Before the Light Fades

by Natasha Walter

After the sudden death of her mother at age 75, Natasha Walter was thrown into a time of bewilderment and sadness. It was only when she began to search back through Ruth's history, that she began to understand how her life led to death by her own hand. She learns that Ruth had been brought up to be a conventional young woman, but chose to take huge risks and even break the law for her beliefs in the nuclear disarmament movement of the 1960s. Reaching further back she explores the history of Ruth's parents, and the story of her grandfather who, as part of the anti-Nazi resistance in the 1930s in Germany, was imprisoned for three years and then went on the run across Europe, finally finding safety in England. Honest about loss, this memoir also searches for what is valuable in the legacy of a family who lived through some of the great crises of the twentieth century. Without false hope, and with honest passion, Natasha Walter shows us why, even when success is far from assured, it is always important to stand up for what you believe.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography

224 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 31, 2023

About the author

British feminist writer and human rights activist. She is the author of Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism (2010, Virago) and The New Feminism (1998, Virago), and is the director of Women for Refugee Women.
Her father was Nicolas Walter, an anarchist and secular humanist writer; her grandfather was William Grey Walter, a neuroscientist. After attending North London Collegiate School, she read English at St John's College, Cambridge, graduating with a double First, and then won a Frank Knox Fellowship to Harvard.Her first job was at Vogue magazine, she then became Deputy Literary Editor of The Independent and then a columnist for The Guardian. She went on to write for many publications and to appear regularly on BBC2's Newsnight Review and Radio 4's Front Row. In 1999 she was a judge on the Booker Prize.

Walter is the founder and director of the charity Women for Refugee Women which campaigns for the rights of women who seek asylum. In 2008 Women for Refugee Women produced the play Motherland which Natasha Walter wrote based on the experiences of women and children in immigration detention. It was directed by Juliet Stevenson and performed at the Young Vic in 2008 by Juliet Stevenson, Harriet Walter and others. Women for Refugee Women subsequently worked in partnership with other organisations to campaign for the end to the detention of children for immigration purposes in the UK, a policy which the government announced it would end in 2010.

She is the author of The New Feminism, which was an influential feminist book published by Virago in 1998. Her book Living Dolls, also published by Virago, looks at the resurgence of sexism in contemporary culture. Natasha Walter says, "I once believed that we only had to put in place the conditions for equality for the remnants of old-fashioned sexism in our culture to wither away. I am ready to admit that I was wrong."

Natasha Walter lives in London with her partner and their two children.
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Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Walter’s 75-year-old mother, Ruth, died by suicide in December 2017. The decision wasn’t made for any particular medical reason (though she had some minor health concerns and memory loss) but because she felt her life was complete. Ruth had enquired about Dignitas but her GP made it clear it wasn’t going to be an option for her, so she ordered pentobarbital and went about it in her own way.

The book blends the personal and the political in an engaging manner: Walter has the sense of having inherited her mother’s radical spirit, as evidenced by her charity work for refugee women and her participation in climate protests (she has been arrested with XR). In the 1960s, her parents were part of the Committee of 100, which worked toward nuclear disarmament. They favoured anarchism, whereas Ruth’s father Georg, who had been in prison during the Resistance, was a Communist. Like him, Ruth’s mother Eva was a Jew who escaped Germany, in her case as a servant in London; her whole family then died in the Holocaust.

The author draws on previous generations’ example for “understanding what it takes to build resistance at times of despair” – whether Nazi Germany, the Cold War, or climate emergency. “My parents and their friends never lost faith in the idea that politics was far too important to be left to the politicians.” It’s a short and targeted book, but perhaps a little underpowered. I found myself skimming over a lot of the detail in the section on her parents’ activism.

[Wendy Greenberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an extraordinary and compelling read. It spoke to me in so many ways.

Firstly, the Jewish history. Piecing together her grandparents' story of resistance in 1930s Hamburg and subsequent refugee status and internment in Britain. In 1939 they escaped to London. Her grandmother's parents stayed behind and died in Treblinka.

This is followed by her mother's story of political awakening (and finally an understanding) of why this was frowned upon by her now suburban parents. We learn where it took her and get an amazing insight into the disarmament movement through resistance alongside work with the dispossessed. The author's life walks a similar path of political struggle after a rebellion of "going straight", working with refugees and battling climate change.

It is only through sorting through her mother's effects that the past springs up and Walter begins to understand more about her family and the legacy of solidarity and resistance. These intriguing lives are set against the backdrop of a planned suicide, an end of life when taking control (and again, resisting an otherwise inevitable pathway) haunts each page of the narrative, dredged in grief yet comprehension.

The book's final thoughts reinforce three generations of experience and a call to heed the lessons of the past.

" The journey my grandfather took, on the run, without official papers and permissions, is now to be criminalised"

[Genevieve · Rating 4 out of 5]

A clever and moving look at grief, activism and resistance, the thin line between the personal and the political.

[Frances Briggs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took a little while to get into and I’m not typically a non fiction girly but very interesting and nicely written, I absorbed the info happily didn’t feel like I was being force fed. Also can’t help but love a perspective on generational mothering so that was nice

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an engaging book which I devoured in days. Exquisitely written and expressed and one you want to share with everyone who has experienced loss, whether through dementia or suicide, of a close family member. I have fortunately not had that experience but nonetheless could not put it down as it’s so relatable and there is so much to learn from it both politically and emotionally. It also reminded me to take more interest in my parents and ask them about their lives. To be a better listener. It’s been a month since I read it but have not stopped thinking about it. I am moved by this tribute to a woman who isn’t famous but is extraordinary and I found myself completely relating to her choices in life. I’ve bought several copies for friends who are equally taken by it. Thank you Natasha Walter for sharing this incredibly personal journey in processing and understanding the loss of your mother. It’s so helpful.

[Annabel Wearring-Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the wake of her mother’s suicide, Natasha Walter struggled to make sense of her grief against the lived reality of the refugee women she works with. After a political spiral where she begins to question where hope resides in our society, she begins to piece together her mother’s own past as protester of nuclear armaments in the 1960s, Women’s Liberation in the 1970s alongside her grandfather and grandmother’s flight into exile during Nazi regime. By tracing her family connections to political resistance, she is able to see how her life has been informed on the line between personal and political, and understand how important it is to stand for your beliefs even in the face of an unrelenting establishment.
I found Walter’s journey to understand her mothers action deeply moving on a personal level, while her history of the small victories of resistance made me realise the power of protest lies in our connection with our self, others and the world.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sit down to read the book and I am swiftly pulled in. First page, that is enough to get the momentum going. I am gripping on to the unfolding of the grief yet I find myself resisting the unfolding at the same time. The memoir is written in a way that is both deep and intuitive. I become one with the words and the pictures Natasha creates. As I hear Natasha's writer's voice, I know that it is her whole being writing this memoir. From within, from her own depths. It reminds me of regret, remorse, resistance, grief, love, kindness, over-thinking, contemplation and above all, compassion. Through it all, a feeling sticks to my chest, and it interprets as follows; 'don't let fear cloud your judgement.'
Thank you Natasha, for allowing us to share your grief.
Thank you dearest Natasha, for sharing your world.

Love,
Meltem Avcil

[Jay Ginn · Rating 5 out of 5]

In confronting her grief and uncertainties after her mothers death, the author recounts the history of heroic struggles of her Jewish refugee ancestors, including personal discoveries of courageous resistance and tragedy in 1930s Hamburg, as the Nazi noose tightened, apparently burying all hope. Her mother's role in the Committee of 100's anti-nuclear actions and in Spies for Peace highlights the risks taken by activists as they expose the secret plans to save the elite in a nuclear war. The author's own journey - and perhaps ours - from personal and political despair to a resurgence of determination to stand up for one's values, as her mother and grandparents did despite all the odds, is an insightful and spellbinding narrative.
Jay Ginn

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving story of a mother’s death in an age of global unrest and anxiety. Brilliantly links a personal tale of grief with an investigation into her mother’s life and death, affected by the holocaust, the Cold War peace movement, the plight of refugees, todays climate change crisis and midlife.
This book manages to be strangely uplifting and inspiring too as Natasha shows us how we can be hopeful and engaged politically & morally rather than feeling so overwhelmed by the global calamity that we become paralysed.
Beautifully and intelligently written and sensitively crafted. Highly recommended.

[Christine Parsons · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir begins with the suicide of the author’s mother and describes her feelings of guilt, disbelief, denial and overwhelming grief in relatable detail.
Natasha Walter then embarks on a journey of discovery, to explore previously unknown aspects of her mother’s life and ultimately those of her grandparents. She learns so much about their separate struggles to make a difference in the world, both in their native Germany as the Nazi’s take control, and later in Britain, their new homeland.
An inspiring account of brave individuals determined to stand up and take action for what they believe.

[Rebecca Jewell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written, moving and fascinating book. Walters describes her own grief, guilt and uncertainty around her mother’s death, slowly unravelling the story of her parents’ lives, and trying to come to terms with why her mother chose to die, when she did. It is also a fascinating history of a refugee family and anti-nuclear protests in the 1960s. I read this book in one sitting, I was totally gripped, and couldn’t put it down. I would highly recommend Before the Light Fades.

[Kelly Webb-Lamb · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written, engrossing, moving and inspiring book. I found both the family history and the stories of resistance fascinating, and the way Walter weaves the two aspects of her narrative together was compelling. Definitely recommend.

[Rachel Bayne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Moving book with some powerful moments of tragedy.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

dealt with so many interesting topics and was a brilliantly written memoir, i really enjoyed it