Mean Girls at Work

by Katherine Crowley, Kathi Elster

DO YOU WORK WITH A MEAN GIRL? "A woman's field guide to the new frontier of professional development--working with other women"

Women-to-women relationships in the workplace are . . . complicated. When they're good, they're great. But when they're bad, they can ruin your day, your week--even your year.

Packed with proven advice from two of today's leading experts in workplace relationships, this one-of-a-kind guide gives women the tools they need to navigate difficult situations unique to women-to-women relationships--whether with a boss, a colleague, a client, or an employee.

Have you dealt with a woman in the workplace who: "Accidentally" excludes you from important meetings? Seems intent on taking you down professionally? Gossips about you with other coworkers? Makes you look bad by missing deadlines? Forms a "pack" of mean girls to make your life miserable?

"Mean Girls at Work "isn't just about surviving difficult situations. It's about transforming a toxic relationship into one that benefits and supports both of you.

This book is also for women who engage in mean behavior . . . but don't know it. After all, who "hasn't " gossiped about a female coworker? Who "hasn't " rolled her eyes in the presence of a woman she doesn't like? Who "hasn't " scanned another woman head to toe--which is just a nonverbal way of saying, "You've just been judged"? The authors provide invaluable advice to the more subtle ways of being mean--even if they're not intended.

With a workforce composed of a higher percentage of women than ever, workplace dynamics have changed. Crowley and Elster cover every conceivable scenario, providing critical advice on how to rise above the fray and move forward professionally.

"Mean Girls at Work "is your map to dodging the mines and moving forward in today's transformed workplace.

Praise for "Mean Girls at Work"

"An invaluable suit of armor for surviving nine to five!"
--Leil Lowndes, bestselling author of "How to Talk to Anyone "

"If you think the emotional cruelty of comedies like "Mean Girls "and "Heathers "doesn't exist in the real world workplace, think again. In "Mean Girls at Work," Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster valuably chronicle female vs. female predators and offer solid defensive strategies."
--Ann Kreamer, author of "It's Always Personal" "Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace "

"Whether you are in your twenties and just starting your professional career, your midcareer forties, when you are supposed to have figured it out already, or a woman in her fifties or sixties who's seen it all--this book is a must-read. . . . The authors have finally given women the tools and the sound advice necessary to deal with . . . conflicts that keep us all from succeeding. . . . Carry this book with you to work every day!"
--Carolyn Cassin, President, Michigan Women's Foundation

"A must-read for women of all ages in today's workforce. This book offers what we all need to develop the capacities to endure this ever-changing workplace. We know it is all about relationships and you need the skills outlined in this book to survive and thrive when the Mean Girls attack."
--Kim Harrington, Coordinator, Professional Development and Training, Office of Human Resources, California State University, Sacramento

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Business, Audiobook, Professional Development

256 pages, Hardcover

First published October 9, 2012

Reviews

[Ron Turner · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was really irritated by it. I agree with their advice that it's always best to take a deep breath, step back and not take things personally. But we have to keep in mind that the authors are paid corporate hacks. Their agenda isn't to help you cope with anything, it's to pander to HR departments, so a lot of their advice is biased, based on what's best for your boss and not for yourself.

One particular "scenario" particularly bothered me. When faced with a case of someone printing up posts from your Facebook and running to HR, their advice was to never do anything that could be offensive or political online, which I strongly believe goes too far. What you do outside of the workplace has NOTHING to do with your job performance. This is the 21st-century. Not Mad Men. You should be allowed to drink socially, be politically active and enjoy your life without worrying about narrow-minded suits spying on your every move. From my perspective, judging people based on their personal lives is not only highly unprofessional but immoral as well.

[Anusha Narasimhan · Rating 3 out of 5]

My key takeaways:

1. Think of mean girls as psychologically handicapped people, so you needn't retaliate.

2. Do your best not to obsess about the situation. Instead, apply the energy you would spend worrying to producing stellar results in other areas.

3. Accept that the situation you’re in isn’t fair, and get ready to respond to the difficult people around you differently.

Sometimes, you don’t want a solution to your problem, you just want someone to understand. That’s exactly what this book offered. I was able to relate to the scenarios mentioned and that felt good.

Advice-wise this book is not very useful. Sometimes, they are contradictory. I would not recommend following the book completely. However, I still liked reading it. It encouraged me to let go.

[Leann · Rating 1 out of 5]

Besides being annoyingly stereotypical, there wasn’t enough material to justify a full book and the text quickly became very repetitive.

In a nutshell, the authors’ message boils down to the following:
- It’s not you, it’s her
- Don’t retaliate; take the high road
- Don’t complain to her superiors
- Life’s not always fair
- Get some exercise

[Elizabeth Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book gives good descriptions of the types of personalities and workplace behaviors that can be destructive. I wanted to read it because I have worked in a toxic office environment and wanted to learn some coping strategies for the future. The advice, however, is cliched: take a deep breath, don't take it personally, confront the offender in private, etc. Not helpful, very repetitive.

[Kim Heimbuch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title: Mean Girls at Work
Author: Katherine Crowley, Kathi Elster
Publisher: McGraw Hill
ISBN:0071801045/ 9780071802048

Reviewed by Kim Heimbuch for McGraw-Hill Professional

Let’s face it; Girls are mean

5 Stars

“Mean Girls” is a book, for both men and women, who work with women who are what society might consider the “Office Bitch.” They generally are snarky, gossipy, unfocused, blame-game type women who would rather stab you in the back versus working as a team to get ahead. While these offenses can range from mild to “How did you get this job?” this book will walk you through dealing and coping with these women in the workplace.
Both Crowley and Elster bring to the table the best and worst of both their professional worlds in psychotherapy and executive and management coaching providing real valid answers, guidance, suggestions, coping mechanisms, and an extra resource I feel is vital to any HR department.
Having worked with and known dozens of women like this in the past and present, it was refreshing to know I am not alone in my feelings and that there truly are women out there that have bona fide issues that affect us all in and out of the workplace. While the thoughts that run through our heads of what we would like to do to these “mean girls” obviously is best kept a thought, the answers provided in this book are a major step forward for all relationships.
I give this book 5-stars and can’t emphasize how valuable of a resource tool “Mean Girls at Work” would be for all women, business owners, management, and HR.


Review can also be found at:
http://www.facebook.com/musingwithcra...
https://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile...

[Stacy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've worked with women my whole life, except for one whole year I worked in an office full of men and it was wonderful. There is such a huge difference between men and women. As much as I hate to say it because I am all for "girl power, sister women let's stick together!" it simply is not that way between women.

I don't even think it is just between grown up women, I have noticed the catty, aggressive behavior in a group of 9 year olds as well! My niece plays basketball on a boys team as well as an all-girls team, and with the boys the girls are less aggressive and they are timid around the boys. But when they play against other girls, they are super aggressive, and rough with one another. It is pretty interesting to watch!

I got this book to help me learn ways to deal with "mean girls at work" because I have worked with mean girls before and hated every minute of it and always felt like I was letting them push me around because I am not as aggressive.

I was disappointed in this book. The whole book basically talks about the same things and the only advice you seem to get is "ignore her, be kind, talk it out, and exercise." The scenarios are small snippets and only provides a few sentences on the problems and how to deal with them.

[Fancy Singleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have ran into every one of these sabotaging, self-centered, ego driven people...and all at one job.

There I was, the new person to the job. I was so excited that I had made it to this particular office...I was overjoyed; that was short lived. Little did I know that the place was filled to the brim with the toxicity. One of the women there did not like that, and so comes the dogpiling. I was asked what was my intention (by doing all of my work in a timely and professional manner). What was I supposed to do...nothing? That was the silliest question I had ever heard. Then there was, "you wear heels everyday, what...you don't have any flats"? What? Lady, these are my feet! (What's sad is that this is one of the phrases used in the book!! Astonishing!!!). Then there was the, "oh, you are pretty. They are going to promote you fast." Come again now? What in the world had I stepped into? I didn't know any of these people? I am the new person, remember? What happened to embracing me in a professional manner? That's ok.

Mind you, I had to figure a lot of things out by myself. Was left out of important meetings on purpose. Dropped off of emails. Was ignored when I asked for help. Was told that they were "too busy". But, I'm the new person...right? Slowly but surely, the writing on the wall revealed itself to me. I got the hint. So you know what I did, I read every manual and policy about the organization. I began networking with people outside of the office who were more than willing to discuss topics as it related to my job and position. Years later, I found myself working by myself and was ok with it. Now, I get an occasional message, "Hey sis, you ok? You never reach out. Checking on you." Girl bye!

The book is very helpful, and like I mentioned earlier, includes every type of mean girl at work as possible. It even answers the question, "why me". "What did I do?" The answer...nothing. It's their ownself esteem and self worth that they are struggling with and has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Although the solutions say that maybe you should have a sit down, and discuss why the person doesn't like you, etc., I am not that person. With being ignored for so long without reason, I am not going to try and be the bigger person. I didn't and don't know who you are. You can stay over there and be miserable with the rest of the mean girl pack...it's nice where I am standing.

Good read! Hit home, can't you tell?

[Anne Nan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Couldn't even finish it. It started out promising (ie: I can relate to that), but then became contradictory. In one passage it would tell you one thing, and then the next passage tell you not to do it. Then tell you to be a mean girl yourself! (Go Here: "Disarm her by using humor or a neutral response. If you're going for levity, you can say something like "you say the sweetest things" (sarcastically). This was literally talked about earlier as a "mean" characteristic (she tells you nice things but doesn't mean them).
There was a passage that said that depression was contagious. I certainly hope the psychotherapist that wrote this book knows that depression is not a virus! HaHa! Negativity can be contagious, but depression certainly isn't! They also suggested telling the person with depression to "get help". Unless you know the person well, I sincerely would not tell a casual coworker to get help for their mental health issues.
So many other things wrong with this book that I just couldn't read it any more. Most of the "suggestions" on how to handle situations would never work in real life. If you've become the target of a "mean" girl, more than likely she's recruited her minions to target you also. Unless you have great rapport in the organization you work with and colleagues to back you up (which you probably won't be a target then anyway), these suggestions will never work.

[Tanya · Rating 3 out of 5]

In a nutshell, if someone is "mean," don't get defensive or take it personally and don't complain, "can you believe what she just said to me?" Don't bad mouth anyone and don't be overly nice, nor ignore her. Instead,, keep calm and remember she is the one with a problem, but consider if this is the right work environment for you. Be courteous and establish an unemotional relationship with the colleague. Exercise to deal with your stress.

The advice is relevant to PTA moms too not just those in the corporate world. The book is a bit tedious though. Different examples, same advice. I guess women can feel validated that, "yes, there are mean girls out there" and it is not just something you'll deal with in middle school and high school. I would think that the target audience for this book already figured that and their survival strategies out though.

[Kirttimukha TheCat · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was ok. It gave a lot of different types of women that one encounters in the work place, many i could identify easily. The advice was a bit repetitive after a while. One of the weaknesses of the book is that it doesn't deal with cyclical behavior, how our own behavior can bring out the mean in other women and how to end that cycle. What is nice to hear is that this isn't usually about us, that it's often about the women who are mean and how to deal with them. They end the book with telling you to accept your situation or move on. You aren't going to change these people and by accepting your situation, you aren't making any of their behavior ok, you're just being realistic.

[Jacki Leach · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had had this book when I first entered the work force so many years ago.

'Mean Girls at Work' details, in a simple, concise way, how to deal with particular female coworkers; some have hidden agendas, some are jealous, some constantly talk. The authors offer 'what not to do' ('Don't Go There') and 'just what to do' ('Go There'). They also suggest that the reader diffuse their anger through exercise and/or breathing. The main idea of this fabulous little book is to teach those women afflicted by workplace difficulties how to deal with each situation in a professional manner.

[Melodneice · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the idea of the book was appealing, the structure caused too much repetitive advice. Additionally, I feel like the suggestions are basic, so I didn’t gain new knowledge.

[Christine Pusatere · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very stereotypical. And repetitive

[Courtney Jadevaia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very helpful for me especially right now. It really taught me how to deal with all different types of people in the work place (not even limited to women). It was educational for me and really taught me how to channel my energy into positives. I gave it a three star because it tended to be a little repetitive in its structure, which I guess for this type of book makes sense, but it made it made it not as exciting to read. Overall, educational, but not worthy of five stars for me.

[Emily Matheny · Rating 1 out of 5]

This offered nothing. We need to talk about how being friends with your coworkers is not necessary just being able to work along side one another is enough. There is a difference between just being coworkers who don’t share personal things and being mean girls who truly spite other women they work with.

[April · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was very painful to read, basically the girl in the office next door who breaths is mean, how dare she!

[Roxie · Rating 1 out of 5]

While this book was good at identifying and detailing a lot of the harmful "mean girl" behaviors in the workplace, the "solutions" were so obviously written by people who work in HR/management, ie the majority of "solutions" were designed to gaslight the reader into white knuckling it and turning the other cheek rather than actually addressing the issue.

This book was obviously written by white women, for white women. It did not address any systemic issues that many WOC face in the workplace. The section on how to deal with microaggressions like when a coworker is making fun of your religious holidays or traditional attire gave such bad advice that I was compelled to write a review as soon as I finished the book.

TLDR - There was not one redeeming piece of advice in this entire book, and it echoed all of the terrible advice you get from HR when you report harassment at work. The writing is geared toward pushing the burden of workplace harassment onto the victim, rather than correctly identifying it as a systemic issue that leadership must address. Don't waste your time on this.

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a quick, easy read and is set up so that you can look up items easily. The authors bring up a broad variety of situations where women might work together in small or large groups.

What is special about this book is that it works like a 2-way street, in that it can help you piece together others behavior but also lets you take a good look at your own behavior. The authors explain how something’s that might seem innocuous to you and me could be an annoyance to someone else.
For example, people at work might get annoyed ithe you because of how you dress, or how organized or disorganized you re, or whatever. It just amazed me the sheer number of crazy things that could set people off.

One of the things I wish it addressed, especially in this internet age, is shyness In the cube farm.

It was also helpful to have people explain situations they had been in in their own words in various sidebars, which humanized the material.

As this was published in 2013, some information but not others, could be out of date.

[Kassi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had a knee-jerk reaction that this book might not be very helpful based on the title, but when I saw that it was geared toward women-to-women work relationships and dynamics, I gave it the benefit of the doubt. My chief concern in reading this book was to learn techniques to navigate challenging dynamics that naturally happen in a setting where multiple women are sharing a space, project, or goal.

Naturally, not everyone is going to get along perfectly with one another and this is what makes humanity so beautiful: that we can all exist with such varying skills and talents.

What I found repeated throughout this book was, "if someone hurts your feelings, don't react and don't tell anyone or else people will find you dramatic."

I felt that answer was a bit too simplistic for many of the examples given and I also found that I didn't even identify with 95% of the examples given.

[Tiffany Brisson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book. Much of this book is common sense advice. Don't retaliate or stir it, focus on work, be assertive when the situation calls for it. While it is common sense, I have seen very smart capable women stress over some of these situations because of the emotion tied with it. What I like about this book is that it gives its readers the words to have those difficult conversations and that it attempts to help the reader see the motivation behind certain behaviors in order to help them empathize.
What I dislike about this book is that it is even necessary. It's a shame women are so often pitted against each other. I wish there were more about supporting and empowering other women.

[Becca (This book could have been shorter) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very repetitive, not really helpful. Mostly they suggest to ignore it, don’t “tattle” to the boss, or confront the “mean girl.”

I agree with another reviewer, this is really just to keep from getting HR involved.

In one scenario, they tell us not to tell our vulnerable secrets so mean girls can’t use it to make us look bad, but then in another, they encourage letting other mean girls know your vulnerable secrets so they don’t view you as a threat.

Another was, just ignore the mean girl, eventually her husband will get promoted and they will have to move overseas and then she will not bother you anymore. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[aub.downtherabbithole · Rating 3 out of 5]

This wasn't the greatest book for womanly advice. Telling a woman to just go exercise or get a massage to cool down is kind of a slap in the face.

However, it did give me relief in that I am not alone in having past difficult professional relationships with women (or personal/family relationships). Many of the scenarios in this book have happened to me before and "How You Feel" section resonated with me. The "Going Forward" sections were the most helpful to just solidify that I handled some scenarios how others would or if I should try something different if I run into a similar situation.

All in all, it was a quick read and made me realize that it's not me, it's "her".

[Dominique O · Rating 2 out of 5]

Most of the advice was to exercise when you feel “emotional,” and based the cause of poor behavior in the workplace on “going through a bitter divorce,” having an argument with a boyfriend, or issues with the home. Really? Even though this was written by women, it read as outdated, misogynistic trope. I gave it 2 instead of 1 star because I think the authors were truly trying to help young women professionals, but they really missed the mark with this one. You don’t need to read this. Read Becoming by Michelle Obama or RBG’s autobiography or much better (and pro feminist) advice.

[Ania Gaska · Rating 1 out of 5]

I've turned to this book a couple of times when I've been stressed at work because of behavior that was difficult to deal with and left me stressed out. The instances and the advice are repetitive, and they usually advise not to do anything about it then to suck it up. It is helpful to have the perspective that someone's rude and aggressive behavior is about them and not about you, but there is no useful strategy here. I already know I'm supposed to exercise.

[Heather Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

It started off solid, but then gradually became juvenile and redundant. The key take aways are: never take anything personal, remember that if a 'mean girl' is targeting you it's because there's something internally wrong with her (like insecurities), don't freeze someone out (keeping a cool, a distant relationship is preferred over freezing out), don't act impulsively, try to find a neutral party to discuss your concerns with, and always remember to breathe when stressed.

[Trenton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked this up to be more mindful of how to deal with the “mean males” and other mean individuals at the office. The book brought some ideas that others might find to be common sense to the front of my consciousness. Less depressed and/or more reasonable expectations at work. I was blessed with opportunities, mentors, and great coworkers at previous jobs. You don’t know what you have till it’s gone.

[Star · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the categorization of mean girls at work was interesting, the advice for dealing with most every situation was basically to ignore the behavior, keep it to yourself, exercise to blow off steam, don’t tell your boss, and go ahead and look for another job.

The book was well-organized, but I found the actual advice was lacking.

[Qunny · Rating 2 out of 5]

Saya merasa bahwa apa yang disampaikan buku ini tuh sama dari chapter ke chapter. Intinya kita harus sabar menghadapi rekan kerja yang "seperti itu" (ya, dalam tanda kutip) dan kalau ada masalah bicarakan baik-baik padanya.

Dua bintang deh.

[Alicia Fannin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a wonderful and enlightening resource on dealing with Mean Girls at work. It was wonderfully organized and broken down into the different types of mean girls you might encounter at work. It also gave suggestions on how to deal with each one. I think the advice was spot on. Unfortunately there aren’t always easy answers to this type of situation but the book offers the best possible solutions available. I can see myself rereading this one.

[Cortney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good reminder to check in with yourself every now and again to really deep dive into our attitude, work judgment, life judgment ect. I like how it provided scenarios and what you SHOULD do if you wind up facing a “mean girl”