the Wealthysinglemommy. com community Emma Johnson showcases the robust research proving that, in the vast majority of cases, equal timesharing is the best outcome for everyone in a family where the adults no longer live together. The 50/50 Solution will show you that equal parenting time leads to:

*Better physical, emotional, and mental health for children of divorce
*Higher career earnings for single mothers
*Fathers who are more engaged and whose rights as parents are preserved
*Far less parental and legal conflict
*A progressive, forward-thinking cultural norm that promotes gender and
racial equality for all families, regardless of their configuration

A few states have already adopted 50/50 custody as the default arrangement, and more are poised to follow. Equal parenting time is the custody framework of the future, and The 50/50 Solution shows readers how it helps our families and communities thrive.

336 pages, Paperback

Published March 26, 2024

About the author

I'm a journalist (former staffer at AP Finance, newspapers), founder of the world's largest platform for single mothers, Wealthysinglemommy.com and advocate for equal parenting time when moms and dads live separately.

As a shared-parenting expert I've been featured in hundreds of outlets including The Wall Street Journal, New York Times, TIME and CNBC, and regularly appear before legislative bodies, corporate and community groups.

My kids and I live in Richmond, Va.

Reviews

[Mitch Fields · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be full of empathy for all involved. Far from the "fight, fight, fight" mantra I've seen from other isolated camps, this book really delivers on what is the ultimate common goal: "put the kids first", but it also shows how this simple, natural, and very human solution puts the family first, even when that family isn't together anymore.

Emma lays out tons of science with a thoughtful, trusted-friend approach. She never dismisses our protective reflexes, but reassures us that keeping it simple and focusing on the big picture gives our children and ourselves the best way to move forward with grace and love.

Her writing is so personal and smart. She's educating us with her own experience and a voice that goes there: to the facts, to the truth, and to the heart. Not only should every divorced/single parent read this, every PARENT should read this.

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a feminist and stepmom. This book changed how I think about family, child development and gender — and articulated my sense that kids really do best when they know that both their parents are in it equally. 50/50 custody also gives single parents more time to expand their careers and create their new post-divorce personal life - things that also nourish them as parents.

[Nathan Nobis · Rating 5 out of 5]

50/50 custody, rights, and responsibilities is usually most fair and best for all

In cases of divorce or a split-up with kid(s) involved, what's the most fair outcome, for the kids and both parents, in terms of who the kid spends time with and who is both responsible for the child and has the right (and privilege) to be an influence on the child's development?

The answer is clearly 50-50: the child should spend roughly half their time with one parent, half their time with the other parent, and both parents should be equally responsible for the child's upbringing, including financially.

This is what's fair, this is what's equal: the child loses out the least on both parents—or gets to experience the most amount of good time with one parent, consistent with the other parent having the same—and each parent is equally responsible for the child. Also, with equal child-free time they might especially focus on their career(s), their relationships, hobbies or whatever: no parent is uniquely burdened with childcare responsibilities so that they cannot pursue other parts of their lives.

This is the ideal that Emma Johnson successfully argues for in this book: it is FAR superior, for children, and parents, that the typical and traditional "mom has the kids almost all the time and dad 'visits' with them every other weekend and maybe one night a week." This too often results in dad being just a financial provider (and often drifting away, if he gets the sense that he's no longer valued for anything beyond $) and the mom (still) financially dependent on him and unable to cultivate her own financial independence, because she's with the kids all the time.

Johnson reviews lots of psychological research showing that 50-50 custody options tend to work best for kids' development. "Oh, but that would be so hard on them, going back and forth between houses!!" some say. "Oh yeah? But how hard would it be on them to pretty much lose a parent? And how hard would it be on that parent, if they get the sense that they're no longer part of their kids' lives?" Again, fair and equal is best.

This topic often degenerates into "girls versus boys / men versus women" stereotypes that Johnson admirably and wisely rejects and urges us to overcome. She sees both sides of the issues and sympathetically understands why and how men and women, or mothers and fathers, often respond to these issues in the not ideal—indeed, often just plain selfish—ways they do, and urges everyone to do better and be fair—both for the kids and for themselves. She encourages women to become financially independent (she's the author of a webpage "Wealthy Single Mommy"—the name says what that's about) and she encourages fathers to become more active, engaged parents (although she does recognize that *sometimes* mothers act in ways that make that hard for fathers: again, she's fair and honest—she's *that* type of feminist, and expresses disappointments with "feminists" who don't seem to be as concerned about real fairness and equality as they should be!).

This topic often also degenerates into many "What about?" responses: whatabout parents with drug problems? Whatabout parents who have been violent? Whatabout parents who haven't been involved in their kids lives much yet???" She response with care, compassion, and hard-nosed good sense, often urging people to think about how we'd respond to these "what abouts?" in the context of a married couple and, often, taking that response to these cases. And, of course, these are comparatively rare cases: typically there are no issues like these that should preclude a 50-50 arrangement so people are often just trying to deflect by bringing them up.

So why isn't there more fairness, more equality in divorce with children cases? Well, times are a-changing, and things are moving in that direction, thanks to the research and advocacy efforts that Johnson documents and contributes toward. But, like many things, the problems are due to inertia— the legal system is set up to favor one parent having the child or children nearly all the time—and the money that's bound up in that system: there often are strong financial incentives for at least parent to resist 50-50 parenting and equal responsibilities. This is very unfortunate and I hope that this book helps individuals seek fairness and equality in these hard situations and helps people changing society make these changes, sooner, since we will all benefit, kids and parents alike.

#divorce #sharedparenting #parenting #custody #childcustody #family #families

[Ellen Neuborne · Rating 5 out of 5]

What if there were no winners and losers in divorce court? The 50/50 Solution proposes we abandon the adversarial tenor of custody arrangements and instead make 50-50 custody the default position. This would allow parents to share both responsibility and proximity. And children would be able to maintain a more equal relationship with both parents. Johnson tells the story of her own divorce, but this is much more than a memoir. Her research and interviews inform her argument, which is at once wildly creative and glaringly obvious.

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very worth while book. I didn't expect to get hit with all the stats and facts while also being a fun read. If you have someone you know in a similar situation, it's a great book to get them thinking big picture.

[Candice Nielsen · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF 50 pages in. I thought this book was going to focus on how to make sure your child continues to thrive post-divorce. That is not what the first chapter focused on at all, in my opinion. Tried to continue on but was still not what I had hoped it would be in chapter two either.

[Nasire Montgomery · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a good read I love how the Author admitted that she is /was a feminist but gave a great unbiased view on why the opposite sex (as in men) are just as important in their kids life… I love this book.. great job Emma

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you're on the fence about considering 50/50 custody, this is a great book. If you already know you want 50/50 custody, it can be a great reassurance that you're doing what's best for the child(ren).

[Danielle Chaitkin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book. Gives you a lot to think about when separating from a partner, married or otherwise. It’s worth a read there are valuable insights that anyone can benefit from.