This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store

by A.K. Turner

This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store chronicles what happens when a little girl who scorns the idea of marriage and children (in favor of becoming a stiletto-wearing, attache-carrying Secret Agent), majors in Russian, minors in Vodka, and then one day finds herself with child… and in-laws.


"Empty bladder before reading." -Laurie Notaro, The Potty Mouth at the Table


A "laugh-out-loud confessional" ... "refreshingly honest." -Publishers Weekly

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Memoir, Chick Lit, Parenting, Book Club, Biography

202 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 27, 2012

About the author

AK Turner is The New York Times bestselling author of the award-winning Vagabonding with Kids series, as well as This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store, Mommy Had a Little Flask, and Hair of the Corn Dog. Her works have received a starred review from Publishers Weekly, IPPY Awards in Humor and Travel, Foreword Indies Awards, Independent Press Distinguished Favorite, and inclusion in BookLife’s Top 5 Indie Books of 2014. She is a contributor to the anthologies Leave the Lipstick, Take the Iguana (Traveler’s Tales), Little White Dress (Mill Park Publishing), I Just Want to Be Alone and I Just Want to Be Perfect (Throat_Punch Books) and a coauthor of Drinking with Dead Women Writers and Drinking with Dead Drunks. Her work has been featured online at Scary Mommy, In the Powder Room, The Huffington Post, Nickmom, Felicity Huffman’s What the Flicka?, The Quivering Pen, Multicultural Kid Blogs, and Artocratic, among others, and in the print publications Cloudbank, Idaho Magazine, The Idaho Statesman, Treasure Valley Family Magazine, Boise City Revue, and Folio Literary. She lives in Idaho with her husband and two children, but travels frequently as a part-time digital nomad. Learn more at VagabondingWithKids.com.

Reviews

[Hanako · Rating 1 out of 5]

somehow i forgot or wasn't aware that this was a memoir when i started. i wanted it to have more of a story line - even as a memoir. i feel like it's billed incorrectly - it claims to be about someone who swore off ever having kids who suddenly "finds herself with child" when really she made a conscious choice to have kids...some of the individual anecdotes are amusing enough, but there is no real coherence to the book as a whole, and the theme of wanting to drink while being a parent got a little old.

[Holand · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a grown man without children, it goes without saying that I know absolutely nothing about motherhood. I do, however, know what’s funny, and A.K. Turner’s “Little Piggy” is very, very funny indeed. The writing is crass, uncensored, frequently profane, and almost always witty and genuinely laugh-out-loud hilarious. It rather reminds me of the film “Bridesmaids”, where a guy can see the crude, down-to-earth and human situations that women go through and appreciate the humor, despite having the wrong hormones to relate. There’s also a lot more here besides what the title and front cover imply. The stories about Turner’s brother-in-law are priceless, featuring a…well…unique personality that belongs in a sitcom. Outrageous. Throw in family vacations from hell and Turner’s own quirks and peeves, and you end up with a good time from start to finish. Just read it already.

[Leana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might be the funniest book I have ever read. AK Turner shares hilarious stories about owning pets, traveling, drinking, raising kids, and hanging out with the in-laws, among other things. I especially appreciated her raw honesty about parenting -- the subject we've all been tempted to lie about, pretending that it is just as easy as the parenting manuals suggest. I might just read it again (and again) when I need a good laugh!

[Cydni Perkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is freaking hilarious. It think it does for motherhood what Autobiography Of A Fat Bride did for marriage -- take all the sad, or maddening, or silly bits about life and make it so funny that I cry. There were moments when I felt like maybe I could manage the whole motherhood thing after all. I mean, if she could do it...but then she pees down her leg, and I laugh again and resolve to just be a crazy cat lady for the rest of my life. Either way, I devoured this book in just a couple of days, as opposed to the books that have been on my currently reading list for over a year, that I never want to pick up. It's a highly entertaining read.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

One word....HILARIOUS! For a debut Indie author and a Kindle freebie, I was extremely wowed by this author's wit, charm, and raw honesty about family and motherhood. She is right up there with the likes of Laurie Natoro and other best selling authors of this genre! I highly recommend AK Turner's This Little Piggy and will definitely be purchasing the next book in the series. Without a doubt, one of the funniest, laugh out loud books I've read all year! This is a must read! 5 stars!

[Paul Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like Irma Bombeck at her very best, A.K. Turner talks about outgrowing adolescence and embracing marriage and motherhood with side-splitting humor and profound understanding. It would be unfair to give away even one "for instance," as every scene is so carefully set up and the laughs perfectly timed. Make sure you've emptied your bladder and warned anyone within earshot to expect snorts, hoots, giggles, and belly laughs. You'll hate seeing the remaining pages dwindle to none.

[Suzie Quint · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

This is more vignettes than story. Humorous and surprisingly readable. Usually with this sort of book, it's better if I read in snippets because my sense of humor becomes jaded, but somehow with this I didn't feel that sense of bombardment. The running theme is the alcohol that helps parents get through child rearing. That did start to feel like it was a little repetitious, and if I didn't think it was meant somewhat tongue-in-cheek, I'd be concerned about the author's drinking problem. As an added bonus, the author lives in Boise, ID, which is part of my early stomping grounds, so I know the area well and it felt a little like a visit home when she mentioned places like Lucky Peak.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a hysterical take on marriage, motherhood, and everything in between. I was wondering how appropriate it was to read while pregnant, but found that there's a lot more humor in it than simply drinking. Witty, well-written roller coaster of a book about the sometimes mundane everyday life. Must read for all moms needing a laugh.

[Suzie Q · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know why but when I started reading this I totally thought it was a fictional novel. I was laughing outlout at the Turner Speak chapter because it's so relocatable and still so funny. That was also the chapter when I realized I was reading more of a memoir than a story. Still I enjoyed it.

[Lillian Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun fun fun!! Great read

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd like to give this a Between 3 and 4 Stars. The essay about her in-laws' use of language (and more specifically, her brother-in-law while singing), truly made me laugh out loud and wipe tears away (ask my husband). The rest of it I enjoyed, even if I couldn't really relate it to so much because I'm not a parent. The drinking aspect was one I felt might have been a little more on the surface as a way to give the book an "edge" and help it sell (otherwise who wants to just read about being a mom?) There were a lot of things about the narrator and her life that I found myself wondering (any specific reason they live in Idaho? Can we hear more about this "majoring in vodka" life chapter?) But overall it zipped along and kept me entertained, and the author's voice is a likeable one.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

A relaxed, funny read. I enjoyed the first half much more than the second, perhaps because I'm not a parent and don't identify with some of the humor as easily as I did early on. Overall though I did like the direct, "dear diary", chatting-with-sister kind of humor. Turner doesn't add any frills she knows what's ridiculous, embarassing, or/and hilarious and shares. Something for which I'm appreciative. It's nice to just read a few paragraphs at a time and still feel the need to smile almost immediately. Definitely funny, though I think my sister, a mother of two, would enjoy it much more than I did. Good free loaner from Kindle's lending library.

[Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just started this book today, got it as a free e-book d/l from Amazon over a month ago. I have been laughing out LOUD! I mean DEEP FROM MY SOUL LAUGHING from chapter One! I am not a Mother (and no intention of EVER being one), but I must say this is a MUST READ for any soon-to-be-mother or a New Mother. It will help her keep a-hold of her sanity with a side-dish of laughter. Pay close attention to Chapter 6 and 16, "TRUST" YOU'LL THANK ME! Well if not me(since I'm not a mother) the Author!!!!

[Lance · Rating 5 out of 5]

AK Turner's book on parenthood, in laws and just what to do when those plans for not having children don't go as planned. No mattern which chapter you pick,there will be section that will make you laugh until it hurts and also sections that every parent or spouse will say "Yeah I can relate to that." My personal favorite was when she decided to try marijuana for the first time in her 30s while vacationing in Mexico. If it doesn't make you laugh so hard you'll cry....then you are a very hard person to amuse! Excellent book for the laughter.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

I freely admit that I found this as a free Kindle download, and wasn't really expecting much.

What I got was an outright hilarious look at one woman's life as wife and mother.

Witty, sarcastic, laugh aloud funny... this book has been one of my best finds of 2013 so far.

If your sense of humor is twisted, evil and sometimes just downright sick, I recommend you read this book. You just won't stop laughing.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really terrific and quick read! I read this book and the sequel one after the other, and enjoyed the hilarity of both. I didn’t always agree with some of the author’s parenting choices, and definitely not with the constant state of inebriation, but there were a ton of things that made me laugh loudly because, as mom of a six-year-old, I could identify and nod my head in agreement. I’m looking forward to reading book three!

[Theresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A light, funny book to read when you just want a relaxing read. There is some foul language, especially at the beginning, but if you're not offended by that, it's a nice, quick little escape. The author tells of her upbringing and ventures through marriage, in-laws and eventually parenthood. She tells it from the perspective of a "not so perfect" person, which makes it more real-life and just fun.

[Carei · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it. It was so well written and FUNNY. No, Amanda is not perfect. She's not a good pet owner. So she does not have any pets anymore. She's smart. She knows she's not Michael Vick and she's not Martha Stewart either.
I love her style of writing. It's smart, sassy and irreverent. It was like reading a really close friend's diary. lol

[Jann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny! This author reminds me of one of my favorite funny authors - Celia Rivenbark. A person raising young children right now would especially enjoy this but even though my son is grown I could still relate. Very few books make me laugh out loud but this one did! If you want a quick read and some comic relief, this is your ticket!

[Stacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't have children but I was still able to appreciate this tasty little tidbit about motherhood. It was the crass humor...I love crass humor - and sarcasm. Mixed with a little booze and it's the perfect summer read. I look forward to the flask, Ms. Turner.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far one of the BEST books I have come across. These short stories will leave you giggling and wanting more, MUCH more. And AK Turner gives you more... The cost for this book was nowhere near the value I got from reading it! Thank You AK Turner!!! ♥

[SimplyAtomic · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt like the author had ADHD. I felt like she never finished a story and I was left to go back and make sure I didn't skip a page or two. (I never did) Her parenting stories are funny and I could totally relate but the skipping from story to the next really took a lot out of it for me

[Kylah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun read. I think our kids are around the same age so the reference to some cartoons I could relate. Lots of funny story's about in laws, raising kids and life. Stories you would rather bury deep down and never let out!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic read! Laughed until I couldn't read the text, dried my eyes then laughed some more! Thanks for sharing such great life moments.

[April Cothern · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book is hilarious. I loved it. I strongly suggest you not try to read this if your husband is sleeping...you will wake him up with all the laughing.

[Emmy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious! Laugh out loud funny book. She writes with the wit and sense of humor I truly enjoy. Can't wait to read "Mommy Had A Little Flask"!!

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny! Laugh out loud funny. And I don't even have a child nor any plans for one. It's uncensored but it's everyday life (from what I hear) with small kids in the house.

[Gena Koehler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious. As the parent of a toddler, I don't know if there was anything in this book that wasn't an accurate depiction of parenthood.

[Briana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me laugh out loud multiple times. It is vulgar and silly, but a good quick entertaining read.

[Bill Riley · Rating 5 out of 5]

AK Turner’s This Little Piggy went to the Liquor Store is a funny, refreshingly candid reflection of the good and bad of family and parenting. It’s written as a series of linked vignettes that made me relate, smile, and once laugh so loud in a crowded airport, I made the people next to me uncomfortable enough to start eyeing TSA. Turner doesn’t sugar coat the real challenges, responsibilities, and tradeoffs she experienced as a parent. Instead she shines a light on the irony, inconsistencies, and embarrassment that often comes from trying to raise tiny humans into functional members of society. We get torn in different directions, and Turner takes us on her journey in a way that’s equal parts wistful, and hopeful shaken and served in a clear glass, she garnishes with irony. Life isn’t neat, and Turner surprised me and made me laugh.

This Little Piggy went to the Liquor Store will appeal to readers with children, contemplating having children, or who have decided against ever having children. Either way, it will validate your choice with wit, humor, and Turner’s remarkable ability to point out what we might have otherwise missed.

With or without your favorite adult beverage, this is a refreshing read. I highly recommend it.