You're Not the Boss of Me: Adventures of a Modern Mom

by Erika Schickel

Sometimes described as "Erma Bombeck in leather," Los Angeles writer Erika Schickel is sexier and hipper than the divine Erma, but just as side-splittingly funny as she shares her misadventures in marriage, pregnancy, and motherhood. It all begins with her discovery that unsafe sex with her hubby is hot--and impregnating. From Week 1 when Schickel's embryo is as small as a pinhead to Week 39 when baby morphs to the size of Marlon Brando, she finds out that motherhood doesn't change her mind or her irrepressible spirit (her body is another story). Erika still detests the SUV she calls her 4,299 pound mistake, she now accepts the life-altering power of a girdle when it helps her squeeze into a tight dress to rock out at a Patti Smith concert. Here she shares a decade of marriage and motherhood in a smart, outrageous, and laugh-out-loud book. . .perfect for anyone who's done time in a modern American family. "Witty, observant, and apparently fearless, Erika Schickel has just moved the modern mommy marker another notch forward."--Merrill Markoe, author and humorist

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Memoir

228 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Erika Schickel’s vivid, brainy yet vulnerable, often hilariously heartfelt writing deftly exposes the well-known, yet often overlooked taboo subjects of women’s lives. Whether she’s divulging the boredom of mothering small children, exploring the breakthroughs of psychedelics, or exposing predatory boarding school teachers, she does so with heart, honesty, and humor.

She is the author of The Big Hurt (Hachette Books, 2021) and You’re Not the Boss of Me: Adventures of a Modern Mom (Kensington Books, 2007). She has taught memoir and essay writing at UCLA and privately. Her work has appeared in The Los Angeles Times, LA Weekly, LA City Beat, Salon, Ravishly, Tin House, Bust Magazine, and The LA Review of Books, among others.

She is also a trained actress, performing on-camera as well as off, she has also provided the voice of a variety of animated characters. In addition, she’s written and performed a number of one-woman shows and a radio play for the LA Theatre Works series: The Play’s the Thing. Erika lives outside of Los Angeles, CA.

Reviews

[Erika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, I wrote this book, but I thought it'd be fun to review it a year after publication. Basically, this is a good first book. The author is funny and insightful and has a fresh, unique voice. But the book is flawed. Her publisher did NO editing on the book (as in literally none whatsoever) and as she was on deadline to turn it it, lacked objectivity and is not an editor, it reads pretty rough in spots. Some pieces are too long, others don't go deep enough into her emotional truth. Also the order of the pieces can be a little jarring. It is a shame as it could have been a really excellent book instead of just a very good one. One has the sense that the author is just finding and exercising her voice here. I look forward to her next book which hopefully will go deeper into her subjects while maintaining her funny, engaging, irreverent tone. Schickel has learned a lot from her first publishing experience.
Okay, that was weird. But fun. I hope this review helps, or at least amuses.

[Madam · Rating 1 out of 5]

After sitting on my reading list for two years, I finally bought this book, after all three of my public library systems refused to buy it. Now I know why. From a first-paragraph description of the sexual position used to conceive her first child, Erika Schickel spends 228 pages bemoaning her “pussy belly,” hating her minivan, vacillating between alterna- and trad-moms, playing Grand Theft Auto, and getting lap dances from female strippers.

I enjoy warts-and-all mothering books, because it was the most difficult, demanding and immediate-reward-deficient assignment of my life. But a history of drugs used by stay-at-home moms to medicate their misery (while bitching about how hard it is to quit smoking weed)? Excuses for how much you hate your cat, to the point of returning it to the shelter? (As a mother of three refugee dogs, that one really set me off.) Losing your cookies because foot surgery hurts and renders you temporarily handicapped?

I should have known this book wasn’t for me when I saw Susan Reinhardt’s prominent blurb. She and Schickel peddle the same tone-deaf pseudo-humor (apparently the specialty of their publisher, Kensington), and I’m dedicating the rest of my life to avoiding it.

[Lauren · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bought it at Dollar Tree...I want my dollar back.

Some parts are comical, but it just annoyed me as I kept reading it. I didn't finish it, I had better things to do with my time than read about her Grand Theft Auto days and odd stripper fetish. Maybe she is just too "modern" for me. Even though she touted herself as a "crunchy mama" in the book, I didn't really see that. Not that I care, I'm not into the hippie life, whatever, I just found it frustrating to read her go back in forth on her supposed "crunchiness".

Sorry, just not for me.

After reading this, I now know that even I could write a book.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was underwhelmed. It started off well enough, a mom in conflict about who she is as a mother and what route to take. But then it became evident that she was less concerned with doing the right thing and more concerned with doing the easy thing. I can't stand this kind of parent, and I couldn't relate or sympathize with her.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started out thinking this would be a two-star kind of book and doubting I would even finish. But she did hook me in, and a chapter or two were certainly even four-star worthy. It doesn't hang together like a book--more like a series of blog posts--and I'm guessing that's what her other writing life is. Still, Schickel is like the anti-leave-it-to-Beaver mom, without being one of the "I'm JUST SO COOL" mom writers either. I've soured my taste for mommy writing on some of those. I liked her (very) naughty side, but I also laughed at some of her random struggles that were exactly like my own mommy conundrums (not fitting in with either "traditional" or "hippy" mom camps all the way).

[Jen Marin · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I pulled this off the shelf at the library, I didn't expect more than a light read, but I was surprised to find how much I had in common with the author. Her experiences and writing style spoke to deep parts of me that are not often validated.

I love the idea of considering NYC the Old Country, and bringing pizza to the multicultural potluck. As a displaced Newyorker, I am loving life on the Left Coast, but sometimes I feel like I am going at a slightly different speed than those I share my community with.

[Ken T · Rating 3 out of 5]

I began reading this book when I decided to stay home with my son for a few months. I am no where near as hip as Ms. Schickel, but she nailed a lot of the issues that being at home raises and does so in a generally humorous light. Although it begins with the birth of her first daughter, it quickly settles into an account of her experiences as a mother of two young (elementary aged or so) girls. When Ms. Schickel sticks to this topic, she is fine. When she ventures into some of the more adult humor that once marked her earlier comedic career, however, she is less successful.

[Krissy · Rating 3 out of 5]

it's a nice collection of mommy thoughts.

the last essay really got to me. I've got two sisters, three really, and it's seems very much like the relationship me and the majority of my friends have with our sisters. even if it's not the exact same, it still seems like in the end, when we grow up, we become better friends than we were in childhood.


maybe it's just something about being women instead of girls, about being in a place closer to our mothers than we realize. being moms, or not.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I assumed this would be the standard actress turned mom, indirect guide to being a happily "imperfect" parent, but it wasn't. It was, once you get passed the first few chapters, moving and sentimental and honest. It's about the adventures of a modern mom, but more than that it tells the story of a woman making sense of her new life as a mom and her past lives as a girl, a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a single woman.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

My sister pushed this on me after she saw me roll my eyes and I am glad she did, it is hilarious! You don't have to be a mom to appreciate someone like Erika trying to make it in the world as a parent without conforming to the Stepford wife image of spouse and mother. I highly recommend this book to anyone, Schickel's humor is biting and just wrong sometimes!

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this book rocks so very very much. I can't even remember why I bought it, months and months ago, but now I'm regretting all of those months before I got around to reading it. Erika Schickel is smart, funny, sexy and right about so very many things. She's got a filthy mouth and a screw-you attitude, and I want to be her when I grow up!

[stillme · Rating 4 out of 5]

So funny - I was laughing out loud on almost every page for the first half. The second half was a little more sober, but still enjoyable and relatable.
A must-read for moms and people who know moms!

[Holly Stauffer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Erika is a mom after my own heart. Funny, irreverent, sexual, lewd, and fabulous. New moms, mom's with teens, tweens and everything in between need to read this book. It is a validation that motherhood is crazy, fun, scary, sad and surprising.

[Amy F. · Rating 2 out of 5]

eh. Too similar to some other "slacker mom" memoirs for me. I did like the essay where she talks about trying to stop smoking pot. It felt more honest and less self-conscious aren't-I-funny than the others.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it. Not what one might expect from a "mom" book but fantastic just the same. I was alternately howling with laughter or sharing passages out loud.

[Victoria Patterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

For moms with young children, this is a funny (as in ha ha and as in strange) book and a quick read.

[Jess Riley · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a funny, honest woman...a non-traditional take on motherhood.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't expecting much and found this book to be highly entertaining

[Deniell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the funniest books I have ever read!!!!!

[Nilda McLaughlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

really funny, especially if you have had kids. Not sure if all the comments would be as funny to me if I was still in my twenties, and single.

[Melissa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am not really sure why I finished this one- I kept hoping for something insightful, meaningful, or just plain fun to read... I didn't get anything out of this book.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a true joy to read. I can't remember the last time I read a book that made me laugh out loud and say wow she hit that dead on! I strongly recommend this for any stay at home moms!

[Andrea]

wasn't for me.

[Sundry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not a mom, but I enjoyed this witty, surprisingly honest book. It was a quick and fun read.

[Anika · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny, honest mom memoir. Pretty unconventional, so may not be every mom's cup-o-tea.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Modern profanity slinging mother. Loved it. Not for the easily offended.

[JJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I laughed and cringed. Some chapters were good. Others were not