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Crying Out Silent
Two high school students make an unlikely alliance - one their friends must break before death does.
The day I met Ash Rata was the first day I started dying, not because of Ash, but because of one of his friends. Ant Torres made me suffer, tormenting me because he thought I was a pretty boy. I am a boy, yet I’m also a girl. Neither one nor the other, but both.
Intersex.
While Ant was a closeted gay rugby player who used violence to get what he wanted.
Me.
But I didn’t want him – I wanted the unattainable.
Ash.
The beautiful boy who was hiding a secret as big as mine, one that would unite us... until death do us part.
Please note that this book contains sensitive topics such as suicide and assault. (R18)
The day I met Ash Rata was the first day I started dying, not because of Ash, but because of one of his friends. Ant Torres made me suffer, tormenting me because he thought I was a pretty boy. I am a boy, yet I’m also a girl. Neither one nor the other, but both.
Intersex.
While Ant was a closeted gay rugby player who used violence to get what he wanted.
Me.
But I didn’t want him – I wanted the unattainable.
Ash.
The beautiful boy who was hiding a secret as big as mine, one that would unite us... until death do us part.
Please note that this book contains sensitive topics such as suicide and assault. (R18)
Unknown Binding
Published June 27, 2018
2 people are currently reading
142 people want to read
About the author
Marita A. Hansen
100 books855 followersSOME FACTS ABOUT ME:
I'm a New Zealander from Auckland, with dual citizenship (NZ and Croatia). I've also lived in Kerikeri, Singapore and Papua New Guinea.
CAREER PATH: I started off as a Graphic Designer, then went to Auckland University, where I got a BA degree in Art History and Italian Studies and a post-graduate Honors degree in Art History. I worked in the Art History field, then became a full-time artist, doing commissions. I eventually lost all of my senses and gave it up to be a self-published writer, publishing my first book in 2011. Though, earlier in 2023 I returned to art, shelving being a writer since book pirates made it impossible to earn a living from my work, excessively pirating my books. They basically broke my spirit. However, a very nice reader spurred me on to try again, so I'm attempting to revive my writing career.
BAD HABITS: I'm a major procrastinator, I stay up way too late, and I get distracted far too easily unless it's doing something I love. My mind never stops racing, can't turn ADHD off.
SPORTS: As a teenager my favourite sports were karate, badminton, and running. I also did unarmed combat and played in a touch rugby team (my gym teacher made me do the last one!) As an adult, I've couched soccer and have completed two marathons, numerous half-marathons and one 30K run, though I stick to the gym now, hanging up my running shoes.
STATUS: Married to my high school sweetheart (which he hates me calling him). We have two kids.
Author Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Marita-A-Han...
I'm a New Zealander from Auckland, with dual citizenship (NZ and Croatia). I've also lived in Kerikeri, Singapore and Papua New Guinea.
CAREER PATH: I started off as a Graphic Designer, then went to Auckland University, where I got a BA degree in Art History and Italian Studies and a post-graduate Honors degree in Art History. I worked in the Art History field, then became a full-time artist, doing commissions. I eventually lost all of my senses and gave it up to be a self-published writer, publishing my first book in 2011. Though, earlier in 2023 I returned to art, shelving being a writer since book pirates made it impossible to earn a living from my work, excessively pirating my books. They basically broke my spirit. However, a very nice reader spurred me on to try again, so I'm attempting to revive my writing career.
BAD HABITS: I'm a major procrastinator, I stay up way too late, and I get distracted far too easily unless it's doing something I love. My mind never stops racing, can't turn ADHD off.
SPORTS: As a teenager my favourite sports were karate, badminton, and running. I also did unarmed combat and played in a touch rugby team (my gym teacher made me do the last one!) As an adult, I've couched soccer and have completed two marathons, numerous half-marathons and one 30K run, though I stick to the gym now, hanging up my running shoes.
STATUS: Married to my high school sweetheart (which he hates me calling him). We have two kids.
Author Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Marita-A-Han...
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
January 6, 2020
4.5
Wow!Just Wow!
Step outside of your YA comfort zone and take a walk on the wild side here. I've just read Graffiti Heaven and this is a kind of follow on but can be read on it's own.It felt like a companion novel to that(for me), because although events here happen after that book the timeline is pretty close.Personally I would advise reading Graffiti Heaven first to get the best out of these characters and to try and understand them......
The story centres around a group of high school teenagers and how their lives are interwoven through their own actions and things beyond their control.
This is a tough read,there are many highly emotive issues here which I'm not going to go into in any detail but be warned this is not for the faint hearted.It's f*cked up big style but it's just the kind of book I like.
Llewellyn is intersex.His parents decided to bring him up as a boy and he identifies with being male but his appearances suggests otherwise.He's beautiful,stunning,with a lot of femininity and is picked on and bullied as a result.The moment he lays eyes on Ash his life is destined to never be the same again.It's almost love at first sight and it's believable.But one of Ash's friends has a similar reaction when he sees Llewellyn for the first time.Ant wants him and nothing is going to stop him....
Ash and Llewellyn have something in common.....something that makes them form a strong bond.And their friendship was both painful and beautiful.
I loved this book.Many won't,I suspect but it's right up there on my favourite list.I love this Author's writing.It's unique and totally compelling.
The characters here are flawed and not always likeable,the subject matter is hard to read at times but I wouldn't have missed reading it for anything.
Available on KU.
Wow!Just Wow!
Step outside of your YA comfort zone and take a walk on the wild side here. I've just read Graffiti Heaven and this is a kind of follow on but can be read on it's own.It felt like a companion novel to that(for me), because although events here happen after that book the timeline is pretty close.Personally I would advise reading Graffiti Heaven first to get the best out of these characters and to try and understand them......
The story centres around a group of high school teenagers and how their lives are interwoven through their own actions and things beyond their control.
This is a tough read,there are many highly emotive issues here which I'm not going to go into in any detail but be warned this is not for the faint hearted.It's f*cked up big style but it's just the kind of book I like.
Llewellyn is intersex.His parents decided to bring him up as a boy and he identifies with being male but his appearances suggests otherwise.He's beautiful,stunning,with a lot of femininity and is picked on and bullied as a result.The moment he lays eyes on Ash his life is destined to never be the same again.It's almost love at first sight and it's believable.But one of Ash's friends has a similar reaction when he sees Llewellyn for the first time.Ant wants him and nothing is going to stop him....
Ash and Llewellyn have something in common.....something that makes them form a strong bond.And their friendship was both painful and beautiful.
I loved this book.Many won't,I suspect but it's right up there on my favourite list.I love this Author's writing.It's unique and totally compelling.
The characters here are flawed and not always likeable,the subject matter is hard to read at times but I wouldn't have missed reading it for anything.
Available on KU.
Read
January 5, 2024Ash and Llewellyn's connection is the strongest out of all of my characters (out of all of my series). The last part of CRYING OUT SILENT is intense, though this book as a whole is brutal, and has a trigger warning. It's sequel, Ashes to Ashes, continues their story.
Taglines and Trigger Warnings for Crying Out Silent: Attempted Suicide, Intersex character, Love, Desperation, High School, Grief, Loss, Physical and Mental Abuse, New Zealand, South Auckland, Wera High, Coming of Age, First Times, Revenge.
Llewellyn (L)...
Taglines and Trigger Warnings for Crying Out Silent: Attempted Suicide, Intersex character, Love, Desperation, High School, Grief, Loss, Physical and Mental Abuse, New Zealand, South Auckland, Wera High, Coming of Age, First Times, Revenge.
Llewellyn (L)...
August 27, 2018
A complimentary copy was provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
*Warning* This book ends on a cliffhanger and contains physical and emotional violence including extreme bullying, rape, murder, multiple attempted suicides (some on page), mental illness, and a lot of inner turmoil.
I knew going in that this wasn't going to be an easy read because there were warnings of the extreme content. I wasn't prepared for how many of the characters would be involved in this torment or how selfish, clueless and violent these kids would be. I enjoyed this story as much as I could considering the content, but when I reached about the 60% mark, the story really started to go into implausible land.
Llewellyn is a boy and a girl, born with breasts as well as a micro penis, and suffers from cramps but of course can't bleed or have a full period. Llewellyn considers himself a boy, but sometime wishes he could dress as a girl. He likes seeing pretty people and often stares at them. This coupled with the fact that Llewellyn is small (like a girl), with long hair, he draws a lot of attention on himself, and from possibly the worst person - Ant. Ant is seriously a demented person who has some sort of mental illness simply based on how his character deteriorates thru the story.
I didn't particularly like any of these characters because they were all weak. That isn't a criticism about the writing quality, the opposite actually. The characters were fleshed out, and we actually get alternating points of view from more than the MCs, which was certainly eye opening. The characters are all teenagers, hormonal and selfish and clueless about life in general. They are also vicious to each other, the boys always getting into fights, the girls being petty and jealous and actually doing physical harm to another. It's scary what these kids were capable of. I called them weak because nobody asked for help, or sought out someone with real brains who could help them find the best path.
So much of what happened to these kids is unbelievable which is why I gave it 3 stars. Could all of these things happen to a group a kids? If you watch the news, it's probably not as farfetched as one would hope. But when writing fiction, one must be careful about how much crap is piled on to the characters before the story breaks. The story didn't go at all how I expected based on the first half. A lot of the actions that transpired came out of nowhere for me and I read every word on the page because I didn't want to miss anything.
I am trying not to give away too much of the story because I don't want to ruin anything. You should be warned that this ends on a cliffhanger in the epilogue. I wasn't expecting that wish the blurb had made this known; I might night have read this. It is not a happy for now ending, it's not a calm before the storm ending - it's a legit there is a knock on the door, we see who it is, and that's the end, story to be continued in Ashes to Ashes. This ending also contributed to the 3 stars.
Do I recommend this? It honestly depends on the person. I think some people will like it, and for some it will be too much and they will quit or not even start it. Am I sorry I read it? That's hard to answer because it really made me think deep down about the type of people living in this world. This book really will bring out emotions in you. I guess I am not sorry I read it, but knowing what I know now, I would not have read it, if that makes sense.
3 stars, and there are some minor editing issues.
*Warning* This book ends on a cliffhanger and contains physical and emotional violence including extreme bullying, rape, murder, multiple attempted suicides (some on page), mental illness, and a lot of inner turmoil.
I knew going in that this wasn't going to be an easy read because there were warnings of the extreme content. I wasn't prepared for how many of the characters would be involved in this torment or how selfish, clueless and violent these kids would be. I enjoyed this story as much as I could considering the content, but when I reached about the 60% mark, the story really started to go into implausible land.
Llewellyn is a boy and a girl, born with breasts as well as a micro penis, and suffers from cramps but of course can't bleed or have a full period. Llewellyn considers himself a boy, but sometime wishes he could dress as a girl. He likes seeing pretty people and often stares at them. This coupled with the fact that Llewellyn is small (like a girl), with long hair, he draws a lot of attention on himself, and from possibly the worst person - Ant. Ant is seriously a demented person who has some sort of mental illness simply based on how his character deteriorates thru the story.
I didn't particularly like any of these characters because they were all weak. That isn't a criticism about the writing quality, the opposite actually. The characters were fleshed out, and we actually get alternating points of view from more than the MCs, which was certainly eye opening. The characters are all teenagers, hormonal and selfish and clueless about life in general. They are also vicious to each other, the boys always getting into fights, the girls being petty and jealous and actually doing physical harm to another. It's scary what these kids were capable of. I called them weak because nobody asked for help, or sought out someone with real brains who could help them find the best path.
So much of what happened to these kids is unbelievable which is why I gave it 3 stars. Could all of these things happen to a group a kids? If you watch the news, it's probably not as farfetched as one would hope. But when writing fiction, one must be careful about how much crap is piled on to the characters before the story breaks. The story didn't go at all how I expected based on the first half. A lot of the actions that transpired came out of nowhere for me and I read every word on the page because I didn't want to miss anything.
I am trying not to give away too much of the story because I don't want to ruin anything. You should be warned that this ends on a cliffhanger in the epilogue. I wasn't expecting that wish the blurb had made this known; I might night have read this. It is not a happy for now ending, it's not a calm before the storm ending - it's a legit there is a knock on the door, we see who it is, and that's the end, story to be continued in Ashes to Ashes. This ending also contributed to the 3 stars.
Do I recommend this? It honestly depends on the person. I think some people will like it, and for some it will be too much and they will quit or not even start it. Am I sorry I read it? That's hard to answer because it really made me think deep down about the type of people living in this world. This book really will bring out emotions in you. I guess I am not sorry I read it, but knowing what I know now, I would not have read it, if that makes sense.
3 stars, and there are some minor editing issues.
July 10, 2018
Wowzer!!! Intense doesn't cut it!!! Review to come.
July 10, 2018
Wow, this book was so intense on so many emotional levels, I was left feeling like I'd run a marathon when I finished. This novel covers issues of sexuality, homosexuality, bi, and intersex as well as rape, bullying, suicide and dysfunction within families, friendship and within school. It follows the lives of several teenagers, each with their own issues and agendas. I liked Llewellyn and felt deep empathy for him/her throughout the story. Ash too was a mostly likeable character with his own flaws and issues to deal with. Ant and Jenna though were two of the most unlikable people, and I so hoped they would get what they deserved. I found this to be a powerful read, it also made me angry that we as a society can treat people the way we do just because of how they look, or whether they are make, female, straight, gay or somewhere in between. People need to start accepting others for who they are, suicide and bullying both need to be stopped. Humanity needs to become more tolerant of other people's differences and as adults and parents we need to be teaching our children empathy and acceptance. Ok so preaching aside, this was an incredibly moving story, set in New Zealand it is just as relevant anywhere in the world and I definitely hope that the sequel gets written.
Thanks to NetGalley and Marita A Hansen for a copy in return for an honest review.
Thanks to NetGalley and Marita A Hansen for a copy in return for an honest review.
July 4, 2018
Received from Netgalley. Sounded like a tear jerker but good. Christ there’s a lot going on. Was really hoping everything would be black and white but its all a murky grey. Can safely say I hated Jenna, she’s as black hearted as you can get. The rest is pretty much an example of psychotic parents. There’s a lot of issues based around sexual assault and suicide. I liked L and then I didn’t, same with Ash. Its sweet, painful and heartbreaking. The choices and decisions make everything more complicated. I felt sorry for Tiana, Marko and Kelley. Dante’s character was interesting.
August 12, 2018
Wow!!! This book made me cry. A spellbinding story about Llewllyn a child born intersex who is being bullied and assaulted in their new school whilst intertwining the story with an unlikely friendship with Ash who is also broken after a violent event in his life. Together they attempt to survive and make sense of the horrors they have seen in their lives. This book will break your heart but it is also full of hope and I can’t wait to read more.
December 15, 2018
Lovely emotional read cant wait for moor Ash and L im team L sorry Tiana
August 17, 2018
Love Changes Everything!The story is set in the poorer districts of South Auckland where life is not easy and toughness is the key to survival. It is reflected as a norm in the characters and attitudes of the children, who live a neurotic life, constantly on the edge of violent argument for as little as a glance at another scholar.
The story follows a group of 15-16 year-olds through their fifth form year (10th grade). The author cleverly has the principal characters – Ash, Ant, Llewellyn and Jenna – tell the tale chapter by chapter in the jive talk vernacular of their time and I found it worked well.
I hope their ‘Blackboard Jungle’ attitude to school in the lack of respect for work and the teachers is an exaggeration and not an indication of how things are in schools today.
The characters are living through their adolescent limbo allowing testosterone and hormones to dictate their behaviour. There is bullying, straight sex, gay sex, and intersex throughout the book. Suicide also makes its grisly appearance.
The first third of the book consisted mostly of threats, taunts, sex and violence. The middle third developed the real story, an unlikely love story, leading into the final pages that gives the story meaning and brings it to a climax and ending.
I was touched by the epilogue, I cannot say more without disclosing plot points. I learned much about those unfortunates whom nature decided to deliver as neither male nor female, but a bit of both. I was moved to find out more about hermaphrodites and looked up data on the Internet. My knowledge is now more complete and my sympathies more tolerant through a better understanding of nature’s carelessness.
My star rating lay between 3 and 4. The power of the ending and the important message conveyed raises it to 4.
However deeply one is entrenched in endemic social phobias, however ingrained they might be into one’s soul – love changes everything.
The story follows a group of 15-16 year-olds through their fifth form year (10th grade). The author cleverly has the principal characters – Ash, Ant, Llewellyn and Jenna – tell the tale chapter by chapter in the jive talk vernacular of their time and I found it worked well.
I hope their ‘Blackboard Jungle’ attitude to school in the lack of respect for work and the teachers is an exaggeration and not an indication of how things are in schools today.
The characters are living through their adolescent limbo allowing testosterone and hormones to dictate their behaviour. There is bullying, straight sex, gay sex, and intersex throughout the book. Suicide also makes its grisly appearance.
The first third of the book consisted mostly of threats, taunts, sex and violence. The middle third developed the real story, an unlikely love story, leading into the final pages that gives the story meaning and brings it to a climax and ending.
I was touched by the epilogue, I cannot say more without disclosing plot points. I learned much about those unfortunates whom nature decided to deliver as neither male nor female, but a bit of both. I was moved to find out more about hermaphrodites and looked up data on the Internet. My knowledge is now more complete and my sympathies more tolerant through a better understanding of nature’s carelessness.
My star rating lay between 3 and 4. The power of the ending and the important message conveyed raises it to 4.
However deeply one is entrenched in endemic social phobias, however ingrained they might be into one’s soul – love changes everything.
July 14, 2018
Una Hermosa Pieza más del Rompecabezas que son nuestros queridos Rata, excedió mis expectativas ya que todo el dolor que viven nuestros personajes no opaca la hermosura de los personajes y su relación que muy difícil se encuentra en ésta vida.
September 13, 2018
This story is totally different from the usual, it's pretty heavy topics in it and it handles them in a way that feels rough and rugged but also very real. I wasn't super into it at first, but then somewhere along the way I got sucked in and majorly invested in L and Ash.
September 2, 2018
I found this book a great read about adolescence and the secrets they can cling to for fear of being ridiculed. It highlighted well the difficult years that are the teenage ones . It also showed that being different isn’t a bad thing and where thee is love and compassion there is hope .. a 3.5 star read and o look forward to the sequel . My thanks to tbc reviewers for my chance to read
September 4, 2018
This is a very powerful book and is difficult to read in places but it is definitely worth the read. It is set in Australia and mostly around a high school environment where teenagers have all the usual angst but have so much more to deal with. Llewelyn is neither sex being born with both genders but when he has to attend a new school he is bullied mercilessly by Ant who is a closet gay and so 'fitting in' at the school is difficult and the lies that Ant tells about him just make it more difficult for him. He does however find an ally in Ash but this doesn't go without any hitches and the whole thing culminates in a very powerful story that had me in tears in places and so angry in others. I am so glad I read this book and I cannot wait to read the sequel. Don't be put off by the subject matter, give it a go I can assure you will not be disappointed.
Thank you TBC for bringing this book to my attention.
Thank you TBC for bringing this book to my attention.
November 13, 2019
I received an electronic copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
There is always a time in a book reviewers life where they attempt to find something new, something unusual, and something they don't normally find themselves reading. Think of it as our way of stretching our book review angel wings and looking for new adventures. This book was one such experience. I am not usually one who reads books that involve LGBT. Not because I have anything against the genre, but because when you're a straight female who chronically gets lost in romance books, it's hard to star in a role with someone of the same gender when not into that sort of thing. But, as I had never experienced this type of book before, I was curious. I decided to try it out and see what came of it.
Llewelyn is not like the other kids at school. Llewelyn is neither a straight boy, gay boy, straight girl, or gay girl. He is something in between: both girl and boy. This ultimately leads to a lot of strife as kids in his school don't know how to treat him. He is too beautiful to be a boy, but has always been considered a boy on both paper and when enrolling in schools. Llewelyn has just transferred to a new school where he knows nobody. It doesn't take long for the school bully to set his sights on the timid creature, but for a different reason than Llewelyn thought. It seems Ant has an attraction for him that he is not likely to give up without a fight.
Then there's Ash. Llewelyn is immediately attracted to the most popular, gorgeous boy in school but it isn't until trauma and circumstances brings the two together that a kinship is born. L and Ash know the pain of violence, sex, and how the two when combined can cause irreparable damage. But when neither of them seem to be able to find a way to keep their heads above water will they at least have each other when they start to sink?
Oh my goodness, L is a heartbreak personified. I can't believe how much he goes through and how he still finds a way to care about the people around him more than his own emotions. L is just the best complimenting character to Ash and his brooding spirit. I found myself rooting for the two despite the fact that their relationship would be difficult to truly formulate into an actual relationship. I wanted Ash to admit his feelings for L even though they were utterly confusing. I wanted L to assert himself more and prove that the best match for Ash was him. I wanted Ant to be eaten alive by fire ants.
The many traumatic experiences of the characters became a bit overwhelming. It seemed like EVERYONE was being violated or beat on one way or the other. It wasn't enough for me to roll my eyes with a resounding "here we go again", but it did get old fast. Did they all have to be scarred in some way? But, I did find myself pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed the book. It was definitely something that most authors would shy away from. It was also something new for me and I'm glad I took the time to explore unknown book genres.
"Crying Out Silent" is a book that is unafraid to delve into the gritty darkness or sex and violence and find the beauty that lurks within.
Review Posted on: http://www.booksabrewin.blogspot.com
August 20, 2018
This book covers subjects that a lot of people may find disturbing : intersex, bullying and rape.
This is all handled in a sensitive manner which at times is difficult to read but always compelling.
The characters are believable and we'll developed.
I really enjoyed seeing how the relationships between llewelyn, Ash and Ant developed.
This is not an easy read but is definitely a recommended one
Thank you to TBC Reviewer group for my copy
This is all handled in a sensitive manner which at times is difficult to read but always compelling.
The characters are believable and we'll developed.
I really enjoyed seeing how the relationships between llewelyn, Ash and Ant developed.
This is not an easy read but is definitely a recommended one
Thank you to TBC Reviewer group for my copy
March 9, 2024
I am so attached to these characters, it’s unreal! I hope Marita never ends this series!!!
This emotional installment focuses on Ash and Llewelyn. There is a bit of overlap from Graffiti Heaven but the majority of this book takes place after the events of that book. Ash has been raped by Chaz at around 1/4 of the way through this book. The rape itself isn’t described in detail as it is in Graffiti Heaven. Ash is now dating Tiana and Tiana is pregnant. He’s living with Hunter and struggling to get back to living his life, and understandably so.
Llewelyn is struggling in school due to being bullied. He’s a small, red headed Welsh kid who is an easy target, especially for Ant Torres. Ant is secretly gay and completely obsessed with Llewelyn. He forces himself on Llewelyn and rapes him, more than once. Ant turns it around and tells everyone that Llewelyn is a perv and obsessed with him, making his life a living hell in the process.
Ash has had enough and eventually stands up for Llewelyn. Ash and Marlo find out the truth about what Ant has been doing. Ash beats up Ant so badly that they have to call 911, after Ant even tried to rape Ash himself. The PE teacher saw it all and reported Ant to the police (he does end up going to jail at the end of the book).
In the meantime, Ash and Llewelyn form a friendship. Ash feels bad for Llewelyn because of Ant bullying him. Llewelyn opens up to Ash about being raped so Ash shares his secret with Llewelyn , creating a bond between the two that becomes unbreakable, so much so they make a suicide pact. They go through with it. At the beach, Ash and Llewelyn try to drown themselves together where Ash now sees Llewelyn as a female (she’s actually intersex but has said she always felt like a female but was raised as a male). They were rescued from drowning and have now grown even closer, to the point of being in love with each other, even though Ash won’t admit it.
Llewelyn’s mom is adamant that Ash and Llewelyn stay apart from each other because of the suicide pact, to the point where she is moving Llewelyn back to Wales. Ash says goodbye at the airport and she’s gone.
9 years later, Llewelyn shows up at Ash’s door where she is greeted by Angelo, Ash and Tiana’s son. Ash and Tiana have just gotten back together after a year apart. As soon as he sees Llewelyn, he knows he’s still in love with her.
I can’t wait to read the next book to see if/how Ash and L continue with this relationship. I’ve read the Broken Lives short stories so I know a bit too much already lol, but I still want to know more!!! Marita Hansen writes a fantastically dramatic story. This is the 9th work I’ve read by her and it most definitely will NOT be my last!
This emotional installment focuses on Ash and Llewelyn. There is a bit of overlap from Graffiti Heaven but the majority of this book takes place after the events of that book. Ash has been raped by Chaz at around 1/4 of the way through this book. The rape itself isn’t described in detail as it is in Graffiti Heaven. Ash is now dating Tiana and Tiana is pregnant. He’s living with Hunter and struggling to get back to living his life, and understandably so.
Llewelyn is struggling in school due to being bullied. He’s a small, red headed Welsh kid who is an easy target, especially for Ant Torres. Ant is secretly gay and completely obsessed with Llewelyn. He forces himself on Llewelyn and rapes him, more than once. Ant turns it around and tells everyone that Llewelyn is a perv and obsessed with him, making his life a living hell in the process.
Ash has had enough and eventually stands up for Llewelyn. Ash and Marlo find out the truth about what Ant has been doing. Ash beats up Ant so badly that they have to call 911, after Ant even tried to rape Ash himself. The PE teacher saw it all and reported Ant to the police (he does end up going to jail at the end of the book).
In the meantime, Ash and Llewelyn form a friendship. Ash feels bad for Llewelyn because of Ant bullying him. Llewelyn opens up to Ash about being raped so Ash shares his secret with Llewelyn , creating a bond between the two that becomes unbreakable, so much so they make a suicide pact. They go through with it. At the beach, Ash and Llewelyn try to drown themselves together where Ash now sees Llewelyn as a female (she’s actually intersex but has said she always felt like a female but was raised as a male). They were rescued from drowning and have now grown even closer, to the point of being in love with each other, even though Ash won’t admit it.
Llewelyn’s mom is adamant that Ash and Llewelyn stay apart from each other because of the suicide pact, to the point where she is moving Llewelyn back to Wales. Ash says goodbye at the airport and she’s gone.
9 years later, Llewelyn shows up at Ash’s door where she is greeted by Angelo, Ash and Tiana’s son. Ash and Tiana have just gotten back together after a year apart. As soon as he sees Llewelyn, he knows he’s still in love with her.
I can’t wait to read the next book to see if/how Ash and L continue with this relationship. I’ve read the Broken Lives short stories so I know a bit too much already lol, but I still want to know more!!! Marita Hansen writes a fantastically dramatic story. This is the 9th work I’ve read by her and it most definitely will NOT be my last!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 13, 2020
This story is an intense read and covers multiple sensitive and complex issues including sexuality, bullying, rape, intersex and suicide. Set in a rough district of Auckland, we join a group of 15-16 years olds at the start of their school year. Llewelyn has moved schools and just wants to remain invisible without drawing any attraction, unfortunately the school bully Ant has set his sights on him and has other ideas.
The start of the book is particularly uncomfortable and includes violent scenes and rape. The story is told from different perspectives, with chapters being written from the narrative of four key characters. Definitely a difficult but compelling read, and the author handles the issues directly but with sensitivity. It is virtually impossible not to get invested in the characters as they are so well written. Jenna and Ant are truly detestable, whilst the blossoming friendship and connection between Ash and Llewelyn is both spellbinding and heartbreaking.
With a cliff-hanger ending that left me both wanting to read the next book but also needing a break to recover from the emotional rollercoaster, this is not like any other book I have ever read. Shocking, intense and brutal yet compelling, sensitive and heart warming.
The start of the book is particularly uncomfortable and includes violent scenes and rape. The story is told from different perspectives, with chapters being written from the narrative of four key characters. Definitely a difficult but compelling read, and the author handles the issues directly but with sensitivity. It is virtually impossible not to get invested in the characters as they are so well written. Jenna and Ant are truly detestable, whilst the blossoming friendship and connection between Ash and Llewelyn is both spellbinding and heartbreaking.
With a cliff-hanger ending that left me both wanting to read the next book but also needing a break to recover from the emotional rollercoaster, this is not like any other book I have ever read. Shocking, intense and brutal yet compelling, sensitive and heart warming.
September 2, 2018
Crying out silent by Maritta A Hansen.
The day I met Ash Rata was the first day I started dying, not because of Ash, but because of one of his friends. Ant Torres made me suffer, tormenting me because he thought I was a pretty boy. I am a boy, yet I’m also a girl. Neither one nor the other, but both.
Omg what a read. It was brilliant hard and emtional all at once. I just could't put it down. Made me laugh and cry. I really hated Jenna and Ant. They made my skin crawl. I liked Llewekkyn. I really fwlt for him i liked Ash too. It had shocks and syrprises too. Wow just wow. 5*.
The day I met Ash Rata was the first day I started dying, not because of Ash, but because of one of his friends. Ant Torres made me suffer, tormenting me because he thought I was a pretty boy. I am a boy, yet I’m also a girl. Neither one nor the other, but both.
Omg what a read. It was brilliant hard and emtional all at once. I just could't put it down. Made me laugh and cry. I really hated Jenna and Ant. They made my skin crawl. I liked Llewekkyn. I really fwlt for him i liked Ash too. It had shocks and syrprises too. Wow just wow. 5*.
April 2, 2020
A beautiful thoughtful book. The main character, Llewellyn is intersex but whilst at school is bulled and attacked verbally and violently. Llewellyn is not the only one suffering. There are a whole array of flawed characters trying to find their way at school. The pain and loneliness of Llewellyn is sensitively portrayed. A book that will stay with me for a long time.
March 22, 2020
This was a hard read. Sometimes terrible things happen to kids. Being intersex can make the world a difficult place. I don't know quite how to describe this book, it is powerful, the writing nuanced and insightful. Brilliant.
July 11, 2018
It was great. Can’t wait for the sequel!
Want to read
September 7, 2012I hate that the publication date is so far away! I need this book now!
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