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262 pages, Paperback
First published August 21, 1998
It had never happened to him before. He had never had a man turn into a woman before his very eyes. He felt it to be one of those defining moments in his life that he would be compelled to return to again and again.
I have on a pale green slinky dress…. My dress shows my cleavage. I look sexy and my four brothers and Joss are all staring at me with similar expressions in their eyes.
What I want Colman Moody to find out is this: what made Joss Moody into a transvestite? What was the real reason for pretending she was a man? She is different, I’m quite sure, from other transvestites. Joss Moody only returned to being a woman in death. The rest of the time she dressed like a man, lived her life as a man, her own son believed her to be a man. No, this isn’t a straightforward tranny…. Was she just a perv or what? Which came first? What’s the story? How did she manage to pull it off?
I look at Sophie in the mirror. I pull my hair up and put some pins in. I look clever with myhair up. I knew I had it in me. Clever Sophie.
Why should I have scruples when men have been using me for years? As long as it takes to make good copy. He’s playing the same game, isn’t he?

I dry my hands and pour the water down the sink. I must remember things. I look out of the kitchen window. It has been raining. Tiny beads of rain have been painted on the window pane when I wasn't looking. It is a fine Impressionists' rain. Next door's rowan tree is still quite still, not at all flamboyant; it is not the season for flamboyance. I can see Elsa at her kitchen window peeling potatoes. The intimacy startles me. Seeing me staring, she waves at me. I wave back, suddenly glad of the human contact. If I pin myself down and remember the ordinary things, I will be able to manage. To get up each day and get washed and eat and sleep. To live a life without my companion. To live this life where I am exhausted with my own company, terrible thoughts spinning morning to night in my head. Maybe this is what people mean when they say they are lonely. Maybe they mean they are exhausted even with their own company. If I could just say I am lonely how lovely and ordinary that sounds.
left me conflicted but in a good way? and because of this i'm not rating it, i just Can't.
sophie can choke, her chapters were probably some of the most triggering stuff i've read in a while and i'm still on the fence on how necessary some aspects of her narration, especially the language, were but then again i do realize it's a late 90s book and i guess i understand how the aspect of sensationalizing joss' death was crucial in this case but then again i just don't like seeing trans characters being disrespected like that; ultimately, her parts (and others, but hers especially) are just a one, huge tw for transphobia so if you don't wanna deal with that then definitely give it a pass. coleman's journey felt a little unfinished to me and left me wanting to see him reflect on his father and their relationship even more,especially at the end of the novel after he decided to ditch the book. but then millie's narrative was beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking in the best way possible. that's where jackie kay's poetry got to shine through the most and it was so lovely. you could truly see and feel the love between millie and her husband; not gonna lie, a bunch of her parts made me tear up
tough to read at times but also kinda worth it.