I really hoped that I could at least respect this book. Nope. I didn't. Yet, I can't bring myself to give an LKH book the one star this deserves.
Normally, I can find good points in even the very bad, but I can't do that this time. It's not often an author can make you hate the characters, the plot, and the writing itself of a whole series with just one work, but this crap is one good hammer swing from doing just that.
I finished this novel only five minutes ago and I generally try to wait a full 24 hours before I give a meaningful review, so some of this is pretty knee jerk, but truthful still, and strongly felt, so I'm going with it.
Here are my immediate gripes:
An abundance of pointless description
If I didn't know better, I'd think this novel had to be the first in the series for all of its overkill in description and explanation. I am aware that it's been years since the last Merry book, but you don't have to give us the play by play and post game analysis for every little thing in the story. And you certainly don't need to do it more than once! Some of the descriptions themselves are just poorly done. LKH has a tendency to describe perfectly ordinary things with what I'm guessing is an attempt to bring in new life, avoid cliche and demonstrate "good" writing. Unfortunately, it's starting to sound as if she's trying too hard, it's silly, and an example of "bad" writing my professors used in class. I could probably get over that if there just wasn't so much. I don't care what every character looked like, dressed like, was once called, if they chewed Juicy Fruit gum or had a cat named Jinx when they were 13. Most of it did nothing for the plot and added nothing to the story. I'll forget all of it by morning.
It's a truly boring story
Nothing even remotely interesting happens until you've read 90% (thank you kindle) and that is horrible. Sure, they talk about interesting things that are supposed to happen (ad nauseam), but nothing does happen. Most of this reads as back story LKH always wanted to tell us about this world and pointless thoughts of what a new baby brings a family (pointless because it's so trite, it's belittling to the experience.)
So what?
I didn't care about anything going on for the majority of the book. Most of what is said I could get from all of the previous books and take a stroll down any new mother's section of any store or blog.
What's with the dialogue?
One of the things I loved about these stories was that the speech was in normal everyday American vernacular, even those whose speech wasn't. There was something about this novel that didn't ring true anymore. I can't put my finger on it, but it sounded like LKH couldn't figure out the right cadence anymore, at least not consistently. It just didn't work for me.
Which series am I reading?
As a reader of both Merry and Anita series it is unsurprising that I'd find some crossover between themes, voice, philosophy, etc., but I read this thinking: OK, been here done this. That sucked in the Anitaverse, and still was better. It has the same poly-amorous, MM love (but still hollow and fake feeling) and powers to make someone fall in love and how horrible that is, that are in the Anitaverse. Why, are there the exact same themes here? If this is your only view in the entire world, what is the point of two different series? It's starting to read as lame and lazy. Why, if I was going to get the same plot elements, did I have to wait so long for this story?
Merry made me ill
She annoyed me, she bored me, she disgusted me. I didn't find her as a new mother believable save a few throw away lines, she had no spark and she was repetitive. I don't know if I've liked a heroine less than I liked Merry here, which is saying something as I've felt the same way about Anita too and I've never hated her more than I do now. I was vastly more interested in the men of her life than of Merry. Such a shame.
No spoilers, but...
There are things that happen in every LKH book (of late) that disgusted me. It's been one week since the birth of her children. I find it nearly impossible to believe that this is going to happen for logistical and emotional reasons. I just don't. One, because if Merry has been in the human world long enough to know nuances of that world and the importance of it in her life, then there's no way she would easily go on in that fashion without thinking this is somewhat, probably, in poor taste, even if it didn't actually stop her. I don't buy it. And two, what goes on reads as demeaning to me. At one point this idea that Merry made conquests using womanly wiles is actually said, and that makes her sound like a prostitute. Yes, I know. How middle America of me, but I didn't write this. I don't take credit for reading the words on the page. I expected my idea of that to be pushed and my philosophy to be questioned as I had come to expect from LKH, but instead, I was only reaffirmed.
Memories
OMG! Too much! Too much remembering going on in this book. I'm not saying this information illuminated by all the reminiscing isn't important, though most of it wasn't, but rather, you can't cram all of this crap into one book. There's too much telling and very little showing going on here and that is one of the most annoying things you can do in a book for me. None of these memories sing. I couldn't have cared less about any of them, they did little to shed new light and they were boring.
Bleu or gouda?
There's a cheesy, hokey quality to most of it. I was overcome with the urge to gag at various points in the story. I can't definitively tell you what it was, but I got this sense of "I'm trying to sound like a fairy tale, but a twisted fairy tale" and all the wrong parts were kept. I have never had that feeling when I read this series before, so I was little surprised.
Are we or aren't we?
Most of the story's plot revolves around are we going to kill people who need to be killed, why we won't, but why we should and are we going to do that business thing, but no we shouldn't, but it could be to our benefit, let's talk about family dynamics for hours- blah, blah, blah. I was hoping for a nuclear bomb, by the end.
LKH is starting to read like 50 Shades of Grey
Not in what it does or page after page of pointless sex, but... Is this a personal fantasy, because it doesn't sound even remotely plausible anymore and I'm getting a bored housewife vibe spitting in my face.
Inferiority complex?
What's with the constant breast size discussion (between the 2 series?) I can promise you that great cleavage is not always worth it. Hmm, maybe I was wrong. I'm beginning to think this is a 13 year old boy's fantasy.
Repetitive
Did I mention that this is repetitive? We have the same thoughts, emotions, explanations as we've had in every single book, in basically, the exact same way. There is no way that the same two people would constantly say the same things to each other about the same topic for nine books. There's just no way. Many descriptions are either repeated when someone new comes in or we get the narrative explanation followed by the same explanation given in dialogue to a throw away character. And it's repetitive. Did I mention that already?
Sex as power
Sorry, this just rubs me the wrong way. It cheapens the act, it cheapens all the people in this story and makes me gag.
Unsatisfying pay off
I wait through 90% of the book to get anything to happen and then when it does give me something, that is what she chooses to do with it? You give me nothing really for hundreds of pages, but there's still this sense of hope, love and happiness, right up to that very point (No literally, right up to that point. The best bit of the whole book came in the paragraphs immediately preceding the point) and then you set it all on fire. Horribly, irrevocably on fire. And then you cut open the healing wounds and pour salt in there. I hated the ending. I hated it.
And I have never read an LKH book where the ending didn't redeem the bits I didn't like in the story (at least enough for me to want to read more.)
This is one of the only novels I will ever definitively say: DO NOT READ.
No one.
Ever.
Remember the good, the great, that LKH is capable of giving. Tell others of what she has done.
Promise me one thing, however.
Don't take anything from this story.