The Language of Men

by Anthony D'Aries

Growing up in a working class town on Long Island, Anthony D'Aries watched his father rebuild muscle cars, groove to rock n roll, slice meat at the local deli, and bring roadkill back to life in his taxidermy workshop. Anthony, the impressionable younger son, loved his father. Emulated him. Acted out visceral scenes from "Taxi Driver" and "Raging Bull" with his dad and older brother. Soaked up his father's lurid wartime tales: the hooch and the hos in Nam.

"The Language of Men" begins with Anthony's search to learn who his father was. When he travels to Vietnam with his wife, Vanessa, who has a job leading health and anatomy classes for sex workers in Ho Chi Minh City, Anthony isn't sure what he will find. Visiting Long Binh where his father was stationed, then seeing his relationship with Vanessa deteriorate, Anthony arrives at realizations that begin to explain his father's life, as well as his own troubling behaviors. Reluctant to deny or admit complicity, Anthony returns home to look for answers in his past.

What does it cost to speak the language of men? In prose that sings sometimes defiantly, sometimes sadly, but always eloquently Anthony D'Aries transports us to the crossroads of gender and history, then leads us through the unsettling terrain that creates fathers, sons, brothers, and husbands.

Genres: Memoir

272 pages, Paperback

First published May 28, 2012

About the author

Anthony D'Aries's memoir, The Language of Men (Hudson Whitman/Excelsior College Press, 2012), received the PEN/New England Discovery Prize in nonfiction, Honorable Mention for the New England Book Award, and was recently featured in the Boston Globe, the Huffington Post, and Newsday. His work has appeared in The Literary Review, Solstice: a Magazine of Diverse Voices, The Good Men Project, Shelf Awareness, and elsewhere. Anthony served as Randolph College's 2011 Emerging Writer-in-Residence. A graduate of the University of Southern Maine's Stonecoast MFA program, he currently teaches literacy and creative writing in correctional facilities in Massachusetts, as well as literature and creative writing at Regis and Emerson College.

Reviews

[Matt Caputo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant generational memoir and unique investigation into personal history and timeless themes of manhood.

[Jessica Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading one of my professor's memoirs after participating in several of his classes, especially in the creative nonfiction side of writing has given me a raw, new perspective about one of my mentors as well as a new way of writing memoir. I would read this book for hours and it was hard to pull away from the nostalgia and how the past can shape the present and the future to come. The honesty and the limited view in the speaker's voice due to the situation and age stood out to me the most. For those into honest raw material, an in-depth perspective of Man, or resonating with the nostalgia and the memories through audio and video, this is for you!

[Anne Pinkerton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book manages to be highly entertaining and very poignant at once as it paints a vivid picture of a family and digs deep into what it meant to be a son raised by a Vietnam vet/classic car enthusiast/deli meat slicer/roadkill taxidermist. The narrative is artfully structured and the writing signs. The story is equal parts macho and tender as the narrator searches for understanding about his identity.

[Rita Ciresi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very poignant examination of the father/son relationship and a compelling exploration of masculinity.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up The Language of Men hoping to glean some insight into the bizarre (to me) male behavior of swaggering braggadocio of their conquests, sexual, professional, and otherwise, with its accompanying trash talk and hard drinking. Although I am still just as mystified, I have discovered a tremendous new writer in Anthony D'Aries.

In this memoir, D'Aries delves into his adored father's past, hoping (like me) to glean some insight into his father's bizarre behavior, but along the way discovers some deeply disturbing truths about himself as a man--truths he shares with brutally frank, even painful honesty. His journey shines light into the dark places of the male psyche that are too often dismissed as "just the way men are" and shows that those demons can be overcome even if not eliminated.

Anthony D'Aries writes like a down-to-earth, candid yet compassionate friend to both men and women. I look forward to reading his next book.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is interesting, but it feels a little unpolished. I really wanted to like this book, and some parts I really did enjoy, but it is limited by the weaker sections. D'Aries doesn't seem to know how he feels about certain things which can make for a confusing read. He does a great job depicting his friends and family members, and as a reader, I'm drawn to the same things about these people that D'Aries is. The structure just feels a little too choppy to convey a fluid story. I generally enjoyed the prose, though at times it feels a bit forced and also detracts from the overall fluidity. This was a good read, and though it didn't live up to my expectation, it still succeeds in raising important questions about identity and history through personal revelation.

[S · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book trying to read. I read it and finished it because I forced myself to (mostly because of how libraries have to pay for ebook checkouts.)
With that said, I didn't like the story and really didn't find many redeeming qualities from the characters or the story even after trying. Unfortunately, the writing didn't provide enough of a benefit to make it worth reading like some books where I've disliked the story and the characters but found the writing to be fantastic (some Cormac McCarthy's Outer Dark for instance.)
While this might be other's cup of tea, it wasn't mine.

[Richard Gilbert · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sensitive second son grows up and comes of age watching and trying to find his own way between his charismatic blue-collar father and his artistic, rebellious older brother. Narrative hooks at the end of chapters could be a tad stronger, but this is an original, unusual, and deeply interesting memoir. Caught between powerful, flawed male role models, D'Aries must overcome his own demons even as he tries to take the best from them.

[Luke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyable heartfelt memoir and a quick, pounding read through Vietnam and dads and destructive sexual wandering.