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I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This: Finding Comfort, Clarity, and Hope After Loss
New York Times and international bestselling mystery author Clare Mackintosh makes her nonfiction debut with this deeply felt memoir of unfathomable loss, and infinite hope.
“Grief has run through my life like thread through fabric; at times gossamer-thin and barely there, other times weaving thick, clumsy darns across the rips. In my grief I am a mother, a child, a sister, a wife, a woman, a friend. I am also a writer.”
When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son, she soon discovered there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books insist. The shape of each loss is different; when a parent, relative, or friend passes, we grieve the person in all their beauty, their humanity, their imperfections. For Clare, there was no preparing for the anger and excruciating ache of knowing her child’s life would remain unlived. This is the book she needed then.
Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son's death, this deeply honest, compassionate memoir will bring solace and encouragement to anyone who finds themselves walking with grief, whether for a season or for several years. It is for those who need a little voice saying: I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, for the people who love them, and those who understand that great loss can be a window through which we see how powerful, and unending, love can be.
“Grief has run through my life like thread through fabric; at times gossamer-thin and barely there, other times weaving thick, clumsy darns across the rips. In my grief I am a mother, a child, a sister, a wife, a woman, a friend. I am also a writer.”
When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son, she soon discovered there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books insist. The shape of each loss is different; when a parent, relative, or friend passes, we grieve the person in all their beauty, their humanity, their imperfections. For Clare, there was no preparing for the anger and excruciating ache of knowing her child’s life would remain unlived. This is the book she needed then.
Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son's death, this deeply honest, compassionate memoir will bring solace and encouragement to anyone who finds themselves walking with grief, whether for a season or for several years. It is for those who need a little voice saying: I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, for the people who love them, and those who understand that great loss can be a window through which we see how powerful, and unending, love can be.
224 pages, Paperback
First published February 2, 2023
85 people are currently reading
9663 people want to read
About the author
Clare Mackintosh
29 books11.5k followersWelcome to my Goodreads profile! Whether you're new to my work, or a hard-core fan, it's lovely to see you here. My latest book is OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES, the third book in my DC Ffion Morgan series. Like THE LAST PARTY and A GAME OF LIES, this is designed to be read as a standalone, but if you've followed Ffion and Leo from the beginning, I think you'll love seeing where OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES takes them.
If this is the first time we're meeting, welcome! In addition to the books above, I'm the author of I LET YOU GO, I SEE YOU, LET ME LIE and HOSTAGE - page-turning thrillers that have sold more than three million copies across 40 countries, and hit bestseller lists including The Sunday Times and The New York Times. I also wrote the emotional rollercoaster, AFTER THE END: a family drama about an impossible choice that threatens to tear a couple apart. It's the most personal novel I've written, and I've loved hearing from readers who have connected with it. In 2024 I released a memoir, I PROMISE IT WON'T ALWAYS HURT LIKE THIS, based on my experiences of navigating grief following the loss of my son eighteen years ago. It's a book to offer hope when you feel as though there's none to be had; a book to give to a friend when you don't know what to say.
Coming in 2026 is what I'm boldly going to tell you is my best book yet... a standalone thriller with a twist that'll knock your socks off! It's called IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, and I would love you to add it to your shelf right now!
I love connecting with my readers, and there are plenty of ways you can get a sneak peek at what's going on behind the scenes. My Facebook group offers reading recommendations and exclusive extras to members (just search online for 'The Clare Mackintosh Book Club'), or if it's general chit chat you're after, please do follow me on Instagram, where I go to avoid writing, and to share snippets of my life in rural Wales, complete with three spaniels and Pete the goat. I'm also on TikTok, much to the dismay of my three teenagers...
* * *
With over three million copies of her books sold worldwide, number one bestseller Clare Mackintosh is the multi-award-winning author of I Let You Go, which was a Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller and the fastest-selling title by a new crime writer in 2015. It also won the Theakston Old Peculier Crime Novel of the Year in 2016. She has since written seven more bestselling novels. Together, her books have been translated into 40 languages and spent more than sixty-five weeks in The Sunday Times bestseller lists.
Clare is patron of the Silver Star Society, a charity based at the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford, which supports parents experiencing high-risk or difficult pregnancies.
* * *
For more information find Clare on Facebook, Instagram, Threads or TikTok at @ClareMackWrites
#ILetYouGo #ISeeYou #LetMeLie #AftertheEnd #HostageBook #TheLastParty #AGameOfLies #IPromise #OtherPeoplesHouses #ItsNotWhatYouThink
If this is the first time we're meeting, welcome! In addition to the books above, I'm the author of I LET YOU GO, I SEE YOU, LET ME LIE and HOSTAGE - page-turning thrillers that have sold more than three million copies across 40 countries, and hit bestseller lists including The Sunday Times and The New York Times. I also wrote the emotional rollercoaster, AFTER THE END: a family drama about an impossible choice that threatens to tear a couple apart. It's the most personal novel I've written, and I've loved hearing from readers who have connected with it. In 2024 I released a memoir, I PROMISE IT WON'T ALWAYS HURT LIKE THIS, based on my experiences of navigating grief following the loss of my son eighteen years ago. It's a book to offer hope when you feel as though there's none to be had; a book to give to a friend when you don't know what to say.
Coming in 2026 is what I'm boldly going to tell you is my best book yet... a standalone thriller with a twist that'll knock your socks off! It's called IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, and I would love you to add it to your shelf right now!
I love connecting with my readers, and there are plenty of ways you can get a sneak peek at what's going on behind the scenes. My Facebook group offers reading recommendations and exclusive extras to members (just search online for 'The Clare Mackintosh Book Club'), or if it's general chit chat you're after, please do follow me on Instagram, where I go to avoid writing, and to share snippets of my life in rural Wales, complete with three spaniels and Pete the goat. I'm also on TikTok, much to the dismay of my three teenagers...
* * *
With over three million copies of her books sold worldwide, number one bestseller Clare Mackintosh is the multi-award-winning author of I Let You Go, which was a Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller and the fastest-selling title by a new crime writer in 2015. It also won the Theakston Old Peculier Crime Novel of the Year in 2016. She has since written seven more bestselling novels. Together, her books have been translated into 40 languages and spent more than sixty-five weeks in The Sunday Times bestseller lists.
Clare is patron of the Silver Star Society, a charity based at the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford, which supports parents experiencing high-risk or difficult pregnancies.
* * *
For more information find Clare on Facebook, Instagram, Threads or TikTok at @ClareMackWrites
#ILetYouGo #ISeeYou #LetMeLie #AftertheEnd #HostageBook #TheLastParty #AGameOfLies #IPromise #OtherPeoplesHouses #ItsNotWhatYouThink
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 294 reviews
May 4, 2024
**Many thanks to NetGalley, SOURCEBOOKS, and Clare Mackintosh for an ARC of this book! Now available as of 3.19!!**
Once in a while, a book comes along that catches you SO off guard with its honesty, its vulnerability, and its unabashed frank observations, that you can't help but fall in love with it on that basis alone...even if its content completely breaks your heart.
And this is precisely that sort of book.
Clare Mackintosh always approaches her writing with authenticity and openness, bringing a grounding sense of realism to all of her works of fiction. But in this book, self-help and self-reflection merge seamlessly, as Clare offers the reader 18 Assurances on Grief. As a mother who suffered the loss of a child (a child who passed at 5 weeks old, no less) Clare has not only experience as her teacher, but her own heart, soul, and perspective to share with the reader...and no matter how painful, how 'unflattering' she may find herself recounting some of the most difficult moments of her life...she never shies away from a single truth.
What started as a Twitter thread (with THOUSANDS of replies from people all over the world) blossomed into an emotionally heavy but powerfully hopeful read. The strength it took for Mackintosh to engage in such deep self reflection, to share such personal stories and achingly painful memories, but to also provide the AUTHENTIC acknowledgement about all aspects of grief, from its lowest, ugliest points to the promise that these moments WILL come, but will also morph and change is immeasurable. Although I have not experienced grief at the level she has (and I know this will only be a matter of time, because with age comes loss of those we love), I feel absolutely certain I will turn back to these pages for the solace, the camaraderie, and consolation Mackintosh so willingly offers to her readers.
I cannot imagine how hard it was for Mackintosh to write this book, but we are ALL better off for it. I feel as though I know her on an entirely different level now, both as a mother AND a person, and I believe this John Green quote sums up precisely why: "Grief does not change you...it reveals you."
4.5 stars, rounded up to 5
Once in a while, a book comes along that catches you SO off guard with its honesty, its vulnerability, and its unabashed frank observations, that you can't help but fall in love with it on that basis alone...even if its content completely breaks your heart.
And this is precisely that sort of book.
Clare Mackintosh always approaches her writing with authenticity and openness, bringing a grounding sense of realism to all of her works of fiction. But in this book, self-help and self-reflection merge seamlessly, as Clare offers the reader 18 Assurances on Grief. As a mother who suffered the loss of a child (a child who passed at 5 weeks old, no less) Clare has not only experience as her teacher, but her own heart, soul, and perspective to share with the reader...and no matter how painful, how 'unflattering' she may find herself recounting some of the most difficult moments of her life...she never shies away from a single truth.
What started as a Twitter thread (with THOUSANDS of replies from people all over the world) blossomed into an emotionally heavy but powerfully hopeful read. The strength it took for Mackintosh to engage in such deep self reflection, to share such personal stories and achingly painful memories, but to also provide the AUTHENTIC acknowledgement about all aspects of grief, from its lowest, ugliest points to the promise that these moments WILL come, but will also morph and change is immeasurable. Although I have not experienced grief at the level she has (and I know this will only be a matter of time, because with age comes loss of those we love), I feel absolutely certain I will turn back to these pages for the solace, the camaraderie, and consolation Mackintosh so willingly offers to her readers.
I cannot imagine how hard it was for Mackintosh to write this book, but we are ALL better off for it. I feel as though I know her on an entirely different level now, both as a mother AND a person, and I believe this John Green quote sums up precisely why: "Grief does not change you...it reveals you."
4.5 stars, rounded up to 5
January 19, 2024
When Clare Mackintosh loses her five-week-old son, she discovered there is no clear path to dealing with grief. She wrote this book to help others deal d]with grief and loss. She was inspired to write this book based on a viral Twitter post on the anniversary of her son’s death.
I usually read a Clare Mackintosh novel for the twisty thrillers she weaves, but in this one she wrote a beautiful memoir and grief guide. The story behind this book is heartbreaking. The things she went through are horrifying and would make most tear up, it surely did me. You could just feel her emotions coming through the pages as you read them, her pain so raw and real. While I’ve never suffered loss to the caliber that she has, I have suffered many miscarriages and the loss of my mom. I found myself able to relate to guidance she provided.
This is one of those books that I am just in awe of the author for writing. It would have taken so much out of her to write this, and it would have been so hard. I do hope that by writing this book she finds some comfort in knowing that she is potentially helping others deal with grief.
If you are, or have suffered a loss, I encourage you to check this book out, it is worth the read.
Thank you so much to the author for writing this book and the publisher and netgalley for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
I usually read a Clare Mackintosh novel for the twisty thrillers she weaves, but in this one she wrote a beautiful memoir and grief guide. The story behind this book is heartbreaking. The things she went through are horrifying and would make most tear up, it surely did me. You could just feel her emotions coming through the pages as you read them, her pain so raw and real. While I’ve never suffered loss to the caliber that she has, I have suffered many miscarriages and the loss of my mom. I found myself able to relate to guidance she provided.
This is one of those books that I am just in awe of the author for writing. It would have taken so much out of her to write this, and it would have been so hard. I do hope that by writing this book she finds some comfort in knowing that she is potentially helping others deal with grief.
If you are, or have suffered a loss, I encourage you to check this book out, it is worth the read.
Thank you so much to the author for writing this book and the publisher and netgalley for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
January 24, 2024
Book Title: I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This – 18 Assurances on Grief
Author: Clare Mackintosh
Publisher: Sourcebook nonfiction Sourcebooks
Genre: Memoir
Pub Date: March 1, 2024
Rating: 5 Stars
Pages: 225
Clare Mackintosh is a wonderful storyteller; I have read many of her thrillers.
This is a heartbreaking and hopeful story of her personal experience when her five-week-old son Alex died.
This memoir was inspired by a twitter thread she wrote on the 14th anniversary of his death.
I know this book isn’t for everyone but there just might be someone you know who is having a difficult time with grief and this just may help! 💕
Book chapters are the 18 assurances promised in the title.
1. I promise it won’t always hurt like this.
2. You won’t always like awake at night sobbing until you cannot breathe
3. I promised the waves of grief that knock you off your feet won’t down you.
4. I promise you will find a way to say goodbye.
5. And a reason to keep going
6. I promise this won’t always be your first thought in the morning
7. That you won’t always fear the worst
8. I promise you won’t always feel so angry.
9. So Guilty
10. So tired
11. .I promise you will find someone who understands
12. I promise you won’t always be winded by someone else’s happiness.
13. Broken anniversaries
14. Or by questions you cannot answer
15. I promise you will be happy again.
16. That one day you will be able to pay it forward.
17. I promise you will not forget
18. I promise it won’t always hurt like this.
She also lists a few practical things that helped her
Additionally included Resources
Want to thank NetGalley and Sourcebooks (Nonfiction) Sourcebooks for this early eGalley.
Publishing Release Date scheduled for March 1, 2024.
Author: Clare Mackintosh
Publisher: Sourcebook nonfiction Sourcebooks
Genre: Memoir
Pub Date: March 1, 2024
Rating: 5 Stars
Pages: 225
Clare Mackintosh is a wonderful storyteller; I have read many of her thrillers.
This is a heartbreaking and hopeful story of her personal experience when her five-week-old son Alex died.
This memoir was inspired by a twitter thread she wrote on the 14th anniversary of his death.
I know this book isn’t for everyone but there just might be someone you know who is having a difficult time with grief and this just may help! 💕
Book chapters are the 18 assurances promised in the title.
1. I promise it won’t always hurt like this.
2. You won’t always like awake at night sobbing until you cannot breathe
3. I promised the waves of grief that knock you off your feet won’t down you.
4. I promise you will find a way to say goodbye.
5. And a reason to keep going
6. I promise this won’t always be your first thought in the morning
7. That you won’t always fear the worst
8. I promise you won’t always feel so angry.
9. So Guilty
10. So tired
11. .I promise you will find someone who understands
12. I promise you won’t always be winded by someone else’s happiness.
13. Broken anniversaries
14. Or by questions you cannot answer
15. I promise you will be happy again.
16. That one day you will be able to pay it forward.
17. I promise you will not forget
18. I promise it won’t always hurt like this.
She also lists a few practical things that helped her
Additionally included Resources
Want to thank NetGalley and Sourcebooks (Nonfiction) Sourcebooks for this early eGalley.
Publishing Release Date scheduled for March 1, 2024.
February 8, 2024
I received a free copy of, I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, by Clare Mackintosh, from the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Almost everybody has had some significant loss in their life, whether it would be loss of parent, spouse, child, friend, etc. Loss effects everybody differently. In this book Clare describes her loss of her child, how it affected her, and what helped her get through it. This was a good read on a tough subject.
January 23, 2024
GRIEF!!! For those who need to heal from a recent loss or any loss, this book is for you!!! This book has all the “feels”. It struck many nerves with me as I have lost numerous close family members in the past several years. It’s raw, emotional, a wonderful book for those who are dealing with loss. Thank you Clare for tackling this difficult subject. Beautifully written!!! Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this early release in exchange for my honest review. To be published March 2024.
March 1, 2024
4.5/5 stars
I do not read a lot of non-fiction. But I do really enjoy this author. I decided to read this on the second anniversary of losing my mom. I hoped that reading this might help.
I am so impressed with the courage that it must have taken for Clare to write this book. After having read through the 18 assurances of grief I definitely feel like the daffodils are the perfect cover for this book.
This book did give me some comfort on a hard day. And it did help to read about this topic from an author who I've read before. And someone who I already knew had experienced tragedy. Although our losses could not be more different.
This book is such a raw honest account of how she's dealt with her infant son dying 18 years ago. Her pains is not the same as my pain. But reading her story does make me hopeful that time truly does help heal us.
Thanks to Sourcebooks non-fiction and netgalley for allowing me to read this book.
I do not read a lot of non-fiction. But I do really enjoy this author. I decided to read this on the second anniversary of losing my mom. I hoped that reading this might help.
I am so impressed with the courage that it must have taken for Clare to write this book. After having read through the 18 assurances of grief I definitely feel like the daffodils are the perfect cover for this book.
This book did give me some comfort on a hard day. And it did help to read about this topic from an author who I've read before. And someone who I already knew had experienced tragedy. Although our losses could not be more different.
This book is such a raw honest account of how she's dealt with her infant son dying 18 years ago. Her pains is not the same as my pain. But reading her story does make me hopeful that time truly does help heal us.
Thanks to Sourcebooks non-fiction and netgalley for allowing me to read this book.
July 31, 2024
Beautiful, honest, intelligent and very emotional book. Clare Mackintosh writes with integrity and openness.
It's not a handbook on how to handle grief, there is no such thing, grief is such a unique and individual experience, but it's a book to read and to gift to anyone who needs to be kind to themselves when dealing with loss, who needs to be reminded that there's no right or wrong way to grieve.
It's a book that as heartbreaking as it is, it's also life affirming.
I loved it and will be going back to it whenever things get tough.
It's not a handbook on how to handle grief, there is no such thing, grief is such a unique and individual experience, but it's a book to read and to gift to anyone who needs to be kind to themselves when dealing with loss, who needs to be reminded that there's no right or wrong way to grieve.
It's a book that as heartbreaking as it is, it's also life affirming.
I loved it and will be going back to it whenever things get tough.
April 9, 2024
It doesn't feel right to rate Clare Mackintosh's non-fiction book about grief, as much of it focuses on the death of her young son, but this is a poignant read and very helpful. Mackintosh wrote it after a tweet about the anniversary of the death of her five-month-old son, Alex, went viral. The book is part memoir/part self-help, with 18 chapters that walk through dealing with grief--with the ultimate promise that we can all make progress with grief, on our own time, at our own pace. She uses stories from her own life, especially losing Alex, as examples. The result is a sad story, but also a hopeful one, and I think many who have been through a loss would find this helpful; I did.
I received a copy of this book from Netgalley and Sourcebooks in return for an unbiased review.
I received a copy of this book from Netgalley and Sourcebooks in return for an unbiased review.
April 25, 2024
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This
Author: Clare Mackintosh
Source: NetGalley
Pub. Date: March 19, 2024
I will start with my truth: I wasn’t sure I could get through this book in one piece. I lost my Mom, My Dad, my brother-in-law, and my beloved Aunt, in a short period and I still feel the immense loss to this day. My Mom’s death was challenging because she had fought so hard to beat breast cancer, and then it was a matter of just being alive long enough to attend my daughter’s wedding after college graduation. My Mom, my hero, toughed it out, bald and sickly, as she walked down the aisle at my daughter’s wedding with her grandson in full military regalia as her escort. Then we watched my daughter walk down the aisle to marry her sweet fiancée. My Mom won. On that day, she was victorious. The whole event was a grand moment for my family to come together, to laugh, to talk to my Mom and Dad, and for us to glory in a joyful memory. At her funeral, I was numb and talking to guests while my middle daughter was sobbing. It wasn’t until a year later that I thanked my daughter for doing what I couldn’t. My heart was broken at the death of my Mom, but I couldn’t lose it at her funeral. Tori did it for me. I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This is a great book, and the author shares a lot of truths about mourning and grief. It is NOT the same for everyone. We all have different triggers; some things come out of the blue, and you will lose it. I like that Clare Mackintosh reminds us that it is all okay. There are no hard and fast rules for how to grieve, but there is a truth that there will come a day when it won’t hurt as much. She is right. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants a very well-written and thoughtful account of loss, grief, and the aftershocks that will surely come your way. Thank you to Clare for reminding me of so many good things. I will share this book with loved ones. #grief #death #shock #loss #love #life #IPromiseItWontAlwaysHurtLikeThis #ClareMacintosh #netgalley #sourcebooks
I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This
Author: Clare Mackintosh
Source: NetGalley
Pub. Date: March 19, 2024
I will start with my truth: I wasn’t sure I could get through this book in one piece. I lost my Mom, My Dad, my brother-in-law, and my beloved Aunt, in a short period and I still feel the immense loss to this day. My Mom’s death was challenging because she had fought so hard to beat breast cancer, and then it was a matter of just being alive long enough to attend my daughter’s wedding after college graduation. My Mom, my hero, toughed it out, bald and sickly, as she walked down the aisle at my daughter’s wedding with her grandson in full military regalia as her escort. Then we watched my daughter walk down the aisle to marry her sweet fiancée. My Mom won. On that day, she was victorious. The whole event was a grand moment for my family to come together, to laugh, to talk to my Mom and Dad, and for us to glory in a joyful memory. At her funeral, I was numb and talking to guests while my middle daughter was sobbing. It wasn’t until a year later that I thanked my daughter for doing what I couldn’t. My heart was broken at the death of my Mom, but I couldn’t lose it at her funeral. Tori did it for me. I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This is a great book, and the author shares a lot of truths about mourning and grief. It is NOT the same for everyone. We all have different triggers; some things come out of the blue, and you will lose it. I like that Clare Mackintosh reminds us that it is all okay. There are no hard and fast rules for how to grieve, but there is a truth that there will come a day when it won’t hurt as much. She is right. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants a very well-written and thoughtful account of loss, grief, and the aftershocks that will surely come your way. Thank you to Clare for reminding me of so many good things. I will share this book with loved ones. #grief #death #shock #loss #love #life #IPromiseItWontAlwaysHurtLikeThis #ClareMacintosh #netgalley #sourcebooks
December 20, 2023
'Sometimes it's too painful to be alive, isn't it?'
'Not my cup of tea.' 'Not for me.' 'Not interested.' When you're vulnerable, reaching out to express your pain, your rage, your grief, is a risk. You risk people's pity, their misunderstanding, their dismissal or disbelief, their ire and their abandonment. I think many people fear being contaminated by grief, so they keep their distance or dampen their empathy. No one wants to welcome the ghost into their home. It's so much easier to look away, or pretend you don't notice, when you're not the one who needs help. Perhaps I'm not the target audience of this book, in that I'm still alive, but even so, I'm grieving for the small child I once was, years ago; the safety I never experienced; the trust of adults who hurt and exploited me when they should have been the ones to protect me; the decades I lost to abuse and addiction; the potential lives I could have brought into the world, if I had a choice, if my body hadn't been raped while it was still only beginning to grow.
Grief is an achingly lonely experience, and Clare Mackintosh captures that endless isolation perfectly in I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This. I particularly appreciated her emphasis on the state of permanently simmering anger that ends in eruptions of rage, only to build once more, never satisfied - and how the bitterness of grief can turn you against everyone and everything, including yourself, until you feel yourself rotting away from the inside out. I also related to her descriptions of feeling pressured to silence oneself or minimise your own experience in order to protect the sensibilities of others, or out of a sense of not wanting to hurt them or push them even further away, which is only a deeper betrayal of self. I liked that she took pains to point out that grief is inherently selfish, and must be allowed to be so, until one begins to surface and function as something close to human.
I'm sure this book 'won't be for everyone', and nor should it be. For those who will gain something, however, those gains may well be significant. (The front cover is beautiful, by the way - sea blue with yellow daffodils).
I am grateful to have received an ARC of this book from Sourcebooks via NetGalley in return for an honest review.
'Not my cup of tea.' 'Not for me.' 'Not interested.' When you're vulnerable, reaching out to express your pain, your rage, your grief, is a risk. You risk people's pity, their misunderstanding, their dismissal or disbelief, their ire and their abandonment. I think many people fear being contaminated by grief, so they keep their distance or dampen their empathy. No one wants to welcome the ghost into their home. It's so much easier to look away, or pretend you don't notice, when you're not the one who needs help. Perhaps I'm not the target audience of this book, in that I'm still alive, but even so, I'm grieving for the small child I once was, years ago; the safety I never experienced; the trust of adults who hurt and exploited me when they should have been the ones to protect me; the decades I lost to abuse and addiction; the potential lives I could have brought into the world, if I had a choice, if my body hadn't been raped while it was still only beginning to grow.
Grief is an achingly lonely experience, and Clare Mackintosh captures that endless isolation perfectly in I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This. I particularly appreciated her emphasis on the state of permanently simmering anger that ends in eruptions of rage, only to build once more, never satisfied - and how the bitterness of grief can turn you against everyone and everything, including yourself, until you feel yourself rotting away from the inside out. I also related to her descriptions of feeling pressured to silence oneself or minimise your own experience in order to protect the sensibilities of others, or out of a sense of not wanting to hurt them or push them even further away, which is only a deeper betrayal of self. I liked that she took pains to point out that grief is inherently selfish, and must be allowed to be so, until one begins to surface and function as something close to human.
I'm sure this book 'won't be for everyone', and nor should it be. For those who will gain something, however, those gains may well be significant. (The front cover is beautiful, by the way - sea blue with yellow daffodils).
I am grateful to have received an ARC of this book from Sourcebooks via NetGalley in return for an honest review.
April 3, 2024
5 stars Plus ++++++
This book blew my mind away. Every sentence, paragraph, page, chapter spoke to my heart to a T! It was as if this book was written just for me…
I lost my daughter to leukemia at the tender age of 14 in 2013. Recently I lost the love of life, my best friend, my life partner, my husband to sudden heart attack 2 months ago. I am still in shock. I can’t believe I don’t have him in my life anymore. It feels so lonely… so scary…
My daughter’s death broke me. It literally did!!! After 10 years, just when I started to breath again, just when I started feel “normal” again, I lost my beautiful husband 😞😞😞
I fell back to deep grief again.
C.M is extremely talented in expressing herself. She was honest, raw, insightful about a very complex topic such as grief. Every chapter was written with total honesty. Everything she wrote about this subject is true for me. I cried for my daughter, for my daughter’s alive twin, for my husband and for myself.
If you are struggling with loosing a loved one, then please please read this book. It will help. I promise!
This book blew my mind away. Every sentence, paragraph, page, chapter spoke to my heart to a T! It was as if this book was written just for me…
I lost my daughter to leukemia at the tender age of 14 in 2013. Recently I lost the love of life, my best friend, my life partner, my husband to sudden heart attack 2 months ago. I am still in shock. I can’t believe I don’t have him in my life anymore. It feels so lonely… so scary…
My daughter’s death broke me. It literally did!!! After 10 years, just when I started to breath again, just when I started feel “normal” again, I lost my beautiful husband 😞😞😞
I fell back to deep grief again.
C.M is extremely talented in expressing herself. She was honest, raw, insightful about a very complex topic such as grief. Every chapter was written with total honesty. Everything she wrote about this subject is true for me. I cried for my daughter, for my daughter’s alive twin, for my husband and for myself.
If you are struggling with loosing a loved one, then please please read this book. It will help. I promise!
February 28, 2024
4.5.
Lovely, thoughtful meditation on grief, with gentle reassurances that you too will come out on the other side after suffering a loss. I highlighted several passages that were meaningful to me. This would be a terrific gift for someone struggling with grief.
Thank you to Goodreads and Sourcebooks for the ARC. Thanks to Clare Mackintosh for sharing her personal stories of grief after losing her infant son and father.
Lovely, thoughtful meditation on grief, with gentle reassurances that you too will come out on the other side after suffering a loss. I highlighted several passages that were meaningful to me. This would be a terrific gift for someone struggling with grief.
Thank you to Goodreads and Sourcebooks for the ARC. Thanks to Clare Mackintosh for sharing her personal stories of grief after losing her infant son and father.
February 11, 2024
"It is a gift to be reminded of the ones we love. It is through these moments that they live on."
Having recently lost a dear friend of mine, this book found me at exactly the right time. I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This is a raw, moving account of the author's own journey through grief and healing. Mackintosh navigated a difficult subject with compassion and grace, all while offering hope for the future.
While I wish the pain of loss on no one, we will all experience it in this lifetime. How beautiful that amidst the ashes of grief blossoms deeper compassion and a greater realization of our collective humanity. Thank you, Ms. Mackintosh, for passing along your daffodils of hope to me.
I hope that many people will find this when they need it most.
Thank you to NetGalley, Clare Mackintosh and Sourcebooks for sending me an advanced reader copy in exchange for my honest review!
Having recently lost a dear friend of mine, this book found me at exactly the right time. I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This is a raw, moving account of the author's own journey through grief and healing. Mackintosh navigated a difficult subject with compassion and grace, all while offering hope for the future.
While I wish the pain of loss on no one, we will all experience it in this lifetime. How beautiful that amidst the ashes of grief blossoms deeper compassion and a greater realization of our collective humanity. Thank you, Ms. Mackintosh, for passing along your daffodils of hope to me.
I hope that many people will find this when they need it most.
Thank you to NetGalley, Clare Mackintosh and Sourcebooks for sending me an advanced reader copy in exchange for my honest review!
February 16, 2024
“Grief isn't like buying a car, or changing jobs; we don't handle it better the more we experience it. Grief is different every time, and as another loss stacks against the last, it can feel as though we're living each one over again.”
..
“Over the years, I’ve learn not to fight my grief but to be mindful of it. To accept it as part of me, just as I accept the creaks and scars, the gray hairs and the lines.”
I knew going into this that I was going to get emotional, what I didn’t fully expect was to be affected in the way that I was.
I am no stranger to grief.
I have gone through the motions every single time, trying and hoping that the pain will eventually lessen so I can finally feel like I can breathe again. I am no stranger to that pain.
I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This gave me the ability to finally put that pain into words. It helped me understand that I'm not alone in this feeling. I truly found this so healing in so many ways.
It’s not often that I immediately run to preorder books but the minute I read the first chapter of this book, I preordered it. I knew from then that this was going to be a book that I would need.
This helped me understand and rationalise a lot of the feelings that I have been experiencing for years. It allowed me to have the space to sit back and think about all the parts of my grief that I have held for years, the good, the bad and the ugly. This made me feel so seen.
For many years I blamed myself for the loss of my child. The child that I never got to see grow up or see take their first steps or say their first words. I was not in a good place for many years when it came to coming to terms with my loss. This book allowed me to understand that feeling that way is natural. It’s a part of it and I’m not alone in that feeling.
It’s officially been a year since I lost my Nanny and reading this with the pain of losing her still being so raw was overwhelming but the way this was written made me feel like I was processing it with a friend.
I truly appreciate the fact that a list of books that surround grief is included at the end too.
I can’t express how thankful I am for this book and how this is one that I will be carrying with me for the rest of my life.
Thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for providing me with this ARC. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
..
“Over the years, I’ve learn not to fight my grief but to be mindful of it. To accept it as part of me, just as I accept the creaks and scars, the gray hairs and the lines.”
I knew going into this that I was going to get emotional, what I didn’t fully expect was to be affected in the way that I was.
I am no stranger to grief.
I have gone through the motions every single time, trying and hoping that the pain will eventually lessen so I can finally feel like I can breathe again. I am no stranger to that pain.
I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This gave me the ability to finally put that pain into words. It helped me understand that I'm not alone in this feeling. I truly found this so healing in so many ways.
It’s not often that I immediately run to preorder books but the minute I read the first chapter of this book, I preordered it. I knew from then that this was going to be a book that I would need.
This helped me understand and rationalise a lot of the feelings that I have been experiencing for years. It allowed me to have the space to sit back and think about all the parts of my grief that I have held for years, the good, the bad and the ugly. This made me feel so seen.
For many years I blamed myself for the loss of my child. The child that I never got to see grow up or see take their first steps or say their first words. I was not in a good place for many years when it came to coming to terms with my loss. This book allowed me to understand that feeling that way is natural. It’s a part of it and I’m not alone in that feeling.
It’s officially been a year since I lost my Nanny and reading this with the pain of losing her still being so raw was overwhelming but the way this was written made me feel like I was processing it with a friend.
I truly appreciate the fact that a list of books that surround grief is included at the end too.
I can’t express how thankful I am for this book and how this is one that I will be carrying with me for the rest of my life.
Thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for providing me with this ARC. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
October 18, 2025
I have been a fan of Clare Mackintosh’s suspense novels for years. When I learned that she had written a self-help book on grief last year after losing her 5-week old son, I wanted to read it as I had lost my husband in 2023. Mackintosh’s first-hand experience of loss resonated with me completely. I listened to the audiobook as she narrated it herself. And I will buy a copy of the book for myself and a few friends who I have met along my own grief journey. Can’t say enough good things about this book.
October 3, 2024
Culturally, in the US, we don't talk about grief as much as we should. This book was such an important read for me. Highly recommend for anyone - no matter where you may be on your own journey with grief.
February 17, 2024
“Grief is the price you pay for love” is very true. I lost my dad just over a year ago and I miss him so much. One day I’m ok but then another day it hits me like a tidal wave that my wonderful dad is no longer here. A smell, a memory, a flower in the garden, a song on the radio can be enough to reduce me to tears. I put on a brave face (most of the time), but I know that there are parts of my dad’s passing that I’ve never really dealt with. I’m not one to read self-help books, but there was something about Clare Mackintosh’s I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This that drew me to it. Maybe it was the reference to daffodils (my dad loved his garden, and gave me loads of daffodil bulbs to plant) or maybe it was the book title, a title that offers hope.
Clare Mackintosh has written about her own devastating experience in the hope of helping others who are going through something similar. The author lost her son: Alex at five weeks old. She is incredibly brave to write this book, she shares her own personal thoughts, trauma and emotions with the reader. One thing Claire learnt there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books have you believe.
As you would expect, I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This is a raw, emotional and insightful read full of compassion and understanding. As I read I kept thinking “that’s how I feel”. There were some passages that I couldn’t relate to, but think they may be relevant later in my journey. The author points out “there are parts that may not be for everyone as everyone grieves in their own way”. If there’s one thing this book has taught me is there is no right or wrong way to grieve. By laying bare her own grief and every emotion she felt, I feel like someone really understands what I’m going through. It provides a very raw and immensely powerful look into grief and the healing process. Although this book hasn’t made my grief, disappear I feel it’s giving me a valuable insight into the way I’m feeling (it’s perfectly normal) and it’s also giving me hope that one day that although Grief doesn’t get easier it won’t always be this hard.
Claire plants daffodils to remember her son, I plant sunflowers to remember my dad 🌻🌻
You can follow me at
Blog: https://thebookreviewcafe.wordpress.com/
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Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/@reviewcafe
Clare Mackintosh has written about her own devastating experience in the hope of helping others who are going through something similar. The author lost her son: Alex at five weeks old. She is incredibly brave to write this book, she shares her own personal thoughts, trauma and emotions with the reader. One thing Claire learnt there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books have you believe.
As you would expect, I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This is a raw, emotional and insightful read full of compassion and understanding. As I read I kept thinking “that’s how I feel”. There were some passages that I couldn’t relate to, but think they may be relevant later in my journey. The author points out “there are parts that may not be for everyone as everyone grieves in their own way”. If there’s one thing this book has taught me is there is no right or wrong way to grieve. By laying bare her own grief and every emotion she felt, I feel like someone really understands what I’m going through. It provides a very raw and immensely powerful look into grief and the healing process. Although this book hasn’t made my grief, disappear I feel it’s giving me a valuable insight into the way I’m feeling (it’s perfectly normal) and it’s also giving me hope that one day that although Grief doesn’t get easier it won’t always be this hard.
Claire plants daffodils to remember her son, I plant sunflowers to remember my dad 🌻🌻
You can follow me at
Blog: https://thebookreviewcafe.wordpress.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebookrevi...
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/@reviewcafe
January 25, 2024
I am no stranger to Clare Mackintosh, however, this is the first time I have met this side of her. To say I have a new found respect would be the understatement of the year.
My heart is completely and totally shattered.
I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, is a survival guide for those who have lost someone they love. Grief, is a terrible emotion. It never goes away, it does not dull, instead you adjust and learn to live with a hole in your heart that can never be filled.
This book is personal, its touching, its angry, its raw.... its everything those of us who have lost someone, can relate to and I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to read Mackintosh's memoir and felt comfort in knowing everything I have and still do feel, is very much real and I am not alone.
Sending love and hugs <3
Synopsis :
New York Times and international bestselling mystery author Clare Mackintosh makes her nonfiction debut with this deeply felt memoir of unfathomable loss, and infinite hope.
"Grief has run through my life like thread through fabric; at times gossamer-thin and barely there, other times weaving thick, clumsy darns across the rips. In my grief I am a mother, a child, a sister, a wife, a woman, a friend. I am also a writer."
When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son, she soon discovered there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books insist. The shape of each loss is different; when a parent, relative, or friend passes, we grieve the person in all their beauty, their humanity, their imperfections. For Clare, there was no preparing for the anger and excruciating ache of knowing her child's life would remain unlived. This is the book she needed then.
Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son's death, this deeply honest, compassionate memoir will bring solace and encouragement to anyone who finds themselves walking with grief, whether for a season or for several years. It is for those who need a little voice saying: I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, for the people who love them, and those who understand that great loss can be a window through which we see how powerful, and unending, love can be.
My heart is completely and totally shattered.
I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, is a survival guide for those who have lost someone they love. Grief, is a terrible emotion. It never goes away, it does not dull, instead you adjust and learn to live with a hole in your heart that can never be filled.
This book is personal, its touching, its angry, its raw.... its everything those of us who have lost someone, can relate to and I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to read Mackintosh's memoir and felt comfort in knowing everything I have and still do feel, is very much real and I am not alone.
Sending love and hugs <3
Synopsis :
New York Times and international bestselling mystery author Clare Mackintosh makes her nonfiction debut with this deeply felt memoir of unfathomable loss, and infinite hope.
"Grief has run through my life like thread through fabric; at times gossamer-thin and barely there, other times weaving thick, clumsy darns across the rips. In my grief I am a mother, a child, a sister, a wife, a woman, a friend. I am also a writer."
When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son, she soon discovered there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books insist. The shape of each loss is different; when a parent, relative, or friend passes, we grieve the person in all their beauty, their humanity, their imperfections. For Clare, there was no preparing for the anger and excruciating ache of knowing her child's life would remain unlived. This is the book she needed then.
Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son's death, this deeply honest, compassionate memoir will bring solace and encouragement to anyone who finds themselves walking with grief, whether for a season or for several years. It is for those who need a little voice saying: I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, for the people who love them, and those who understand that great loss can be a window through which we see how powerful, and unending, love can be.
April 1, 2024
The early stages of grief are about survival. We pick a path through the shelled-out remains of our life, and it takes time to find our way home again. Author Clare Mackintosh lost one of her little twin boys at five weeks old. Fourteen years later, on 10 December 2020, she published some thoughts about grief and loss online. Promises, if you will. She started getting messages from people--this, this is how I feel. Recommended to me by a friend after the loss of my mom this past month, this book is truly one of the best things I have ever read about grief. The author gets it, because, unfortunately, she has been through it. I found this book to be so healing and underlined so many passages in it. It is a must-read for anyone who has lost someone, which, as human people in the world, is almost all of us.
June 4, 2024
Title:
I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This: 18 Assurances on Grief
Author: Clare Mackintosh
Genre: Self-Help
Rating: 4.50
Pub Date: March 19, 2024
T H R E E • W O R D S
Accessible • Insightful • Compassionate
📖 S Y N O P S I S
When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son 17 years ago, she soon discovered there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books on loss insist. Searching for help in books she was met with advice as absurd as a grief crash-diet and struggled to understand her loss. This is the book she needed then.
Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son's death, this book offers 17 short assurances that are full of compassion. This book is for the loved ones offering support but don't know what else to say and for the grieving who are searching for answers and a kind voice to turn to.
💭 T H O U G H T S
I've read several of Clare Mackintosh's novels in the past and was aware of the heartbreaking death of her five-week old son, so I was really looking forward to reading her non-fiction book focusing on the topic of grief.
Clare Mackintosh doesn't necessarily offer anything I haven't already read in other books. However, it is highly readable and likely to offer comfort and hope to grievers at different points in their grief journey, while also being a valuable tool kit for loved ones of grievers.
Divided into 18 assurances, each slightly building on the previous, she never sugarcoats the true nature of grief - that it is painful and ugly. She gives the reader permission to grief, yet also the permission to live, something that is often overlooked in grief literature. I greatly appreciated her mentioning society's tendency to accept anger more readily than is accepts grief. Unfortunately, we still live in a grief averse world and it is books like these that I hope will help change that narrative.
I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This is the third book about grief releasing in 2024 that I have read, and I would have to say it is the most generally relatable. The structure and simplicity of the writing make it accessible to the average person. It's easy to consume in small increments, as needed. Highly recommend this to anyone grieving or supporting a griever. The pain will never go away, yet joy and grief will learn to coexist.
📚 R E A D • I F • Y O U • L I K E
• learning about grief
• validation surround grief
• personal stories
⚠️ CW: death, child death, death of parent, grief, medical content, medical trauma, PTSD, infertility, cancer
🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S
"Death, like life, is rarely straightforward."
"Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living."
"A goodbye is more than a moment, and you'll find the right time - and the right way - to say yours."
"Loving other people doesn't make it easier to lose someone, it simply gives you a reason to keep going."
"Grief is the riptide in our seemingly clam sea."
"It's okay to not be okay, but it's just as okay to feel good."
"Friends who understand grief don't pity us, or gossip about us. They don't tread on eggshells trying not to talk about the person we loved when we're desperate to keep their memory alive. They don't pepper conversations with platitudes, because they've heard them all themselves. They've felt that spark of anger at the suggestion that it was all for the best."
"Grief doesn't turn you into a terrible person; it makes you a kind one."
Author: Clare Mackintosh
Genre: Self-Help
Rating: 4.50
Pub Date: March 19, 2024
T H R E E • W O R D S
Accessible • Insightful • Compassionate
📖 S Y N O P S I S
When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son 17 years ago, she soon discovered there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books on loss insist. Searching for help in books she was met with advice as absurd as a grief crash-diet and struggled to understand her loss. This is the book she needed then.
Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son's death, this book offers 17 short assurances that are full of compassion. This book is for the loved ones offering support but don't know what else to say and for the grieving who are searching for answers and a kind voice to turn to.
💭 T H O U G H T S
I've read several of Clare Mackintosh's novels in the past and was aware of the heartbreaking death of her five-week old son, so I was really looking forward to reading her non-fiction book focusing on the topic of grief.
Clare Mackintosh doesn't necessarily offer anything I haven't already read in other books. However, it is highly readable and likely to offer comfort and hope to grievers at different points in their grief journey, while also being a valuable tool kit for loved ones of grievers.
Divided into 18 assurances, each slightly building on the previous, she never sugarcoats the true nature of grief - that it is painful and ugly. She gives the reader permission to grief, yet also the permission to live, something that is often overlooked in grief literature. I greatly appreciated her mentioning society's tendency to accept anger more readily than is accepts grief. Unfortunately, we still live in a grief averse world and it is books like these that I hope will help change that narrative.
I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This is the third book about grief releasing in 2024 that I have read, and I would have to say it is the most generally relatable. The structure and simplicity of the writing make it accessible to the average person. It's easy to consume in small increments, as needed. Highly recommend this to anyone grieving or supporting a griever. The pain will never go away, yet joy and grief will learn to coexist.
📚 R E A D • I F • Y O U • L I K E
• learning about grief
• validation surround grief
• personal stories
⚠️ CW: death, child death, death of parent, grief, medical content, medical trauma, PTSD, infertility, cancer
🔖 F A V O U R I T E • Q U O T E S
"Death, like life, is rarely straightforward."
"Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living."
"A goodbye is more than a moment, and you'll find the right time - and the right way - to say yours."
"Loving other people doesn't make it easier to lose someone, it simply gives you a reason to keep going."
"Grief is the riptide in our seemingly clam sea."
"It's okay to not be okay, but it's just as okay to feel good."
"Friends who understand grief don't pity us, or gossip about us. They don't tread on eggshells trying not to talk about the person we loved when we're desperate to keep their memory alive. They don't pepper conversations with platitudes, because they've heard them all themselves. They've felt that spark of anger at the suggestion that it was all for the best."
"Grief doesn't turn you into a terrible person; it makes you a kind one."
November 30, 2024
Σ'αγαπώ μωρή Mackintosh.
March 4, 2024
Each of us will experience grief, and none of us will know how it will affect us until we do,
Chances are good that if you are reading about this book from bestselling author Claire Mackintosh, you are struggling with loss. With a background in law enforcement, Ms Mackintosh is known for her bestselling thrillers like Hostage and I Let You Go. But she also has experienced terrible loss, and with this book she makes 18 promises to others who are themselves grieving, sharing the story of her unwanted journey through the process. She does not profess to be an expert on the subject, just someone from whom a loved one was taken and who has lived with the struggle to survive that loss.
I unexpectedly lost my mother just a few months ago, and was curious to see what lessons this book might hold for me. Having my father pass away almost four decades ago in a different but still unexpected way, I have been surprised at how different my grief feels this time around. Is it because I am older now than I was when my dad died? Is it the difference between losing a father vs a mother? Should I be crying more than I am? What Ms Mackintosh wants readers like me to know is simply this: there is no right or wrong way to handle your grief. There is no set timetable, no emotion that must be felt or that should be off the table. When my father died, the single most important thing that anyone said to me at the time was that it was OK to be angry at people, like those who said things that they thought were helpful or appropriate but instead I found hurtful or insensitive. (Because people did say and do things that made me angry, and being told by a friend who had herself lost a parent that anger was not inappropriate saved me from being angry and feeling guilty about it.) As I read the different chapters, each of which relates to one of the promises the author has made, some of what she has felt or done resonated with me and some did not…and that, she wants us to know, is normal. She received advice from people over the years that helped her, and other suggestions that did not (I for one will not find running to be a good way to work out anger, for example). In the end, this book is a very caring and honest discussion of a topic that each of us will experience, and it will hold some measure of guidance or reassurance to each reader when they are in need of that honesty and reassurance. Ms Mackintosh, I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story, your pain and your counsel. I did find comfort in your words, and hope that others will find it as well. Thanks as well to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for sharing with me an advanced copy of this lovely book.
Chances are good that if you are reading about this book from bestselling author Claire Mackintosh, you are struggling with loss. With a background in law enforcement, Ms Mackintosh is known for her bestselling thrillers like Hostage and I Let You Go. But she also has experienced terrible loss, and with this book she makes 18 promises to others who are themselves grieving, sharing the story of her unwanted journey through the process. She does not profess to be an expert on the subject, just someone from whom a loved one was taken and who has lived with the struggle to survive that loss.
I unexpectedly lost my mother just a few months ago, and was curious to see what lessons this book might hold for me. Having my father pass away almost four decades ago in a different but still unexpected way, I have been surprised at how different my grief feels this time around. Is it because I am older now than I was when my dad died? Is it the difference between losing a father vs a mother? Should I be crying more than I am? What Ms Mackintosh wants readers like me to know is simply this: there is no right or wrong way to handle your grief. There is no set timetable, no emotion that must be felt or that should be off the table. When my father died, the single most important thing that anyone said to me at the time was that it was OK to be angry at people, like those who said things that they thought were helpful or appropriate but instead I found hurtful or insensitive. (Because people did say and do things that made me angry, and being told by a friend who had herself lost a parent that anger was not inappropriate saved me from being angry and feeling guilty about it.) As I read the different chapters, each of which relates to one of the promises the author has made, some of what she has felt or done resonated with me and some did not…and that, she wants us to know, is normal. She received advice from people over the years that helped her, and other suggestions that did not (I for one will not find running to be a good way to work out anger, for example). In the end, this book is a very caring and honest discussion of a topic that each of us will experience, and it will hold some measure of guidance or reassurance to each reader when they are in need of that honesty and reassurance. Ms Mackintosh, I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story, your pain and your counsel. I did find comfort in your words, and hope that others will find it as well. Thanks as well to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for sharing with me an advanced copy of this lovely book.
January 6, 2024
There are certain times when we just don’t have the words and this book says it for us. In providing this comfort it took bravery, strength and hugeness of heart to write.
December 6, 2023
Wow. What a heartbreaking and hopeful story. Clare is a wonderful storyteller and I've read her books before. This was a unique style of work. I appreciated the raw words and how authentic the book was. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars.
February 5, 2024
“Grief is universal, but it’s also as unique to each of us as the person we’ve lost. It can be overwhelming, exhausting, lonely, unreasonable, there when we least expect it and seemingly never-ending. Wherever you are with your grief and whoever you’re grieving for, I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like This is here to support you. To tell you, until you believe it, that things will get easier.”
🕊️ 🌼
Firstly I have to say that Clare Mackintosh is incredibly brave to write this book, to write about her grief relating to the loss of her son. It’s a heartbreaking read and I could feel all her emotions coming through every single page. Sending so much love to you 💛
There’s many self help books out there but this just hits different. I feel like it’s a book you should have on your shelves, whether you want to just read the whole book in one go, a chapter as and when you need it or go back to it when you feel like emotions are taking over and especially when you feel like you don’t want to have a conversation about it with someone, this will help in some way.
I want to say a massive thank you to Clare for writing this book, it really had a good outlook on grief; I have suffered grief for many years having lost my mum when I was 8 years old, the loss of grandparents, a best friend. These 18 assurances have made me feel lighter. I think sometimes it’s so easy to feel like you’re in a grief bubble, alone… when really we are not alone in this grief.
Today, 5th February, would have been my mums 65th birthday and I know it’s been a while since she passed, this year will be 25 years and sometimes I find it incredibly hard to deal with, however I know I can and will have happier moments.
It’s been very emotional to read this but I feel like it gives me hope and I hope that if you are suffering from grief and you decide to pick this up, that it gives you hope too, and you have happier days.
🕊️ 🌼
Firstly I have to say that Clare Mackintosh is incredibly brave to write this book, to write about her grief relating to the loss of her son. It’s a heartbreaking read and I could feel all her emotions coming through every single page. Sending so much love to you 💛
There’s many self help books out there but this just hits different. I feel like it’s a book you should have on your shelves, whether you want to just read the whole book in one go, a chapter as and when you need it or go back to it when you feel like emotions are taking over and especially when you feel like you don’t want to have a conversation about it with someone, this will help in some way.
I want to say a massive thank you to Clare for writing this book, it really had a good outlook on grief; I have suffered grief for many years having lost my mum when I was 8 years old, the loss of grandparents, a best friend. These 18 assurances have made me feel lighter. I think sometimes it’s so easy to feel like you’re in a grief bubble, alone… when really we are not alone in this grief.
Today, 5th February, would have been my mums 65th birthday and I know it’s been a while since she passed, this year will be 25 years and sometimes I find it incredibly hard to deal with, however I know I can and will have happier moments.
It’s been very emotional to read this but I feel like it gives me hope and I hope that if you are suffering from grief and you decide to pick this up, that it gives you hope too, and you have happier days.
January 23, 2024
Well what can I say. I think I should start with the biggest thank you. To Clare, an author I love and follow avidly, for being brave enough to write such a deeply honest and personal account of grief. (And also to net galley for the copy of course).
There are a lot of books about grief but they’re not written by a griever necessarily and they’re not raw and open and honest. This is, this is brave, this is personal, it is sad but more than anything it is kind.
Grief is a lonely and confusing place to be and this book is like a mug of hot tea whilst sat in a huge chair (like the old lemsip ad) in front a roaring fire. It’s the closest you can get to a hug in a book.
It makes you feel less crazy, it gives hope but it also gives you space to cry your heart out. And that’s ok,
I had a similar moment outside hospital when my dad was dying with a lady like the daffodil lady and it will stay with me until the end of my days. She was a stranger who simply stopped to console me and comfort me because I was sad and gave me tissues and a hug.
This is rare and to be very much treasured because there are more people who will run a mile to avoid the sadness, who don’t want to be talking about things or letting you cry.
I don’t think , in fact I know I couldn’t do what Clare has done here but what this book does do is it gives me hope. Grief doesn’t get easier but you can and will find happy moments and be able to cope and manage better - something I’m struggling with at the moment. It’s been an emotional but also heart warming read for me and I would recommended this book to anyone - in fact I did during reading it and immediately after !
Claire thank you and lots of love. Alex would be so proud, they are always with us,
Forever in our hearts xx
There are a lot of books about grief but they’re not written by a griever necessarily and they’re not raw and open and honest. This is, this is brave, this is personal, it is sad but more than anything it is kind.
Grief is a lonely and confusing place to be and this book is like a mug of hot tea whilst sat in a huge chair (like the old lemsip ad) in front a roaring fire. It’s the closest you can get to a hug in a book.
It makes you feel less crazy, it gives hope but it also gives you space to cry your heart out. And that’s ok,
I had a similar moment outside hospital when my dad was dying with a lady like the daffodil lady and it will stay with me until the end of my days. She was a stranger who simply stopped to console me and comfort me because I was sad and gave me tissues and a hug.
This is rare and to be very much treasured because there are more people who will run a mile to avoid the sadness, who don’t want to be talking about things or letting you cry.
I don’t think , in fact I know I couldn’t do what Clare has done here but what this book does do is it gives me hope. Grief doesn’t get easier but you can and will find happy moments and be able to cope and manage better - something I’m struggling with at the moment. It’s been an emotional but also heart warming read for me and I would recommended this book to anyone - in fact I did during reading it and immediately after !
Claire thank you and lots of love. Alex would be so proud, they are always with us,
Forever in our hearts xx
February 21, 2024
I have always been a huge fan of Clare - since first reading ‘I let you go’ with my book club and Clare generously offering to do a virtual Q&A with us I remember lending that book to so many people and even buying it to send to my team in Prague to read. I remember back then learning that she had lost a very young child and back then could not have imagined how that would feel but now many years later with two small people of my own, the grief is not something I would even want to try and fathom. I decided to read this book as a fan of Clare but also as a training psychotherapist. I’m currently working with a group with secondary breast cancer so grief/loss are something I will encounter with greater frequency than the average Joe along the way, so I was hoping this book would help me personally but also to understand and empathise with others.
This book is so beautiful I would recommend it to anyone, grieving or otherwise to have in your armoury. It will make you smile, it will make you hug your children a bit harder, it will make you cry and cry and cry. The part that triggered me was totally unexpected - I burst into fits of sobs that were not quite sadness tears but not quite happy ones either, something in between like grateful tears if they’re even a thing!
A wonderful, wonderful read.
This book is so beautiful I would recommend it to anyone, grieving or otherwise to have in your armoury. It will make you smile, it will make you hug your children a bit harder, it will make you cry and cry and cry. The part that triggered me was totally unexpected - I burst into fits of sobs that were not quite sadness tears but not quite happy ones either, something in between like grateful tears if they’re even a thing!
A wonderful, wonderful read.
May 31, 2024
An honest, insightful, vulnerable and comforting read on grief.
I borrowed this book from the library and it’s definitely a book I’d like to own one day and reread. I would also recommend this book to anyone who has lost a loved one whether it’s been 6 months ago or 10 years ago.
There were so many notable quotes here’s just a few that resonated with me.
‘When someone we love dies, it infuses us with sadness that alters us to our core. It is as though our DNA has been irrevocably altered, impacting our ability to achieve states that came so naturally before we were bereaved.’
‘There are many reasons why shared grief can be hard, but it is a quiet relief to be with someone who feels your pain as intensely as you do, who needs no explanation for why, suddenly, it hurts now.’
‘That’s the funny thing about grief: sometimes you need to talk, and sometimes you just need someone to understand.’
‘But ‘doing well’ doesn’t mean we’ve gotten over our loss; it just means we’re better at hiding our grief.’
‘There is a moment when you realize you have to now refer to your loved one in past tense instead of the present. It feels like a betrayal, doesn’t it? And more than that, it feels impossible, because they’re still there, inside us, all around us.’
I borrowed this book from the library and it’s definitely a book I’d like to own one day and reread. I would also recommend this book to anyone who has lost a loved one whether it’s been 6 months ago or 10 years ago.
There were so many notable quotes here’s just a few that resonated with me.
‘When someone we love dies, it infuses us with sadness that alters us to our core. It is as though our DNA has been irrevocably altered, impacting our ability to achieve states that came so naturally before we were bereaved.’
‘There are many reasons why shared grief can be hard, but it is a quiet relief to be with someone who feels your pain as intensely as you do, who needs no explanation for why, suddenly, it hurts now.’
‘That’s the funny thing about grief: sometimes you need to talk, and sometimes you just need someone to understand.’
‘But ‘doing well’ doesn’t mean we’ve gotten over our loss; it just means we’re better at hiding our grief.’
‘There is a moment when you realize you have to now refer to your loved one in past tense instead of the present. It feels like a betrayal, doesn’t it? And more than that, it feels impossible, because they’re still there, inside us, all around us.’
February 8, 2024
4.5/5 stars
This was a very insightful and honest treatise on a favorite author's own experience with grief. I connected (and think that many will) with her pain and loss and found that her 18 assurances of light at the end of the tunnel were both enlightening and well-chosen. As she is revisiting her own 18 years of bereavement, while giving compassionate and first-hand knowledge, she is also emphasizing that no two persons will travel the exact same journey while battling through the stages of grief and loss...but there are similarities in their experiences.
As a caregiver for elderly parents, I found this a moving reading experience and appreciate and value Ms. Mackintosh's caring and sharing of her own very personal journey.
I'm glad to have come across this straightforward, helpful and compassionate book.
My sincere thanks to the author, NetGalley and Sourcebooks for providing the free early arc of I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This for review. The opinions are strictly my own.
This was a very insightful and honest treatise on a favorite author's own experience with grief. I connected (and think that many will) with her pain and loss and found that her 18 assurances of light at the end of the tunnel were both enlightening and well-chosen. As she is revisiting her own 18 years of bereavement, while giving compassionate and first-hand knowledge, she is also emphasizing that no two persons will travel the exact same journey while battling through the stages of grief and loss...but there are similarities in their experiences.
As a caregiver for elderly parents, I found this a moving reading experience and appreciate and value Ms. Mackintosh's caring and sharing of her own very personal journey.
I'm glad to have come across this straightforward, helpful and compassionate book.
My sincere thanks to the author, NetGalley and Sourcebooks for providing the free early arc of I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This for review. The opinions are strictly my own.
January 29, 2024
Memoir - Essays - 4.5*
It's always hard to write any kind of review about someone's experiences. That being said, this was a powerhouse of a book.
Macintosh is known for her mystery novels, but she is very active in social media and on the 18th anniversary of the passing of her son she posted a number of statements about grief. She got such an overwhelming response that it became the impetus for this collection of essays.
I chose to read this book because I recently lost my father and I enjoy Mackintosh's fiction novels. The book is presented as a series of promises about grief and that even though the focus centers around Mackintosh's loss of one of her twins, grief - as an experience is universal.
She states that grief is a solo, personal experience and that to compare how you feel or what you go through to anyone else's journey is a recipe for failure. She shares diary excerpts, thoughts, vignettes and detailed accounts of what she experienced. There is so much emotion captured here. You endure with Claire, you revisit your own pain and come out the other side with some understanding.
I feel privileged to have been able to read about someone's deeply personal journey. This book will be helpful to many. My only caveat is that while it's billed as a book for anyone experiencing grief, it truly is more suited to someone who has lost a child.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my ARC of this book.
It's always hard to write any kind of review about someone's experiences. That being said, this was a powerhouse of a book.
Macintosh is known for her mystery novels, but she is very active in social media and on the 18th anniversary of the passing of her son she posted a number of statements about grief. She got such an overwhelming response that it became the impetus for this collection of essays.
I chose to read this book because I recently lost my father and I enjoy Mackintosh's fiction novels. The book is presented as a series of promises about grief and that even though the focus centers around Mackintosh's loss of one of her twins, grief - as an experience is universal.
She states that grief is a solo, personal experience and that to compare how you feel or what you go through to anyone else's journey is a recipe for failure. She shares diary excerpts, thoughts, vignettes and detailed accounts of what she experienced. There is so much emotion captured here. You endure with Claire, you revisit your own pain and come out the other side with some understanding.
I feel privileged to have been able to read about someone's deeply personal journey. This book will be helpful to many. My only caveat is that while it's billed as a book for anyone experiencing grief, it truly is more suited to someone who has lost a child.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my ARC of this book.
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